(no subject)
I never quite saw the point of Lent in previous years. The whole focus on denying oneself seemed overly negative to me; I wanted my faith to be about what I did, not what I avoided doing. I still feel that way, but now I think that Lent will be a great time to reflect on what I give priority in my life and whether it helps or hurts my relationship with God. Not an easy question, of course, especially since there are a lot of things that are in themselves good that can take on an unhealthy focus. I'm thinking of two of those in my life right now: food and the desire for a romantic relationship.
I love food in so many ways, not least because sharing a meal is my favorite kind of communion. I also love cooking: selecting my ingredients with care, putting my time and energy into something nourishing, if also ephemeral. But lately I've been noticing that I put things into my mouth just because I'm bored or tired or to make myself feel better. So not good, especially the squashing feelings down, because they will come out, probably in more destructive ways than if I had just dealt with them straight. So I have resolved that for forty days I won't take a bite I haven't prayed grace over first. This will hopefully help me constantly reconnect my food back to God, to feel thankful for it, to think about where it came from, and to examine whether it will help me be healthy in all ways, as God wants me to be.
Also, I think way too much about relationships and my lack thereof... There's hardly a day that goes by that I don't waste a lot of energy feeling sorry for myself. It's so easy to forget the great, enduring love of my friends and family and, sadly, even easier to forget God's love, boundless and unconditional. So for forty days, I am going to go steady with God. I will refrain from thoughts of other relationships as being unfaithful to Him. I want to show myself that I can have an absolutely full, fulfilling, giving life without the partnership of another person. This is the last thing about which I can't bring myself to say "Your will be done"; dammit, what's wrong with my will here? Isn't my yearning for real love and eventual marriage and babies supposed to be a good and holy thing? Yet there are so many other good and holy ways to live, so many ways God can use me for his glory, and I want to practice giving myself over totally to whatever he has in store for me. I want to become much more conscious of my precious relationship with God, to seek him more strongly, and to overflow with love for him like in the poems of Rumi.
A lot of people (including me) are yearning for spring already, for the new life. But under the the stillness of the snow, the restfulness (not deadness!) of the whole earth, I can find the silence in which to listen for God.
I love food in so many ways, not least because sharing a meal is my favorite kind of communion. I also love cooking: selecting my ingredients with care, putting my time and energy into something nourishing, if also ephemeral. But lately I've been noticing that I put things into my mouth just because I'm bored or tired or to make myself feel better. So not good, especially the squashing feelings down, because they will come out, probably in more destructive ways than if I had just dealt with them straight. So I have resolved that for forty days I won't take a bite I haven't prayed grace over first. This will hopefully help me constantly reconnect my food back to God, to feel thankful for it, to think about where it came from, and to examine whether it will help me be healthy in all ways, as God wants me to be.
Also, I think way too much about relationships and my lack thereof... There's hardly a day that goes by that I don't waste a lot of energy feeling sorry for myself. It's so easy to forget the great, enduring love of my friends and family and, sadly, even easier to forget God's love, boundless and unconditional. So for forty days, I am going to go steady with God. I will refrain from thoughts of other relationships as being unfaithful to Him. I want to show myself that I can have an absolutely full, fulfilling, giving life without the partnership of another person. This is the last thing about which I can't bring myself to say "Your will be done"; dammit, what's wrong with my will here? Isn't my yearning for real love and eventual marriage and babies supposed to be a good and holy thing? Yet there are so many other good and holy ways to live, so many ways God can use me for his glory, and I want to practice giving myself over totally to whatever he has in store for me. I want to become much more conscious of my precious relationship with God, to seek him more strongly, and to overflow with love for him like in the poems of Rumi.
A lot of people (including me) are yearning for spring already, for the new life. But under the the stillness of the snow, the restfulness (not deadness!) of the whole earth, I can find the silence in which to listen for God.