Note to poets, don't take the weather so personally. It's not about you.
I took a look at my page today and realized, I should do something with this. Changes were made.
For those who are unaware, BIG lifestyle changes for me in the past couple of months.
ONE, I got a regular nine to five desk job at Smith Barney. It’s a brokerage firm with Citigroup (the credit card people). I do the usual receptionist/administrative stuff, nothing fancy. It’s really good pay, great benefits, vacation and sick days, and (the most important thing to me at this point in my life) weekends and nights off. I’ve only ever worked in retail so this is a complete 180 for me.
Before I got this job, I was telling someone I knew how I was really hoping to land the position.
Her response, “That’s a great way to waste your degree.”
To which I replied, “You’re sixteen. What the hell do you know about life?!”
I was slightly offended and put off by her smug attitude. I know this is not the great photography career I always dreamed of but I’ve been having a little quarterlife crisis. I just don’t know what I want to do with my life and this job will keep me fed until I do. It’s easy to be so idealistic when you have parents to pay for everything and a college course book to tell you everything you need to do and give you direction. Just wait sweetie, your time will come.
Sorry, angry tangent over.
TWO, I moved in with my boy-toy Wesley. Another big first for me. Things are still going really well. Sometimes I have to seriously fight the urge to roll my eyes or hit him with a heavy blunt object. I hear that’s normal. I’m usually just feeling that way because I’m hungry though. Other than that, things are great. We have not had one of those screaming matches yet and I still look forward to going home to him every night.
I do wonder about our future though. I can’t help but to think about the future. I’m surrounded by weddings and engagements. It’s like brainwashing. I am so sick of all the questions and concerned looks.
“When are you getting married?” Annoying Concerned Citizen.
“Uh, no time soon please,” I reply while awkwardly avoiding eye contact.
“Oh,” ACC says with a look full of concern and pity.
It’s like if you aren’t married or engaged at this age, you are behind in your development. Don’t even get me started about babies. I don’t really know if I’m ready for marriage. Of course, if Wes asked me I would probably freak out and say yes. Then, start sobbing like a joyous idiot. He’s my Lora with a penis. (Clarification: Best friend and lover.) I just don’t know if I’m ready, whatever that means.
It’s not the idea of being with someone forever. That’s why divorce is legal. It’s the give-yourself-over-to-someone-completely thing. You have to put your spouse before yourself and you have to share everything. Money, time, space, food, etc. I don’t share food well. You cannot be selfish in a successful marriage. You have to swallow your pride a lot. Something else I am not good at doing. How do you really become ready for marriage? Is there a class or some specific exercises I can do? Maybe a book I can study?
The sex is really good though. I could give up the second slice of pizza for a slice of some Wesley.