Anxiety, a timeline
A while back I had strong feelings for a young lady that were not reciprocated. This was the start. At that time as I was going through that rejection, I started to have anxiety attacks. Honestly it sometimes felt like I was having a heart attack. Sometimes it would well up in an uncontrollable wave of panic. Most of the time I was able to keep control over it, but it wasn't always easy. I got help.
2020 has brought up a lot of that again, for different reasons this time. While I try not to, I really don't feel that I can go into a lot of situations that I used to take for granted. Because of COVID.
I have no issues wearing a mask in public spaces where I can't expect social distancing to be easily kept. This doesn't mean I'm willing to spend a lot of time out shopping, or going to restaurants, or really anyplace where there are more than three people who are not related to me. Crowds have always bothered me, and now there's no way on this planet that I would ever put myself in a place to be a "member of a crowd". This means, no car shows, though I would like to go. This means no autocross, though I would like to compete. This means no to a lot of things that might otherwise have happened over my summer and fall.
I am essential personnel. No I'm not in any sort of medical field or a first responder in any sense of the term. I am, however, support personnel for first responders.
Personally I look forward to a new Biden administration, and am hoping for a national lockdown. It will be super easy for me to continue to come in to work, since I have credentials identifying me for my job function and employer. I get a pass that others will not, and that will make them chafe at it, but we need to do this.
As much as I despise holidays, I still like making my family happy. They miss holiday gatherings. I don't miss them, but for the effect it has on those family members. This year there have been no family gatherings, and there will be none for the upcoming holiday. My sister and I agree with this. Our parents are elderly and fall into that category of folks who might be more susceptible to coming down with this thing that could kill them. None of us want to get it, and we do have other, younger, family members who have gotten it and come through, as well as friends and acquaintances who have gotten it.
If you love your family, I implore you to find other ways of doing family gatherings for the holidays. We'll be doing family zoom holidays. What will you do to keep your family safe?