WORK!!
i'm basically figuring out my problem...i like oblivion, so i choose death. i like escape, so i choose music. i don't think like others, so i run away into my head. i hate frustration, so i choose drugs. i hate work, so i choose the easiest way possible to make a comfortable living. i hate money, so i don't work for it. all of these things mean that i am a foreigner who does not belong on this planet. if i thought that anything that i could work for would bring me any sense of fulfillment i would, but i don't. the only thing i want to change is how much i work, because i hate to do it. i hate the frustrations of paying bills and surviving. it all makes me want to smoke a fat bowl or sit underneath a fig tree and meditate for twelve hours and never have to return to this dog eat dog world, of competing, of ego, of survival of the fittest. i do not claim to be smarter or faster than anyone, i don't wish to be. i want to move at a slower pace, i want to know nothing so i can stay in the bliss of this so called ignorance, because apparently information causes suffering. what am i trying to do? what am i trying to prove? other than doing the things i like to do. i want to work less, i want life to be easy, isn't there any way? i know my prayers have to be answered.