I sense much fear in you....
So much fuckin anger.....and no way to show it. I have no clue why, eihter. It's like this emotion just keeps swelling up insides of me and won't leave. Some days have been better than others. Last night and today though have been horrid. I have no idea what I have...but I am thinking I can't do this. I am not as strong willed as I might have thought I was. Bah....if only I could acually type what I want.....you know what? Fuck it I am....So here it goes...this girl Chelsea....man she is killing me. Like, ahhh!!!! Damnit....this is really confusing...to the point that I don't even know what to bitch about.....isn't that sad? Oh well. I am a side project...set upon the emotional mantel for whenever she needs it. I am here to hug and hold and love....but when shes done with me I am put upon the shelf for another lonely and depressing night for her......She really doesn't need me on the weekends....I suppose she finds emotional comfert in other ways then....yet I stick around...why? Because I like to be mean to myself....I torture myself....and I like it. But.....I hate it. I don't know anymore. I love it when she is around. But I care WAY TO MUCH when she is not around. I shouldn't. I know that. We aren't together. We aren't a couple. We are just good friends. Nothing more. Yeah right keep lying to yourself kid.....but it ain't gettin you nowhere. Fuckin a'. Oh well. I am happy. I am happy. I am happy. I am happy. I am happy. I am happy. I am happy. I am happy. I am happy. I am happy. I am happy. What a fuckin lie........quit killin yourself kiddo....