wavering

[zipdigit]

i kept telling myself i could live without him and all this garbage and i was doing pretty well.
i'd feel miserable texting him and saying we couldn't be together, that it would only lead to myself getting hurt.
life is a bunch of goddamn circles, i swear.

i'm happy. well, i was.
but i'm just waiting for the moment where everything falls apart and i'm totally alone again.
like always.
i know it'll happen eventually.
so much reliance upon another person is unhealthy.
and pathetic.

i want to crawl into a hole and hide.
i'm sad again.

i just really want to be happy, and it's the only way i know.
he's at a party he didn't tell me about. talk about hypocritical.
ugh.

i am very upset.
and very very pathetic.
it's kind of disgusting.