A Word About Reputations...
Right now, Roger Clemens is in a steaming trough of boiling water because it looks like during about half of his career, he cheated. The thing is, everything that has come out since baseball's "Mitchell Report" from his piehole seems to reinforce this notion, not deflect it away.
Bear in mind, my devoted peeps, that until this happened I was a huge Roger Clemens guy. He was hard-nosed, unafraid to take a stance, fearless and didn't back down from anything. Crowding the plate or trying to show up The Rocket on the baseball diamond invariably had a terribly painful ending, and woe be to he to decided he was going to try to get over on Clemens.
Then comes the allegations of steroid use and human growth hormone use during his amazing career, and... nothing public from the man? What? From Clemens? It takes a month before he gets before a camera to say, "No." What? The same guy who had a war going on with catcher Mike Piazza and actually threw part of a broken bat at him, during the World Series, no less? You gotta be kidding me, Virginia; there's no way that Roger Clemens would have less of a public stance on somebody throwing pig shit on his legacy than I would.
Well, unless he did it, of course.
See, being called a cheater in baseball is about as bad as you can get in that sport. In my arena, that of the written word, the worst thing you can be called is a plagiarist... and if that gets proven, you are as dead as last year's playoff hopes, my friends. To the best of my knowledge, the only time somebody has done this and gotten away with it to continue their career is Janet Dailey, who repeatedly plagiarized from Nora Roberts until she was finally caught. For the record, I give Roberts major self-control points for not breaking Ms. Dailey's fingers with a bat. I'm not so sure I could resist. People, that's about as bad as it gets.
Your reputation is everything. I put Jim Butcher over like a madman because the guy is amazingly good and compulsively readable. I recommend him to everyone based on those qualities, the same way you shove the books by your own favorite authors into the faces of others.
So Clemens takes a month before going public after being called the worst thing in baseball you can... because it's probably true. As a counter-example, here is the prepared statement I would read at my own press conference if somebody accused me of being the literary equivalent of a cheater, the dreaded plagiarius nospinus:
"Hello, people. It's annoying that I have to be here today, but circumstances have forced this unpleasant duty. Listen up, and listen good, because this is the only time I expect to have to say this, as I expect this rant to be uploaded to Youtube within five minutes of the ending of this press conference so I'll never have to say this shit ever again. For the record, leaving nothing out, I am here to say that the allegations against me are a flat-out lie. Period. Furthermore, the person who said them is a liar, and I will take this brief aside to mention that I am filing a lawsuit against them the likes of which even God has never seen. I am going to own their property, their souls and their mothers, because they are liars of the highest order, and I shall spare no expense or pint of blood in my quest to make their miserable lives an affliction to them, and to have them rue the day they ever even thought of leveling these slanderous accusations against me. Since I have the truth on my side, I am going to win, so don't even think for a second that I am just blowing hot air. This fight is going to be like the Christians against the lions in early Rome, only a lot bloodier and even more one-sided."
(coughs, drinks directly from of pitcher of ice water)
"Saying that I have stolen from other writers is not only untrue, it is the biggest insult I can imagine. I would rather you say my mother was a whore than imply I cannot come up with my own material. I pride myself on my work ethic, my creativity and my longetivity, and saying that I have chosen to steal from others rather than gracefully retire says you are trying to invalidate everything I have previously done and stood for. I will not tolerate this odious, slanderous and crass behavior, and I will make a public example of these lying, cretinous douchebags to drive home my point."
(grins)
"Further, I would also like to take this opportunity to say that the day in court will not be the end. No, no, far from it. After the legal system has had their say and my legal vultures have feasted upon their flesh, I will get my own personal pound of flesh, and I will be horribly creative in how I even the scales of personal justice. You fuck with a bull at your own peril, and these lying, sniveling bastards are about to truly begin to understand what it means to impugn the ethics of a Capricorn. I fully expect them to join some form of horrible military service in order to escape my wrath, and if you have guessed that the vengeance will not end there, you are correct."
(claps hands together)
"Let this be an example to the rest of you. You can say I suck, you can call me unimaginative, you may imply that I am a shitty writer and I'm sure at least some of you already feel this way. This is America, you are entitled to your own opinions and on some of those counts--depending on what thing you are reading that I have previously written--you may in fact even be completely justified in these opinions. All well and good. You start implying that I am a fraud, though, and brother or sister, it will be on and trust me when I say that I am a war that you don't want. Period. Thank you."
Now that is a proper scorched-earth response. Good night.
Bear in mind, my devoted peeps, that until this happened I was a huge Roger Clemens guy. He was hard-nosed, unafraid to take a stance, fearless and didn't back down from anything. Crowding the plate or trying to show up The Rocket on the baseball diamond invariably had a terribly painful ending, and woe be to he to decided he was going to try to get over on Clemens.
Then comes the allegations of steroid use and human growth hormone use during his amazing career, and... nothing public from the man? What? From Clemens? It takes a month before he gets before a camera to say, "No." What? The same guy who had a war going on with catcher Mike Piazza and actually threw part of a broken bat at him, during the World Series, no less? You gotta be kidding me, Virginia; there's no way that Roger Clemens would have less of a public stance on somebody throwing pig shit on his legacy than I would.
Well, unless he did it, of course.
See, being called a cheater in baseball is about as bad as you can get in that sport. In my arena, that of the written word, the worst thing you can be called is a plagiarist... and if that gets proven, you are as dead as last year's playoff hopes, my friends. To the best of my knowledge, the only time somebody has done this and gotten away with it to continue their career is Janet Dailey, who repeatedly plagiarized from Nora Roberts until she was finally caught. For the record, I give Roberts major self-control points for not breaking Ms. Dailey's fingers with a bat. I'm not so sure I could resist. People, that's about as bad as it gets.
Your reputation is everything. I put Jim Butcher over like a madman because the guy is amazingly good and compulsively readable. I recommend him to everyone based on those qualities, the same way you shove the books by your own favorite authors into the faces of others.
So Clemens takes a month before going public after being called the worst thing in baseball you can... because it's probably true. As a counter-example, here is the prepared statement I would read at my own press conference if somebody accused me of being the literary equivalent of a cheater, the dreaded plagiarius nospinus:
"Hello, people. It's annoying that I have to be here today, but circumstances have forced this unpleasant duty. Listen up, and listen good, because this is the only time I expect to have to say this, as I expect this rant to be uploaded to Youtube within five minutes of the ending of this press conference so I'll never have to say this shit ever again. For the record, leaving nothing out, I am here to say that the allegations against me are a flat-out lie. Period. Furthermore, the person who said them is a liar, and I will take this brief aside to mention that I am filing a lawsuit against them the likes of which even God has never seen. I am going to own their property, their souls and their mothers, because they are liars of the highest order, and I shall spare no expense or pint of blood in my quest to make their miserable lives an affliction to them, and to have them rue the day they ever even thought of leveling these slanderous accusations against me. Since I have the truth on my side, I am going to win, so don't even think for a second that I am just blowing hot air. This fight is going to be like the Christians against the lions in early Rome, only a lot bloodier and even more one-sided."
(coughs, drinks directly from of pitcher of ice water)
"Saying that I have stolen from other writers is not only untrue, it is the biggest insult I can imagine. I would rather you say my mother was a whore than imply I cannot come up with my own material. I pride myself on my work ethic, my creativity and my longetivity, and saying that I have chosen to steal from others rather than gracefully retire says you are trying to invalidate everything I have previously done and stood for. I will not tolerate this odious, slanderous and crass behavior, and I will make a public example of these lying, cretinous douchebags to drive home my point."
(grins)
"Further, I would also like to take this opportunity to say that the day in court will not be the end. No, no, far from it. After the legal system has had their say and my legal vultures have feasted upon their flesh, I will get my own personal pound of flesh, and I will be horribly creative in how I even the scales of personal justice. You fuck with a bull at your own peril, and these lying, sniveling bastards are about to truly begin to understand what it means to impugn the ethics of a Capricorn. I fully expect them to join some form of horrible military service in order to escape my wrath, and if you have guessed that the vengeance will not end there, you are correct."
(claps hands together)
"Let this be an example to the rest of you. You can say I suck, you can call me unimaginative, you may imply that I am a shitty writer and I'm sure at least some of you already feel this way. This is America, you are entitled to your own opinions and on some of those counts--depending on what thing you are reading that I have previously written--you may in fact even be completely justified in these opinions. All well and good. You start implying that I am a fraud, though, and brother or sister, it will be on and trust me when I say that I am a war that you don't want. Period. Thank you."
Now that is a proper scorched-earth response. Good night.