Where the Dreamers Lay, I Lay You Down
Title: Where the Dreamers Lay, I Lay You Down
Fandom: Adam Lambert
Pairing: Adam/Sauli
Author: i_amthecosmos
Rating: R
Word Count: 2,818
Warnings: Serial killer! Adam. This story has murder, suicide and dark themes, as well as being very sad.
Prompt: From glam_kink. Adam is an angel of mercy, putting his victims to rest. Inspired by “Nirvana”.
Disclaimer: This is complete and utter bullshit, and I make no profit on this. Please do not Tweet this to anyone involved, as Adam probably doesn’t need to see the serial killer AU of himself. Thanks.
Notes: This kind of freaks me out, so tread carefully. I also apologize if it winds up ruining “Nirvana” for you. Not my intention.
The wind was warm and blowing lightly through the windows of his car as he drove down the boulevard. Adam looked around for a while, until he saw a boy standing under a streetlight, looking down. He slowed down and the kid said “Yeah,” without looking at him.
“Would you like a ride?” Adam said, making it his choice. He wouldn’t demand anything, everyone had their free will. The kid looked at him then, and nodded his head one time. Adam let him climb in the car. He pulled away from the curb, nobody paying any attention to them.
Adam got a better look at his passenger as he stared out of the window. He really wasn’t a kid-he was getting older, and Adam could see the scabs on his arms. “What do you want?” His passenger said. “I don’t think you just wanted to take me on a drive. Come on, I’m already here, we might as well.” Adam noticed that he didn’t haggle out the arrangements before he got in the car. That was sloppy.
“We can just go to this park, and I’ll get a blowjob,” Adam said. “I’ll pay you whatever your going rate is and I won’t take you far. What’s your name?” Adam went in the direction of a park he hadn’t taken anyone to before. It looked peaceful.
“Just call me Jimmy,” he said, then scowled. “How far away is this park?” He was starting to look nervous and Adam could see another scab on his cheek. His hands shook, and Adam knew he was probably starting to feel sick. But it would be okay, he wouldn’t keep Jimmy long.
“It’s right here.” Adam pulled up and took his seatbelt off. Jimmy leaned over and then Adam put a hand on his shoulder. “We can talk first.” Jimmy looked at him like he was crazy, like he had no more time for anyone’s bullshit, and Adam smiled. He knew he could look trustworthy.
“I gotta get back soon. But we can talk, if you want.” Jimmy sat back up, and Adam saw the muscles in his shoulders relax a little. “What do you wanna talk about? And this adds on to your time.”
“I know,” Adam said. “Just…what do you like in your life? What are your favorite bands? Do you play anything?” Now Jimmy was really staring at him.
“Why do you wanna know? I came here to be a guitarist, yeah, you’re right. But I never made it, and I sold my guitar and had to start dating to live. I mean, it kinda sucks right now. I don’t know why you even asked that. That’s pretty fuckin’ rude.” Jimmy took his seatbelt off. “I think I better go. You don’t have to pay me, but you’re pissing me off.”
“No, no.” Adam put his hand on the cuff of the leather jacket right over his wrist. “No. I just wanted to know about you. And it’ll be okay, things will get better for you soon. I know they will.” The look on Jimmy’s face clearly said Jesus freak, but Adam only smiled. “Don’t worry about the future, it’ll take care of itself.” Adam handed him a Coke out of the cooler in the backseat. “Do you want one? You must be thirsty.” Jimmy was still staring at him, but he took one.
Adam took his Coke-from the other cooler-and opened it. Jimmy hadn’t noticed that the screw top had already been opened, and he took a huge swallow of it. And then he went still, the bottle falling out of his numb fingers and spilling Coke everywhere. Adam put his drink down and moved closer to Jimmy, whose breath was already shallow. “It’s all right,” he whispered. “It’s all right. See, everything’s going to be better. The Universe loves you, Jimmy.” Then he started singing softly, giving Jimmy something to listen to as he closed his eyes and soon stopped breathing. Adam took another sip of his Coke then he started the car, Jimmy’s body obscured by the tinted windows.
He dropped the body off in a dumpster a few miles away. He wished he had a rose or something to throw into the dumpster with him. But he smiled as he remembered Jimmy and the relief he had just given him.
The next few nights, Adam was working and didn’t go out. He read about Jimmy in the papers, and how the Silent Killer had struck again. The hook for the stories was the poison Adam used. It was hard to find and killed quickly and without any pain. He picked it for that reason, of course. He wasn’t sent here by the Universe to cause pain to people. He was only sent to help.
He met his friend Lillian after his cabaret show. Lillian was a seventy-some woman with false eyelashes and big curly hair dyed a blue-silver. She thought Adam was adorable and ordered them both a double Scotch. “You need to take me out and let me meet some of your friends,” she said. “I haven’t been to a dance club in a while.”
“I don’t go out much,” Adam said, and it was the truth. He never felt right in those big clubs. “Let’s go to your place and have another one.” Lillian laughed and they joked as they went up to her apartment. It was decorated as if the sixties had never ended, and there was a beautiful set of martini glasses on her bar. They both got dry Ketel One martinis and sat in front of her TV as she rambled about anything from last week to thirty years ago. Lillian lived in an ever changing world, where the past and present slipped around each other.
“It’s so nice for you to come and visit me,” she said, like always. “I’ve never been the same since my Edward died. He was a wonderful husband, even though I knew…how he was.” Adam nodded. He had heard the stories, how Edward would have preferred him over Lillian if they’d ever met. “But it didn’t matter. I loved him as much as I could. I think he felt the same way.” Right then, Lillian’s little dog came over and Adam petted her. “Oh Mitzie, don’t shed on our guest!”
Adam laughed a little then. “I know you miss him. But I’m sure he misses you too. From what you’ve told me, he did care about you. And you’ll see him again someday.” He thought about the bottle, the tiny vial, but Mitzie had gotten dog hairs on him. People had seen him leave with Lillian. It would be hard to keep up the work the Universe had given him from jail.
And anyway, Lillian still had hope. She still loved the world. She wasn’t ready.
When he left Lillian’s and called a cab, she was alive and toasting him with her glass.
“I’ve been in this business twenty years,” the woman said, gripping a pint of whiskey. “I’m a good actress. I’ve always been a good actress. I’ve worked my ass off. But the last speaking part I had was on goddamn ER. Nobody wants talent anymore. They just want tits.” Adam nodded, and watched her drink from the bottle again. She was pretty, but there were lines around her eyes and she was a little too not-skinny for L.A. casting agents. She was right, it was probably over for her.
“I understand. I’ve never gotten my break either and I’m thirty. That’s too old for the music business. I’m so sorry. Hey, want to pour some of that whiskey in this Coke?” He handed her a Burger King cup with half-melted ice.
“Yeah, thanks.” She poured some of her booze in and drank it.
After Adam had taken care of her body, he went home and took a shower. He was sure he’d done the right thing-her bitterness had been erased and she was peaceful at the end. Death was a friend when it was administered properly. But now he felt loneliness creep up on him. It hurt sometimes, doing what he did. He would meet these sensitive souls and just when he felt like he could know them it was time to let them go. He sighed as he rinsed his hair. He had to go out.
We went to a quiet gay bar, not a screaming club, and it was much like the one he sang in. Looking around, he saw unhappiness, people hiding their loneliness behind facades of bitchiness or detachment. He saw people under the influence of crystal, and he almost wished he had the vial with him. Nearly everyone here looked like they needed peace.
“Hello,” a voice said near his ear. The voice had a lovely accent, and when Adam turned to look at its owner, he saw a lovely, compact blond with piercing blue eyes. He smiled, and Adam looked at him, really looked. There was no anger in his face. He didn’t seem to be hiding anything. Then Adam smiled, and the man seemed to glow as if lit from inside. Adam almost stepped back, he was so overwhelmed.
“Hi,” he said. “What’s your name?” Adam had to try not to stare, but it was a lost cause. It was impossible not to look at the beautiful man in front of him.
“I’m Sauli,” he said, and Adam thanked the universe for the gift in front of him.
Adam felt nervous coming to Sauli’s apartment. He’d honestly had only a few lovers in his life. “So…” he started to say, but then Sauli kissed him and stole the words from his mouth. He let Sauli lead, let him take off his clothes, and when they were naked Adam tried to kiss as much of him as he could, worshipping his body. Sauli laughed at how serious Adam was being, and he blushed.
“It’s okay, Adam,” he said, and he kissed Adam again. They made love then, slowly, and Adam felt like it was a sacred act. When Sauli arched underneath him, Adam thrust in harder. He wanted it to last, this gift, but he couldn’t…”Fuck,” he said as he came.
After, he sat up, getting ready to leave. He was stopped by a hand on his arm. Sauli looked at him, nervousness all over his face as he said “Stay?” Adam paused, and then wrapped his body carefully around the sweet boy that had found him. When they woke up the next morning, Sauli kissed him with a sour mouth and Adam only wanted to keep him.
“I think we should go out,” Sauli said the third night Adam stayed over. “We can go to dinner? Is that okay?” Adam smiled at him and kissed his cheek.
“I’d love to go to dinner with you.”
Adam’s daily habits soon changed. Instead of finding strangers that needed his help, he had Sauli to pick him up after work, to watch him as he sang. They had nights out with pasta and wine, and cozy nights in with TV and beer. Everything he thought he knew about people was turned upside down by Sauli. He was self-possessed, strong, positive and a truly happy spirit. Adam couldn’t see anything wrong in him. The universe must be telling him something.
He hid the vial away in his apartment and decided his work was done.
Adam kissed Sauli again, making him smile. “The Universe brought you to me,” he said, and Sauli rolled his eyes.
“You always say that. What do you mean by it?” Adam paused, because he didn’t really know himself. Sauli looked up at him from where his head was resting on his shoulder. “Do you believe that things come to people?”
“Good things, yes,” Adam said. “I believe the Universe gives us good things and takes care of us when we die. I don’t know how else to explain it. I’m not a member of a church, but I think there’s a plan. Everybody has a plan for their life.” Adam didn’t say anything else, about how he felt he could redeem those who had fallen short of their plan and were unhappy. Sauli cared about him, but he wouldn’t understand.
“But what is my plan?” Sauli said, and Adam wanted to say to love me, but he couldn’t. Everyone had to have their plan revealed to them. So he kissed Sauli as an answer, and soon they were wrapped around each other, Sauli panting in his ear as Adam moved inside. Afterward he spooned Sauli and whispered “You’re a dream come true.” Sauli didn’t answer.
Adam didn’t see it coming. After months of being happy and at peace with the world, Sauli sat him down one night. “We need to talk,” he said, and Adam couldn’t do anything but stare. “Adam…I care for you. I do. But I don’t feel like I know you.”
“I’ve told you who I am,” Adam said, even though it wasn’t all true. He had to hide his destiny from the person he loved. “I tell you all the time how much I love you. Doesn’t that mean something?” Sauli paused, and Adam felt his heart drop.
“You think of me as perfect,” Sauli said. “What’s the words? On a pedestal?” Sauli frowned. “You don’t see me for who I am. You want me to love you, and I’ve tried. I’ve tried to love you and sometimes I do. But…you don’t help yourself. You hide from hard things. You sing so well, and you only do enough to get by. Adam, you need to take care of yourself. You don’t need to hide with me.” Sauli stood up. “I think we need to be apart. Not for all time, but for a while.”
And then, Sauli got up and headed for the door. “I still want to be your friend,” Sauli said, and Adam couldn’t even look at him. He sat there, tears streaming down his face as he heard the door shut.
Adam went out the next night with his vial, searching for someone who needed to let go. But nobody looked that bad to him. They didn’t look as miserable as he felt, they didn’t need the push. Even in the most defeated person, Adam could suddenly see hope and the last shreds of a purpose. The disgust he felt tore at him, how could he have done this? Maybe everyone he had killed didn’t need him to help. What had made him think he knew what was best for them?
When he got home, he sat on his couch, Scotch in hand. He couldn’t stop himself from thinking about Sauli, and how much he wanted him back. But Sauli didn’t want him anymore. He had said…he had said that Adam wasn’t living up to what he could do. Oh…
Suddenly Adam could see it. The past few years he’d spent looking for people to save-to kill-and he had just been singing at supper clubs and local theater. He had barely been getting by, and he ignored some jobs that would have gotten him more success. He had believed in his calling. Instead he was a washed up singer with a crappy apartment. He was the kind of person he had been trying to save.
He wrote a letter to Sauli, explaining himself with as much detail as he could. Maybe Sauli would come back and find it. Maybe the police would find it. Maybe nobody would.
Adam got up from the couch then. He took the vial from its hiding place and stared at it. It won’t hurt, he thought. And you’ll be fine. You’ll go back into the arms of the universe. You’ll get reborn. Maybe the next life will be better. Adam ignored his Scotch and got a Coke from the fridge. He put one drop in, stirred it, and took a swallow.
As he lay back on his couch, Coke on the floor and his eyes closing, he wished he wasn’t alone. He wished he could sing for himself as he left the world. But there was nobody to stay with him as he took his last breath.
Fandom: Adam Lambert
Pairing: Adam/Sauli
Author: i_amthecosmos
Rating: R
Word Count: 2,818
Warnings: Serial killer! Adam. This story has murder, suicide and dark themes, as well as being very sad.
Prompt: From glam_kink. Adam is an angel of mercy, putting his victims to rest. Inspired by “Nirvana”.
Disclaimer: This is complete and utter bullshit, and I make no profit on this. Please do not Tweet this to anyone involved, as Adam probably doesn’t need to see the serial killer AU of himself. Thanks.
Notes: This kind of freaks me out, so tread carefully. I also apologize if it winds up ruining “Nirvana” for you. Not my intention.
The wind was warm and blowing lightly through the windows of his car as he drove down the boulevard. Adam looked around for a while, until he saw a boy standing under a streetlight, looking down. He slowed down and the kid said “Yeah,” without looking at him.
“Would you like a ride?” Adam said, making it his choice. He wouldn’t demand anything, everyone had their free will. The kid looked at him then, and nodded his head one time. Adam let him climb in the car. He pulled away from the curb, nobody paying any attention to them.
Adam got a better look at his passenger as he stared out of the window. He really wasn’t a kid-he was getting older, and Adam could see the scabs on his arms. “What do you want?” His passenger said. “I don’t think you just wanted to take me on a drive. Come on, I’m already here, we might as well.” Adam noticed that he didn’t haggle out the arrangements before he got in the car. That was sloppy.
“We can just go to this park, and I’ll get a blowjob,” Adam said. “I’ll pay you whatever your going rate is and I won’t take you far. What’s your name?” Adam went in the direction of a park he hadn’t taken anyone to before. It looked peaceful.
“Just call me Jimmy,” he said, then scowled. “How far away is this park?” He was starting to look nervous and Adam could see another scab on his cheek. His hands shook, and Adam knew he was probably starting to feel sick. But it would be okay, he wouldn’t keep Jimmy long.
“It’s right here.” Adam pulled up and took his seatbelt off. Jimmy leaned over and then Adam put a hand on his shoulder. “We can talk first.” Jimmy looked at him like he was crazy, like he had no more time for anyone’s bullshit, and Adam smiled. He knew he could look trustworthy.
“I gotta get back soon. But we can talk, if you want.” Jimmy sat back up, and Adam saw the muscles in his shoulders relax a little. “What do you wanna talk about? And this adds on to your time.”
“I know,” Adam said. “Just…what do you like in your life? What are your favorite bands? Do you play anything?” Now Jimmy was really staring at him.
“Why do you wanna know? I came here to be a guitarist, yeah, you’re right. But I never made it, and I sold my guitar and had to start dating to live. I mean, it kinda sucks right now. I don’t know why you even asked that. That’s pretty fuckin’ rude.” Jimmy took his seatbelt off. “I think I better go. You don’t have to pay me, but you’re pissing me off.”
“No, no.” Adam put his hand on the cuff of the leather jacket right over his wrist. “No. I just wanted to know about you. And it’ll be okay, things will get better for you soon. I know they will.” The look on Jimmy’s face clearly said Jesus freak, but Adam only smiled. “Don’t worry about the future, it’ll take care of itself.” Adam handed him a Coke out of the cooler in the backseat. “Do you want one? You must be thirsty.” Jimmy was still staring at him, but he took one.
Adam took his Coke-from the other cooler-and opened it. Jimmy hadn’t noticed that the screw top had already been opened, and he took a huge swallow of it. And then he went still, the bottle falling out of his numb fingers and spilling Coke everywhere. Adam put his drink down and moved closer to Jimmy, whose breath was already shallow. “It’s all right,” he whispered. “It’s all right. See, everything’s going to be better. The Universe loves you, Jimmy.” Then he started singing softly, giving Jimmy something to listen to as he closed his eyes and soon stopped breathing. Adam took another sip of his Coke then he started the car, Jimmy’s body obscured by the tinted windows.
He dropped the body off in a dumpster a few miles away. He wished he had a rose or something to throw into the dumpster with him. But he smiled as he remembered Jimmy and the relief he had just given him.
The next few nights, Adam was working and didn’t go out. He read about Jimmy in the papers, and how the Silent Killer had struck again. The hook for the stories was the poison Adam used. It was hard to find and killed quickly and without any pain. He picked it for that reason, of course. He wasn’t sent here by the Universe to cause pain to people. He was only sent to help.
He met his friend Lillian after his cabaret show. Lillian was a seventy-some woman with false eyelashes and big curly hair dyed a blue-silver. She thought Adam was adorable and ordered them both a double Scotch. “You need to take me out and let me meet some of your friends,” she said. “I haven’t been to a dance club in a while.”
“I don’t go out much,” Adam said, and it was the truth. He never felt right in those big clubs. “Let’s go to your place and have another one.” Lillian laughed and they joked as they went up to her apartment. It was decorated as if the sixties had never ended, and there was a beautiful set of martini glasses on her bar. They both got dry Ketel One martinis and sat in front of her TV as she rambled about anything from last week to thirty years ago. Lillian lived in an ever changing world, where the past and present slipped around each other.
“It’s so nice for you to come and visit me,” she said, like always. “I’ve never been the same since my Edward died. He was a wonderful husband, even though I knew…how he was.” Adam nodded. He had heard the stories, how Edward would have preferred him over Lillian if they’d ever met. “But it didn’t matter. I loved him as much as I could. I think he felt the same way.” Right then, Lillian’s little dog came over and Adam petted her. “Oh Mitzie, don’t shed on our guest!”
Adam laughed a little then. “I know you miss him. But I’m sure he misses you too. From what you’ve told me, he did care about you. And you’ll see him again someday.” He thought about the bottle, the tiny vial, but Mitzie had gotten dog hairs on him. People had seen him leave with Lillian. It would be hard to keep up the work the Universe had given him from jail.
And anyway, Lillian still had hope. She still loved the world. She wasn’t ready.
When he left Lillian’s and called a cab, she was alive and toasting him with her glass.
“I’ve been in this business twenty years,” the woman said, gripping a pint of whiskey. “I’m a good actress. I’ve always been a good actress. I’ve worked my ass off. But the last speaking part I had was on goddamn ER. Nobody wants talent anymore. They just want tits.” Adam nodded, and watched her drink from the bottle again. She was pretty, but there were lines around her eyes and she was a little too not-skinny for L.A. casting agents. She was right, it was probably over for her.
“I understand. I’ve never gotten my break either and I’m thirty. That’s too old for the music business. I’m so sorry. Hey, want to pour some of that whiskey in this Coke?” He handed her a Burger King cup with half-melted ice.
“Yeah, thanks.” She poured some of her booze in and drank it.
After Adam had taken care of her body, he went home and took a shower. He was sure he’d done the right thing-her bitterness had been erased and she was peaceful at the end. Death was a friend when it was administered properly. But now he felt loneliness creep up on him. It hurt sometimes, doing what he did. He would meet these sensitive souls and just when he felt like he could know them it was time to let them go. He sighed as he rinsed his hair. He had to go out.
We went to a quiet gay bar, not a screaming club, and it was much like the one he sang in. Looking around, he saw unhappiness, people hiding their loneliness behind facades of bitchiness or detachment. He saw people under the influence of crystal, and he almost wished he had the vial with him. Nearly everyone here looked like they needed peace.
“Hello,” a voice said near his ear. The voice had a lovely accent, and when Adam turned to look at its owner, he saw a lovely, compact blond with piercing blue eyes. He smiled, and Adam looked at him, really looked. There was no anger in his face. He didn’t seem to be hiding anything. Then Adam smiled, and the man seemed to glow as if lit from inside. Adam almost stepped back, he was so overwhelmed.
“Hi,” he said. “What’s your name?” Adam had to try not to stare, but it was a lost cause. It was impossible not to look at the beautiful man in front of him.
“I’m Sauli,” he said, and Adam thanked the universe for the gift in front of him.
Adam felt nervous coming to Sauli’s apartment. He’d honestly had only a few lovers in his life. “So…” he started to say, but then Sauli kissed him and stole the words from his mouth. He let Sauli lead, let him take off his clothes, and when they were naked Adam tried to kiss as much of him as he could, worshipping his body. Sauli laughed at how serious Adam was being, and he blushed.
“It’s okay, Adam,” he said, and he kissed Adam again. They made love then, slowly, and Adam felt like it was a sacred act. When Sauli arched underneath him, Adam thrust in harder. He wanted it to last, this gift, but he couldn’t…”Fuck,” he said as he came.
After, he sat up, getting ready to leave. He was stopped by a hand on his arm. Sauli looked at him, nervousness all over his face as he said “Stay?” Adam paused, and then wrapped his body carefully around the sweet boy that had found him. When they woke up the next morning, Sauli kissed him with a sour mouth and Adam only wanted to keep him.
“I think we should go out,” Sauli said the third night Adam stayed over. “We can go to dinner? Is that okay?” Adam smiled at him and kissed his cheek.
“I’d love to go to dinner with you.”
Adam’s daily habits soon changed. Instead of finding strangers that needed his help, he had Sauli to pick him up after work, to watch him as he sang. They had nights out with pasta and wine, and cozy nights in with TV and beer. Everything he thought he knew about people was turned upside down by Sauli. He was self-possessed, strong, positive and a truly happy spirit. Adam couldn’t see anything wrong in him. The universe must be telling him something.
He hid the vial away in his apartment and decided his work was done.
Adam kissed Sauli again, making him smile. “The Universe brought you to me,” he said, and Sauli rolled his eyes.
“You always say that. What do you mean by it?” Adam paused, because he didn’t really know himself. Sauli looked up at him from where his head was resting on his shoulder. “Do you believe that things come to people?”
“Good things, yes,” Adam said. “I believe the Universe gives us good things and takes care of us when we die. I don’t know how else to explain it. I’m not a member of a church, but I think there’s a plan. Everybody has a plan for their life.” Adam didn’t say anything else, about how he felt he could redeem those who had fallen short of their plan and were unhappy. Sauli cared about him, but he wouldn’t understand.
“But what is my plan?” Sauli said, and Adam wanted to say to love me, but he couldn’t. Everyone had to have their plan revealed to them. So he kissed Sauli as an answer, and soon they were wrapped around each other, Sauli panting in his ear as Adam moved inside. Afterward he spooned Sauli and whispered “You’re a dream come true.” Sauli didn’t answer.
Adam didn’t see it coming. After months of being happy and at peace with the world, Sauli sat him down one night. “We need to talk,” he said, and Adam couldn’t do anything but stare. “Adam…I care for you. I do. But I don’t feel like I know you.”
“I’ve told you who I am,” Adam said, even though it wasn’t all true. He had to hide his destiny from the person he loved. “I tell you all the time how much I love you. Doesn’t that mean something?” Sauli paused, and Adam felt his heart drop.
“You think of me as perfect,” Sauli said. “What’s the words? On a pedestal?” Sauli frowned. “You don’t see me for who I am. You want me to love you, and I’ve tried. I’ve tried to love you and sometimes I do. But…you don’t help yourself. You hide from hard things. You sing so well, and you only do enough to get by. Adam, you need to take care of yourself. You don’t need to hide with me.” Sauli stood up. “I think we need to be apart. Not for all time, but for a while.”
And then, Sauli got up and headed for the door. “I still want to be your friend,” Sauli said, and Adam couldn’t even look at him. He sat there, tears streaming down his face as he heard the door shut.
Adam went out the next night with his vial, searching for someone who needed to let go. But nobody looked that bad to him. They didn’t look as miserable as he felt, they didn’t need the push. Even in the most defeated person, Adam could suddenly see hope and the last shreds of a purpose. The disgust he felt tore at him, how could he have done this? Maybe everyone he had killed didn’t need him to help. What had made him think he knew what was best for them?
When he got home, he sat on his couch, Scotch in hand. He couldn’t stop himself from thinking about Sauli, and how much he wanted him back. But Sauli didn’t want him anymore. He had said…he had said that Adam wasn’t living up to what he could do. Oh…
Suddenly Adam could see it. The past few years he’d spent looking for people to save-to kill-and he had just been singing at supper clubs and local theater. He had barely been getting by, and he ignored some jobs that would have gotten him more success. He had believed in his calling. Instead he was a washed up singer with a crappy apartment. He was the kind of person he had been trying to save.
He wrote a letter to Sauli, explaining himself with as much detail as he could. Maybe Sauli would come back and find it. Maybe the police would find it. Maybe nobody would.
Adam got up from the couch then. He took the vial from its hiding place and stared at it. It won’t hurt, he thought. And you’ll be fine. You’ll go back into the arms of the universe. You’ll get reborn. Maybe the next life will be better. Adam ignored his Scotch and got a Coke from the fridge. He put one drop in, stirred it, and took a swallow.
As he lay back on his couch, Coke on the floor and his eyes closing, he wished he wasn’t alone. He wished he could sing for himself as he left the world. But there was nobody to stay with him as he took his last breath.