L Word - Season 6, episode 7
I’ve been less than inspired to review this weeks' episode of The L Word, as you probably guessed by the rather long delay in me posting it. I’m not sure why… I think I enjoyed it, but, for some reason, I just couldn’t bring myself to watch it again for reviewing purposes.
I keep wanting to call this weeks' episode, the DDR ep. There was no actual DDR, but there was lots of dancing. Perhaps, just a little bit too much.
"Hello and welcome to the 2009 Los Angeles gay & lesbian centre dance marathon" and by marathon, they mean they could not possibly have made this episode seem any longer… honestly, it just went on & on….
Alice found more safety pins & then encounters Bette, who is registering & getting her number for the dance competition-y thing. Alice & her two girlfriends are planning on winning every prize going - best dance; most money raised & last couple standing - which of course, sparks Bette’s competitiveness. They have a sweet psyching each other out session, then Alice turns to leave, Bette calls to her and proudly tells her ”Look at what you’ve done!”, before returning to register.
Then Jenny (evil evil evil!) approaches and asks if she can have a private word… ‘private’ in Jenny’s mind means two feet away in the very crowded room, next to the spiral stairs - It amazes me how, on TV shows, even if you’re only a foot away from a conversation, if you’re not directly engaged in said conversation, you just, can’t hear it. Anyway, Jenny wants to know if Bette has told Tina what happened after the gallery opening…. ”You told her about you and Kelly? How she came back to your house and you had sex with her?” Whoa! Don’t mince your words will you Jen?!
Bette is clearly not sure whether to laugh, throw up, or just kill Jenny on the spot - I’d opt for the last one, personally. Jenny remains very serious, & is clearly very troubled by what she thinks happened… is this loyalty to Tina? Has Jenny learned how to be loyal? Crikey! Shane is having a positive effect on her.
Luckily, for both Bette & Jenny, Tina arrives and Bette rapidly whisks her away from Jenny to get her registered…. Staring daggers at Jenny over her shoulder the whole time.
No actual threat…. But Bette’s face is threatening enough. Incidentally, Bette’s the only one of the characters who I believe would be totally capable of murder. Especially when someone threatens her family.
In a random backstage/dressing room area which has just randomly appeared from nowhere - No really, when did Hit! get a backstage area? When did Hit! get a stage? They weren’t there before, where they? - Tina is telling Bette about a job offer, a very good job offer working for Focus Features (oh, I’ve heard of them, they’re an actual film company… & they make good films too. You should definitely take that job Tina). Bette is extremely excited and spins Tina around whilst telling her that she’s ”such a fucking rock star!” I love that. That’s really sweet… there have not been enough little moments like that between Bette & Tina.
There’s a problem though…. The job is in New York (oh, I feel all clairvoyant; I said in last weeks review that they’d be moving to NY). Bette’s still excited, but less so, Tina’s unsure and Alice is dead set against it - oh yeah, Alice just popped out from one of the curtained off changing areas. Alice will make a habit of interrupting Bette & Tina’s conversations this episode. I’m not sure why.
So, reasons Bette & Tina should not move to NY:
• Their friends are in LA
• Their life is in LA
• They live in LA (that seemed redundant, but, Tina said it, so it stays)
• Bette’s work is in LA - she just had a very successful gallery opening
• They just re-built their house
• One of them is gonna be facing a murder charge very soon
That last one may not be true…. & certainly wasn’t mentioned on the show.
And speaking of their newly re-built house, Alice doesn’t think it’s such a good idea for Bette & Tina to have ”this girl” move in with them. I should point out, that Bette & Tina are now getting changed behind one of the curtain-y things and keep popping their heads out to comment on everything Alice says.
“This girl” (I just like how disparagingly it’s said) is their birth mother and they’re picking her up from the station at 7am tomorrow. 7am!? That’s insanely early…. Does she have to make a midnight get-away so her parents don’t know where she’s going?
Alice compares the situation to Baby Mama which I’ve not seen, so the relevance is lost on me… I think basically it’s a bad thing. Alice is actually painting a very dim picture of Marci… it seems mean; she’s never met the girl, why is she being so judgemental?
Oh, and apparently, the worst possible scenario… ”One of you could end up having an affair with her.” Yes, ‘cos heavily pregnant, teenage (sorry, she’s 22, not a teenager) straight girls are just so very, very tempting. Well, maybe for Helena - remember when Helena had a fetish for pregnant women?
Bette’s had enough - being falsely accused of hypothetical cheating twice in the space of a few minutes can’t be much fun - and has a rant ”I am not some fucking loose cannon that just fucks everything that walks okay? I can be trusted”. To which Alice replies ”I didn’t say it was gonna be you.”
Bette helps Tina to fasten her very pretty dress and Alice adds fuel to the fire by asking ”Is Marci hot?”
Bette & Tina are less than impressed. Alice is less than impressed too ‘cos ”You guys, you’re bringing me down”… she makes her exit all dolled up in her hippie outfit, complete with flower painted on her cheek, and parts with ”Peace my sisters” which, of course, Bette mocks. Lol.
Sunset’s on stage. Helena’s watching & pining & still drinking heavily up on a balcony somewhere. Tina joins her looking phenomenal… truly, Laurel Holloman is gorgeous! Tina apologises for the big Dylan mess and insists that ”She’s in love with you.” to which Helena replies ”Then where is she?” Good question!
Sunset introduces Jamie, Jamie introduces Alice, Alice introduces Marie (the girl she talked off the ledge in that one episode that was really quite good…. Uhm LMAO, whichever that was). There’s lots of talking & it’s all very dull. Jamie asks who wants to start the donating (right, ‘cos this is a fund-raising event… sorry, didn’t say that before)… upon seeing Jenny approaching, Bette suddenly feels very generous and drags Tina on to the stage to donate $1500 - that seems rather a lot, but, it’s for a good cause.
The pledging procedure seems odd, you just run on stage shout out a number and that’s how much you’ll pledge. Oh, whilst dancing, of course, ‘cos if you stop dancing, you’re out.
Oh look, Kit’s re-living her glory days as Foxy Brown! Sunset & Kit are flirting shamelessly like they always have; it seems odd after she threw a drink in his face last week.
Jenny apologises to Helena - is it ‘everyone apologise to Helena’ day? Helena’s not buying it though and walks right on by to talk to Alice, who tells her ”Don’t listen to anything she says Helena, she’s certifiable. Really.” Lol.
Helena must dance! Jamie even offers to dance with her, which Tasha thinks is really sweet. Ick! Alice drags her off to find her a number, leaving Tasha & Jamie to have an awkward little - ”if you don’t know, I’m not gonna tell you” - moment (it was almost an admission of mutual attraction, but, it’s too early in the episode & they need to drag it out until the end).
More boring talking about the rules of the dance marathon…. Dull dull dull.
And now….. ”Everybody dance!”….. Still dancing. …..Still dancing. Can something happen now?
…..Bette sighs (well, that’ll do) Oh, Jodi’s there, being obscene with some random woman. Tina tells Bette ”Don’t let her ruin your night, okay? She’s probably just here to do some good.” Tina’s unwavering faith in the goodness of everyone is magnificent. Really. I wish I had that much faith in people.
Bette’s in the mood to confess - she has nothing to confess, but Jenny’s holding a video (yeah, a video, I thought she’d just taken a picture) over her head like a knife - and she tries to tell Tina that she didn’t have sex with Kelly. Only this character in this show would ever need to confess to not cheating. Before she can tell her (not at all) dirty little secret, Alice interrupts to ask if they think anything is going on between Tasha & Jamie. Tina reassures as best she can with what no inside knowledge she has, and Alice dances away. Bette tries again to make her anti-confession, but no, Alice interrupts again (I told you she’d make a habit of that). Bette & Tina both reassure Alice this time, and off she dances again. By which point, Bette’s decided that confessing to nothing is really stupid and so she decides it can wait until later.
More dancing….
Oh, time for a break. After which, there will be line dancing - Joy!
Jodi ignores Bette in the toilets. Bette doesn’t appreciate being ignored and initiates conversation, which she wishes she hadn’t ‘cos Jenny told Jodi about Bette & Kelly! Why? That’s just insane. Oh, & apparently, Jodi asked Kelly about it & she confirmed everything that Jenny said! What the hell?
Jodi’s glad she dodged a bullet with Bette & feels very sorry for Tina. Whatever.
Oh please, no, not more dancing! There are people wearing very bright jeans & t-shirts on the stage and everyone else is line dancing. They learned this dance very quickly.
Several conversations go on at once now, all interspersed with dancing.
Shane doesn’t want Bette & Tina to move to NY, and wants to know what would happen with Angie & the new baby. Tina points out that ”If we go to New York, they’re gonna come with us!” in a very sweet way.
Jenny wants to know if Bette’s told Tina about Kelly.
Bette wants to kill Jenny.
Tasha & Jamie flirt & discuss Tasha volunteering.
Alice thinks there’s something going on between Tasha & Jamie - Helena agrees.
More dancing.
Oh look, Nikki’s there. No hordes of screaming fans today though. She finds Shane - it’s like she has some sort of homing device, every room she walks into Shane’s stood there in front of her. Nikki apologises for running away when Shane threw up. They flirt. Shane tries to look like she’s resisting but she’s clearly not.
A bell rings and it’s time for the competition round. The winner, wins absolutely nothing, oh, a donation made on their behalf, but, that just seems pointless. Why not donate the money anyway & just, not bother with the dancing?
Some random people dance.
Alice looks silly. Oh, she’s trying to be Salt ‘n’ Pepa-y…. it just doesn’t work. She looks stupid.
Shane’s getting into her costume, which is just her regular clothes - tight jeans, shirt, tie. Jenny’s making her compete, but she’s not terribly enthusiastic. She & Alice have a tense conversation about how Shane shouldn’t be with Jenny, but, she’s not gonna do a damn thing about it. I don’t know why though. Shane seems very miserable. Then again, so would I be if I were trapped in a relationship with Jenny.
Time for Shane & Jenny’s dance. Jenny thinks she’s a Spaniard, Shane thinks she’s in Hell, but, it kinda works. She’s the reluctant suitor to a crazy bitch. There’s dancing. There’s yucky Shenny kisses. And this cannot be over fast enough!
Backstage (again) oh, Tasha & Jamie look silly in the Salt ‘n’ Pepa get up too. Bette & Alice try to psych each other out again - it’s vaguely sweet, I guess, but I just feel uncomfortable watching it. It’s obviously working though, ‘cos Alice is worried and Bette’s turned into scary dominant season one Bette and is lecturing Tina as if she’s a child. Why does Tina still put up with that? Don’t go back to being all complacent Tina, kick her into touch!
Shane & Nikki share a lingering look; Jenny looks on, less than impressed.
Alice is now really worried and is sat panicking, minus her wig. She decides that she has no rhythm - Dana told her that once - despite the fact that she choreographed the whole dance. This of course, is less about the dance, and more about the fact that she thinks there’s something more than ‘friend love’ between Tasha & Jamie.
Tasha reassures her, tells her she’s wonderful, in an ”I’m in a turquoise onesie for you” kind of way. (Tasha, that’s not turquoise, it’s bright blue!) - It’s really not about the dance at all, but I think only Alice knows that.
And there they are dancing, and looking generally silly. It’s supposed to be funny, I understand that it’s meant to be funny, but, I’m just embarrassed for them all.
One of the judges awards them 5.5 points, which Bette & Tina good naturedly tease them about. Then there’s a sweet little moment where Bette pulls Tina in for a little hug - I feel like that was an ad-libbed moment that Jennifer & Laurel added in. I feel like all of these sweet little moments are added in by Jennifer & Laurel.
Oh, there’s a random girl who looks like Molly. Or, the back of her head does anyway, I briefly wondered what she was doing there, but, it’s not Molly. Shame. That would have been interesting.
Oh look, Shane & Nikki are having sex in the bathroom. Am I missing something? Are they pushing the Nikki & Shane thing for a reason? I thought we figured out that it was doomed when Shane threw up on her last week? I know Shane’s all trapped and miserable, but, I just don’t think that Shane & Nikki are a good pairing.
Time for Bette & Tina’s dance - Tina changed her dress. Has Bette changed her dress too? I liked Tina’s flow-y silver-y dress. I like the nice tight black one too though…. ‘tis yummy! :)
Oh, cleavage! That’s some niiiiice cleavage! *drools* I might just pause on that shot for a few minutes….
….Okay, I’m good. :D
Oh good lord! It’s all lace-y laced up at the back! I LOVE that dress! Can we remake the whole 6 seasons with Tina wearing that dress in every episode? Please?
So, we have Bette & Tina dancing combined with Shane & Nikki sex.
And then…. We find Helena in the crowd. We scan down to Helena’s hand and see someone walk up beside her and lovingly take hold of said hand. Then we hold our breath and hope against all hope that this is Dylan…
Oh look - It is Dylan! I actually, honestly cheered at this point! :D Dylan apologises - See? It is apologise to Helena day! - Helena smiles.
Bette & Tina are just goddamn sexy! Oh, cleavage again! Cleavage & laced up back! I wish I was that dress… Jennifer Beals is the luckiest woman in the world! Look at Bette’s hand going all the way up Tina’s thigh!
More Shane & Nikki sex.
More shots of Tina’s cleavage.
Dylan & Helena dancing.
More sexy dancing.
Dylan & Helena kiss.
The dance gets even sexier.
Everyone cheers!
The judges give TiBette a really good score and they have a sweet celebratory hug before leaving the stage. They touch knuckles - do people do that? Is touching knuckles an accepted celebratory motion? Tina high tens Jamie…. Jamie? Why? Bette teases Alice - who looks miserable (she wanted to win everything, remember?). Jodi signs ”good job” but it’s not sincere, then she makes sure her boobs are securely squashed into her dress - no really, she does - and then it’s time for her dance. Oh, Jodi’s really good at dancing, who knew? Apparently not Bette… Tina asks ”Any regrets?”, Bette turns to her and without a second thought, replies ”Not a one.” Aww!
Jodi’s dance got three 10s, Alice is unimpressed, Tasha doesn’t care ‘cos it was just for fun anyway - this annoys Alice… she wanted to win damn it! Aww, where did Tina’s sexy dress go? I wonder if she’s naked under that robe?
Tasha sits and giggles with Jamie, Alice looks hurt, but insists that she’s fine and then sits with Bette & Tina; who are beginning to notice that there might be something between Tasha & Jamie and are very sympathetic & reassuring.
In the VIP area, Nikki is an idiot. Jenny approaches & one of her entourage tries to warn her - ”Nikki, twelve o’ clock… No, the other twelve… Behind you!”
Random entourage is dismissed - she moves like, one chair over - and Jenny sits next to Nikki. Jenny is not there to reprimand Nikki…. That’s nice to know, although, Nikki claims that she already knew that. If I’d just had sex with Jenny’s girlfriend in the toilets I’d be a little bit more scared, but, maybe Nikki is too dumb to be scared?
Jenny thinks that Nikki should auction off a date with herself, so that people don’t think she’s shallow & vain. And she sells this idea of hers - which, although it seems quite innocent, is actually part of a diabolically psychotic (or maybe, psychotically diabolical) plan - by appealing to Nikki’s vanity!
Good lord! How many hair slides is Jenny wearing? Is that her version of a tin foil hat? Or are they all there to hold her brains in, lest the crazy leak out?
Jenny leaves and random entourage - who was sitting on the chair right next to Jenny - reclaims her spot and asks Nikki what that was all about. Seriously? She didn’t hear all that? She was less than a foot away from the conversation!
I see outside - I was beginning to think there was no outside. I was genuinely worried that we’d be trapped inside Hit! for the rest of the season, but no, there is outside & that’s where Helena & Dylan are kissing and being generally sweet. Helena says that this reminds her of when she was 14 and used to sneak out of boarding school so that she could snog Bridget someone or other… which is funny, ‘cos I was just thinking that they looked like a couple of love-struck teenagers. Dylan asks what happened to Bridget… turns out she went off with a maths genius called Jonathan & kinda broke Helena’s heart. Aww.
Helena tries to apologise - she must feel like it’s her turn, since every else has apologised to her - but Dylan stops her. ”No more apologies. I think, I think we need to just start new, okay? Can we do that?” Helena nods her agreement and all is well in the world of Dylena. Aww.
Back inside. No! No, don’t make me go back in there! I only just got out! Aww crap… they’re all still dancing.
Nikki approaches the stage and surprise surprise, she’s taken Jenny’s bait & is auctioning off a date with herself. Bidding starts at $500 and as soon as it reaches $1000 Nikki decides that she’s worth much more than that and insists on $2000 (‘cos she makes really good pancakes). I don’t think Nikki quite understands how auctions work.
And then, just when everyone thinks that $2000 is far too much, the voice of evil pipes up and offers $25,000. Where the heck do these people get all of their spare cash from? I wonder if they’d donate any of it to me? Just a little bit, I need a new laptop. The spotlight finds Jenny, who pretends to be all coy and then makes her way to the stage.
Sunset announces that this is the largest donation of the night and Alice has lost the second of her competitions.
Poor Alice. Extra “poor Alice” ‘cos Tasha doesn’t appear to care all that much - she’s just not getting how important this is for Alice. Tasha, Alice needs to win something, ‘cos she knows that she’s losing you. I could cry. I want beginning of the season Talice back…. those who giggled through an entire argument and made me want their relationship to survive! *Sigh*
Jenny wants to say something… ”Shane, you don’t have to fuck her in a bathroom any more. You don’t have to sneak around. I don’t want you to do that; so I bought her for you, so you can have her whenever you want.”
Everyone’s jaw drops and then, then we have the moment where I actually become completely terrified for Shane. Jenny walks to her and tells her - ”Listen, I don’t care. You can fuck whoever you want, whenever you want. Fuck Nikki, fuck whoever; I know that you need it. It doesn’t scare me… because I know you. Okay?” Then she walks away and leaves a terrified Shane behind.
I believe that that is what’s referred to as ‘the calm before the storm’ - Jenny has reached the point of absolute psychoses and there is no turning back. If I didn’t know that she’s gonna die soon, I’d fear for everyone’s lives.
Oh look, the sun! It’s the morning… when did that happen? Sunset rambles about how wonderful everyone is & how grateful the kids will be.
Backstage (yet again), Jodi is there and Bette approaches to congratulate her on her dance. Bette doesn’t know why she cares what Jodi thinks of her, but she does care & she cares enough to promise Jodi that she did not cheat on Tina. She hasn’t even mentioned this alleged cheating to Tina, but she’s promising her ex that it never happened?! Jodi has a philosophical moment, something about how we start every new day by promising ourselves that we’ll be better, but the problem is in the execution. Execution? Is someone loosing their head? Figuratively or literally? If it’s literally can I vote for Kelly? If it’s figuratively, we all already know that it’s Jenny.
Jodi wishes Bette & Tina all the best, and she seems sincere, which is quite sweet. Bette isn’t sure whether to hug Jodi or not. She struggles with this for quite a while in fact, but in the end, decides against it & walks away.
Elsewhere, Jamie is sleeping, and Alice goes to wake her. Alice has to ask, if Jamie has feelings for Tasha - her voice almost breaks as she say’s Tasha’s name, it’s so sad :( - Jamie doesn’t really answer, but insists that she would never do anything. Sadly, this is not what Alice wants to hear, and she slowly walks away with tears in her eyes.
Oh, outside again! Daylight! Nowhere near Hit! No dancing!
We’re at a bus station. Lots of buses. No really, lots… I feel the use of so many buses was unnecessary. I’m finding that quite a lot of this entire episode was unnecessary.
Bette & Tina are there - remember, they’re picking Marci up at stupid o’ clock in the morning - & Bette looks really pretty. They’re discussing NY - Bette thinks it feels really right; Tina needs to clear some things up, so:
Gallery - Bette can work from NY (that was simple)
Friends - Bette loves their friends, but she has to trust that they’re like a family and leaving LA doesn’t mean leaving them. (sweet)
And, Tina’s convinced. They hug and Tina’s adorable and ”Oh my god! We have to apply for schools. Like, right now.” Yes you do, ‘cos you have a child. I have no idea where she is - at home with the builders I guess - but you do have a child!
Oh crap, we’re back at Hit!
A ‘guy’ is on stage with the mic… which Kit will not stand for - I thought people were allowed to just grab the mic & make a pledge? Why does Kit need to sort out this guy? - You do know that it’s Sunset, right? ‘Cos Kit, has absolutely no idea. I don’t know how she doesn’t know, but, she doesn’t know.
Sunset ‘comes out’ as a straight man who loves his gay & lesbian family - the collective gasp of shock at this announcement just irritates me. All of these people are idiots!
Kit’s pissed off - ”you lied to me” - not really, he just dressed in drag for you. You knew he was a drag queen. Oh please tell me that Kit knew that he was a drag queen? Sunset (sorry, Sonny Benson) begs Kit to give him a chance, but, Kit needs to wrap her head around the stupidity of this entire storyline and walks away.
More buses. Joy. Marcie’s bus has arrived, everyone filters off - Why are Bette & Tina stood so far apart? - but, uh-oh, no Marcie. Tina goes to make sure she didn’t fall asleep on the bus whilst Bette checks her voice messages. Neither one of them finds anything.
Bette cries and shakes her head. Tina cries and shakes her head. I cry and shake my head. Bette sits down, drops her head into her hands and cries some more. Then I wonder why they’re still stood so far apart?! Comfort each other for goodness sake!
Tasha & Alice are slow dancing at Hit! Alice has her head in Tasha’s shoulder & looks very sad :( and barely manages to tell Tasha - ”I want you to know that I’ve never loved you more. And I want you to be happy” & I’m crying right along with her as she asks ”Do you wanna be with Jamie?”
They break away slightly to look at each other and after an excruciating silence Tasha tries to answer, but just can’t find the words. Alice tells her it’s okay and it hurts my heart to see Alice so very, very sad… Tasha insists that ”I’m not ready to let you go.” which is just mean. That’s like saying, “I am gonna leave you eventually, but I wanna stick around and torture you for a while first”.
They hug. Alice’s heart breaks into a million tiny pieces. They’re announced as the winners of the ‘last couple standing’, but Alice really doesn’t care.
I hate that I had to watch that twice! I don’t like when Alice is sad.
Well, it’s all over next week (this week, I guess). I hope I’m more impressed with the L Word ending than I was with the BtVS ending.
I keep wanting to call this weeks' episode, the DDR ep. There was no actual DDR, but there was lots of dancing. Perhaps, just a little bit too much.
"Hello and welcome to the 2009 Los Angeles gay & lesbian centre dance marathon" and by marathon, they mean they could not possibly have made this episode seem any longer… honestly, it just went on & on….
Alice found more safety pins & then encounters Bette, who is registering & getting her number for the dance competition-y thing. Alice & her two girlfriends are planning on winning every prize going - best dance; most money raised & last couple standing - which of course, sparks Bette’s competitiveness. They have a sweet psyching each other out session, then Alice turns to leave, Bette calls to her and proudly tells her ”Look at what you’ve done!”, before returning to register.
Then Jenny (evil evil evil!) approaches and asks if she can have a private word… ‘private’ in Jenny’s mind means two feet away in the very crowded room, next to the spiral stairs - It amazes me how, on TV shows, even if you’re only a foot away from a conversation, if you’re not directly engaged in said conversation, you just, can’t hear it. Anyway, Jenny wants to know if Bette has told Tina what happened after the gallery opening…. ”You told her about you and Kelly? How she came back to your house and you had sex with her?” Whoa! Don’t mince your words will you Jen?!
Bette is clearly not sure whether to laugh, throw up, or just kill Jenny on the spot - I’d opt for the last one, personally. Jenny remains very serious, & is clearly very troubled by what she thinks happened… is this loyalty to Tina? Has Jenny learned how to be loyal? Crikey! Shane is having a positive effect on her.
Luckily, for both Bette & Jenny, Tina arrives and Bette rapidly whisks her away from Jenny to get her registered…. Staring daggers at Jenny over her shoulder the whole time.
No actual threat…. But Bette’s face is threatening enough. Incidentally, Bette’s the only one of the characters who I believe would be totally capable of murder. Especially when someone threatens her family.
In a random backstage/dressing room area which has just randomly appeared from nowhere - No really, when did Hit! get a backstage area? When did Hit! get a stage? They weren’t there before, where they? - Tina is telling Bette about a job offer, a very good job offer working for Focus Features (oh, I’ve heard of them, they’re an actual film company… & they make good films too. You should definitely take that job Tina). Bette is extremely excited and spins Tina around whilst telling her that she’s ”such a fucking rock star!” I love that. That’s really sweet… there have not been enough little moments like that between Bette & Tina.
There’s a problem though…. The job is in New York (oh, I feel all clairvoyant; I said in last weeks review that they’d be moving to NY). Bette’s still excited, but less so, Tina’s unsure and Alice is dead set against it - oh yeah, Alice just popped out from one of the curtained off changing areas. Alice will make a habit of interrupting Bette & Tina’s conversations this episode. I’m not sure why.
So, reasons Bette & Tina should not move to NY:
• Their friends are in LA
• Their life is in LA
• They live in LA (that seemed redundant, but, Tina said it, so it stays)
• Bette’s work is in LA - she just had a very successful gallery opening
• They just re-built their house
• One of them is gonna be facing a murder charge very soon
That last one may not be true…. & certainly wasn’t mentioned on the show.
And speaking of their newly re-built house, Alice doesn’t think it’s such a good idea for Bette & Tina to have ”this girl” move in with them. I should point out, that Bette & Tina are now getting changed behind one of the curtain-y things and keep popping their heads out to comment on everything Alice says.
“This girl” (I just like how disparagingly it’s said) is their birth mother and they’re picking her up from the station at 7am tomorrow. 7am!? That’s insanely early…. Does she have to make a midnight get-away so her parents don’t know where she’s going?
Alice compares the situation to Baby Mama which I’ve not seen, so the relevance is lost on me… I think basically it’s a bad thing. Alice is actually painting a very dim picture of Marci… it seems mean; she’s never met the girl, why is she being so judgemental?
Oh, and apparently, the worst possible scenario… ”One of you could end up having an affair with her.” Yes, ‘cos heavily pregnant, teenage (sorry, she’s 22, not a teenager) straight girls are just so very, very tempting. Well, maybe for Helena - remember when Helena had a fetish for pregnant women?
Bette’s had enough - being falsely accused of hypothetical cheating twice in the space of a few minutes can’t be much fun - and has a rant ”I am not some fucking loose cannon that just fucks everything that walks okay? I can be trusted”. To which Alice replies ”I didn’t say it was gonna be you.”
Bette helps Tina to fasten her very pretty dress and Alice adds fuel to the fire by asking ”Is Marci hot?”
Bette & Tina are less than impressed. Alice is less than impressed too ‘cos ”You guys, you’re bringing me down”… she makes her exit all dolled up in her hippie outfit, complete with flower painted on her cheek, and parts with ”Peace my sisters” which, of course, Bette mocks. Lol.
Sunset’s on stage. Helena’s watching & pining & still drinking heavily up on a balcony somewhere. Tina joins her looking phenomenal… truly, Laurel Holloman is gorgeous! Tina apologises for the big Dylan mess and insists that ”She’s in love with you.” to which Helena replies ”Then where is she?” Good question!
Sunset introduces Jamie, Jamie introduces Alice, Alice introduces Marie (the girl she talked off the ledge in that one episode that was really quite good…. Uhm LMAO, whichever that was). There’s lots of talking & it’s all very dull. Jamie asks who wants to start the donating (right, ‘cos this is a fund-raising event… sorry, didn’t say that before)… upon seeing Jenny approaching, Bette suddenly feels very generous and drags Tina on to the stage to donate $1500 - that seems rather a lot, but, it’s for a good cause.
The pledging procedure seems odd, you just run on stage shout out a number and that’s how much you’ll pledge. Oh, whilst dancing, of course, ‘cos if you stop dancing, you’re out.
Oh look, Kit’s re-living her glory days as Foxy Brown! Sunset & Kit are flirting shamelessly like they always have; it seems odd after she threw a drink in his face last week.
Jenny apologises to Helena - is it ‘everyone apologise to Helena’ day? Helena’s not buying it though and walks right on by to talk to Alice, who tells her ”Don’t listen to anything she says Helena, she’s certifiable. Really.” Lol.
Helena must dance! Jamie even offers to dance with her, which Tasha thinks is really sweet. Ick! Alice drags her off to find her a number, leaving Tasha & Jamie to have an awkward little - ”if you don’t know, I’m not gonna tell you” - moment (it was almost an admission of mutual attraction, but, it’s too early in the episode & they need to drag it out until the end).
More boring talking about the rules of the dance marathon…. Dull dull dull.
And now….. ”Everybody dance!”….. Still dancing. …..Still dancing. Can something happen now?
…..Bette sighs (well, that’ll do) Oh, Jodi’s there, being obscene with some random woman. Tina tells Bette ”Don’t let her ruin your night, okay? She’s probably just here to do some good.” Tina’s unwavering faith in the goodness of everyone is magnificent. Really. I wish I had that much faith in people.
Bette’s in the mood to confess - she has nothing to confess, but Jenny’s holding a video (yeah, a video, I thought she’d just taken a picture) over her head like a knife - and she tries to tell Tina that she didn’t have sex with Kelly. Only this character in this show would ever need to confess to not cheating. Before she can tell her (not at all) dirty little secret, Alice interrupts to ask if they think anything is going on between Tasha & Jamie. Tina reassures as best she can with what no inside knowledge she has, and Alice dances away. Bette tries again to make her anti-confession, but no, Alice interrupts again (I told you she’d make a habit of that). Bette & Tina both reassure Alice this time, and off she dances again. By which point, Bette’s decided that confessing to nothing is really stupid and so she decides it can wait until later.
More dancing….
Oh, time for a break. After which, there will be line dancing - Joy!
Jodi ignores Bette in the toilets. Bette doesn’t appreciate being ignored and initiates conversation, which she wishes she hadn’t ‘cos Jenny told Jodi about Bette & Kelly! Why? That’s just insane. Oh, & apparently, Jodi asked Kelly about it & she confirmed everything that Jenny said! What the hell?
Jodi’s glad she dodged a bullet with Bette & feels very sorry for Tina. Whatever.
Oh please, no, not more dancing! There are people wearing very bright jeans & t-shirts on the stage and everyone else is line dancing. They learned this dance very quickly.
Several conversations go on at once now, all interspersed with dancing.
Shane doesn’t want Bette & Tina to move to NY, and wants to know what would happen with Angie & the new baby. Tina points out that ”If we go to New York, they’re gonna come with us!” in a very sweet way.
Jenny wants to know if Bette’s told Tina about Kelly.
Bette wants to kill Jenny.
Tasha & Jamie flirt & discuss Tasha volunteering.
Alice thinks there’s something going on between Tasha & Jamie - Helena agrees.
More dancing.
Oh look, Nikki’s there. No hordes of screaming fans today though. She finds Shane - it’s like she has some sort of homing device, every room she walks into Shane’s stood there in front of her. Nikki apologises for running away when Shane threw up. They flirt. Shane tries to look like she’s resisting but she’s clearly not.
A bell rings and it’s time for the competition round. The winner, wins absolutely nothing, oh, a donation made on their behalf, but, that just seems pointless. Why not donate the money anyway & just, not bother with the dancing?
Some random people dance.
Alice looks silly. Oh, she’s trying to be Salt ‘n’ Pepa-y…. it just doesn’t work. She looks stupid.
Shane’s getting into her costume, which is just her regular clothes - tight jeans, shirt, tie. Jenny’s making her compete, but she’s not terribly enthusiastic. She & Alice have a tense conversation about how Shane shouldn’t be with Jenny, but, she’s not gonna do a damn thing about it. I don’t know why though. Shane seems very miserable. Then again, so would I be if I were trapped in a relationship with Jenny.
Time for Shane & Jenny’s dance. Jenny thinks she’s a Spaniard, Shane thinks she’s in Hell, but, it kinda works. She’s the reluctant suitor to a crazy bitch. There’s dancing. There’s yucky Shenny kisses. And this cannot be over fast enough!
Backstage (again) oh, Tasha & Jamie look silly in the Salt ‘n’ Pepa get up too. Bette & Alice try to psych each other out again - it’s vaguely sweet, I guess, but I just feel uncomfortable watching it. It’s obviously working though, ‘cos Alice is worried and Bette’s turned into scary dominant season one Bette and is lecturing Tina as if she’s a child. Why does Tina still put up with that? Don’t go back to being all complacent Tina, kick her into touch!
Shane & Nikki share a lingering look; Jenny looks on, less than impressed.
Alice is now really worried and is sat panicking, minus her wig. She decides that she has no rhythm - Dana told her that once - despite the fact that she choreographed the whole dance. This of course, is less about the dance, and more about the fact that she thinks there’s something more than ‘friend love’ between Tasha & Jamie.
Tasha reassures her, tells her she’s wonderful, in an ”I’m in a turquoise onesie for you” kind of way. (Tasha, that’s not turquoise, it’s bright blue!) - It’s really not about the dance at all, but I think only Alice knows that.
And there they are dancing, and looking generally silly. It’s supposed to be funny, I understand that it’s meant to be funny, but, I’m just embarrassed for them all.
One of the judges awards them 5.5 points, which Bette & Tina good naturedly tease them about. Then there’s a sweet little moment where Bette pulls Tina in for a little hug - I feel like that was an ad-libbed moment that Jennifer & Laurel added in. I feel like all of these sweet little moments are added in by Jennifer & Laurel.
Oh, there’s a random girl who looks like Molly. Or, the back of her head does anyway, I briefly wondered what she was doing there, but, it’s not Molly. Shame. That would have been interesting.
Oh look, Shane & Nikki are having sex in the bathroom. Am I missing something? Are they pushing the Nikki & Shane thing for a reason? I thought we figured out that it was doomed when Shane threw up on her last week? I know Shane’s all trapped and miserable, but, I just don’t think that Shane & Nikki are a good pairing.
Time for Bette & Tina’s dance - Tina changed her dress. Has Bette changed her dress too? I liked Tina’s flow-y silver-y dress. I like the nice tight black one too though…. ‘tis yummy! :)
Oh, cleavage! That’s some niiiiice cleavage! *drools* I might just pause on that shot for a few minutes….
….Okay, I’m good. :D
Oh good lord! It’s all lace-y laced up at the back! I LOVE that dress! Can we remake the whole 6 seasons with Tina wearing that dress in every episode? Please?
So, we have Bette & Tina dancing combined with Shane & Nikki sex.
And then…. We find Helena in the crowd. We scan down to Helena’s hand and see someone walk up beside her and lovingly take hold of said hand. Then we hold our breath and hope against all hope that this is Dylan…
Oh look - It is Dylan! I actually, honestly cheered at this point! :D Dylan apologises - See? It is apologise to Helena day! - Helena smiles.
Bette & Tina are just goddamn sexy! Oh, cleavage again! Cleavage & laced up back! I wish I was that dress… Jennifer Beals is the luckiest woman in the world! Look at Bette’s hand going all the way up Tina’s thigh!
More Shane & Nikki sex.
More shots of Tina’s cleavage.
Dylan & Helena dancing.
More sexy dancing.
Dylan & Helena kiss.
The dance gets even sexier.
Everyone cheers!
The judges give TiBette a really good score and they have a sweet celebratory hug before leaving the stage. They touch knuckles - do people do that? Is touching knuckles an accepted celebratory motion? Tina high tens Jamie…. Jamie? Why? Bette teases Alice - who looks miserable (she wanted to win everything, remember?). Jodi signs ”good job” but it’s not sincere, then she makes sure her boobs are securely squashed into her dress - no really, she does - and then it’s time for her dance. Oh, Jodi’s really good at dancing, who knew? Apparently not Bette… Tina asks ”Any regrets?”, Bette turns to her and without a second thought, replies ”Not a one.” Aww!
Jodi’s dance got three 10s, Alice is unimpressed, Tasha doesn’t care ‘cos it was just for fun anyway - this annoys Alice… she wanted to win damn it! Aww, where did Tina’s sexy dress go? I wonder if she’s naked under that robe?
Tasha sits and giggles with Jamie, Alice looks hurt, but insists that she’s fine and then sits with Bette & Tina; who are beginning to notice that there might be something between Tasha & Jamie and are very sympathetic & reassuring.
In the VIP area, Nikki is an idiot. Jenny approaches & one of her entourage tries to warn her - ”Nikki, twelve o’ clock… No, the other twelve… Behind you!”
Random entourage is dismissed - she moves like, one chair over - and Jenny sits next to Nikki. Jenny is not there to reprimand Nikki…. That’s nice to know, although, Nikki claims that she already knew that. If I’d just had sex with Jenny’s girlfriend in the toilets I’d be a little bit more scared, but, maybe Nikki is too dumb to be scared?
Jenny thinks that Nikki should auction off a date with herself, so that people don’t think she’s shallow & vain. And she sells this idea of hers - which, although it seems quite innocent, is actually part of a diabolically psychotic (or maybe, psychotically diabolical) plan - by appealing to Nikki’s vanity!
Good lord! How many hair slides is Jenny wearing? Is that her version of a tin foil hat? Or are they all there to hold her brains in, lest the crazy leak out?
Jenny leaves and random entourage - who was sitting on the chair right next to Jenny - reclaims her spot and asks Nikki what that was all about. Seriously? She didn’t hear all that? She was less than a foot away from the conversation!
I see outside - I was beginning to think there was no outside. I was genuinely worried that we’d be trapped inside Hit! for the rest of the season, but no, there is outside & that’s where Helena & Dylan are kissing and being generally sweet. Helena says that this reminds her of when she was 14 and used to sneak out of boarding school so that she could snog Bridget someone or other… which is funny, ‘cos I was just thinking that they looked like a couple of love-struck teenagers. Dylan asks what happened to Bridget… turns out she went off with a maths genius called Jonathan & kinda broke Helena’s heart. Aww.
Helena tries to apologise - she must feel like it’s her turn, since every else has apologised to her - but Dylan stops her. ”No more apologies. I think, I think we need to just start new, okay? Can we do that?” Helena nods her agreement and all is well in the world of Dylena. Aww.
Back inside. No! No, don’t make me go back in there! I only just got out! Aww crap… they’re all still dancing.
Nikki approaches the stage and surprise surprise, she’s taken Jenny’s bait & is auctioning off a date with herself. Bidding starts at $500 and as soon as it reaches $1000 Nikki decides that she’s worth much more than that and insists on $2000 (‘cos she makes really good pancakes). I don’t think Nikki quite understands how auctions work.
And then, just when everyone thinks that $2000 is far too much, the voice of evil pipes up and offers $25,000. Where the heck do these people get all of their spare cash from? I wonder if they’d donate any of it to me? Just a little bit, I need a new laptop. The spotlight finds Jenny, who pretends to be all coy and then makes her way to the stage.
Sunset announces that this is the largest donation of the night and Alice has lost the second of her competitions.
Poor Alice. Extra “poor Alice” ‘cos Tasha doesn’t appear to care all that much - she’s just not getting how important this is for Alice. Tasha, Alice needs to win something, ‘cos she knows that she’s losing you. I could cry. I want beginning of the season Talice back…. those who giggled through an entire argument and made me want their relationship to survive! *Sigh*
Jenny wants to say something… ”Shane, you don’t have to fuck her in a bathroom any more. You don’t have to sneak around. I don’t want you to do that; so I bought her for you, so you can have her whenever you want.”
Everyone’s jaw drops and then, then we have the moment where I actually become completely terrified for Shane. Jenny walks to her and tells her - ”Listen, I don’t care. You can fuck whoever you want, whenever you want. Fuck Nikki, fuck whoever; I know that you need it. It doesn’t scare me… because I know you. Okay?” Then she walks away and leaves a terrified Shane behind.
I believe that that is what’s referred to as ‘the calm before the storm’ - Jenny has reached the point of absolute psychoses and there is no turning back. If I didn’t know that she’s gonna die soon, I’d fear for everyone’s lives.
Oh look, the sun! It’s the morning… when did that happen? Sunset rambles about how wonderful everyone is & how grateful the kids will be.
Backstage (yet again), Jodi is there and Bette approaches to congratulate her on her dance. Bette doesn’t know why she cares what Jodi thinks of her, but she does care & she cares enough to promise Jodi that she did not cheat on Tina. She hasn’t even mentioned this alleged cheating to Tina, but she’s promising her ex that it never happened?! Jodi has a philosophical moment, something about how we start every new day by promising ourselves that we’ll be better, but the problem is in the execution. Execution? Is someone loosing their head? Figuratively or literally? If it’s literally can I vote for Kelly? If it’s figuratively, we all already know that it’s Jenny.
Jodi wishes Bette & Tina all the best, and she seems sincere, which is quite sweet. Bette isn’t sure whether to hug Jodi or not. She struggles with this for quite a while in fact, but in the end, decides against it & walks away.
Elsewhere, Jamie is sleeping, and Alice goes to wake her. Alice has to ask, if Jamie has feelings for Tasha - her voice almost breaks as she say’s Tasha’s name, it’s so sad :( - Jamie doesn’t really answer, but insists that she would never do anything. Sadly, this is not what Alice wants to hear, and she slowly walks away with tears in her eyes.
Oh, outside again! Daylight! Nowhere near Hit! No dancing!
We’re at a bus station. Lots of buses. No really, lots… I feel the use of so many buses was unnecessary. I’m finding that quite a lot of this entire episode was unnecessary.
Bette & Tina are there - remember, they’re picking Marci up at stupid o’ clock in the morning - & Bette looks really pretty. They’re discussing NY - Bette thinks it feels really right; Tina needs to clear some things up, so:
Gallery - Bette can work from NY (that was simple)
Friends - Bette loves their friends, but she has to trust that they’re like a family and leaving LA doesn’t mean leaving them. (sweet)
And, Tina’s convinced. They hug and Tina’s adorable and ”Oh my god! We have to apply for schools. Like, right now.” Yes you do, ‘cos you have a child. I have no idea where she is - at home with the builders I guess - but you do have a child!
Oh crap, we’re back at Hit!
A ‘guy’ is on stage with the mic… which Kit will not stand for - I thought people were allowed to just grab the mic & make a pledge? Why does Kit need to sort out this guy? - You do know that it’s Sunset, right? ‘Cos Kit, has absolutely no idea. I don’t know how she doesn’t know, but, she doesn’t know.
Sunset ‘comes out’ as a straight man who loves his gay & lesbian family - the collective gasp of shock at this announcement just irritates me. All of these people are idiots!
Kit’s pissed off - ”you lied to me” - not really, he just dressed in drag for you. You knew he was a drag queen. Oh please tell me that Kit knew that he was a drag queen? Sunset (sorry, Sonny Benson) begs Kit to give him a chance, but, Kit needs to wrap her head around the stupidity of this entire storyline and walks away.
More buses. Joy. Marcie’s bus has arrived, everyone filters off - Why are Bette & Tina stood so far apart? - but, uh-oh, no Marcie. Tina goes to make sure she didn’t fall asleep on the bus whilst Bette checks her voice messages. Neither one of them finds anything.
Bette cries and shakes her head. Tina cries and shakes her head. I cry and shake my head. Bette sits down, drops her head into her hands and cries some more. Then I wonder why they’re still stood so far apart?! Comfort each other for goodness sake!
Tasha & Alice are slow dancing at Hit! Alice has her head in Tasha’s shoulder & looks very sad :( and barely manages to tell Tasha - ”I want you to know that I’ve never loved you more. And I want you to be happy” & I’m crying right along with her as she asks ”Do you wanna be with Jamie?”
They break away slightly to look at each other and after an excruciating silence Tasha tries to answer, but just can’t find the words. Alice tells her it’s okay and it hurts my heart to see Alice so very, very sad… Tasha insists that ”I’m not ready to let you go.” which is just mean. That’s like saying, “I am gonna leave you eventually, but I wanna stick around and torture you for a while first”.
They hug. Alice’s heart breaks into a million tiny pieces. They’re announced as the winners of the ‘last couple standing’, but Alice really doesn’t care.
I hate that I had to watch that twice! I don’t like when Alice is sad.
Well, it’s all over next week (this week, I guess). I hope I’m more impressed with the L Word ending than I was with the BtVS ending.