(no subject)
For the past few weeks, I've been down. Feeling slow and heavy, hard to focus on anything, aimlessly surfing the net and avoiding doing anything that actually matters. Tuesday was more of the same, until around 1am. Suddenly I was UP. Alert, awake, inspired. My course materials had just arrived. I did the first chapter and then forced myself to sleep. Wednesday morning, back to the slow and heavy, but the energy kicked in earlier, before midnight. Thursday the fog seemed lighter all day. Work was good, training was awesome. Walking home in the rain, I felt so good. Cold air and fresh water on my face, body kept warm by a fluffy cozy coat, humming my theme song and smiling at strangers. A sudden tsunami of bliss nearly knocked me over. My body became a thin and permeable membrane, and I was dancing down the street so alive, laughing and jumping and yes, yes, YES!
It's happened like that before, but not in a long time, and never at night. Before it's always been in the sun, and instead of the tsunami of last night, before it felt like a big drop of sunlight had fallen from the sky and splashed right into me.
Today at work I'm accomplishing nothing, but for the opposite reason as before. I just feel too good. Just sitting here at my desk watching the beautiful people in the lobby is enough for me. Sometimes they come up to me with problems, and I fix the problems and get to see them smile. Sales numbers and daily profit goals and the state of the housing and stock markets seem so distant and unimportant right now.
It's happened like that before, but not in a long time, and never at night. Before it's always been in the sun, and instead of the tsunami of last night, before it felt like a big drop of sunlight had fallen from the sky and splashed right into me.
Today at work I'm accomplishing nothing, but for the opposite reason as before. I just feel too good. Just sitting here at my desk watching the beautiful people in the lobby is enough for me. Sometimes they come up to me with problems, and I fix the problems and get to see them smile. Sales numbers and daily profit goals and the state of the housing and stock markets seem so distant and unimportant right now.