Conversion
Somehow I have become E's confidante. Whereas before I was a lover and a friend, then a lost lover, now I'm seemingly the one to call in times of need.
He still calls me, yes. We don't talk about visiting and he doesn't declare his love anymore. Instead, he calls when he hates people and to tell me about this girl who doesn't really know who she is in life or how he doesn't feel he fits in his circle of friends. I'm his listening post. I'm his friend. His buddy, sympathetic ear, backpatter.
I'm not sure how I feel about this.
I know him well enough to know he's not trying to guilt-trip me or make me love him again for his hangdog antics. He's just...wanting to talk and I'm the one who knows him best and on a lot of the same wavelengths.
So why do I feel kinda awkward? Friends is nice, but I'm not responsible for him. He shouldn't be counting on an ex-lover for sole support.
Most of the detritus between us has been cleared. I asked him exactly why we had the main problem and he answered truthfully, I feel. That answer has helped me come more to terms with myself and the past relationship.
I think my unease stems from the fact that while I can hang up on him and stop it anytime, I don't. I like talking to the guy. I'm a good listener. But I'm not sure I should be putting myself in this situation as fresh as the breakup still is.
I'm not a coward to turn my phone off to avoid him. He's not the only one who calls anyway. Will I start hanging up? Doubtful. Will he keep calling? Probably. Anything changing? Not yet. Not until he presses for more than I can give again.
He still calls me, yes. We don't talk about visiting and he doesn't declare his love anymore. Instead, he calls when he hates people and to tell me about this girl who doesn't really know who she is in life or how he doesn't feel he fits in his circle of friends. I'm his listening post. I'm his friend. His buddy, sympathetic ear, backpatter.
I'm not sure how I feel about this.
I know him well enough to know he's not trying to guilt-trip me or make me love him again for his hangdog antics. He's just...wanting to talk and I'm the one who knows him best and on a lot of the same wavelengths.
So why do I feel kinda awkward? Friends is nice, but I'm not responsible for him. He shouldn't be counting on an ex-lover for sole support.
Most of the detritus between us has been cleared. I asked him exactly why we had the main problem and he answered truthfully, I feel. That answer has helped me come more to terms with myself and the past relationship.
I think my unease stems from the fact that while I can hang up on him and stop it anytime, I don't. I like talking to the guy. I'm a good listener. But I'm not sure I should be putting myself in this situation as fresh as the breakup still is.
I'm not a coward to turn my phone off to avoid him. He's not the only one who calls anyway. Will I start hanging up? Doubtful. Will he keep calling? Probably. Anything changing? Not yet. Not until he presses for more than I can give again.