About the 17-year-old...

[zoe_1418]

I need to vent today, and maybe even get some advice. And although there is no way to catch you up on what has transpired in however many years, I'm reminded that this is a pretty safe place for this

Comments

things develop, a bit mysteriously...

[zoe_1418]

Thanks, you guys. All very good suggestions. AND... I've now had my meeting with the FYO, preceded by phone conversation with bio-Mom.

And I'm in a rather different place, one in which I...despite everything I thought and felt a few hours ago... believe pretty much what the FYO is telling me. There are still discrepancies between her account and the teacher's, and I intend to pursue that further, even if it means kid + two teachers + me in a room together. But I was persuaded of the kid's sincerity. I don't believe she was lying to me. It leaves me kind of in the Twilight Zone, but there I am.

Possibly I am the universe's biggest sucker and hugest fool. But if that's the case -- if she is really that skilled at pulling off total fabrication after everything we've been through and talked heart-to-heart about -- well, maybe in that case I don't even want to know. Because it would really break my heart. I'm choosing to believe her, finding myself believing her, and hoping I'm right.

By the way, parents here do indeed have 24/7 access to school reports. But that's been problematic, because often enough there are lags or discrepancies between what's really happening and what shows up (and when) online. That, in fact, played into this very problem. And it poses another whole level of whose-account-do-I-believe.

Although I do believe the FYO's sincerity, at least to a point, I think it's also totally possible that at some level she's rebelling against mom about school/college. If so, I'm sure she can't even admit it to herself. She definitely seems to share her mother's narrative about how important college is, how her mother didn't get to go, how she (kid) will be the first generation to do it... And, she's a kid, she has unrealistic expectations about getting into various places (and getting the funding to make it possible).

One of my not-very-secret wishes is for her to go to Berea, in Kentucky, where all admitted students get a full tuition grant and all work a certain number of hours a week. She might indeed apply there, but I'm not sure she has quite the pull-it-off power/motivation. Oh well. It's true that community college could be just the thing. I think she'd benefit hugely from living away from home (either ours OR her mom's), but there can be other ways to do that, too.

Re: things develop, a bit mysteriously...

[grrlpup]

I'm glad you're able to believe her, on the macro level anyway. You both need that. Whatever agreement you come to on whether and how to transition out of the School Monitor role, being able to have an honest conversation is gold.

whenever I damn well please.

[zoe_1418]

And damn rightly so!

[millysdaughter]

While the standard party line says all teachers are open, honest, and treat all students fairly and equally - teachers are human.
They screw up.
They can all suffer from extreme dislike for a specific student.
The There are still discrepancies between her account and the teacher's, and I intend to pursue that further, even if it means kid + two teachers + me in a room together. But I was persuaded of the kid's sincerity. I don't believe she was lying to me. It leaves me kind of in the Twilight Zone, but there I am. tells me that that meeting needs to take place as soon as possible.