(no subject)
What a ride!
I went to a recovery thing last night. I just so happen to see Angie's step bro and Step sister there. That was a trip! Then it made me feel a lil uncomfortable so we left and went to an A.A meeting. Someone was talking about how they had drank for days and finally crashed out, going through hell, DT's hallucination, sweats and shakes. I had always heard about that shit, but don't think I fully believed people until I went through it myself. Now I know they're not lying when they share about it.
Im still a lil foggy. But, Im trying to stay focused. I went job searching yesterday, and think I might already possibly have something lined up, I won't know for a couple days until the background check clears.
I was trying to skip town. Someone told me, "SHit, don't you always do that. Fuck up your life and start skipping states and towns only to come back and face the same shit you had run away from?" Then the one that stung, "Your Dad did that for 20 years, and it all caught up with him as he lay dying in a hell hole"
I've been escaping for 8 years. Thats half the time my Dad was running. What have I been running and hiding from? Why must I always seek comfort in the bottle, and the drugs? Why do I continue to create more chaos around me instead of taking the time to clean up my mess and move on?
Half the solution is in identifying the problem. So, whats the problem? And once I discover the problem, will I have enough courage to ride it out until it's solved? God, I'd like to think so because the other nite I was so ready to end it all and thats the scariest place to be in. I hope being in that place, at the crossroads where it was either do or die, that I finally woke up.
I went to a recovery thing last night. I just so happen to see Angie's step bro and Step sister there. That was a trip! Then it made me feel a lil uncomfortable so we left and went to an A.A meeting. Someone was talking about how they had drank for days and finally crashed out, going through hell, DT's hallucination, sweats and shakes. I had always heard about that shit, but don't think I fully believed people until I went through it myself. Now I know they're not lying when they share about it.
Im still a lil foggy. But, Im trying to stay focused. I went job searching yesterday, and think I might already possibly have something lined up, I won't know for a couple days until the background check clears.
I was trying to skip town. Someone told me, "SHit, don't you always do that. Fuck up your life and start skipping states and towns only to come back and face the same shit you had run away from?" Then the one that stung, "Your Dad did that for 20 years, and it all caught up with him as he lay dying in a hell hole"
I've been escaping for 8 years. Thats half the time my Dad was running. What have I been running and hiding from? Why must I always seek comfort in the bottle, and the drugs? Why do I continue to create more chaos around me instead of taking the time to clean up my mess and move on?
Half the solution is in identifying the problem. So, whats the problem? And once I discover the problem, will I have enough courage to ride it out until it's solved? God, I'd like to think so because the other nite I was so ready to end it all and thats the scariest place to be in. I hope being in that place, at the crossroads where it was either do or die, that I finally woke up.