Splendid Isolation (Adam/Tommy)
Title: Splendid Isolation
Fandom: Adam Lambert
Pairing: Adam/Sauli, past Tommy/Adam
Author: i_amthecosmos
Word Count: 1,589
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: None of this is true, and I do not make any profit off this. Please do not Tweet to anyone portrayed, thank you.
Notes: For hc_bingo, prompt “isolation”. Tommy hides from the world.
I wanna live all alone in the desert/I wanna be like Georgia O’Keefe/I wanna live on the Upper East Side/And never go down in the street-Warren Zevon
“Hey Tommy,” Isaac put a hand on Tommy’s shoulder, making him pause. “We’re gonna watch movies up here and have dinner. Come on, it’ll be fun.” Tommy thought about it, looking at the two of them. Sophie was bringing a bottle of wine from the kitchen and Isaac had some movies out. The room was well-lit, pretty and inviting. He could say yes, it would be fine.
“No, not right now,” he said, and disappeared into his room before Isaac could talk him out of it. He left the light off as he turned on his computer. After a few minutes, he was watching Ringu and drinking from a mini bottle of rum, his eyes bleary from the strain.
See, he could watch movies just fine right here.
For a while, Tommy could get away with the “just got off tour” excuse. He was tired, he needed to rest. Then when Ravi and the Heartless started to get going, well, now he needed to rest from working. It was pretty easy. Nearly everybody seemed to buy it, except the people who knew him best.
There was no hiding anything from Isaac and Sophie-he lived with them, and he completely lacked the ability to lie to either. He knew he was only getting away with his excuses because they let him. Isaac had been there during the tour, and Tommy was sure he knew what it was about. But they kept giving him his space. That was fine.
One day, Isaac knocked on Tommy’s door. “Hey man. Can I come in?” Tommy rolled over on his bed, in pajamas at three in the afternoon and shuffled over to the door. He wondered if they were done giving him space now.
“Hey,” Tommy said, not looking Isaac in the eyes. “I’m sorry if I played too loud last night.” His brain wouldn’t let him sleep, and he wound up with the bare bones of a song. Maybe he would even let other people hear it. Maybe. Maybe he would.
Isaac smiled, and stepped one more foot into the room. Tommy had to fight to take a step back, not because he was angry at Isaac, but just to maintain the distance. “You know we don’t care. I just wanted to invite you to dinner with us. We’ll get Mexican, anything you want.”
“I’m not hungry,” Tommy said, which was technically true. He had lost his appetite some time ago, and he made it fine on beer and potato chips instead of actual meals. Isaac looked disappointed and Tommy rushed to cover it. “I just don’t want to go out. I…” He broke off, shaking his head. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey,” Isaac said coming all the way in the door. “I know you’ve having like, a low period-I’ve seen them before. But it’s been a long time, and-“
“I know, that makes it harder,” Tommy said, voice toneless. He sounded like a robot, even to himself. “I-okay, how much time do we have? I haven’t had a shower.” He hadn’t showered in two days, actually, but he wasn’t going to point that out.
Isaac put a hand on his shoulder and left. Tommy was grateful that he didn’t ask any questions. When he was in the shower, he thought about the tour and what it felt like to be that happy. It’ll happen again, he thought. Adam will want you back. That just reminded him that Adam was recording and he wasn’t on it, and the crushing feeling in his chest started again.
Tommy actually made it out of the house, but he didn’t do much more than eat one beef soft taco and listen as Sophie and Isaac talked to each other. He envied their relationship sometimes-they never seemed to get tired of each other. Tommy tried to shut that thought down, but it just made him think about how he would leave Adam’s room after. He put his fork down.
“Can we go home?”
Monte called a few days later. They chatted for a few minutes before Monte got to the part he was dreading. “Hey. I hear you’ve been staying in a lot. Are you okay?”
“Fucking Isaac,” Tommy sighed. “I’ll be okay, this happens sometimes, okay? I’m just…I don’t really want to go out. It’s okay, really.” Monte didn’t answer, and he knew that he couldn’t fool him, it wasn’t okay. He knew it wasn’t okay.
“Can I do anything to help? Do you want to play a gig with me? We can look at new guitars.” Tommy thought about it-going to a music store sounded like fun. He wanted to go. He could look at the new Fenders.
But…he would have to get up. He’d have to take a shower, get dressed. He hadn’t eaten, and it would be too much trouble to get anything from the kitchen. He told Monte no, and got off the phone. He pulled the covers over him, and thought vaguely that he needed to wash them. Then he was asleep and he didn’t have to worry about anything.
When he woke up, the windows had been opened and morning sunlight was streaming into his room. He squinted his eyes against it, so blinded that he didn’t know who was in the room at first. Then he smelled Adam’s cologne and he froze. “Hey,” a soft voice said. “Is it okay that I’m here?”
“I…” Tommy didn’t know how to answer. Yes, no, go back to your boyfriend. We both know that I might not even be back for the next tour. We both know I was just convenient for you. He looked at Adam instead, and saw the pain and regret in his eyes. “Hey,” was all Tommy could say.
Adam held his hand out, and Tommy got out of bed without questioning him. He let Adam lead him to the bathroom and put him the shower. Adam stayed in the bathroom with him while he washed his hair, thinking about how dirty he was. He had clean clothes waiting for Tommy when he got out.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he fixed Tommy bacon and eggs for breakfast. Tommy nodded not trusting himself to say anything. “I didn’t know.” Tommy didn’t look up, and he didn’t flinch when Adam put a hand on his shoulder. “Tommy, say something please.”
“I didn’t know either,” he said, and looked at Adam for the first time since he came in. “I’m so sorry. I’m glad, you know. About Sauli, I like him. I do really like him.” Tommy had to blink then, and he wiped his eyes. “I know I said I didn’t care.”
“Oh honey,” Adam said quietly, and he reached for him. Tommy went into his arms without questioning it, even though he knew that the memory might hurt him. “I don’t know how to make this better.”
“I have to,” Tommy said. “It isn’t your fault.” And it really wasn’t, it was Tommy who initiated everything. It was Tommy who told Adam it was casual and they’d just fuck on the tour. It was Tommy who ignored his own feelings until Helsinki. And it was Tommy who had moved aside when he saw how much Sauli made Adam glow. He never tried to stake a claim because he figured he’d never had one.
Adam didn’t let go though, instead he rocked him and rubbed his back. Tommy leaned in, and took a deep breath. “I didn’t mean for this to happen,” he said, and Adam shushed him, petting his hair. When he let go, Tommy got his plate and took it to the kitchen. “I’ll be okay,” he said, and saying it made it true. It always did, every time he got his heart broken and did this. Just admitting it hurt him was the way to heal from it.
Adam didn’t look like he believed him, but he nodded anyway. “Let’s go out,” he said. “Let me take you shopping.” Tommy shook his head-the paps would see them and jump to conclusions, and Tommy wouldn’t do that to him. “Then…promise me you’ll get out.”
“I will,” Tommy said, and Adam stayed with him the rest of the day. They watched movies and didn’t talk about the tour, which Tommy knew was hard for Adam. Adam loved to Talk It Out, and Tommy couldn’t handle that right now, if ever.
When Sophie and Isaac got home, they didn’t say anything when they saw Adam. Adam hugged Tommy again after he got up, and Tommy put his face in his chest like he always used to. Adam ruffled his hair, and said “I’m so sorry,” again near his ear. Then he left.
Tommy looked at Sophie and Isaac, who were both standing near the door, not moving. “Can we…” the words almost got stuck in Tommy’s throat. “Can we go to dinner?” Tommy breathed out the same time Isaac and Sophie did, and he felt a little touch of lightness in his chest.
He knew the lightness would expand, It would just take time.
Fandom: Adam Lambert
Pairing: Adam/Sauli, past Tommy/Adam
Author: i_amthecosmos
Word Count: 1,589
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: None of this is true, and I do not make any profit off this. Please do not Tweet to anyone portrayed, thank you.
Notes: For hc_bingo, prompt “isolation”. Tommy hides from the world.
I wanna live all alone in the desert/I wanna be like Georgia O’Keefe/I wanna live on the Upper East Side/And never go down in the street-Warren Zevon
“Hey Tommy,” Isaac put a hand on Tommy’s shoulder, making him pause. “We’re gonna watch movies up here and have dinner. Come on, it’ll be fun.” Tommy thought about it, looking at the two of them. Sophie was bringing a bottle of wine from the kitchen and Isaac had some movies out. The room was well-lit, pretty and inviting. He could say yes, it would be fine.
“No, not right now,” he said, and disappeared into his room before Isaac could talk him out of it. He left the light off as he turned on his computer. After a few minutes, he was watching Ringu and drinking from a mini bottle of rum, his eyes bleary from the strain.
See, he could watch movies just fine right here.
For a while, Tommy could get away with the “just got off tour” excuse. He was tired, he needed to rest. Then when Ravi and the Heartless started to get going, well, now he needed to rest from working. It was pretty easy. Nearly everybody seemed to buy it, except the people who knew him best.
There was no hiding anything from Isaac and Sophie-he lived with them, and he completely lacked the ability to lie to either. He knew he was only getting away with his excuses because they let him. Isaac had been there during the tour, and Tommy was sure he knew what it was about. But they kept giving him his space. That was fine.
One day, Isaac knocked on Tommy’s door. “Hey man. Can I come in?” Tommy rolled over on his bed, in pajamas at three in the afternoon and shuffled over to the door. He wondered if they were done giving him space now.
“Hey,” Tommy said, not looking Isaac in the eyes. “I’m sorry if I played too loud last night.” His brain wouldn’t let him sleep, and he wound up with the bare bones of a song. Maybe he would even let other people hear it. Maybe. Maybe he would.
Isaac smiled, and stepped one more foot into the room. Tommy had to fight to take a step back, not because he was angry at Isaac, but just to maintain the distance. “You know we don’t care. I just wanted to invite you to dinner with us. We’ll get Mexican, anything you want.”
“I’m not hungry,” Tommy said, which was technically true. He had lost his appetite some time ago, and he made it fine on beer and potato chips instead of actual meals. Isaac looked disappointed and Tommy rushed to cover it. “I just don’t want to go out. I…” He broke off, shaking his head. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey,” Isaac said coming all the way in the door. “I know you’ve having like, a low period-I’ve seen them before. But it’s been a long time, and-“
“I know, that makes it harder,” Tommy said, voice toneless. He sounded like a robot, even to himself. “I-okay, how much time do we have? I haven’t had a shower.” He hadn’t showered in two days, actually, but he wasn’t going to point that out.
Isaac put a hand on his shoulder and left. Tommy was grateful that he didn’t ask any questions. When he was in the shower, he thought about the tour and what it felt like to be that happy. It’ll happen again, he thought. Adam will want you back. That just reminded him that Adam was recording and he wasn’t on it, and the crushing feeling in his chest started again.
Tommy actually made it out of the house, but he didn’t do much more than eat one beef soft taco and listen as Sophie and Isaac talked to each other. He envied their relationship sometimes-they never seemed to get tired of each other. Tommy tried to shut that thought down, but it just made him think about how he would leave Adam’s room after. He put his fork down.
“Can we go home?”
Monte called a few days later. They chatted for a few minutes before Monte got to the part he was dreading. “Hey. I hear you’ve been staying in a lot. Are you okay?”
“Fucking Isaac,” Tommy sighed. “I’ll be okay, this happens sometimes, okay? I’m just…I don’t really want to go out. It’s okay, really.” Monte didn’t answer, and he knew that he couldn’t fool him, it wasn’t okay. He knew it wasn’t okay.
“Can I do anything to help? Do you want to play a gig with me? We can look at new guitars.” Tommy thought about it-going to a music store sounded like fun. He wanted to go. He could look at the new Fenders.
But…he would have to get up. He’d have to take a shower, get dressed. He hadn’t eaten, and it would be too much trouble to get anything from the kitchen. He told Monte no, and got off the phone. He pulled the covers over him, and thought vaguely that he needed to wash them. Then he was asleep and he didn’t have to worry about anything.
When he woke up, the windows had been opened and morning sunlight was streaming into his room. He squinted his eyes against it, so blinded that he didn’t know who was in the room at first. Then he smelled Adam’s cologne and he froze. “Hey,” a soft voice said. “Is it okay that I’m here?”
“I…” Tommy didn’t know how to answer. Yes, no, go back to your boyfriend. We both know that I might not even be back for the next tour. We both know I was just convenient for you. He looked at Adam instead, and saw the pain and regret in his eyes. “Hey,” was all Tommy could say.
Adam held his hand out, and Tommy got out of bed without questioning him. He let Adam lead him to the bathroom and put him the shower. Adam stayed in the bathroom with him while he washed his hair, thinking about how dirty he was. He had clean clothes waiting for Tommy when he got out.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he fixed Tommy bacon and eggs for breakfast. Tommy nodded not trusting himself to say anything. “I didn’t know.” Tommy didn’t look up, and he didn’t flinch when Adam put a hand on his shoulder. “Tommy, say something please.”
“I didn’t know either,” he said, and looked at Adam for the first time since he came in. “I’m so sorry. I’m glad, you know. About Sauli, I like him. I do really like him.” Tommy had to blink then, and he wiped his eyes. “I know I said I didn’t care.”
“Oh honey,” Adam said quietly, and he reached for him. Tommy went into his arms without questioning it, even though he knew that the memory might hurt him. “I don’t know how to make this better.”
“I have to,” Tommy said. “It isn’t your fault.” And it really wasn’t, it was Tommy who initiated everything. It was Tommy who told Adam it was casual and they’d just fuck on the tour. It was Tommy who ignored his own feelings until Helsinki. And it was Tommy who had moved aside when he saw how much Sauli made Adam glow. He never tried to stake a claim because he figured he’d never had one.
Adam didn’t let go though, instead he rocked him and rubbed his back. Tommy leaned in, and took a deep breath. “I didn’t mean for this to happen,” he said, and Adam shushed him, petting his hair. When he let go, Tommy got his plate and took it to the kitchen. “I’ll be okay,” he said, and saying it made it true. It always did, every time he got his heart broken and did this. Just admitting it hurt him was the way to heal from it.
Adam didn’t look like he believed him, but he nodded anyway. “Let’s go out,” he said. “Let me take you shopping.” Tommy shook his head-the paps would see them and jump to conclusions, and Tommy wouldn’t do that to him. “Then…promise me you’ll get out.”
“I will,” Tommy said, and Adam stayed with him the rest of the day. They watched movies and didn’t talk about the tour, which Tommy knew was hard for Adam. Adam loved to Talk It Out, and Tommy couldn’t handle that right now, if ever.
When Sophie and Isaac got home, they didn’t say anything when they saw Adam. Adam hugged Tommy again after he got up, and Tommy put his face in his chest like he always used to. Adam ruffled his hair, and said “I’m so sorry,” again near his ear. Then he left.
Tommy looked at Sophie and Isaac, who were both standing near the door, not moving. “Can we…” the words almost got stuck in Tommy’s throat. “Can we go to dinner?” Tommy breathed out the same time Isaac and Sophie did, and he felt a little touch of lightness in his chest.
He knew the lightness would expand, It would just take time.