Sometimes you just wanna give up and quit...
But that's not the way i do things never has been never will be...
This weekend was far too stressful on me, and the funny part about it is that none of the stress i had this weekend was over anything involved in my life, it was all part of her life, so why the fuck did i let myself get dragged into it, because i care about her, what the fuck is that, why would i let this happen, i've said a million times before i would never fall into a situation like this again so what is it about this girl that has made me this way... I don't know, maybe i'm finally starting to get over past mistakes maybe i'm finally starting to realize i do need someone in my life to care for and to care for me, i don't know this is all just random shit that is going on inside my head and had to be written somewhere she will never see it, damnit so what if she made some mistakes and is now paying for them, why must i pay for them too?? Why does she have to put all this on me like i'm the mother fucking rock of her salvation? I'm not a saviour never have been, that isn't my job... or is it now... perhaps as i sit her writing i am actually just thinking things through in the form of this rant... i don't know i'm starting to feel like the psychosis that is my condition is starting to manifest outside of my head and is actually starting to affect the world around me. it seems as if now not only are my thoughts and feelings completely random and usually uncalled for but now the actions of those around me are starting to join the circus, maybe i am going insane, or maybe just maybe i have surrounded myself with people that are closer to the way i am than i ever have before... or maybe just maybe and this is the most logical explanation of all, maybe i'm just over thinking this.. and to those of you that are actually reading this, no i am not dead haha just a bit distracted the last few days, weeks, months... have just been really fast paced
This weekend was far too stressful on me, and the funny part about it is that none of the stress i had this weekend was over anything involved in my life, it was all part of her life, so why the fuck did i let myself get dragged into it, because i care about her, what the fuck is that, why would i let this happen, i've said a million times before i would never fall into a situation like this again so what is it about this girl that has made me this way... I don't know, maybe i'm finally starting to get over past mistakes maybe i'm finally starting to realize i do need someone in my life to care for and to care for me, i don't know this is all just random shit that is going on inside my head and had to be written somewhere she will never see it, damnit so what if she made some mistakes and is now paying for them, why must i pay for them too?? Why does she have to put all this on me like i'm the mother fucking rock of her salvation? I'm not a saviour never have been, that isn't my job... or is it now... perhaps as i sit her writing i am actually just thinking things through in the form of this rant... i don't know i'm starting to feel like the psychosis that is my condition is starting to manifest outside of my head and is actually starting to affect the world around me. it seems as if now not only are my thoughts and feelings completely random and usually uncalled for but now the actions of those around me are starting to join the circus, maybe i am going insane, or maybe just maybe i have surrounded myself with people that are closer to the way i am than i ever have before... or maybe just maybe and this is the most logical explanation of all, maybe i'm just over thinking this.. and to those of you that are actually reading this, no i am not dead haha just a bit distracted the last few days, weeks, months... have just been really fast paced