(no subject)
sometimes the realization that life is real comes hard and strong. the realization that dreams and goals and hopes are merely those and that things don't always fall into place like you want them to do can be stifling. sometimes i just want to reject the world and crawl up and die. sometimes i want to sleep all day everyday and show the world what it would be like without me.
of course, my hope from all that is that people would miss me and come visit or call or text and check on me. when they don't, it seems like all the more reason to stay withdrawn.
my world is getting ready to move on without me. i'm getting ready to move on without it. i'm going to pack up and go to jerusalem for a year. sounds great, eh? i wish i was staying in nashville. the most difficult thing about leaving behind everything important is watching life go on without you. this has happened to me many times. i don't know if i can do it again.
when i first came to nashville i came to set up my home. to establish a life with my fiancé. odd how that worked out.
i don't understand how people just leave. i don't understand how they move on. i don't understand how people don't feel loneliness and love so strongly that life itself becomes so impossible to live.
i don't understand how i am supposed to do this.
am i too weak? too dependent? too socially needy? or do i just love too strongly?
i'm ready to give up. i can't do this.
of course, my hope from all that is that people would miss me and come visit or call or text and check on me. when they don't, it seems like all the more reason to stay withdrawn.
my world is getting ready to move on without me. i'm getting ready to move on without it. i'm going to pack up and go to jerusalem for a year. sounds great, eh? i wish i was staying in nashville. the most difficult thing about leaving behind everything important is watching life go on without you. this has happened to me many times. i don't know if i can do it again.
when i first came to nashville i came to set up my home. to establish a life with my fiancé. odd how that worked out.
i don't understand how people just leave. i don't understand how they move on. i don't understand how people don't feel loneliness and love so strongly that life itself becomes so impossible to live.
i don't understand how i am supposed to do this.
am i too weak? too dependent? too socially needy? or do i just love too strongly?
i'm ready to give up. i can't do this.