Reality
It makes you appreciate your life. seeing all hecases that come in and all the death that goes on in the world. whether its a trainwreck, car accident, or a brain tumor that is threatening the life of a mere child. A woman on there tonight was diagnosed with cancer. she had being lying to her freinds and family about having it. she never told anyone.
is that so wrong though. i wouldnt want aynone to know if i did have cancer. it would not make a difference it they knew or not. i have begun to enjoy my life, and want to live it to the fullest. perhaps i do ignore my health problems, but its not something that is in my hands. at what cost do you spare someone the pain of knowing you will die. its inevitable. i am goign to die. but i dont want to be the type to walk around all death like worrying about when it is going to happen.
i have come to terms knowing i may not get to have my ''childhood dream''. i amy not get to ever get married and have kids finish school, go to europe. but i take it one day at a time. i have set goals for myself. next summer. i will go to europe. i will amke an effort to go see my dad more often.
i cant bear to tell him how sick i am, or any health problems , i dont want to ahve to make him worry.
i am done worrying about whether certain people like me. if you dont then go on and get on with your life, this is not directed at any certain person, so dont think its directed at you. i am tired of being the one who sits there wishing i had done something. this week i am going to go get my tattoo finished.
i am tired of waiting on life. i am going to live it damn it, this summer i a going to visit my beautiful baby neice and my brother i have only met once in my entire life , who i only met 2 years ago for the first time. i want the free feeling. i dont want to feel so heavy. it feels like i want to break. there is this heaviness in my chest. it brings me down, i worry too much about stuff that i cant control. i know i have my flaws.
i worry about people i care too much. it would be nice to feel numb every now and then. to be able to not worry about something for 5 minutes. its sad that i have had grey hair since i was 10, i would worry about the stupidest things when i was a kid. trying to get better about it. old habits die hard. .
is that so wrong though. i wouldnt want aynone to know if i did have cancer. it would not make a difference it they knew or not. i have begun to enjoy my life, and want to live it to the fullest. perhaps i do ignore my health problems, but its not something that is in my hands. at what cost do you spare someone the pain of knowing you will die. its inevitable. i am goign to die. but i dont want to be the type to walk around all death like worrying about when it is going to happen.
i have come to terms knowing i may not get to have my ''childhood dream''. i amy not get to ever get married and have kids finish school, go to europe. but i take it one day at a time. i have set goals for myself. next summer. i will go to europe. i will amke an effort to go see my dad more often.
i cant bear to tell him how sick i am, or any health problems , i dont want to ahve to make him worry.
i am done worrying about whether certain people like me. if you dont then go on and get on with your life, this is not directed at any certain person, so dont think its directed at you. i am tired of being the one who sits there wishing i had done something. this week i am going to go get my tattoo finished.
i am tired of waiting on life. i am going to live it damn it, this summer i a going to visit my beautiful baby neice and my brother i have only met once in my entire life , who i only met 2 years ago for the first time. i want the free feeling. i dont want to feel so heavy. it feels like i want to break. there is this heaviness in my chest. it brings me down, i worry too much about stuff that i cant control. i know i have my flaws.
i worry about people i care too much. it would be nice to feel numb every now and then. to be able to not worry about something for 5 minutes. its sad that i have had grey hair since i was 10, i would worry about the stupidest things when i was a kid. trying to get better about it. old habits die hard. .