lots of thigs...not a good day
hey everyone.
i'll go into all teh depressing stuff in a few mins...but i am bloody confused i got an ecard off friendsreunited, but don't know who it was cause they've registered as "Robinhood" all i've worked out is i know them from uni (they were at bangor from 1999-2004) but no idea for teh life of me who is it.
anyway trigger - depression, my past, sex, breaking up....
the last few weeks i have ben getting more and more depressed. Lauraine has noticed, and i guess judith...although when i saw her on monday she hd forgotten to book a room so hd my appointment in a field...again, but its not summer any more so it was freezing! anyway couldn't say it to her so i wrote her a letter.
i spoke to her today, and actually managed to say some of whats bothering me...this whole sex thing with Daf. i have always done exactly wat people want me to do cause i am always so scared of losing them. Daf knows some of my past, and i have freaked out on him before. anyway Judith basically said i had to tell him, so i sent him a text with a bit of it saying i wanted to talk. he rang me back later and has decided that we should be "good friends" for now...ok that probably makes sense...but its not what i wanted, i wanted someone that i can have a cuddle with and can help me get over this. he did say he wasn't going to dissapear but friends is so different to what i wanted...why can';t i ever get a bloke thats willing to wait and help me build up trust and stuff? i guess its too much to ask for.
anyway jusith reconed i'd feel better after all this..nope if anything i feel worse. Daf made me promise i wouldn't do anything, and (hopeflly) got lauraine tomorrow anyway.
i hate the fact my past fucks it all up again. why can't i just get over it and be normal?????
its also around the time 10 years ago that things started with my brother....just to mak me feel even better. going to ring judith tomorrow and tell her that my prediction was right and i'm alone again.
oh did my presntation last night and it was fucking shit. the laptop didn't work so didn't have my power point presentation which made wht i said not much sense.
sorry, feeling very down and not sure what to do.
i'll go into all teh depressing stuff in a few mins...but i am bloody confused i got an ecard off friendsreunited, but don't know who it was cause they've registered as "Robinhood" all i've worked out is i know them from uni (they were at bangor from 1999-2004) but no idea for teh life of me who is it.
anyway trigger - depression, my past, sex, breaking up....
the last few weeks i have ben getting more and more depressed. Lauraine has noticed, and i guess judith...although when i saw her on monday she hd forgotten to book a room so hd my appointment in a field...again, but its not summer any more so it was freezing! anyway couldn't say it to her so i wrote her a letter.
i spoke to her today, and actually managed to say some of whats bothering me...this whole sex thing with Daf. i have always done exactly wat people want me to do cause i am always so scared of losing them. Daf knows some of my past, and i have freaked out on him before. anyway Judith basically said i had to tell him, so i sent him a text with a bit of it saying i wanted to talk. he rang me back later and has decided that we should be "good friends" for now...ok that probably makes sense...but its not what i wanted, i wanted someone that i can have a cuddle with and can help me get over this. he did say he wasn't going to dissapear but friends is so different to what i wanted...why can';t i ever get a bloke thats willing to wait and help me build up trust and stuff? i guess its too much to ask for.
anyway jusith reconed i'd feel better after all this..nope if anything i feel worse. Daf made me promise i wouldn't do anything, and (hopeflly) got lauraine tomorrow anyway.
i hate the fact my past fucks it all up again. why can't i just get over it and be normal?????
its also around the time 10 years ago that things started with my brother....just to mak me feel even better. going to ring judith tomorrow and tell her that my prediction was right and i'm alone again.
oh did my presntation last night and it was fucking shit. the laptop didn't work so didn't have my power point presentation which made wht i said not much sense.
sorry, feeling very down and not sure what to do.