reality?
what is reality? do i even know and am i scared to death of it...or just unwilling to place faith? so many "things" have happened in my life...or have they really? does it even matter? does the memory of yesterday serve for anything more than the lesson? and everything dies eventually, all of the happiness...is this a reason to stop living though or just to constantly strive for better and better?
i could cry so many tears right now, so many things i thought were me aren't...and there's still more things that i am not, so who am i? i know, but i'm afraid others will not recognize it...and in their inability to recognize it they will not love me..but is all i have to do is see myself for what i really am and that will be enough? and will it also attract people who see themselves for who they are and thus are able to see me for who i am? and most importantly...will she?
there's so many changes coming up now in my life and they're moving at breakneck speed, of course by my own doing...i will be moving to a place where no one knows me, except for one girl so far. i really hope it works out, i always do...i'm so sad, so lonely, so desperate...all of my conscious life since i was 9 i've seemed to carry around this sad cloud above my head of neediness...i'm in pain for another's love, always. it seems i can't do it on my own, but i can...siggghhh, disappointments of the past..where has all the time gone? and does that matter either?
here i am now, always, here, now. with new choices, new changes, new people, forever expanding, forever growing...forever closer to the truth in the death of the identities of all the forms i've taken..it's sad, my world is full or hair or no hair or losing hair, of young, of old, of growing older, of dying, of sadness, of loneliness, of seperateness and judgement. of an uncertain future and a failing moment, a conscious decision i unconsciously make over and over again..."we're not asleep now, but it won't be long."
what was the use of all of that schooling i took? was it just to keep me out of trouble...what about my mom? what does she think about how my life is turning out? what do I think about how my life is turning out...these questions are in my mind at the same time that i see what is in front of me always...it's like, i'm not perfect i know and i never will be and thoughts will always interfere...but my awareness of that now allows me to always be reminded of the perfection that surrounds me because it is the reflection of the perfection that i already am at all times..and so it's just a matter of...making choices that follow that awareness i guess. fuck it!! that's it!! WHAT MORE CAN I SAY?!?! EVERYTHING IS PERFECT!!!
i could cry so many tears right now, so many things i thought were me aren't...and there's still more things that i am not, so who am i? i know, but i'm afraid others will not recognize it...and in their inability to recognize it they will not love me..but is all i have to do is see myself for what i really am and that will be enough? and will it also attract people who see themselves for who they are and thus are able to see me for who i am? and most importantly...will she?
there's so many changes coming up now in my life and they're moving at breakneck speed, of course by my own doing...i will be moving to a place where no one knows me, except for one girl so far. i really hope it works out, i always do...i'm so sad, so lonely, so desperate...all of my conscious life since i was 9 i've seemed to carry around this sad cloud above my head of neediness...i'm in pain for another's love, always. it seems i can't do it on my own, but i can...siggghhh, disappointments of the past..where has all the time gone? and does that matter either?
here i am now, always, here, now. with new choices, new changes, new people, forever expanding, forever growing...forever closer to the truth in the death of the identities of all the forms i've taken..it's sad, my world is full or hair or no hair or losing hair, of young, of old, of growing older, of dying, of sadness, of loneliness, of seperateness and judgement. of an uncertain future and a failing moment, a conscious decision i unconsciously make over and over again..."we're not asleep now, but it won't be long."
what was the use of all of that schooling i took? was it just to keep me out of trouble...what about my mom? what does she think about how my life is turning out? what do I think about how my life is turning out...these questions are in my mind at the same time that i see what is in front of me always...it's like, i'm not perfect i know and i never will be and thoughts will always interfere...but my awareness of that now allows me to always be reminded of the perfection that surrounds me because it is the reflection of the perfection that i already am at all times..and so it's just a matter of...making choices that follow that awareness i guess. fuck it!! that's it!! WHAT MORE CAN I SAY?!?! EVERYTHING IS PERFECT!!!