We Dance To the Sound of Sirens, Chapter Thirty-Eight
Title: We Dance To the Sound of Sirens, Chapter Thirty-Eight
Fandom: Adam Lambert
Pairing: Adam/Tommy
Author: i_amthecosmos
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Violence, homophobic slurs, major cliffhanger.
Word Count: 5, 792
Summary: The past isn’t gone, and it revisits Tommy with a vengeance.
Disclaimer: This is not true at all. I make no profit from this, and please do not Tweet this to anyone portrayed. Thanks.
Notes: This is the beginning of the end, where it all starts to wrap up. I should have this done in a few more chapters. Thanks again to all my help-shinyredrain, Daniel, Zinnia, thrace_adams, call_me_loca and more.
When Tommy woke up, the light he’d left on made him squint. The clock read three am, and he thought about his dream. He had been tempted to drink, the glass near his mouth. Then it faded and Adam was on his bed, holding him. Considering the dreams he usually had, this one was pretty good.
He stood up, and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before getting his sweatpants and an old ratty Germs t-shirt on. He hadn’t eaten in a long time, and his stomach was protesting. As he stumbled to the kitchen, he saw the light was already on. “Hey,” he said, coming around the corner. “Morning.”
“Hi,” Paul said, sitting at the kitchen table with a book-Kurt Vonnegut. “Couldn’t sleep either?” He pushed leaned away from the table a little, and Tommy could see how tired he was. “How are you doing? I haven’t seen you much.” Yeah, that hit Tommy’s guilt spot. “You and Adam doing better, I take it? You guys were in your room a long time.”
Tommy felt his face heat and he scratched his neck. “I think so, it’s easier now. I don’t know what to say-we’re trying to learn how to talk to each other. It’s kinda hard, but I’m glad.” He got a cup from the cupboard and looked over at Paul. “Do you want some tea?” Paul shook his head and Tommy started making a cup using the hippie organic mint tea they got from the farmers market. “I never knew this stuff was good, I’m glad you have it,” he said, rummaging for the honey bottle.
“Thanks,” Paul said, rubbing over his face. “Why are you up? Is there any reason?” Tommy thought about it as he put cold water into the teapot. “I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t pry,” Paul said. “It’s just…I worry about you.”
Tommy sat down next to him, finger tracing over the table. “I think I just woke up,” he said. “I mean, I’ve had worse dreams, so that’s not it.” Paul’s hand immediately covered his, and Tommy smiled. “I’m all right, really. At least, I am now.” He looked up at Paul, who was looking at him with a worried expression. “I never know what’s going to happen from one day to the next, you know.”
“I know,” Paul said. “I wish I could help more. I worry about you. But you knew that.” Tommy wanted to ask why Paul seemed so down, but then the water started to boil and Tommy got up to steep the mint leaves inside the little tea ball they kept. Tommy had never seen one until he moved in here. “You’ve really seem to like living here,” Paul said, and Tommy turned around.
“You scared I’m going to leave?” Tommy said, trying to make a joke. Paul smiled, but it looked sad on his face. “Hey,” Tommy said, “I’m not going anywhere. I like it here and you guys like me.” He was sure that was true, surer than most things anyway. “I know I’m a lot of trouble-“
“Bullshit,” Paul said immediately. “If you were trouble we’d have said something. We got pissed off at you that one time, when you went to Devil’s Rock. Since then…” Paul stopped then. “I don’t know what’s wrong tonight,” he said. “I just had a bad dream.” Paul’s face showed that he didn’t want to talk about it, and Tommy nodded. He wouldn’t ask.
Later, when he was sipping his tea and enjoying the fuck out of it, he said “Adam got upset at me. I haven’t been back to the doctor, and I still have to get tested, since he asked me to.” Paul just nodded, looking weary.
“I know. Set an appointment for next week or I will. I’ve been meaning to bring that up too. I’m glad he beat me to it.” Paul put his book aside, laying it open at his place. “I just want to help. I don’t think I worry about you less than I do Lisa.” Tommy felt warm at that, and wondered about what Kris had said, about Paul’s house being his home but not wanting to call them his family. He tried to brush that thought aside.
“Eber talked to me today,” he said, changing the subject. “He’s been nice lately. It’s weird-sometimes I think he fuckin’ hates me. But today he was like, trying to bond or some shit.” Paul laughed, and then got up from the table. He poured himself a glass of milk, and sat back down. “I don’t know. Maybe he doesn’t mind me anymore.”
“Maybe he’s gotten used to you,” Paul said, and that made sense to Tommy. “I can understand why he worries you though.” Tommy finished his tea, drinking the rest of it in a gulp.
“Can’t help it, he’s my boyfriend’s father. I’m don’t exactly have a fucking precedent for this.” He looked up at Paul. “Sorry I haven’t talked to you much this past couple of weeks. I’ve just been, I don’t know.” He sagged in his chair. “I have so much to do.”
“I know,” Paul said, standing up. “Don’t worry so much. I’m going to go back to bed now. Get something to eat-you slept through dinner.” He patted Tommy’s shoulder, and he wanted to get up, get a hug. But he didn’t, instead staying where he was. He didn’t know why. He just watched Paul slowly head back to his bedroom and then heated some leftovers. Eat. You have to go to the Center tomorrow, he thought. It had only been a few days and Tommy missed everyone there.
Later, when he was back in bed, he thought about him and Adam and put a hand on his cock, just rubbing it. He fell asleep before he could really get started.
He woke late the next day and ignored the slight aches and chills he had. I’ll see my doctor tomorrow, he thought. It’s Sunday, I can’t go in today. He took a shower and got dressed. Maybe I’ll buy a new jacket, but Allen’s first. He said goodbye to everyone before he left, but he didn’t stop to eat.
“Holy shit!” he said when he entered Allen’s place. There she was, rummaging around some boxes and filthy bags, trying to get settled back in. “Did you just get back? I can’t believe it, you’re not dead or in prison in Peru. Holy shit.” He ran over and gave her a hug, burying his face in her dirty blond dreadlocks. “Hi, you disgusting hippie. I missed you.”
“Fucker,” she said, slapping the back of his head. “I missed you too, and I didn’t get sent to prison-I just got deported.” Tommy howled in laughter while she continued. “Yeah, I overstayed my visa a little and they didn’t like me anyway, ‘cause I was helping. Hey, I tried to get hold of you and nobody knew where you were! Where are you staying now? Hey, thanks for taking care of the babies, they look great.”
“Thanks, I’m staying at Lisa’s and her parents,” Tommy answered. “I’m done. I’m not hanging around with those fuckers anymore.” Suddenly Tommy’s breath caught. “Wait. You tried to get me on the phone? Who did you call?”
She scratched her dreads, her round sunburned face screwed up in puzzlement. “Um, I called Mutt, and a few other guys-I called Malissa, she really hates you now. Fuck man, I just called around. I called JennyBaby and she said something about Lisa but she was at work.”
“You called Mutt?” Tommy could almost feel his balls retract. “But he doesn’t know where I am, right? Oh. Shit. Allen, things have changed in six months. I think he’s looking to fuckin’ kick my ass. I wouldn’t be surprised if he is. But that’s okay, you didn’t tell him anything. Right?”
“No, I didn’t know anything, I was just lookin’ for you. What the fuck happened? I didn’t even know he was out until he answered the phone.” Tommy got another chill when she said that. “Look, I’ll find something to fix and you tell me, okay? I thought he was your best friend.”
“It’s a long fuckin’ story,” Tommy said, and as Allen made the tea, he told it all to her. They were on their second cup by the time he finished. “So yeah, I’m gay, Mutt’s fucking around with Nazis, I haven’t seen Brent in two months, and I stopped drinking. Oh, and I almost fuckin’ died.”
“And you’re dating? Like, dating.” She looked at him over her chipped teacup and he nodded, looking down. “Well fuck, that’s a lot brother. How you holding up? And I’m really sorry. I had no idea. But I’m kinda glad you’re not running with that group anymore, man. You were always better than them.”
“I don’t know, I wasn’t better when I was with them. I’m doing okay. I’m trying really hard.” Tommy took a sip of tea, the cup shaking in his hands. “It’s hard to tell people all of this. It sounds crazy. But…yeah. I’m with someone good and it’s kind of a fucking mess. But it’s less of one than what I was in before.” He sighed. “I feel like I’m talking all the time now. I don’t play any shows because I can’t stand to smell booze, and I don’t go to shows for the same reason. I can’t even go to The Points. I sold my jacket.”
“Well fuck man, who are you?” Allen said, and her grin showed her missing tooth. “You got rid of the jacket?” They both laughed and she got out a clove cigarette. “Look, I mean it. You are better than those fucks. You think I would’ve let any one of them take care of my pets?” She waved a hand in the direction of the spiders and Leatherface. “Some of those motherfuckers would have killed them for fun. Anyway, you deserve to be happy, so don’t worry so much. And you can tell me stuff. Okay, I gotta tell you about South America now, ready?”
“Fuck yeah,” he said, and Allen began describing everything she had seen and done in six months, the story taking over two hours as they smoked and drank cup after cup of tea. “So you really were just giving away blankets and stuff? You weren’t down there teaching sixteen year old girls how to fight with knives?” Allen laughed and lit another cigarette with her Zippo.
“Nah man, I didn’t do anything that radical. I just gave out medicine and helped dig wells. I tried to keep away from the areas where they were fighting. I didn’t want that kinda trouble.” Tommy thought for a second that Allen might’ve ran into his mom out there, but she wasn’t in Peru, she was in Guatemala. She wouldn’t have known his mom anyway. He’d left out that part of his story. Allen got up. “Come on, let’s get something to eat, and do you want to go to that gay center? I’ll go with you, I ain’t never been.” They walked out of her place and she stared. “Hey, nice car.”
“Thanks, let’s go,” Tommy said, glad that she didn’t ask him how he got a car when he was sleeping over at her place. She was nice like that. Tommy fumbled around until he found the Cramps and jammed the cassette in, Allen’s gleeful whoop sounding out the open window as they drove off.
When they got to Morgan, Allen insisted they walk up to a restaurant on the edge of The Points so they could eat. It was cheap ass Mexican, and Tommy thought it was sweet that Allen would take him somewhere he liked, full of gooey cheese and cheap beef. She made do with some refried beans and one chicken taco. “I think this stuff doesn’t have too many additives,” she said, watching as Tommy wolfed down some nachos. “I’m not so sure about yours.”
“Suck it,” Tommy said, grinning at her with a face smeared with hot sauce and they both laughed. Later, Allen looked in the direction of the Points, then at Tommy. He shook his head. “I don’t know what’s there for me there anymore. It’s not what it used to be.” She sighed and put her arm around him, her face obscured by her dreads except for the downturn of her mouth.
“I know how it is. I don’t feel at home here anymore. I mean in America. And I was only gone for a while. Well, let’s go check out your new favorite place.” Tommy was a little fuckin’ disturbed by that-did she mean that one day he’d feel about the Center the way he felt about The Points? He forgot about it when they went in and Jack came around the counter to hug him hello.
It was a good afternoon. Tommy went to an AA meeting, and Allen waited just outside, reading a magazine. When he was done, he saw Cassidy. “Hey,” he said, and Cassidy smiled at him. “Meet my friend. This is Allen, I’ve been staying at her place sometimes.”
“Tommy stays at a lot of places,” Cassidy said with a wink, and Tommy cracked up, his hand covering part of his face. “Sorry, didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”
“The hell you didn’t,” Tommy said. Cassidy could tease him and give him shit, and he loved that. He needed it. “Hey, we might go to the bookstore or something. Do you want us to steal you some cookies?” Cassidy shook his head. “Okay. And um, we need to…” he leaned closer. “We need to make that appointment soon. But I should see the doctor again.”
“Okay,” Cassidy said, and he hugged him briefly. “Go have a good day, and don’t worry. We’ll do that soon.” When he left, Allen put an arm around him, and he figured she must have heard some of it. The only thing she said was “That guy’s cute. You sure he’s not your boyfriend?” Tommy stammered and she said “Just kidding man,” she said. “Damn, you look cute all red like that.” Tommy pouted until they hit the bookstore, then forgot about it.
“Okay sweetie,” Allen said after an hour at the bookstore. “Thanks for taking me here, and it’s awesome to see you again, but I’ve gotta take off. I’m gonna walk over to some friend’s houses and let ‘em know I’m back in town.” She hugged him again. “You keep taking care of yourself, and I’ll see you. Come and visit the babies anytime.”
“Okay Allen,” Tommy said, hugging her back. “And thanks, you were right.” He continued as Allen looked puzzled. “You said I needed a place of my own. I got that at yours. I’ll miss it.” Tommy thought about all the time he’d been over there, alone or with Adam, and how it could be a sanctuary at the best of times.
Allen laughed and waved at the counter woman before heading out the door. “I bet you will. Bye!” Tommy waved as she disappeared into the twilight.
Tommy hung out for a few more minutes and would have stayed later, but the bookstore closed early on Sunday afternoon so the collective that ran it could have a business meeting. Tommy walked out and headed towards his car. It was time for him to go home, call Adam. He hadn’t talked to him all day. He had his head down and didn’t see it coming until he felt the shove. “Hey there, Tommy Joe.” Tommy hit the pavement, sprawling on his hands and elbows, and he heard laughter over his head. Fuck. Oh fuck no.
Tommy moved fast, turning over and getting to his feet, but Mutt was already right in front of him and punched him right in the jaw. The pain was enough to knock him off balance, and Tommy’s arms were grabbed as he stumbled, holding him so he could barely move. He wondered who was holding him still. Mutt glanced over where Tommy’s car was parked. “Been lookin’ for that,” he said. “Thanks. You really looked out for Brent while I was gone, cocksucker.” That got a nasty laugh out of a boy behind him, and Tommy realized with a sick feeling that it was Colin. The little fucker must have been working out-he was wiry and strong now. “You just left him, huh?”
“Wasn’t like that,” Tommy said, keeping his eyes on Mutt even as he tried to think of a way out. The bars were across the street but he didn’t see their security. He couldn’t see Jack from here and the bookstore had pulled down its curtains. He was alone, three against one, and he still didn’t want to hit Mutt despite anything. “Why’d you go Nazi? Was it easier to get stupid people to do whatever you told them too?” Colin twisted his arm for that, but Mutt just raised an eyebrow. Tommy knew that was exactly why then-Mutt didn’t actually give a shit enough to be really racist. It was just about power like always. “What happened to Brent, John?” He heard Colin or the other guy gasp at Mutt’s real name.
That earned him a swift punch to the stomach, and he sagged, the two fuckers holding him up. He remembered then how Mutt had easily put two guys in the hospital, and he knew how much shit he was in. Mutt was yelling at him, voice echoing off the buildings. “You got no right to ask how he is! He’s gone! He had to go to his real dad’s house because he’s sick! And you called him one time a fucking month ago! I got back from juvie and my brother had to leave the next day! And everybody saying he’s got AIDS and you didn’t do a thing!”
“It’s not my fault he’s sick,” Tommy whispered, his body shaking. He had sweat dripping from his forehead, and he was just waiting for the next blow. He hoped that Mutt’s big mouth would send someone to come help him. “Mutt…I couldn’t go back. I quit using. I couldn’t go there, do you get it?” He breathed in deep, trying to keep it together.
“Pussy,” said the kid he didn’t know holding his right arm, and Tommy didn’t think about it, just stomped hard, hearing a bone in the kid’s foot snap as he screamed and let go. Colin loosened his grip in shock, and Tommy drove an elbow straight into his stomach and ran between the two of them, away from Mutt. He was dimly aware of himself yelling, he thought it might’ve been Cassidy’s name.
He didn’t make it further than the end of the block until Mutt caught him, tackling him to the ground. Mutt was a big guy, and always ruled every pit he was in. Tommy was on the ground again, wind knocked out, and Matt crouched over him before hitting him again, one crack to the side of the head. His vision shorted out in a flash of white, and he whispered. “Why are you doing this? Why are you…”
“You broke my brother’s goddamn heart,” Mutt said, and he saw him rear back for another punch when shouting and other noises crowded around him as he slowly grayed out.
Noises. The noises had changed now. The shouting was gone and instead Tommy could hear hushed footsteps, some beeping sounds, and it smelled like disinfectant. He opened his eyes-another hospital room. They all looked the same. He opened his mouth to talk, but all that came out was a little wheeze. It was enough though-“He’s awake,” an authoritative female voice said, and Tommy wondered who was here with him.
“Tommy,” he heard, and he saw his Oma lean over the bed. He tried to smile for her, and she said “Oh my boy,” and started crying, grabbing his hand. There was a nurse and a cop with her-oh shit. “Tommy, the police want a statement. They say you were beaten by a boy-“
“On Morgan,” the cop said, and Tommy felt a chill. “And it was one of your little punk friends, is that true?” Tommy caught the second that his grandmother realized that this fucker didn’t give a shit what happened to him-her kind expression shut down into steel. “Now, witnesses said he chased you down and caused the concussion you have now. Tell us what happened on your end, Tommy Ratliff.”
Tommy tried to talk, and a rasp came out this time. His Oma got him a cup and he took a sip of water. “I came out of the Different Lives bookstore...” he started, and slowly, with more sips of water, told the police what happened. “It was more of a personal grudge, officer. I don’t think it was because of…where I was.”
“We’ll take that into account,” the guy said as he finished writing it down. “He was a friend of yours, but he’s not now? And you were attacked three on one, correct?” Tommy nodded. “We’ve taken Mr. Anthony back to juvenile lockup, and the two other boys as well. There’s no evidence that you acted in anything but self-defense. That’s what all the witnesses say.” The guy looked at Tommy again. “But we’ve heard a lot of stories about you, Mr. Ratliff.” The guy put a sneer on his last name that made Tommy’s stomach turn.
“I know,” he said. “I know you have. But they were looking for me, not the other way around.” He leaned against the pillows. “So I got a concussion?” He hoped the guy would just leave now. A doctor came into the room then, and Tommy noticed the IV bag then. “What’s the bag for?”
“Well Tommy,” the doctor said, his hands clasped in front of him, “It seems you picked a very good time to get a mild concussion. When you got into the hospital, we found that the staph infection your doctor says you’ve been trying to fight off was coming back. Have you felt tired lately? Any fevers?” Tommy nodded and felt like an idiot in front of his Oma. “Well, we saw that the oral antibiotics hadn’t helped, so you’re going to be on IV antibiotics while your head gets better. That part isn’t very serious.”
“Oh,” Tommy said. “So, like a couple of days, right?” The doctor shook his head, and Tommy frowned. “Three days? It can’t be that long…”
“I’m sorry, but you could be in here as long as a week or ten days. We have to kill this infection before it comes back again. You could have a lot of problems from this.” This got the attention of the officer, who snapped his head up at the mention of ‘infection’. Great, Tommy thought. Now he thinks I’ve got AIDS. His Oma saw it too, and held Tommy’s hand, squeezing it. The doctor looked at his chart. “I wouldn’t have let you stay at home the second time you had the direct cellulitis in your hand,” he said. “That was a mistake on your physician’s part, and it could have killed you. You’re a very tough young man. I have to go now, the nurse will be back to check you soon.” Then he left, and the police officer did as well, giving Tommy a long look first.
“Shit,” Tommy said. “Ten days-wait, how am I-I have to go to school. If I miss much more it’s an automatic failing out. Can you talk to them?” Tommy looked at the sunlight streaming out of the window and making his head hurt. “Oh god, how long have I been out? I thought things were getting better…” He closed his eyes, trying to calm down.
“I called the school already-it’s Monday. It might be…they are worried, because you were expelled for fighting at your last two schools. They aren’t sure if this is different. But if they are happy, you can get a tutor and pass for the year. The guidance counselor said your grades and behavior had been better, and that might help you.”
Well thank fuck she believes in me at least, Tommy thought.“Shit,” he said. “I don’t know if it’ll be enough.” His head throbbed. “I need to rest-wait.” He grabbed his Oma’s hand. “Adam?”
“I was wondering when you would ask,” she said. “He’s fine, just upset. His parents sent him to school, so he’s with his friends. They were here in the waiting room last night when you were brought in. They weren’t allowed in to see you because it was late. You were awake for a while after they brought you in, do you remember?” Tommy shook his head. “You were asking for me, and I was right next to you.” She wiped her eyes, and then said “Too bad they couldn’t come in, they are nice kids.”
“You should cook dinner for them,” Tommy whispered. The mention of food made him feel slightly nauseous. But more than anything, he just wanted to sleep. “Sorry I won’t be there for Thanksgiving.” As he started to drift off his Oma patted his hand.
“I’ll bring it to you.”
When Tommy woke again, it was dark and a nurse was trying to take his blood pressure. He held up his arm and let her do it. “Hi,” he whispered, but she looked at him like he was a bug and left. They must have found out I was at Morgan, he thought. I guess that nurse doesn’t like fags. He tried not to take it personally, but it ached inside to be treated like that. He wished he was still drunk and didn’t care what people thought. The only pain medication he was getting was Tylenol and that was fine with him. He didn’t want to use again.
He was alone in the room, and that didn’t help his mood. Is it past visiting hours, or did nobody come? Tommy just wanted to leave-he didn’t have any books, nobody to talk to. He turned on the TV and had to turn it off immediately, it was too bright.
He might have cried before he slept again, but he didn’t want to think about that.
“Hey,” he heard, and his eyes flew open. “Paul?” He said, and when he carefully turned his head to look (sending fireworks off in it), he was there, leaning forward with a hand on his shoulder. Tommy was happy as hell to see him, but the first thing out of his mouth was “What took you so long? Why didn’t you come before?”
Paul looked shocked, and then guilty. “I’m sorry TJ,” said, using the old affectionate nickname that had seemed to fade off once he moved in. “I saw you when you were out of it, but they don’t let me in that much. I’m not a relative. I explained that you lived in our house, but I’m not officially your guardian. That’s your Oma, but she couldn’t stay last night because of regulations or something. I don’t understand it.”
“They don’t like me, at least some of the nurses don’t,” Tommy said. “I think some of them are scared of me.” Just then a nurse came in, and shook her head as if to say ‘not all of us’. She changed his bag and took his bedpan away. She left him a puke bucket too, and Tommy thanked her. He wished he could smile without hurting his head.
“I’m so sorry about that, Tommy. I forget not everyone sees you the way we do. I’m glad it isn’t everyone.” He looked past Tommy, to the window. “I made Lisa go to school-she’s performing at the dance tomorrow, right before they let out for Thanksgiving. I’m sorry you won’t see her. She’s coming by tonight.”
“I’m sorry I won’t see her either, I never see her play enough. And I wanted to see if Michael could sing.” Tommy chuckled a little-it was funny to him, thinking about Michael at a time like this. “It’s so boring here. Could you bring me books when my concussion goes away? I’d like that a lot. There’s nothing to watch on TV. I’m gonna be here a long time. Oh, and my notebook too.”
“Of course,” Paul said. “Brigetta is coming back after a little while. I have to leave in about ten minutes. Do you need to rest? I know your head hurts.” Paul shifted in his seat, and then to Tommy’s absolute fucking dismay, started to cry. “I feel like I should’ve known because I dreamed something was going to happen to you. And I know it doesn’t work like that, but I still feel that way.”
“Hey,” Tommy said, struggling to sit up and slumping back down. “There’s no fucking thing as déjà vu, okay? So don’t worry about that. It’s not your fault. You’ve been better to me than almost anyone, and….” Tommy took a deep breath. “If I believed in father figures, you would be one.” Paul looked up at him, and Tommy grinned. “Sorry, that’s as close as I can get.”
“It’s close enough,” Paul said. “Thank you. Now sleep a little, you might have more visitors later.” He touched Tommy’s arm before he left, and Tommy stared at the ceiling. He got his Jell-O lunch and apple juice and only gagged twice. After that he fell half-asleep, just enough to dream. He saw Mutt punching him in the head, and then the sounds of the struggle right before he passed out. He thought he could hear Cassidy’s voice, and he vaguely wondered if Cass had been yelling in real life. When he blinked fully awake, he still wasn’t sure.
Around five, he got some more visitors. His Oma was sitting with him when Adam, Anoop, and Kris all came in. “They wouldn’t let more than three of us in at a time,” Kris said, sounding like he was actually apologetic. Tommy couldn’t give a shit-he was happy to see any of them, especially Adam. He walked right over and grabbed Tommy’s hand, then looked at the door. Anoop closed it.
“Oh,” Adam said. “Tommy, your hair. There’s dried blood in it. You’ve got a bruise on your jaw.” Tommy felt immediately bad for upsetting Adam, but to him the bruises on his stomach and jaw were no big deal. Somehow Mutt hadn’t broken his jaw or even loosened a tooth. “Does it hurt?” Adam squeezed his hand harder.
“Yeah, I have to be careful moving my head,” he said. “But mostly I’m here for the infection. You were right, Adam. You were so fucking right.” Anoop and Kris laughed when his Oma tutted at him for the language, and even Adam chuckled a little. “I’m gonna be in a week,” he said. “I hope they let me stay in school.”
“You’ve been sick,” Anoop said, all reason as he usually was. “I don’t see how they can’t.” Kris nodded and gave him a little box. “Oh, and Kris has more fudge from his mom. And I have sweets from my mom. And I think Adam has something for you too.” Kris started giggling then, and Anoop rolled his eyes. “I meant a present, you idiot. God, you act like you’re twelve sometimes.” Kris blushed and Adam fumbled for a little box.
“I got you this,” he said and opened it. It was a silver necklace, just a small chain with a little Libra pendant on it. Tommy decided not to mention that he thought astrology was bullshit, he knew Adam liked it. Anyway, it was beautiful.“I just thought it looked like you,” he said, and Tommy smiled. Then he had to flip Anoop and Kris the bird as they made gagging noises behind Adam’s back.
“Thank you,” Tommy said, and Adam put the necklace on, his fingers grazing over his neck. “This is great, thanks.” He thought about how awesome it was that Adam had gotten him a gift, and he felt a surge of love and the desperate wish to get the fuck out of here, to take Adam home and lay with him on the bed. He had to stop thinking that way before he embarrassed himself in front of everybody. But it didn’t make it any less true. “Nobody ever got me a gift before, nobody I dated anyway.”
Adam blushed, and Tommy was looking at him so hard that he didn’t know that everyone else had left until he heard the door close. “I’m glad you like it,” Adam said. “I just wanted you to have it, it doesn’t mean anything if you don’t want it to.” Tommy rolled his eyes, because of course it meant something, and then flinched. Moving really fucking hurt sometimes.
“I’m sorry,” a nurse’s voice said. “But your friend has to leave right now. Someone else needs to see you, and he requested privacy.” Just then, he heard his Oma yelling at someone in German, and he stared at Adam, horrified.
“Don’t leave,” he said, grabbing Adam’s arm. He heard his Oma say “bastard” in German, and she only referred to one person that way.
“Tommy what-“
“Just don’t leave, oh fuck. No.” A figure in a suit came behind the nurse then, and stood near the door. He had a suit on and his hair cut short. He wore glasses now, a calm part of Tommy’s brain noted. He stared at Adam and Tommy, and looked at them, uptight and formal, but with a little bit of strain around the eyes.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Tommy said, and Adam stared at him.
“I can legally see you whenever I want,” Thomas the Second said. Tommy always thought of him that way, when he could stand to think of him at all.
“Tommy,” Adam said, and he honestly looked sick. Tommy knew that he had guessed, but was going to ask anyway. “Who’s that?”
“That’s my dad,” Tommy said, he said with no emotion at all.
Fandom: Adam Lambert
Pairing: Adam/Tommy
Author: i_amthecosmos
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Violence, homophobic slurs, major cliffhanger.
Word Count: 5, 792
Summary: The past isn’t gone, and it revisits Tommy with a vengeance.
Disclaimer: This is not true at all. I make no profit from this, and please do not Tweet this to anyone portrayed. Thanks.
Notes: This is the beginning of the end, where it all starts to wrap up. I should have this done in a few more chapters. Thanks again to all my help-shinyredrain, Daniel, Zinnia, thrace_adams, call_me_loca and more.
When Tommy woke up, the light he’d left on made him squint. The clock read three am, and he thought about his dream. He had been tempted to drink, the glass near his mouth. Then it faded and Adam was on his bed, holding him. Considering the dreams he usually had, this one was pretty good.
He stood up, and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before getting his sweatpants and an old ratty Germs t-shirt on. He hadn’t eaten in a long time, and his stomach was protesting. As he stumbled to the kitchen, he saw the light was already on. “Hey,” he said, coming around the corner. “Morning.”
“Hi,” Paul said, sitting at the kitchen table with a book-Kurt Vonnegut. “Couldn’t sleep either?” He pushed leaned away from the table a little, and Tommy could see how tired he was. “How are you doing? I haven’t seen you much.” Yeah, that hit Tommy’s guilt spot. “You and Adam doing better, I take it? You guys were in your room a long time.”
Tommy felt his face heat and he scratched his neck. “I think so, it’s easier now. I don’t know what to say-we’re trying to learn how to talk to each other. It’s kinda hard, but I’m glad.” He got a cup from the cupboard and looked over at Paul. “Do you want some tea?” Paul shook his head and Tommy started making a cup using the hippie organic mint tea they got from the farmers market. “I never knew this stuff was good, I’m glad you have it,” he said, rummaging for the honey bottle.
“Thanks,” Paul said, rubbing over his face. “Why are you up? Is there any reason?” Tommy thought about it as he put cold water into the teapot. “I’m sorry, maybe I shouldn’t pry,” Paul said. “It’s just…I worry about you.”
Tommy sat down next to him, finger tracing over the table. “I think I just woke up,” he said. “I mean, I’ve had worse dreams, so that’s not it.” Paul’s hand immediately covered his, and Tommy smiled. “I’m all right, really. At least, I am now.” He looked up at Paul, who was looking at him with a worried expression. “I never know what’s going to happen from one day to the next, you know.”
“I know,” Paul said. “I wish I could help more. I worry about you. But you knew that.” Tommy wanted to ask why Paul seemed so down, but then the water started to boil and Tommy got up to steep the mint leaves inside the little tea ball they kept. Tommy had never seen one until he moved in here. “You’ve really seem to like living here,” Paul said, and Tommy turned around.
“You scared I’m going to leave?” Tommy said, trying to make a joke. Paul smiled, but it looked sad on his face. “Hey,” Tommy said, “I’m not going anywhere. I like it here and you guys like me.” He was sure that was true, surer than most things anyway. “I know I’m a lot of trouble-“
“Bullshit,” Paul said immediately. “If you were trouble we’d have said something. We got pissed off at you that one time, when you went to Devil’s Rock. Since then…” Paul stopped then. “I don’t know what’s wrong tonight,” he said. “I just had a bad dream.” Paul’s face showed that he didn’t want to talk about it, and Tommy nodded. He wouldn’t ask.
Later, when he was sipping his tea and enjoying the fuck out of it, he said “Adam got upset at me. I haven’t been back to the doctor, and I still have to get tested, since he asked me to.” Paul just nodded, looking weary.
“I know. Set an appointment for next week or I will. I’ve been meaning to bring that up too. I’m glad he beat me to it.” Paul put his book aside, laying it open at his place. “I just want to help. I don’t think I worry about you less than I do Lisa.” Tommy felt warm at that, and wondered about what Kris had said, about Paul’s house being his home but not wanting to call them his family. He tried to brush that thought aside.
“Eber talked to me today,” he said, changing the subject. “He’s been nice lately. It’s weird-sometimes I think he fuckin’ hates me. But today he was like, trying to bond or some shit.” Paul laughed, and then got up from the table. He poured himself a glass of milk, and sat back down. “I don’t know. Maybe he doesn’t mind me anymore.”
“Maybe he’s gotten used to you,” Paul said, and that made sense to Tommy. “I can understand why he worries you though.” Tommy finished his tea, drinking the rest of it in a gulp.
“Can’t help it, he’s my boyfriend’s father. I’m don’t exactly have a fucking precedent for this.” He looked up at Paul. “Sorry I haven’t talked to you much this past couple of weeks. I’ve just been, I don’t know.” He sagged in his chair. “I have so much to do.”
“I know,” Paul said, standing up. “Don’t worry so much. I’m going to go back to bed now. Get something to eat-you slept through dinner.” He patted Tommy’s shoulder, and he wanted to get up, get a hug. But he didn’t, instead staying where he was. He didn’t know why. He just watched Paul slowly head back to his bedroom and then heated some leftovers. Eat. You have to go to the Center tomorrow, he thought. It had only been a few days and Tommy missed everyone there.
Later, when he was back in bed, he thought about him and Adam and put a hand on his cock, just rubbing it. He fell asleep before he could really get started.
He woke late the next day and ignored the slight aches and chills he had. I’ll see my doctor tomorrow, he thought. It’s Sunday, I can’t go in today. He took a shower and got dressed. Maybe I’ll buy a new jacket, but Allen’s first. He said goodbye to everyone before he left, but he didn’t stop to eat.
“Holy shit!” he said when he entered Allen’s place. There she was, rummaging around some boxes and filthy bags, trying to get settled back in. “Did you just get back? I can’t believe it, you’re not dead or in prison in Peru. Holy shit.” He ran over and gave her a hug, burying his face in her dirty blond dreadlocks. “Hi, you disgusting hippie. I missed you.”
“Fucker,” she said, slapping the back of his head. “I missed you too, and I didn’t get sent to prison-I just got deported.” Tommy howled in laughter while she continued. “Yeah, I overstayed my visa a little and they didn’t like me anyway, ‘cause I was helping. Hey, I tried to get hold of you and nobody knew where you were! Where are you staying now? Hey, thanks for taking care of the babies, they look great.”
“Thanks, I’m staying at Lisa’s and her parents,” Tommy answered. “I’m done. I’m not hanging around with those fuckers anymore.” Suddenly Tommy’s breath caught. “Wait. You tried to get me on the phone? Who did you call?”
She scratched her dreads, her round sunburned face screwed up in puzzlement. “Um, I called Mutt, and a few other guys-I called Malissa, she really hates you now. Fuck man, I just called around. I called JennyBaby and she said something about Lisa but she was at work.”
“You called Mutt?” Tommy could almost feel his balls retract. “But he doesn’t know where I am, right? Oh. Shit. Allen, things have changed in six months. I think he’s looking to fuckin’ kick my ass. I wouldn’t be surprised if he is. But that’s okay, you didn’t tell him anything. Right?”
“No, I didn’t know anything, I was just lookin’ for you. What the fuck happened? I didn’t even know he was out until he answered the phone.” Tommy got another chill when she said that. “Look, I’ll find something to fix and you tell me, okay? I thought he was your best friend.”
“It’s a long fuckin’ story,” Tommy said, and as Allen made the tea, he told it all to her. They were on their second cup by the time he finished. “So yeah, I’m gay, Mutt’s fucking around with Nazis, I haven’t seen Brent in two months, and I stopped drinking. Oh, and I almost fuckin’ died.”
“And you’re dating? Like, dating.” She looked at him over her chipped teacup and he nodded, looking down. “Well fuck, that’s a lot brother. How you holding up? And I’m really sorry. I had no idea. But I’m kinda glad you’re not running with that group anymore, man. You were always better than them.”
“I don’t know, I wasn’t better when I was with them. I’m doing okay. I’m trying really hard.” Tommy took a sip of tea, the cup shaking in his hands. “It’s hard to tell people all of this. It sounds crazy. But…yeah. I’m with someone good and it’s kind of a fucking mess. But it’s less of one than what I was in before.” He sighed. “I feel like I’m talking all the time now. I don’t play any shows because I can’t stand to smell booze, and I don’t go to shows for the same reason. I can’t even go to The Points. I sold my jacket.”
“Well fuck man, who are you?” Allen said, and her grin showed her missing tooth. “You got rid of the jacket?” They both laughed and she got out a clove cigarette. “Look, I mean it. You are better than those fucks. You think I would’ve let any one of them take care of my pets?” She waved a hand in the direction of the spiders and Leatherface. “Some of those motherfuckers would have killed them for fun. Anyway, you deserve to be happy, so don’t worry so much. And you can tell me stuff. Okay, I gotta tell you about South America now, ready?”
“Fuck yeah,” he said, and Allen began describing everything she had seen and done in six months, the story taking over two hours as they smoked and drank cup after cup of tea. “So you really were just giving away blankets and stuff? You weren’t down there teaching sixteen year old girls how to fight with knives?” Allen laughed and lit another cigarette with her Zippo.
“Nah man, I didn’t do anything that radical. I just gave out medicine and helped dig wells. I tried to keep away from the areas where they were fighting. I didn’t want that kinda trouble.” Tommy thought for a second that Allen might’ve ran into his mom out there, but she wasn’t in Peru, she was in Guatemala. She wouldn’t have known his mom anyway. He’d left out that part of his story. Allen got up. “Come on, let’s get something to eat, and do you want to go to that gay center? I’ll go with you, I ain’t never been.” They walked out of her place and she stared. “Hey, nice car.”
“Thanks, let’s go,” Tommy said, glad that she didn’t ask him how he got a car when he was sleeping over at her place. She was nice like that. Tommy fumbled around until he found the Cramps and jammed the cassette in, Allen’s gleeful whoop sounding out the open window as they drove off.
When they got to Morgan, Allen insisted they walk up to a restaurant on the edge of The Points so they could eat. It was cheap ass Mexican, and Tommy thought it was sweet that Allen would take him somewhere he liked, full of gooey cheese and cheap beef. She made do with some refried beans and one chicken taco. “I think this stuff doesn’t have too many additives,” she said, watching as Tommy wolfed down some nachos. “I’m not so sure about yours.”
“Suck it,” Tommy said, grinning at her with a face smeared with hot sauce and they both laughed. Later, Allen looked in the direction of the Points, then at Tommy. He shook his head. “I don’t know what’s there for me there anymore. It’s not what it used to be.” She sighed and put her arm around him, her face obscured by her dreads except for the downturn of her mouth.
“I know how it is. I don’t feel at home here anymore. I mean in America. And I was only gone for a while. Well, let’s go check out your new favorite place.” Tommy was a little fuckin’ disturbed by that-did she mean that one day he’d feel about the Center the way he felt about The Points? He forgot about it when they went in and Jack came around the counter to hug him hello.
It was a good afternoon. Tommy went to an AA meeting, and Allen waited just outside, reading a magazine. When he was done, he saw Cassidy. “Hey,” he said, and Cassidy smiled at him. “Meet my friend. This is Allen, I’ve been staying at her place sometimes.”
“Tommy stays at a lot of places,” Cassidy said with a wink, and Tommy cracked up, his hand covering part of his face. “Sorry, didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”
“The hell you didn’t,” Tommy said. Cassidy could tease him and give him shit, and he loved that. He needed it. “Hey, we might go to the bookstore or something. Do you want us to steal you some cookies?” Cassidy shook his head. “Okay. And um, we need to…” he leaned closer. “We need to make that appointment soon. But I should see the doctor again.”
“Okay,” Cassidy said, and he hugged him briefly. “Go have a good day, and don’t worry. We’ll do that soon.” When he left, Allen put an arm around him, and he figured she must have heard some of it. The only thing she said was “That guy’s cute. You sure he’s not your boyfriend?” Tommy stammered and she said “Just kidding man,” she said. “Damn, you look cute all red like that.” Tommy pouted until they hit the bookstore, then forgot about it.
“Okay sweetie,” Allen said after an hour at the bookstore. “Thanks for taking me here, and it’s awesome to see you again, but I’ve gotta take off. I’m gonna walk over to some friend’s houses and let ‘em know I’m back in town.” She hugged him again. “You keep taking care of yourself, and I’ll see you. Come and visit the babies anytime.”
“Okay Allen,” Tommy said, hugging her back. “And thanks, you were right.” He continued as Allen looked puzzled. “You said I needed a place of my own. I got that at yours. I’ll miss it.” Tommy thought about all the time he’d been over there, alone or with Adam, and how it could be a sanctuary at the best of times.
Allen laughed and waved at the counter woman before heading out the door. “I bet you will. Bye!” Tommy waved as she disappeared into the twilight.
Tommy hung out for a few more minutes and would have stayed later, but the bookstore closed early on Sunday afternoon so the collective that ran it could have a business meeting. Tommy walked out and headed towards his car. It was time for him to go home, call Adam. He hadn’t talked to him all day. He had his head down and didn’t see it coming until he felt the shove. “Hey there, Tommy Joe.” Tommy hit the pavement, sprawling on his hands and elbows, and he heard laughter over his head. Fuck. Oh fuck no.
Tommy moved fast, turning over and getting to his feet, but Mutt was already right in front of him and punched him right in the jaw. The pain was enough to knock him off balance, and Tommy’s arms were grabbed as he stumbled, holding him so he could barely move. He wondered who was holding him still. Mutt glanced over where Tommy’s car was parked. “Been lookin’ for that,” he said. “Thanks. You really looked out for Brent while I was gone, cocksucker.” That got a nasty laugh out of a boy behind him, and Tommy realized with a sick feeling that it was Colin. The little fucker must have been working out-he was wiry and strong now. “You just left him, huh?”
“Wasn’t like that,” Tommy said, keeping his eyes on Mutt even as he tried to think of a way out. The bars were across the street but he didn’t see their security. He couldn’t see Jack from here and the bookstore had pulled down its curtains. He was alone, three against one, and he still didn’t want to hit Mutt despite anything. “Why’d you go Nazi? Was it easier to get stupid people to do whatever you told them too?” Colin twisted his arm for that, but Mutt just raised an eyebrow. Tommy knew that was exactly why then-Mutt didn’t actually give a shit enough to be really racist. It was just about power like always. “What happened to Brent, John?” He heard Colin or the other guy gasp at Mutt’s real name.
That earned him a swift punch to the stomach, and he sagged, the two fuckers holding him up. He remembered then how Mutt had easily put two guys in the hospital, and he knew how much shit he was in. Mutt was yelling at him, voice echoing off the buildings. “You got no right to ask how he is! He’s gone! He had to go to his real dad’s house because he’s sick! And you called him one time a fucking month ago! I got back from juvie and my brother had to leave the next day! And everybody saying he’s got AIDS and you didn’t do a thing!”
“It’s not my fault he’s sick,” Tommy whispered, his body shaking. He had sweat dripping from his forehead, and he was just waiting for the next blow. He hoped that Mutt’s big mouth would send someone to come help him. “Mutt…I couldn’t go back. I quit using. I couldn’t go there, do you get it?” He breathed in deep, trying to keep it together.
“Pussy,” said the kid he didn’t know holding his right arm, and Tommy didn’t think about it, just stomped hard, hearing a bone in the kid’s foot snap as he screamed and let go. Colin loosened his grip in shock, and Tommy drove an elbow straight into his stomach and ran between the two of them, away from Mutt. He was dimly aware of himself yelling, he thought it might’ve been Cassidy’s name.
He didn’t make it further than the end of the block until Mutt caught him, tackling him to the ground. Mutt was a big guy, and always ruled every pit he was in. Tommy was on the ground again, wind knocked out, and Matt crouched over him before hitting him again, one crack to the side of the head. His vision shorted out in a flash of white, and he whispered. “Why are you doing this? Why are you…”
“You broke my brother’s goddamn heart,” Mutt said, and he saw him rear back for another punch when shouting and other noises crowded around him as he slowly grayed out.
Noises. The noises had changed now. The shouting was gone and instead Tommy could hear hushed footsteps, some beeping sounds, and it smelled like disinfectant. He opened his eyes-another hospital room. They all looked the same. He opened his mouth to talk, but all that came out was a little wheeze. It was enough though-“He’s awake,” an authoritative female voice said, and Tommy wondered who was here with him.
“Tommy,” he heard, and he saw his Oma lean over the bed. He tried to smile for her, and she said “Oh my boy,” and started crying, grabbing his hand. There was a nurse and a cop with her-oh shit. “Tommy, the police want a statement. They say you were beaten by a boy-“
“On Morgan,” the cop said, and Tommy felt a chill. “And it was one of your little punk friends, is that true?” Tommy caught the second that his grandmother realized that this fucker didn’t give a shit what happened to him-her kind expression shut down into steel. “Now, witnesses said he chased you down and caused the concussion you have now. Tell us what happened on your end, Tommy Ratliff.”
Tommy tried to talk, and a rasp came out this time. His Oma got him a cup and he took a sip of water. “I came out of the Different Lives bookstore...” he started, and slowly, with more sips of water, told the police what happened. “It was more of a personal grudge, officer. I don’t think it was because of…where I was.”
“We’ll take that into account,” the guy said as he finished writing it down. “He was a friend of yours, but he’s not now? And you were attacked three on one, correct?” Tommy nodded. “We’ve taken Mr. Anthony back to juvenile lockup, and the two other boys as well. There’s no evidence that you acted in anything but self-defense. That’s what all the witnesses say.” The guy looked at Tommy again. “But we’ve heard a lot of stories about you, Mr. Ratliff.” The guy put a sneer on his last name that made Tommy’s stomach turn.
“I know,” he said. “I know you have. But they were looking for me, not the other way around.” He leaned against the pillows. “So I got a concussion?” He hoped the guy would just leave now. A doctor came into the room then, and Tommy noticed the IV bag then. “What’s the bag for?”
“Well Tommy,” the doctor said, his hands clasped in front of him, “It seems you picked a very good time to get a mild concussion. When you got into the hospital, we found that the staph infection your doctor says you’ve been trying to fight off was coming back. Have you felt tired lately? Any fevers?” Tommy nodded and felt like an idiot in front of his Oma. “Well, we saw that the oral antibiotics hadn’t helped, so you’re going to be on IV antibiotics while your head gets better. That part isn’t very serious.”
“Oh,” Tommy said. “So, like a couple of days, right?” The doctor shook his head, and Tommy frowned. “Three days? It can’t be that long…”
“I’m sorry, but you could be in here as long as a week or ten days. We have to kill this infection before it comes back again. You could have a lot of problems from this.” This got the attention of the officer, who snapped his head up at the mention of ‘infection’. Great, Tommy thought. Now he thinks I’ve got AIDS. His Oma saw it too, and held Tommy’s hand, squeezing it. The doctor looked at his chart. “I wouldn’t have let you stay at home the second time you had the direct cellulitis in your hand,” he said. “That was a mistake on your physician’s part, and it could have killed you. You’re a very tough young man. I have to go now, the nurse will be back to check you soon.” Then he left, and the police officer did as well, giving Tommy a long look first.
“Shit,” Tommy said. “Ten days-wait, how am I-I have to go to school. If I miss much more it’s an automatic failing out. Can you talk to them?” Tommy looked at the sunlight streaming out of the window and making his head hurt. “Oh god, how long have I been out? I thought things were getting better…” He closed his eyes, trying to calm down.
“I called the school already-it’s Monday. It might be…they are worried, because you were expelled for fighting at your last two schools. They aren’t sure if this is different. But if they are happy, you can get a tutor and pass for the year. The guidance counselor said your grades and behavior had been better, and that might help you.”
Well thank fuck she believes in me at least, Tommy thought.“Shit,” he said. “I don’t know if it’ll be enough.” His head throbbed. “I need to rest-wait.” He grabbed his Oma’s hand. “Adam?”
“I was wondering when you would ask,” she said. “He’s fine, just upset. His parents sent him to school, so he’s with his friends. They were here in the waiting room last night when you were brought in. They weren’t allowed in to see you because it was late. You were awake for a while after they brought you in, do you remember?” Tommy shook his head. “You were asking for me, and I was right next to you.” She wiped her eyes, and then said “Too bad they couldn’t come in, they are nice kids.”
“You should cook dinner for them,” Tommy whispered. The mention of food made him feel slightly nauseous. But more than anything, he just wanted to sleep. “Sorry I won’t be there for Thanksgiving.” As he started to drift off his Oma patted his hand.
“I’ll bring it to you.”
When Tommy woke again, it was dark and a nurse was trying to take his blood pressure. He held up his arm and let her do it. “Hi,” he whispered, but she looked at him like he was a bug and left. They must have found out I was at Morgan, he thought. I guess that nurse doesn’t like fags. He tried not to take it personally, but it ached inside to be treated like that. He wished he was still drunk and didn’t care what people thought. The only pain medication he was getting was Tylenol and that was fine with him. He didn’t want to use again.
He was alone in the room, and that didn’t help his mood. Is it past visiting hours, or did nobody come? Tommy just wanted to leave-he didn’t have any books, nobody to talk to. He turned on the TV and had to turn it off immediately, it was too bright.
He might have cried before he slept again, but he didn’t want to think about that.
“Hey,” he heard, and his eyes flew open. “Paul?” He said, and when he carefully turned his head to look (sending fireworks off in it), he was there, leaning forward with a hand on his shoulder. Tommy was happy as hell to see him, but the first thing out of his mouth was “What took you so long? Why didn’t you come before?”
Paul looked shocked, and then guilty. “I’m sorry TJ,” said, using the old affectionate nickname that had seemed to fade off once he moved in. “I saw you when you were out of it, but they don’t let me in that much. I’m not a relative. I explained that you lived in our house, but I’m not officially your guardian. That’s your Oma, but she couldn’t stay last night because of regulations or something. I don’t understand it.”
“They don’t like me, at least some of the nurses don’t,” Tommy said. “I think some of them are scared of me.” Just then a nurse came in, and shook her head as if to say ‘not all of us’. She changed his bag and took his bedpan away. She left him a puke bucket too, and Tommy thanked her. He wished he could smile without hurting his head.
“I’m so sorry about that, Tommy. I forget not everyone sees you the way we do. I’m glad it isn’t everyone.” He looked past Tommy, to the window. “I made Lisa go to school-she’s performing at the dance tomorrow, right before they let out for Thanksgiving. I’m sorry you won’t see her. She’s coming by tonight.”
“I’m sorry I won’t see her either, I never see her play enough. And I wanted to see if Michael could sing.” Tommy chuckled a little-it was funny to him, thinking about Michael at a time like this. “It’s so boring here. Could you bring me books when my concussion goes away? I’d like that a lot. There’s nothing to watch on TV. I’m gonna be here a long time. Oh, and my notebook too.”
“Of course,” Paul said. “Brigetta is coming back after a little while. I have to leave in about ten minutes. Do you need to rest? I know your head hurts.” Paul shifted in his seat, and then to Tommy’s absolute fucking dismay, started to cry. “I feel like I should’ve known because I dreamed something was going to happen to you. And I know it doesn’t work like that, but I still feel that way.”
“Hey,” Tommy said, struggling to sit up and slumping back down. “There’s no fucking thing as déjà vu, okay? So don’t worry about that. It’s not your fault. You’ve been better to me than almost anyone, and….” Tommy took a deep breath. “If I believed in father figures, you would be one.” Paul looked up at him, and Tommy grinned. “Sorry, that’s as close as I can get.”
“It’s close enough,” Paul said. “Thank you. Now sleep a little, you might have more visitors later.” He touched Tommy’s arm before he left, and Tommy stared at the ceiling. He got his Jell-O lunch and apple juice and only gagged twice. After that he fell half-asleep, just enough to dream. He saw Mutt punching him in the head, and then the sounds of the struggle right before he passed out. He thought he could hear Cassidy’s voice, and he vaguely wondered if Cass had been yelling in real life. When he blinked fully awake, he still wasn’t sure.
Around five, he got some more visitors. His Oma was sitting with him when Adam, Anoop, and Kris all came in. “They wouldn’t let more than three of us in at a time,” Kris said, sounding like he was actually apologetic. Tommy couldn’t give a shit-he was happy to see any of them, especially Adam. He walked right over and grabbed Tommy’s hand, then looked at the door. Anoop closed it.
“Oh,” Adam said. “Tommy, your hair. There’s dried blood in it. You’ve got a bruise on your jaw.” Tommy felt immediately bad for upsetting Adam, but to him the bruises on his stomach and jaw were no big deal. Somehow Mutt hadn’t broken his jaw or even loosened a tooth. “Does it hurt?” Adam squeezed his hand harder.
“Yeah, I have to be careful moving my head,” he said. “But mostly I’m here for the infection. You were right, Adam. You were so fucking right.” Anoop and Kris laughed when his Oma tutted at him for the language, and even Adam chuckled a little. “I’m gonna be in a week,” he said. “I hope they let me stay in school.”
“You’ve been sick,” Anoop said, all reason as he usually was. “I don’t see how they can’t.” Kris nodded and gave him a little box. “Oh, and Kris has more fudge from his mom. And I have sweets from my mom. And I think Adam has something for you too.” Kris started giggling then, and Anoop rolled his eyes. “I meant a present, you idiot. God, you act like you’re twelve sometimes.” Kris blushed and Adam fumbled for a little box.
“I got you this,” he said and opened it. It was a silver necklace, just a small chain with a little Libra pendant on it. Tommy decided not to mention that he thought astrology was bullshit, he knew Adam liked it. Anyway, it was beautiful.“I just thought it looked like you,” he said, and Tommy smiled. Then he had to flip Anoop and Kris the bird as they made gagging noises behind Adam’s back.
“Thank you,” Tommy said, and Adam put the necklace on, his fingers grazing over his neck. “This is great, thanks.” He thought about how awesome it was that Adam had gotten him a gift, and he felt a surge of love and the desperate wish to get the fuck out of here, to take Adam home and lay with him on the bed. He had to stop thinking that way before he embarrassed himself in front of everybody. But it didn’t make it any less true. “Nobody ever got me a gift before, nobody I dated anyway.”
Adam blushed, and Tommy was looking at him so hard that he didn’t know that everyone else had left until he heard the door close. “I’m glad you like it,” Adam said. “I just wanted you to have it, it doesn’t mean anything if you don’t want it to.” Tommy rolled his eyes, because of course it meant something, and then flinched. Moving really fucking hurt sometimes.
“I’m sorry,” a nurse’s voice said. “But your friend has to leave right now. Someone else needs to see you, and he requested privacy.” Just then, he heard his Oma yelling at someone in German, and he stared at Adam, horrified.
“Don’t leave,” he said, grabbing Adam’s arm. He heard his Oma say “bastard” in German, and she only referred to one person that way.
“Tommy what-“
“Just don’t leave, oh fuck. No.” A figure in a suit came behind the nurse then, and stood near the door. He had a suit on and his hair cut short. He wore glasses now, a calm part of Tommy’s brain noted. He stared at Adam and Tommy, and looked at them, uptight and formal, but with a little bit of strain around the eyes.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Tommy said, and Adam stared at him.
“I can legally see you whenever I want,” Thomas the Second said. Tommy always thought of him that way, when he could stand to think of him at all.
“Tommy,” Adam said, and he honestly looked sick. Tommy knew that he had guessed, but was going to ask anyway. “Who’s that?”
“That’s my dad,” Tommy said, he said with no emotion at all.