(no subject)
Year in review time! 2005 2006 2007
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Visited Our Nation's Capital. Graduated from college. Knitted socks. Worked at Not Back to School Camp. Organized and led a youth group all on my own (and I want it to continue!). Lived with a significant other in our own place. Supported myself! Spent Christmas away from my family.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Heh. I am still working on my 2006 resolution, which was to be less prideful. I think my life would be a lot better if I could just get over the idea that everything that happens to me is a direct reflection on my worth as a person. Last year's resolution was to experience and savor each moment of life, which sometimes I did and sometimes I didn't. A lot of the time in the last few months especially it was the latter, simply because I felt like my workdays were too long not to zone out most of the time. But it's hard to get out of that constantly-doing-never-thinking-or-enjoying mode, even on the weekends. I still need to get out of that habit.
This year, I am resolving to realize how much I am loved by God and my friends and to take better care of myself. It feels a bit selfish to me to focus on myself, especially when I already have so much, but I am realizing that without consciously nurturing myself (or at least consciously trying to do myself as little harm as possible), I can easily be burned out, which does not make me a fun person to be around for other people anyway. Then I fall into the trap where I am supposedly trying to help people, but I am so stressed that I make them miserable instead. I'm going to try to get out of that viscious cycle. Of course, it also helps that I am in a relationship with the world's most loving and supportive woman, but conversely, I want to honor her more by being more relaxed and fun to hang out with.
This will hopefully encompass a lot of concrete things: making more time to do things I really enjoy and talk to people I am very close to, exercising more, writing more, hopefully meditating (with my current work schedule, a daily practice seems just about impossible, but I guess anything would be better than nothing), more honoring of my faith even (and especially) because I feel no one else I'm close to understands why it's so important to me.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No. I appear to have reached the stage of my life when many of my friends are getting married, but no one has had babies yet.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My grandfather died back in October. I wanted to do a post about it, but I never really felt like I had the time to collect my thoughts. He died somewhat suddenly; my dad had called me a few days before to tell me that Grandpa wasn't recovering from his various ailments anymore and that they suspected he was on his way out, but no one predicted he would quietly pass away in his sleep that very week. He had already lived through so many injuries, surgeries, and major illnesses that I for one never expected he would die of nothing in particular. I wouldn't say we were extremely close, but I enjoyed spending time with him when I came home to visit, and he always brightened up when I entered the room. I will miss his dry sense of humor, his sweet tooth, and the gentleness he grew into more and more as he aged and learned to let go of things.
And Buzzy's family's enormously fat cat Bobby died when we were in Corvallis for Thanksgiving, also of old age. They'd had him since Buzzy was a small child. I'd known him for years and I always loved him. He was a bighearted cat, simple and sweet. He would sit on you and purr for hours. I can't be too sad about his passing because he was not doing very well in his last years, and I'm glad he was able to live out a good life.
5. What countries did you visit?
None. And sadly, I have no idea when I'll be able to leave the country again now that strangers no longer throw money at me for such purposes. Maybe through some volunteer thing. I hope my traveling days are not over until I become much richer...
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
More time to introspect. My primary reason for not going to grad school was that I felt it would steal away all my free time. But funnily enough, my life in Portland hasn't featured a whole lot of free time, even though I don't have to take my job home with me. There are so many chores and obligations and whatnot filling my days off that sometimes they don't feel restful enough to keep me sane.
At least, that's how I feel. Maybe I just need to change my attitude. Or get a less exhausting job. Or maybe next year will be better because I'll be more used to things (I hope) and therefore less stressed out.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Election day, of course.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Surviving. Portland is a friendly city, but a tough one to get by in, and I am doing so for the time being. That's something I am proud of.
I suppose graduating summa cum laude was pretty cool too... Although now that seems like a total joke. So far, my degree and honors have gotten me absolutely nowhere in the real world.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Whining thoughtlessly about how worthless I am to my friends and girlfriend, hurting them and bringing them down. I must stop that.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, thank goodness, because health insurance still seems a distant dream.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A plane ticket to Oregon!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Buzzy is probably number one on this list. Day to day, she takes such great care of me and maintains good humor and grace through everything we face. Catherine, of course. We don't talk often, but it always makes me feel so much better when we do, because I can depend on her. A lot of people took care of me this year, and I'm very grateful to them, especially Buzzy's family, Catherine's family, Steph, Taylor, and Rob. Many of my coworkers made my life much more excellent, especially Julia.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The only person I can think of is my boss. I like her in many ways, but she hasn't always treated us well. Most notably, she abused my supervisor to the point that she quit right after the Christmas season, which sucks, because my supervisor is an amazingly friendly, warm person who knew everything and held us all together. I don't know what things will be like without her.
14. Where did most of your money go?
I think rent, already, even though we've only been paying it for a few months. Whoa.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Being a cook at camp. Meeting new friends. Teaching people to cook. Writing, sometimes. Learning what it means to live the Christian life. Living with my love and creating our own space. Speaking Spanish at my work.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
"Little Fighter Girl" by Mason Jennings.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
Happier, because I have Buzzy and my friends near me, and I'm living in an amazing place. Even though I should take time to appreciate these things more.
b) richer or poorer?
Despite everything, probably richer. Even though it probably won't last for long because I have far greater expenses now than I've ever had.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
WRITING. Writing in my LJ (I just read all my back entries for this year in like 45 minutes!). Smelling the roses (and better time management to make that possible). Having adventures. Spending time with friends.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Going on self-descructive rants that hurt the people around me. Being timid and boring.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
For the first time, I saw neither my family nor Catherine and her family on Christmas. I spent it with the Haucks, which was itself lovely, but I did miss my dad, Hannah, Ian, and Debra.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I fell deeper in love with Buzzy. After all the hard times we went through together this year, I feel more confident that her love for me is unconditional.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
Scrubs stole my heart. I have discovered that a lot of comedy stuff out there is just too realistic for my tastes, The Office being a prime example. Scrubs, on the other hand, is pure madcap silliness, and I love it. Also, it's the perfect show for someone in my current situation: it's about a young person who just graduated school, getting no respect and living in a stressful world, but does he let it get him down? No, he responds by creating wacky fantasies and clinging to his best friend. Also, J.D. is super cute. I like to call him Dr. 'Dorable.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No, I am happy to report.
25. What was the best movie you saw?
P.S. I Love You was a guilty pleasure of this year. I know the plot is totally dumb, but that movie made me laugh and cry more than any movie had in years. WALL-E was also pretty good and the beginning made me cry, although I wish the whole movie were like that. Think how cool it would be if all the humans were dead and the robots were being cute in the wreckage of their existence. But for pure quality, I would have to go with The Prestige, lent to me by coworker Julia. It's a period film about magic, illusion, and deception, and it's worth watching over and over.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Coyote Grace. And I got to see them in concert twice! They are going to be the next big thing in folk music, and I feel really lucky to have discovered them when I can see them in small, intimate venues for a $5 cover instead of in huge auditoriums for $40.
27. What did you want and get?
High honors. A laptop. An apartment of my own with Buzzy. A job, such as it is. New friends. Travel.
28. What did you want and not get?
A job that is less sucky. Though the more I learn about adult life, the more I feel that may be a mere dream...
29. What did you do on your birthday?
My birthday was one of the coldest days of the year (-30 with windchill), yet my Carleton grad friends still showed up to eat with me at Hogan Brothers' and share cupcakes in Julia's attic apartment.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Once again the answer is security. Or at least a sense of security.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Nothing has changed too much from last year. But I actually got a compliment on my fashion sense this year! One of the campers, Jane, told me it was cool how I mixed girly clothing with an androgynous haircut. I also got a lot of compliments on individual clothing choices. So that's cool.
31. Who kept you sane?
Catherine was my emotional rock at several stressful points throughout the year. It always makes me feel better to talk to her. Buzzy helped me more than she'll ever know with her daily levelheadedness and joy. Steph and Taylor and Rob helped me feel connected and supported in my new life in Portland. My dad's phone calls and emails provided a much-needed reality check and made me laugh. Saira was as always an awesome friend and better at keeping in touch than I really deserve. Lasa also kept me sane by being a trusted adult and also someone I could go to for guidance about my faith. Clara kept me sane through comps and my frequent crises about the future with her down-to-earth presence and the trust she placed in me.
32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Uh, I feel like there must have been someone, but I can't actually remember right now. Can anyone help me out?
Obama is very attractive, though. It's a little strange to think about, having an attractive president.
33. What political issue stirred you the most?
If you can call it a "political issue" instead of just a moral one, I became more aware of issues of homelessness and poverty this year. I hope I will become more compassionate and proactive about these problems, even though sometimes they seem overwhelming to me.
34. Who did you miss?
The question is always who do I not miss? (Okay, I missed Buzzy significantly less this year, and I don't have to miss my closest Carleton friends yet, which is nice.) Catherine. My family, especially my sister because it's so hard to keep in touch with her in Canada even if I were good at that sort of thing. Catherine's family. Carleton friends and profs. The Chaplain. Lots of people.
35. Who was the best new person you met?
Well, this doesn't quite answer the question, but I really really enjoyed meeting some of my LJ friends in person this year. I had a fantastic time in DC with Lasa, who helped me learn so much about her beautiful city and shared much warmth and wisdom. I also got to meet her daughter Jess, who is a delightful person to wander with and also amazingly upbeat and relaxed. Maybe sometime I will move in with Anna per her latest scheme... seems like there are lots of delightful people to hang out with in Seattle too.
I also really liked meeting Gray this summer and sharing incredibly long, philosophical emails. We have had some great conversations.
If you want to go with entirely new people, I would say my coworker Julia. I had fun salsa dancing with her, making bagels, and watching movies. New friends in Portland = awesome.
36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
It's hard to hold on to unconditional love in a world of judgment, but it's the only way to live.
37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Holiday quiet on these streets
Except for some starving leaves
That didn't fall with the fall
And now they clatter in vain
Holiday sky, midnight clear
Wind is high, hard to steer
Old muffler rumbles like
An old fighter plane
In search of some rest
In search of a break
From a life of tests
Where something's always at stake
Where something's always so far
What about my broken car?
What about my life so far?
What about my dream?
What about...
Get away and come with me
Come away with me and we'll see
If I was right on that night
That a future was made
Before time takes each year
Like a knife cuts it clear
It's school, then work and then life
That just sharpens the blade
I think about time for fun
I think about time for play
Then I think about being done
With no resume
With no one left to blame
What about fortune and fame?
What about your love to obtain?
What about the ring?
What about....
What about everything?
What about aeroplanes?
And what about ships that drank the sea?
What about...
What about the moon and stars?
What about soldier battle scars
And all the anger that they eat?
What about...
What about aliens? What about you and me and
What about gold beneath the sea?
What about...
What about when buildings fall?
What about that midnight phone call
The one that wakes you from your peace?
Well, I am not in need.
"What About Everything?" by Carbon Leaf
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Visited Our Nation's Capital. Graduated from college. Knitted socks. Worked at Not Back to School Camp. Organized and led a youth group all on my own (and I want it to continue!). Lived with a significant other in our own place. Supported myself! Spent Christmas away from my family.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Heh. I am still working on my 2006 resolution, which was to be less prideful. I think my life would be a lot better if I could just get over the idea that everything that happens to me is a direct reflection on my worth as a person. Last year's resolution was to experience and savor each moment of life, which sometimes I did and sometimes I didn't. A lot of the time in the last few months especially it was the latter, simply because I felt like my workdays were too long not to zone out most of the time. But it's hard to get out of that constantly-doing-never-thinking-or-enjoying mode, even on the weekends. I still need to get out of that habit.
This year, I am resolving to realize how much I am loved by God and my friends and to take better care of myself. It feels a bit selfish to me to focus on myself, especially when I already have so much, but I am realizing that without consciously nurturing myself (or at least consciously trying to do myself as little harm as possible), I can easily be burned out, which does not make me a fun person to be around for other people anyway. Then I fall into the trap where I am supposedly trying to help people, but I am so stressed that I make them miserable instead. I'm going to try to get out of that viscious cycle. Of course, it also helps that I am in a relationship with the world's most loving and supportive woman, but conversely, I want to honor her more by being more relaxed and fun to hang out with.
This will hopefully encompass a lot of concrete things: making more time to do things I really enjoy and talk to people I am very close to, exercising more, writing more, hopefully meditating (with my current work schedule, a daily practice seems just about impossible, but I guess anything would be better than nothing), more honoring of my faith even (and especially) because I feel no one else I'm close to understands why it's so important to me.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No. I appear to have reached the stage of my life when many of my friends are getting married, but no one has had babies yet.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My grandfather died back in October. I wanted to do a post about it, but I never really felt like I had the time to collect my thoughts. He died somewhat suddenly; my dad had called me a few days before to tell me that Grandpa wasn't recovering from his various ailments anymore and that they suspected he was on his way out, but no one predicted he would quietly pass away in his sleep that very week. He had already lived through so many injuries, surgeries, and major illnesses that I for one never expected he would die of nothing in particular. I wouldn't say we were extremely close, but I enjoyed spending time with him when I came home to visit, and he always brightened up when I entered the room. I will miss his dry sense of humor, his sweet tooth, and the gentleness he grew into more and more as he aged and learned to let go of things.
And Buzzy's family's enormously fat cat Bobby died when we were in Corvallis for Thanksgiving, also of old age. They'd had him since Buzzy was a small child. I'd known him for years and I always loved him. He was a bighearted cat, simple and sweet. He would sit on you and purr for hours. I can't be too sad about his passing because he was not doing very well in his last years, and I'm glad he was able to live out a good life.
5. What countries did you visit?
None. And sadly, I have no idea when I'll be able to leave the country again now that strangers no longer throw money at me for such purposes. Maybe through some volunteer thing. I hope my traveling days are not over until I become much richer...
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
More time to introspect. My primary reason for not going to grad school was that I felt it would steal away all my free time. But funnily enough, my life in Portland hasn't featured a whole lot of free time, even though I don't have to take my job home with me. There are so many chores and obligations and whatnot filling my days off that sometimes they don't feel restful enough to keep me sane.
At least, that's how I feel. Maybe I just need to change my attitude. Or get a less exhausting job. Or maybe next year will be better because I'll be more used to things (I hope) and therefore less stressed out.
7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Election day, of course.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Surviving. Portland is a friendly city, but a tough one to get by in, and I am doing so for the time being. That's something I am proud of.
I suppose graduating summa cum laude was pretty cool too... Although now that seems like a total joke. So far, my degree and honors have gotten me absolutely nowhere in the real world.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Whining thoughtlessly about how worthless I am to my friends and girlfriend, hurting them and bringing them down. I must stop that.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, thank goodness, because health insurance still seems a distant dream.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A plane ticket to Oregon!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Buzzy is probably number one on this list. Day to day, she takes such great care of me and maintains good humor and grace through everything we face. Catherine, of course. We don't talk often, but it always makes me feel so much better when we do, because I can depend on her. A lot of people took care of me this year, and I'm very grateful to them, especially Buzzy's family, Catherine's family, Steph, Taylor, and Rob. Many of my coworkers made my life much more excellent, especially Julia.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The only person I can think of is my boss. I like her in many ways, but she hasn't always treated us well. Most notably, she abused my supervisor to the point that she quit right after the Christmas season, which sucks, because my supervisor is an amazingly friendly, warm person who knew everything and held us all together. I don't know what things will be like without her.
14. Where did most of your money go?
I think rent, already, even though we've only been paying it for a few months. Whoa.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Being a cook at camp. Meeting new friends. Teaching people to cook. Writing, sometimes. Learning what it means to live the Christian life. Living with my love and creating our own space. Speaking Spanish at my work.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
"Little Fighter Girl" by Mason Jennings.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
Happier, because I have Buzzy and my friends near me, and I'm living in an amazing place. Even though I should take time to appreciate these things more.
b) richer or poorer?
Despite everything, probably richer. Even though it probably won't last for long because I have far greater expenses now than I've ever had.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
WRITING. Writing in my LJ (I just read all my back entries for this year in like 45 minutes!). Smelling the roses (and better time management to make that possible). Having adventures. Spending time with friends.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Going on self-descructive rants that hurt the people around me. Being timid and boring.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
For the first time, I saw neither my family nor Catherine and her family on Christmas. I spent it with the Haucks, which was itself lovely, but I did miss my dad, Hannah, Ian, and Debra.
21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I fell deeper in love with Buzzy. After all the hard times we went through together this year, I feel more confident that her love for me is unconditional.
23. What was your favorite TV program?
Scrubs stole my heart. I have discovered that a lot of comedy stuff out there is just too realistic for my tastes, The Office being a prime example. Scrubs, on the other hand, is pure madcap silliness, and I love it. Also, it's the perfect show for someone in my current situation: it's about a young person who just graduated school, getting no respect and living in a stressful world, but does he let it get him down? No, he responds by creating wacky fantasies and clinging to his best friend. Also, J.D. is super cute. I like to call him Dr. 'Dorable.
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No, I am happy to report.
25. What was the best movie you saw?
P.S. I Love You was a guilty pleasure of this year. I know the plot is totally dumb, but that movie made me laugh and cry more than any movie had in years. WALL-E was also pretty good and the beginning made me cry, although I wish the whole movie were like that. Think how cool it would be if all the humans were dead and the robots were being cute in the wreckage of their existence. But for pure quality, I would have to go with The Prestige, lent to me by coworker Julia. It's a period film about magic, illusion, and deception, and it's worth watching over and over.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Coyote Grace. And I got to see them in concert twice! They are going to be the next big thing in folk music, and I feel really lucky to have discovered them when I can see them in small, intimate venues for a $5 cover instead of in huge auditoriums for $40.
27. What did you want and get?
High honors. A laptop. An apartment of my own with Buzzy. A job, such as it is. New friends. Travel.
28. What did you want and not get?
A job that is less sucky. Though the more I learn about adult life, the more I feel that may be a mere dream...
29. What did you do on your birthday?
My birthday was one of the coldest days of the year (-30 with windchill), yet my Carleton grad friends still showed up to eat with me at Hogan Brothers' and share cupcakes in Julia's attic apartment.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Once again the answer is security. Or at least a sense of security.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Nothing has changed too much from last year. But I actually got a compliment on my fashion sense this year! One of the campers, Jane, told me it was cool how I mixed girly clothing with an androgynous haircut. I also got a lot of compliments on individual clothing choices. So that's cool.
31. Who kept you sane?
Catherine was my emotional rock at several stressful points throughout the year. It always makes me feel better to talk to her. Buzzy helped me more than she'll ever know with her daily levelheadedness and joy. Steph and Taylor and Rob helped me feel connected and supported in my new life in Portland. My dad's phone calls and emails provided a much-needed reality check and made me laugh. Saira was as always an awesome friend and better at keeping in touch than I really deserve. Lasa also kept me sane by being a trusted adult and also someone I could go to for guidance about my faith. Clara kept me sane through comps and my frequent crises about the future with her down-to-earth presence and the trust she placed in me.
32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Uh, I feel like there must have been someone, but I can't actually remember right now. Can anyone help me out?
Obama is very attractive, though. It's a little strange to think about, having an attractive president.
33. What political issue stirred you the most?
If you can call it a "political issue" instead of just a moral one, I became more aware of issues of homelessness and poverty this year. I hope I will become more compassionate and proactive about these problems, even though sometimes they seem overwhelming to me.
34. Who did you miss?
The question is always who do I not miss? (Okay, I missed Buzzy significantly less this year, and I don't have to miss my closest Carleton friends yet, which is nice.) Catherine. My family, especially my sister because it's so hard to keep in touch with her in Canada even if I were good at that sort of thing. Catherine's family. Carleton friends and profs. The Chaplain. Lots of people.
35. Who was the best new person you met?
Well, this doesn't quite answer the question, but I really really enjoyed meeting some of my LJ friends in person this year. I had a fantastic time in DC with Lasa, who helped me learn so much about her beautiful city and shared much warmth and wisdom. I also got to meet her daughter Jess, who is a delightful person to wander with and also amazingly upbeat and relaxed. Maybe sometime I will move in with Anna per her latest scheme... seems like there are lots of delightful people to hang out with in Seattle too.
I also really liked meeting Gray this summer and sharing incredibly long, philosophical emails. We have had some great conversations.
If you want to go with entirely new people, I would say my coworker Julia. I had fun salsa dancing with her, making bagels, and watching movies. New friends in Portland = awesome.
36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
It's hard to hold on to unconditional love in a world of judgment, but it's the only way to live.
37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Holiday quiet on these streets
Except for some starving leaves
That didn't fall with the fall
And now they clatter in vain
Holiday sky, midnight clear
Wind is high, hard to steer
Old muffler rumbles like
An old fighter plane
In search of some rest
In search of a break
From a life of tests
Where something's always at stake
Where something's always so far
What about my broken car?
What about my life so far?
What about my dream?
What about...
Get away and come with me
Come away with me and we'll see
If I was right on that night
That a future was made
Before time takes each year
Like a knife cuts it clear
It's school, then work and then life
That just sharpens the blade
I think about time for fun
I think about time for play
Then I think about being done
With no resume
With no one left to blame
What about fortune and fame?
What about your love to obtain?
What about the ring?
What about....
What about everything?
What about aeroplanes?
And what about ships that drank the sea?
What about...
What about the moon and stars?
What about soldier battle scars
And all the anger that they eat?
What about...
What about aliens? What about you and me and
What about gold beneath the sea?
What about...
What about when buildings fall?
What about that midnight phone call
The one that wakes you from your peace?
Well, I am not in need.
"What About Everything?" by Carbon Leaf