Pondering the nature of my being
While waiting for the bus today, I somehow managed to start thinking about how the universe works, and whether or not there might be such a thing as Karma and/or reincarnation (and it wasn't even a long wait). I just started wondering if there are such things, have I earned an upgrade for my next trip? Not first class, you know. But maybe, business class. I've never run into a burning building to save anyone's life, or jumped in front of a speeding bus to pull someone out of the way, but then, I've never seen anyone trapped in a burning building, or about to be crushed by a bus.
Since I'm already talking about some Eastern religious concepts here, I don't feel it's out of line to bring up the instance in the Bible when Jesus points out the rich men giving gold to the poor box, and the poor, old widow giving a small, almost worthless copper coin, and saying that she gave more than the rich men because they 'gave out of their surplus', and she 'gave out of her want' or something like that. And I'm wondering, I guess, if Bill Gates giving the majority of his vast fortune to start a charitable organization is actually less meaningful, as far as making him a good person, as it is when I give a homeless guy a dollar even though I'm not sure if I'm going to have enough money to eat for the rest of the month.
I don't know what brought it up... maybe thinking about upgrades, since I was trying to get a phone that's not broken, for several days. But I was wondering, what would be an upgrade, if I were reincarnated? What is above human in the reincarnation ladder? And if I haven't earned that kind of step up, what then? Do I just get a better human life on my next trip? That kind of made me think about what my previous life might have been like (mind you, I don't really believe in reincarnation, but I can go off on long, hypothetical tangents like this now and then).
Based on who and what I am now, I think that in my preceding life, I'd probably either have been seriously abused, or grown up in a home full of abuse. Possibly saw my mother being abused, maybe brothers and sisters as well. No decent person likes to see anyone get really hurt, but I seem to be really hypersensitive about anyone or anything being hurt. It's painful to even watch it in movies. And if my anxiety problem isn't all chemical, having spent a previous life surrounded by violence would likely make me very timid around people, I should think.
I probably would have been very poor, too. I agonize over every cent that I spend on myself. I have for a while, even before I was this broke, all the time. I'm debating whether I would have either received a lot of help at some point, or not, and just know how it feels to need it so badly. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm just about always ready to help in any way that I can, even if I end up hurting myself in some way by doing so.
I go off like this for a while sometimes... wondering about what makes someone a decent person, and why there seem to be so few out there. Like how someone can own a $20 million mansion and a collection of classic/ridiculously expensive cars when they could still live in a very nice house that is much bigger than they need, in a very nice neighborhood, drive a great car, and have a lot of really nice things, and still pay to feed, clothe, educate, and care for an entire village, for a year, through one of those "For only pennies a day..." groups. No matter how much money I might earn, win, or acquire by some means, I'm never going to be rich. I might be comfortable, but I'm never going to be a multi-millionaire. I couldn't have that kind of money and not use it to help people. I couldn't just keep it. I couldn't just go out and buy so much stuff that it'd probably take me a tear to realize that some of it was gone if it was stolen. And I definitely couldn't put all my effort into getting it invested in stocks and business ventures to make me more money, just so I could do the same with that money, to make me even more. There's nothing wrong with having money, and taking care of yourself if you have it, but things like... having your own, private Pirates of the Carribean ride in your yard, owning several passenger jets, buying multiple Humvees (The Governator used to have 5, I think), or owning multiple houses that just sit empty when you're not there... I don't understand how people can do stuff like that. ...There are shops where you an buy a pair of underwear for several hundred dollars. One pair! It's disgusting!
...Maybe it was when I saw part of South Park the other night, and Cartman was trying to think of someway to be good enough to get a game system, or something, for christmas ("If you cured AIDS and Cancer next week, you'd still owe Santa two presents"). That could have got me thinking about it, I suppose. As far as Karma goes, if you do something just to be good, because something good will come your way later, does it still count as much? If you give a homeless guy $5 to impress a girl on a date, would it benefit your Karma as much as if you left it for him, anonymously, while he was sleeping? In other words, is doing the right thing just because it's right, better than doing the right thing to look good? And what about the converse? If you were coming out of the bank, and a rich looking guy was going in, and tripped, and dropped a lot of money; if you saw a $10 bill caught under the wheel of your car, would it benefit your Karma more if you gave it back to him just because it was the right thing to do, than if you did it just because you thought he might see you if you grabbed it when you were getting into your car?
It makes me wonder if people who believe that you either go to Heaven or to Hell when you die, based on the kind of person you are would actually get the same credit for their good deeds, and for keeping themselves from doing bad things, as someone who didn't believe in an afterlife and just did the right thing because it was the right thing.
I wonder sometimes about the term "God fearing". You hear it used sometimes by religious people to mean that someone is very religious/mindful of the rules of living set out in the Bible. But wouldn't "God loving" be much better? Doesn't it seem like you'd be a better person, and much more likely to be approved by God (presupposing for the purpose of this discussion that there is a God, roughly corresponding to the general Christian idea of God) if you obeyed his rules and followed his directions just because he said to and you wanted to make him happy, or wanted to not let him down or disappoint him, than if you were doing what you were told so that you could get in to Heaven, or because you were afraid that if you didn't he'd send you to Hell?
Yes, this is the kind of stuff I think about when I'm waiting for the bus, or when I'm up at 4am typing out a blog.
Since I'm already talking about some Eastern religious concepts here, I don't feel it's out of line to bring up the instance in the Bible when Jesus points out the rich men giving gold to the poor box, and the poor, old widow giving a small, almost worthless copper coin, and saying that she gave more than the rich men because they 'gave out of their surplus', and she 'gave out of her want' or something like that. And I'm wondering, I guess, if Bill Gates giving the majority of his vast fortune to start a charitable organization is actually less meaningful, as far as making him a good person, as it is when I give a homeless guy a dollar even though I'm not sure if I'm going to have enough money to eat for the rest of the month.
I don't know what brought it up... maybe thinking about upgrades, since I was trying to get a phone that's not broken, for several days. But I was wondering, what would be an upgrade, if I were reincarnated? What is above human in the reincarnation ladder? And if I haven't earned that kind of step up, what then? Do I just get a better human life on my next trip? That kind of made me think about what my previous life might have been like (mind you, I don't really believe in reincarnation, but I can go off on long, hypothetical tangents like this now and then).
Based on who and what I am now, I think that in my preceding life, I'd probably either have been seriously abused, or grown up in a home full of abuse. Possibly saw my mother being abused, maybe brothers and sisters as well. No decent person likes to see anyone get really hurt, but I seem to be really hypersensitive about anyone or anything being hurt. It's painful to even watch it in movies. And if my anxiety problem isn't all chemical, having spent a previous life surrounded by violence would likely make me very timid around people, I should think.
I probably would have been very poor, too. I agonize over every cent that I spend on myself. I have for a while, even before I was this broke, all the time. I'm debating whether I would have either received a lot of help at some point, or not, and just know how it feels to need it so badly. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm just about always ready to help in any way that I can, even if I end up hurting myself in some way by doing so.
I go off like this for a while sometimes... wondering about what makes someone a decent person, and why there seem to be so few out there. Like how someone can own a $20 million mansion and a collection of classic/ridiculously expensive cars when they could still live in a very nice house that is much bigger than they need, in a very nice neighborhood, drive a great car, and have a lot of really nice things, and still pay to feed, clothe, educate, and care for an entire village, for a year, through one of those "For only pennies a day..." groups. No matter how much money I might earn, win, or acquire by some means, I'm never going to be rich. I might be comfortable, but I'm never going to be a multi-millionaire. I couldn't have that kind of money and not use it to help people. I couldn't just keep it. I couldn't just go out and buy so much stuff that it'd probably take me a tear to realize that some of it was gone if it was stolen. And I definitely couldn't put all my effort into getting it invested in stocks and business ventures to make me more money, just so I could do the same with that money, to make me even more. There's nothing wrong with having money, and taking care of yourself if you have it, but things like... having your own, private Pirates of the Carribean ride in your yard, owning several passenger jets, buying multiple Humvees (The Governator used to have 5, I think), or owning multiple houses that just sit empty when you're not there... I don't understand how people can do stuff like that. ...There are shops where you an buy a pair of underwear for several hundred dollars. One pair! It's disgusting!
...Maybe it was when I saw part of South Park the other night, and Cartman was trying to think of someway to be good enough to get a game system, or something, for christmas ("If you cured AIDS and Cancer next week, you'd still owe Santa two presents"). That could have got me thinking about it, I suppose. As far as Karma goes, if you do something just to be good, because something good will come your way later, does it still count as much? If you give a homeless guy $5 to impress a girl on a date, would it benefit your Karma as much as if you left it for him, anonymously, while he was sleeping? In other words, is doing the right thing just because it's right, better than doing the right thing to look good? And what about the converse? If you were coming out of the bank, and a rich looking guy was going in, and tripped, and dropped a lot of money; if you saw a $10 bill caught under the wheel of your car, would it benefit your Karma more if you gave it back to him just because it was the right thing to do, than if you did it just because you thought he might see you if you grabbed it when you were getting into your car?
It makes me wonder if people who believe that you either go to Heaven or to Hell when you die, based on the kind of person you are would actually get the same credit for their good deeds, and for keeping themselves from doing bad things, as someone who didn't believe in an afterlife and just did the right thing because it was the right thing.
I wonder sometimes about the term "God fearing". You hear it used sometimes by religious people to mean that someone is very religious/mindful of the rules of living set out in the Bible. But wouldn't "God loving" be much better? Doesn't it seem like you'd be a better person, and much more likely to be approved by God (presupposing for the purpose of this discussion that there is a God, roughly corresponding to the general Christian idea of God) if you obeyed his rules and followed his directions just because he said to and you wanted to make him happy, or wanted to not let him down or disappoint him, than if you were doing what you were told so that you could get in to Heaven, or because you were afraid that if you didn't he'd send you to Hell?
Yes, this is the kind of stuff I think about when I'm waiting for the bus, or when I'm up at 4am typing out a blog.