The Pianist [Chapter 11/?]
Title: The Pianist
Author: zetastation
Beta: matturemuser
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: language, fluff, kind of domestic Belldom? lol
Summary: Matt and Dom have a new mission.
Feedback: Yes, please!
Disclaimer: I don't own Muse nor any song mentioned in this story. This is a work of fiction and never happened. No offence intended. The photography from the banner was taken by take_a_bow06 (thank you sweetie! <3) and edited by me.
Author's Note: I can't stop laughing. 7667 words LMAO. Everytime I try to write a short chapter but I just can't! This chapter was one of the most difficult ones to write and there's nothing great about this one! I don't know why the hell it gave me so much trouble, I only know I'm not really satisfied with this chapter, idk, I think it could be better... I struggled so much, experienced anger, sadness and even sickness and I don't like the result. But, well, it's done and, well, please let me know if you like it Xxx
Dedicated to my kind, amazing friends who helped me plotting. Also, nuraicha, I'm sorry for being a cunt lately. Love you <3
(During flashbacks, conversations are in italics and narrative is regular)
Previous Chapter
***
The cold breeze blowing on my face made me feel chilled so I zipped up my jacket, burying my hands in its pockets; but when my fingers brushed over something inside one of the pockets, I took it out to take a look and found out a lighter. I didn’t even remember putting it in there.
It had been a while now…
I traced the lighter with my fingers, staring at it and wondering if using it again would be a good idea or not. The night was freezing and maybe a cigarette could help me to ward off the cold. I used to do that years ago, why not try it once again? Alright, I know I had promised Matthew that I would stop with the smoking, and I actually have been a good boy, sticking to my promise. But truth is that there are times I just can’t help it, especially when something worries me a lot.
And lately… There are things upsetting me so much. I know I’m being irrational for thinking I could stand a chance with Matt and- Stop it, Dominic. Just stop it. By now, after all these years, I should be convinced of the fact that it won’t ever happen, no matter how much I want it.
Just get over it, you idiot.
Sighing, I decided to scrutinize my pockets again and found three cigarettes. I lit one of them, led it to my lips and pulled the smoke into my mouth, removed the cigarette and inhaled quickly. Then I fully exhaled and felt that typical rush of pleasure.
I’d missed that…
I’m more than sure that Matthew would get so mad at me if he caught me smoking again. The last time I officially did it was when I was still recovering from the pain of the loss of my father. I remember that day very well. Matt was with me, we were in my bedroom, sitting on the floor and resting our backs against the wall. Not a word had been said until then, we just went to my room, sat and I lit the cigarette. It had been almost a month since my father had passed away and I’d gotten into a deep depression back then. Even so, Matt was always with me.
I remember I was so hopeless and immersed in bad thoughts that I was not paying attention to my surroundings, so when I felt Matt placing a hand on my thigh I stirred and looked at him, with widened eyes. He just stared at me with concern, a sad frown on his face and used the other hand to touch my face. I didn’t understand what he was trying to do, so I just let him keep going. The next thing he did was pull the cigarette out from my lips, throwing it through the window that we were sitting under.
When I thought of protesting, he quickly hugged me, as he had never done before. And look, we’d hugged each other many times, but this one was different somehow. It felt like he was trying to protect me from any further harm, and I felt safe in his arms. I’d been feeling so defenceless and distressed back then, and that simple hug made me realise that there are people who care about me, who don’t want to see me sad or destroying myself like I’ve been doing lately.
My father died of a heart attack and he smoked during his entire life. I shouldn’t follow his path.
Matt just stayed like that, hugging me as if his life depended on it, and he only whispered, “Stop with it. Promise me you’ll stop it, please,” and I nodded. After all, I didn’t want to cause more pain to my friends and family.
After that, I remember smoking again only once within the past five years. Matt didn’t know about it. It happened when he proposed to Gaia.
And tonight… Well, here I am, alone on the balcony of a friend’s house, while the rest of the people are inside having fun at the party. Matt, Gaia and some of our relatives and friends are here too. I just couldn’t stay in there with everybody, at least not after seeing Matt and Gaia dancing together, so close and kissing.
What the hell am I thinking now? It’s pure jealousy, it’s always been jealousy. Jealousy and cowardice, lack of attitude from my side, and now it’s too late and I know I can’t complain.
I love Matt. Too bad I realised it when he was already dating Gaia. There’s nothing I can do right now and I still need to accept this fact. But it’s really hard, especially when I have to see him almost everyday and not be able to express my feelings for him. It’s also torture whenever I see him with Gaia. Of course I’m sounding selfish, I can’t help it. I should be happy for Matthew, because he found someone who cares about him, but I wish I could be that someone…
And that will never happen.
The cold wind blew a bit harder and I felt my bones chilling. I even had goosebumps. After inhaling more of the cigarette, I heard footsteps and looked over my shoulders, just to find Matt walking in my direction, with a reproachful look in his face and crossing his arms over his chest.
Oh, shit.
He stopped beside me and asked, “Why are you smoking?” Because of you, of course. “I thought you’d promised you’d quit.”
“I did. It’s just that… Tonight is an exception, okay? It won’t happen again,” I looked away. I couldn’t stand staring at his disapproving look. Suddenly I felt guilty.
“I hate the smell of smoke on you,” he said, clinging onto the collar of my jacket and making me look back at him again. I was confused for a moment, then I saw how disappointed he looked; a deep frown on his face and a glisten of sadness in his blue eyes.
Guilty. That’s the best word to describe how I felt in that moment. Memories from the day of our promise came flooding back and I had no excuse to tell him. I should just shut up.
“Why is tonight an exception?”
“B-because…” C’mon, Dom! You can’t tell him the truth! Think of something, anything! “I-I’m stupid.”
“You’re smoking again. Yeah, you’re stupid.” Oh, I’d forgotten Matthew can be harsh when he needs to.
“Sorry… It’s just that there are some… Disturbing thoughts in my head lately.” Well, that was not a lie.
“What disturbing thoughts?”
“Eh… Stuff. You wouldn’t like to know,” Brilliant, Dominic. Just come up with something useful, you’re obviously lying!
“Dominic, stop. I know you’re lying.”
“I was thinking about Dad,” No, no, no… You should not say that, Dom!
“Oh,” his expression quickly changed, from angry to concerned, “Dom… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called you stupid. I’m sorry.” He placed a sympathetic hand on my shoulder.
Is there a more appropriate word than ‘guilty’? Because I don’t know what else could express how I was feeling. Using the painful memories of my father was not something I would be proud of, but unfortunately, they were the first thing that popped into my stupid mind.
I bit on my bottom lip and frowned. I should have come up with something else, “I was not supposed to-”
“Shut up, Dom,” Matthew pulled me into a tight hug, softly pressing his lips against mine for a short moment before placing his head on my shoulder. “I’m sorry… You should’ve told me earlier. You’re so melancholic lately. I had no idea,” he whispered.
Why did he have to do that? Why? What’s the point of kissing me if there are no feelings involved? To comfort me? It doesn’t help anything...
“Matt, I-”
“I told you to shut up, alright?” he covered my mouth with one of his hands, but kept hugging me. “It’s gonna be okay…” Matt sighed and his hot breath tickled the skin of my neck.
I don’t deserve him; he’s too good for me…
***
I’d not slept this well in a really long time. Everything felt so cosy and good… I felt the sunshine heating my body in a subtle way and all I could hear was calm, deep breathing. Still with my eyes closed - and not fully awake yet - I tried to move one of my hands and felt some sort of soft surface. Skin, to be more precise.
As if it had life on its own, my hand carefully crept even further beneath what I suspected was clothes. I could even feel goosebumps forming on the skin I was touching, and its owner quietly stirred, grunting lowly.
The noise certainly woke me and I opened my eyes to find Matthew sleeping right in front of me. In my arms. I mean, first, he was already waking too, judging by the way he was wriggling on the bed; second, we were both intertwined in each other’s arms with our legs tangled together.
I held my breath. Oh, no no no! What?
I realised my hand was placed right on the exposed skin of his sides, over his ribs. Matthew had his arms wrapped around my neck and, when he tried to stretch with them still lacing my neck, he buried his face into my chest, exhaling loudly.
And yes, I froze.
In a matter of seconds, I felt Matt moving again, and the next thing I saw was his mussed brunet head turning up, so he could look directly into my eyes. I expected to see horror, disgust and discomfort. What I didn’t expect to see was the softening of his blue eyes, the contented smile and the melting of his body against mine.
Then I heard him sighing and his body relaxed, scooting closer as if he was seeking a better position to accommodate himself.
Oh, what’s happening?!
“Dom?”
I need to leave, for god’s sake! This is not normal!
“Sorry!” I didn’t think twice before disentangling myself from him, getting up from the bed in a hurry, “Oh, god! I’m so sorry! Sorry!”
“Hey!” Matt sat up on the mattress and looked at me, confused. What did I do to him?! He’ll hate me forever.
“Shit! Sorry!” I just fucked up our friendship! I hurried to the door of his bedroom and had just enough courage to glance back at him one last time before I left.
And I saw him grinning.
Why?! He was supposed to be disgusted with me!
Just… Why…?
***
I tried to avoid Matthew throughout the morning. I just couldn’t be sure of what was going on. On leaving his bedroom, I went to my own and took a shower; then I decided to postpone meeting with Matthew, so I just spent the next hours watching telly - even if I was not really paying attention to what was being aired.
Why I was avoiding him? Maybe it won’t make much sense, but truth is that I was confused about what was going on. First, we shouldn’t have kissed last night. I don’t know what the hell happened to us for that to have occurred. It was probably the alcohol's fault… Right? We had both been drunk and Matt must not have been aware of what he did. Actually, I don’t think he really remembered what we did last night. Otherwise he’d have shoved me off the bed in anger, or maybe even beaten me up? I have no idea how he would've reacted.
But I was caught by surprise by his relaxed - and I must say almost ‘satisfied’ - expression. Yeah, he obviously didn't remember what had happened. Should I be happy about it? I think I should. At least he wouldn't come up with a bazillion questions which I couldn’t even answer.
Whatever, though I was almost completely sure that Matt was not aware of the kiss from the last night, I was feeling uneasy about it. I’d better try to avoid any further contact with him for the next days, until I had settled my thoughts down a bit and figured out a way to handle the situation. But it’d be hard. I’d have to deal with the guilt of my act. I shouldn’t even have allowed him to drink - not even myself - but then I never could have expected us to end up kissing like that!
After some time, I felt my stomach rumbling and realised I had not had breakfast yet. I sighed in recognition of my own stupidity. Matt was probably starving like me right now as he obviously didn't know how to cook - he actually never knew. I switched off the television and took a deep breath, gathering courage to go downstairs and knowing the chances of finding Matthew in the way.
Oh, god… I can only imagine him scrutinizing the inside of the refrigerator right now.
Damn it!
I got up from my bed and stopped on my tracks when I heard footsteps outside my room. Who the fuck am I? A 12-year-old schoolgirl?! Stop panicking, Dom! You’re annoyingly overreacting.
I put my hand on the door handle and turned it, slowly opening the door. I sneaked through the doorway and looked from one side to the other. No sign of Matthew.
Sighing in relief, I tiptoed to the kitchen. Fortunately, Matt was not there either; but I saw an empty bowl over the counter and box of Corn Flakes beside it. It seemed like Matthew didn’t wait for me to give him breakfast. I couldn’t help smiling. That was a sign that I was wrong about his level of dependence. I don't know why I insisted on treating him like a child. Shame on me.
I poured myself a glass of juice and prepared some toast. I had decided to eat upstairs in order to avoid Matt. But as the best laid plans often go awry, I bumped into Matt just as I was going around the corner leading to my room, spilling the orange juice all over his shirt.
“Oh, no! I had just taken a shower!” Matt whined.
“God, I’m sorry!” I apologised, placing the now empty juice glass and the plate with toast on the nearest corner table and hurrying back to check the ‘damage’ on Matt’s clothes.
“It’s okay, Dom! Don’t worry,” And the creature actually laughed at that situation! He had this painfully beautiful smile on his face while he smoothed the soaked spots on his shirt.
“It’s not okay. I’ll wash this for you as soon as possible, it’ll get stained otherwise,” I said, pointing to his shirt and then motioning with my hand for him to give me the dirty clothes.
“Oh, do you want me to take off my shirt?” Matthew quirked an eyebrow and smirked and I looked at him in confusion. Soon realisation struck me; sure that I was blushing, I finally realised what I was asking for.
“N-no, no!” I indiscreetly shook my head in denial, “You go back to your bedroom, change yourself there and give me the stained clothes!”
“But why? Couldn’t I give you this shirt right now?” He started to unbutton his shirt, “Much easier and quicker for you, isn’t it?” And there he was, smiling, holding up his top and standing shirtless in front of me as if he was trying to tease me somehow; but he couldn’t do such a thing, could he? I mean, what would be his reasons? I’m just imagining things…
When I thought of grabbing his shirt and disappearing from his sight as soon as possible, my eyes caught sight of the faint scars along his sides. Fortunately, they were nothing big or deep; but still, they would never bring good memories.
Also, I know I had seen Matthew like this before, shirtless - actually with no clothes at all - but that was a totally different situation and I didn’t pay attention to his scars. I just focused on helping him that day. And in the other days, yes, of course I noticed his scars, but today… I don’t know, they just caught my attention more than the usual.
“Dom…?” Matt called me out of my trance, a confused look on his face.
“Yes?”
“Are they that scary?”
“What?”
“You know, the scars,” he placed a hand on his right side, smoothing the stigmatized pale skin there.
“Oh, no, Matt!” As if by instinct, I quickly landed my hand over his and he looked up at me, surprised. I felt a lump forming in my throat while we exchanged an empathic look. “I have scars like those too,” I said, withdrawing my hand and scratching my head.
“Do you?”
“Yeah, on my arm too,” I folded the left sleeve of my shirt and showed him the almost imperceptible scars on my wrist. “See?”
“Oh… I’ve never noticed them…” he carefully held my hand and analysed the light marks there, tracing them with his fingers, softly. “I have this one too.” Matt turned his back to me and ducked his head, lifting the hair on his nape and exposing the back of his neck. There was a noticeable scar there, which could be perfectly hidden by his hair.
“I’ve not seen this one before,” I said, gently holding his neck with one hand and brushing the thin line of scar with my thumb.
I noticed the way his hair bristled and I moved away from him.
“Well,” I cleared my throat, “I need to wash your shirt.” I changed the subject and Matthew turned to face me again, handing me the shirt. I muttered a ‘thanks’ and bolted to the laundry.
***
Avoiding Matthew during the whole week was not my intention, but after the incident that night, I found myself clueless about what I should do. I believe it was more his questions I was avoiding than Matt himself. I was afraid he would raise a topic in which I could get deeply embarrassed.
I spent quite some time questioning myself about whether Matt remembered about that kiss. He kept behaving like there was nothing wrong so I assumed he didn’t remember it. To be honest, his behaviour indeed changed, but not in a bad way; quite the contrary, he has been very… Well, last night I was alone on the couch, watching a movie, until I heard footsteps and noticed Matt approaching the couch. He quickly asked if he could sit there too and I nodded, sitting straight. There were three more empty seats for him to pick from, and I don’t know why, but he chose the one right beside me. I swallowed hard and tried to focus my gaze only on the television.
After a while I relaxed and decided to enjoy Matt’s presence, but as soon I noticed he was scooting closer to me and I felt his knee touching mine, I went into high alert state again.
Call me crazy, paranoid, idiotic or whatever, but I was afraid and my fear might be irrational. I don’t know what to think, if Matt remembers the kiss, why would he act like this? If he doesn’t remember, again, why would he act like this? What does this sudden increase in closeness mean? Could it be just a natural move of his? Why?
God! So many questions! I wish I had the guts to ask him if he remembers or not! But I’m also afraid of his answer… I don’t want him to think that I’m using him or forcing situations between us. Another thing that worries me is that, if he finds out that I’ve been in love with him for a long time now, will he still believe me? Or would he think that all I’ve told him was a lie to make him trust me wholeheartedly to win his trust and then take advantage of his condition? I don’t know, I don’t know how he’d react! I don’t want to risk anything.
During the whole week, Matthew’s new behaviour caught me by surprise, leaving me more confused than I already was. For instance, I swear to god that he’d even changed the way he looks at me and now I could distinguish sweet glances from him at me, not to mention the enchanted, lovesick smiles and the strange sudden need to be closer all the time, whether I was cooking, washing dishes, bathing Hendrix or whatever.
That was very suspicious.
Or whenever we had to pass each other in the hallway and Matt tapped on my shoulders or on my back… Or the day when I was going to take the dirty clothes to laundry, I dropped them on the floor and Matthew helped me to collect them, occasionally touching my hand in the process… Or when I was cooking for him and he approached from behind, placing a hand on my shoulder and inclining his face forward to take in on the flavour of the pasta and whisper how good it smelled…
I just have one question: why?
All those thoughts were what I had in mind during the week we spent and I only felt relieved when Chris, Tom, Morgan or any other of our friends came to visit us; after all, we didn’t live isolated from the world. Having a third person in the house helped to distract me.
There was even this incident involving paparazzi. I had just woken up when I heard a eager knock on my door and Matt entered my room right away, saying something about people outside with cameras and microphones. I looked outside through the window and saw many paps surrounding Matt’s house. I warned him that we should stay indoors until they went away, but I called Chris, Tom and Dom A. to help us. Matt and I spent quite a while in my bedroom, lurking outside every now and then. I don’t even need to mention the awkward silence and Matt’s insistence on staying close to me.
That week we also went to visit his mum in the hospital twice and every time he ended up holding my hand, squeezing it gently… But I understand that those situations have nothing to do with my paranoid thoughts.
And today… Well, right now I’m laying on couch, reading a book and the last time I saw Matt, he was playing with Hendrix on the garden. Everything is finally peaceful and relaxing…
Well, it was until I heard my phone buzzing. I sighed in boredom, read the screen and picked up the call.
“Hey, Chris.”
“Dom, are you busy right now?” he said in a rush.
“Oh, hm, no. Why? Is everything okay?” I sat up, shutting the book and placing it on the coffee table.
“Can you come here? It’s very important. Kelly’s mum got sick and we’re gonna take her to the emergency.”
“What?!” I quickly stood up, as worried as Chris sounded, sought my keys and went outside, “I’m on my way.” Hanging up, I spotted Matt sitting under a tree and petting Hendrix on his lap. “Matthew!” I called out, striding towards him.
“Hm?” he looked up at me, stopping petting Hendrix’s head.
“We need to go, it’s an emergency!”
“What? Why? What happened?” Standing up with the dog in his arms, Matt asked.
“Kelly’s mum got sick and Chris asked us to come to his place,” I promptly explained.
“Oh, no!”
“We have to hurry, c’mon!” we hurried to my car.
***
“Do you guys think you can deal with it?” Kelly asked in a hurry as she helped Chris to lead her mother inside the car.
“You don’t need to worry about us, Kelly,” I said.
“We’ll take care of them as if they were our own children,” Matthew completed and I cast him a curious glance before looking back to Kelly and Chris.
“We’re so sorry for asking something like this from you guys. I know it’s inconvenient, given the circumstances...” Chris was obviously talking about me, as I was already taking care of Matthew. Would I be able to cope with more three human beings under my supervision? I would try my best, I’d do it for Chris and Kelly.
They didn’t take long to leave, leaving only Matthew, Hendrix and I. Yeah, Matt actually brought Hendrix with us. Oh, and the kids were still sleeping, but they probably would wake soon. It was already lunch time and they should be starving.
We were going to… babysit?! Yeah, it seems like that. We were going to babysit Alfie, Ava and Frankie for the next hours. I knew these kids very well and all I can say was, 10, 8 and 6-year-old children can do the same amount of damage as a small army. Or even much worse… Kelly ended up taking Ernie with her, since he’s just too young.
Matt sounded very excited about his new experience. Poor thing. I bet he wouldn’t be happy like this if he remembered what these kids could do. But maybe staying with them for a while was going to be useful, like a therapy, both for me and for Matt. He would interact more with them, relearn about them; and I would replace my current worries for something else.
I’m sure things will be okay.
Right…?
***
“Alfred, come back here!” I heard Matt calling out, followed by footsteps. They were obviously running around the house.
“NO!” A piercing childish shout came from the boy.
“MY DOLL!” A loud whimper from Ava.
Oh, and Frankie just started crying hysterically.
“Dom!” Matt called me.
“What?” I sighed, couldn’t interrupt my current task. Cooking.
“Dom!” Again. I think he didn’t hear me.
“Oh, my...” I sighed again, taking off the apron I was wearing until then and turned off the stove. We had decided that I’d prepare the lunch while Matt would try to keep an eye on the kids, but it was easier said than done.
I went to the living room, where the screams and cries came, “What happened?” I asked as soon as I caught sight of Matt holding Frankie in one arm only and trying to separate Alfred and Ava with the other.
Frankie’s face was completely red, tears streaming down from his eyes and he simply couldn’t stop crying. Alfie was holding a headless doll in one hand and… Oh, look! The missing head was in his other hand. Ava had a deflated plastic ball in her hands, a dropped pen at her feet and was shouting back at her brother.
Screams.
Cries.
More screams.
More cries...
“Enough!” I said, firmly, in a loud tone, making everyone look at me with surprised faces. Even Frankie stopped crying. “For god’s sake, could someone explain to me what’s going on here?!” I put my hands on my hips and waited for their answer.
“It’s his fault!”
“It’s her fault!” Ava and Alfie said at the same time, pointing at each other.
“Matt, what happened?” I crossed my arms.
“Oh, hm, Alfie ripped off the doll’s head and Ava stabbed his toy ball with a pen,” he shifted the weight of Frankie in his arms and looked down at the other two.
“Why did you rip the head off your sister’s doll?” I glanced at Alfred, who chose to stare at his shoes instead. I crouched to stay in his height. “So?” I asked calmly.
“I did it because Ava hid my ball...” the boy muttered to himself and I turned to face Ava, who also was with her head down.
“Is it true?” The girl only nodded. “And why did you do that?” she shook her head. “And what you did was right?”
“No.”
“What about you, Alfred?” I looked back at the boy. “Was that right?”
“No.”
“Well,” I stood up again and crossed my arms over my chest, “apologize to each other. You’re siblings and shouldn’t fight like this.” They looked hesitant at first, but soon gave in on the peeve and followed my advice. “Good!” I smiled, “We can go buy new toys after lunch.”
“Really?!” They looked at me hopefully and I nodded. Even Matt looked surprised and I promised a toy for Frankie, too.
“Thank you, Uncle Howie!” Alfie said with sparkling eyes.
“Howie, uh?” Matthew repeated mostly to himself, a smile on his lips. “Cute,” he chuckled.
And I blushed. As usual.
***
As I had promised, I took the kids (and Matt) to the toy store. We took different paths, Matt and Ava went down an aisle while Alfie, Frankie and I went down another one. Chris called me in the meanwhile saying that he was not sure if they could return in the same day; Kelly’s mum was under observation.
“I’m sorry, Dom. I’ve been trying to call Tom or Dom A. since this morning, but they don’t answer the calls… I don’t even know what they’re doing. And as it was an emergency, you and Matt were the only ones I could trust with my kids. Not that I don’t trust you guys! It’s just that I didn’t want to give you more responsibilities, you know? You’re already-”
“Hey, Chris! It’s alright. Really, I said you don’t need to worry about us! We’re doing well. Right now I’m in a toy store with the kids, we will visit the park and go back home,” I said while I observed Frankie and Alfie choosing their new toys.
“Are you sure?”
“Yep!”
“Thank you so much, mate… I don’t know how to thank you.”
“You don’t have to,” I smiled, “That’s what friends are for, right?”
“Still, thank you. Also, you guys will need to sleep at my place and there’s a guest room next the children’s. There are two beds.”
“Oh, that’s perfect then!” Matt and I sleeping in the same room…? Challenging!
“Alright, now I really have to go. Take care, okay?” he hung up the call.
“Dom, Dom!” I looked back and found Matt running towards me with a middle-sized box in his hands.
“Oh, my god… What’s that, Matt?!”
“Look how nice this thing looks!” he said cheerfully, showing me an Alien vs. Predator action figure.
“Oh… Cool. Is it for Ava? I don’t think she likes these kind of things.”
“No, no, no! It’s for me!” he grinned and I couldn’t help laughing. “What?”
“Nothing, it’s just that… I don’t know, this,” I pointed to the action figure. “this is so you...”
“What?! Do you think I look like this?!” Matt wrinkled his nose and I chuckled.
“Of course you don’t! What I meant was that you have always been interested in aliens and stuff.”
“Really?” he blinked a few times, looking surprised. “That’s cool then!”
“Yeah...”
“Uncle Bells,” Ava approached us cradling a pretty rag doll in her arms. “Can I take this one?”
“Hm...” he quickly glanced at me as if he was waiting for my approval and I nodded, smiling. “Yeah, sure! Why not?” Matthew stroked her hair and the girl giggled.
Once the children have chosen their new toys, we left the store and I drove to the park near Chris’ house. The park was a beautiful, quiet place, with a pond in the middle crossed by a small wooden bridge where it was possible to see a few people observing the fish in the limpid water. There were those who preferred to walk or ride a bike on a trail around the pond, just as there were the ones who opted to sit on the stone benches and watch their surroundings.
It was a very familiar place, with groups of people picnicking on the grass and even walking their dogs. Seeing those dogs made me think of Hendrix. Too bad we couldn’t take him with us this time.
We spent around an hour there. I played frisbee (Alfred’s new toy) with Frankie and Alfie while Matt and Ava chose to sit on one of those stone benches and watch us having fun. It was nice to see Matt and Ava chatting; he has always been Ava’s favourite uncle. I’m glad to know that at least their connection hadn’t vanished.
For the first time in that week, I forgot all my concerns and enjoyed the time with the kids.
Not long before we left the park, there was this time when I threw the disc and waited for one of the boys to throw me back. I got distracted by Matthew, who was watching the fish with Ava on the wooden bridge. He looked so happy… So beautiful… Smiling and laughing.
I love the way that dimples form at the corner of his mouth whenever he smiles.
But my quick observation cost me a bump on the head after being hit by the flying disc.
Eh, I actually collapsed on the ground and the next thing I remember was Matt and the kids near me, asking if I was okay. Matt touched the bump on my head and I hissed. Apologizing, he stood up and held up a hand to help me. I also remember Ava saying something about kissing it better, but no! Just no!
Before going back home, Matthew decided to buy ice cream for all. I was surprised when he brought me a chocolate one because that’s my favourite flavour. I thought that maybe that was a simple coincidence, since chocolate is the favourite flavour of many people; but when I asked which one he had chosen, I changed my mind.
“The guy told me it’s something called dulce de leche, I don’t know. It tastes really good though!” he said.
Guessing right both of our favourite ice creams could not be a simple coincidence.
***
The rest of the day went peacefully, without any other fights between the kids. We just spent more time together, we had a quick snack, watched a movie, played with Hendrix and before we knew it, it was already night. I ordered pizza for dinner and the kids were very happy with the idea; Ava was the only one who was hesitant at first, she said that if it was her mum, she wouldn’t allow them to have pizza at that time of night.
It was just after I had made sure the final child was in the shower that I realised that Matt and I had a bit of a dilemma. When we had left home, we had no idea how long we were going to be caught up in the babysitting caper. So of course, we hadn’t even thought about packing a change of clothes or any sleepwear… I didn’t get a great deal of time to consider it just then as Frankie burst in demanding a bedtime story.
I was not too inclined at first, but when I heard Matt’s happy agreement, I looked surprised at him. “Do you even remember any fairy tale?” I whispered to him while the kids were celebrating the forthcoming storytelling.
“Fairy tale?” he tilted his head to one side, frowning in confusion. How the heck did he agree with something he doesn’t even know how to do?
“Uncle Bells, please could you read this book?!” Frankie asked cheerfully, grabbing a book from the nightstand.
A book? Yeah, it may work.
We were in the room the boys share and both of them went to their respective beds. Matt and I dragged two pouffes near their beds while Ava decided to sit on the edge of Alfie’s mattress. She said she couldn’t sleep listening to stories.
I’m a man in my thirties and, to be honest, I’d never drifted off to sleep after or during a storytelling, but the sound of Matthew’s voice was so relaxing and peaceful that no one could resist it.
He managed to say things clearly, in a hypnotizing, quiet flow. It sounded like he was singing but with no musical rhythm; it was just the natural music that his voice could produce. Saying that he sounded like an angel might be too cliché, but I just can’t find another proper statement.
While the kids were quieting down, falling asleep, Matt’s voice came down to a discreet whisper. Leaning my back against the wall, I continued listening to him and soon I felt my eyes growing tired and my eyelids heavier than they should. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, slowly drifting off, but I still could hear my surroundings. I even heard the end of the story. Even if I was supposed to get up by that time, I gave in to the tiredness; the pouffe and the wall suddenly felt the most comfortable things on the world.
Silence fell on the room, but I heard Ava’s low, sweet voice asking, “Is there something wrong, Uncle Bells?”
“Hm? Why do you ask?”
“Mommy and Daddy said you were sick, that’s why you spent some time in the hospital.”
“Oh… Yeah, I was kinda sick...”
“I hope everything is okay.”
“Don’t worry, I’m fine.” I swear I could distinguish him smiling just by the tone of his voice.
“Whenever I’m sick, Mommy snuggles me and I always feel a lot better.” The last thing I remember was hearing her yawning and wishing Matt a good night.
I don’t know how long I stayed asleep, but the feeling of something brushing against my hair and then my face certainly woke me up.
And just to find a pair of beautiful blue eyes staring at me, sweetly, along with a lovely smile on Matt’s face. He continued to stroke my cheek with his thumb. Was that a dream?
“Hey, you fell asleep,” he chuckled.
He abandoned my face and walked towards the door, stopping in the doorway and looking back at me over his shoulders. Smiling.
“Let’s go to our bedroom.”
Is it possible for a heart to beat as fast as mine is doing right now?
I immediately stood up from the pouffe where I was sitting and followed Matt, closing the boys’ door. In our bedroom there were two queen size beds, a nightstand in the middle of them with a lampshade on it. When I thought we would finally rest, I recalled the clothes problem again.
“What the matter?” Matt asked, already toeing off his shoes as he sat on the edge of the bed.
“We can’t sleep in these clothes when we have to wear them again tomorrow.”
“But why not?”
“They’re soiled, Matt. We played in the park, with Hendrix, we sweated… They’ll also be all gross to put on the morning. Don’t you think it’s disgusting?” I wrinkled my nose.
“Eh, I don’t know...?”
“You don’t know or you don’t care, piggy?” I teased.
“I’m not a pig!”
“Whatever,” I shook my head, chuckling.
“So, what are we going to do? Borrow some of Chris’ clothes?”
“Oh, no, no. I don’t think we should. I mean, yeah, you and I have always been borrowing each other’s clothes, but with Chris it’s different.”
“Have we?” he quirked an eyebrow, looking curious.
“Uh, yeah, but only because we are the same size and-” I cleared my throat, sure that my face had just flushed, “So, we can’t sleep in these clothes, we can’t borrow from Chris, I’m tired as fuck so I’m not going to drive home right now just to get some spare clothes...” Tapping my chin I tried to figure out a solution for the problem.
But then an unexpected idea popped into my mind. No, no, no! ‘That’ was not an option! Sleeping in the soiled clothes maybe was not that disgusting, right?
Oh, no… I can’t stand the thought of having dirty clothes clinging to my body. How gross! But… How will I tell Matt that we’re going to sleep in ‘that’ way…?
“Dom?” Matthew brought my attention back to him.
“Eh… Matt, I need to, uh, tell you something,” I rubbed the back of my neck. What should I do?!
“What?” he stood up and stepped closer to me.
“Well, hm… Eh, you know, we have problem with our clothes, right?” he nodded. “So… How do I say it?” I asked more to myself than to Matt.
“Say what?”
“For lack of choice,” I emphasised these words, “I think that… W-we should… Please, Matthew. Listen to me first, I have an explanation for this idea. Don’t hate me after-”
“Dom, just say it!”
I bit on my thumb and looked away, trying to focus on anything but Matt while I told him, “I think we should sleep only in our boxers, because you know, I said our clothes are soiled and it’s extremely gross and ungraceful to sleep with- God!” I yelped when I looked back at Matt again and found him stripping off his shirt without thinking twice or questioning me.
“What?” he stopped taking off the shirt which was hanging on his arms now, exposing the slightly marked alabaster skin of his chest and his bony shoulders. My eyes landed onto his sharp collarbones and- “Dom, are you okay?” he gently asked as he finished stripping off the shirt, clumsily folding it and placing onto the recamier of his bed.
“N-nothing, I-I just… uh,” I tried, I really tried to turn away to give him privacy to take off his clothes, but I just couldn’t help glancing at him every now and then when he started undoing his belt, unzipping his trousers and letting them fall on the floor, revealing a pair of beautiful, pale, slim legs, narrow hips, protruding hipbones alongside his navel and a sparse amount of dark hair below it.
The sight of Matt only in navy-blue boxers was something I was not psychologically prepared to see tonight, and I should be careful about the effect it could have on me- Oh, wait, the effect it IS having on me right now.
I felt guilty for feeling turned on in that situation and when I realised I indeed had a boner, I mumbled an apology and hurried to the bathroom, but quickly glanced at Matt when I was about to close the bathroom door. He looked confused at me before lowering his gaze and arching his eyebrows in surprise.
Shit! Did he just see ‘that’?! Did he?! Oh, shit, shit! What the hell will I explain him now?
I counted on luck and left the bathroom - now only in my boxers too - in the moment I thought he had already gone to sleep. But I found him looking at his bed, arms crossed over his chest.
“W-what happened?” I asked.
“I can’t sleep here, Dom. Look,” and then he showed me a big wet orange spot on the mattress.
“What’s that?!”
“I think it was one of the children. It looks like orange juice.”
“Aw, no! Where are you going to sleep now?”
“With you, obviously!” he snorted.
“W-with me?!” What?! Matt and I, sleeping in the same bed, wearing nothing but boxers…?! WHAT?!
“Yeah, your bed is big enough! C’mon, don’t be mean!” Smiling, he went straight to my bed and slipped beneath the sheets.
“I-I don’t think it’s a good idea. I’ll sleep in your bed then.”
“No way! It’s wet, wouldn’t you find it disgusting?”
“But-”
“C’mon, Dom!” he sighed and patted the empty space beside him.
Oh, god. Is it even happening for real?! My head injury from earlier was that powerful to make me imagine things? It’s easier to face this situation as just a product of my imagination because this doesn’t feel like reality.
Hesitantly, I climbed on the bed, quickly covering myself with the sheets.
The same sheets Matt was sharing with me.
As I tried to relax and lay with my back to Matt, I felt the warm, soft skin of his legs brushing against mine while he was shifting positions on bed, getting comfortable. My first reaction was to curl up, dragging my knees up, trying to avoid any contact with him before I went crazy once and for all.
We wished to each other goodnight and Matt turned off the lamp.
Trying to relax with half-naked Matthew laying in the same bed as me was not tranquilizing; quite the contrary, I could only feel my muscles tense and I couldn’t close my eyes for long too. Soon I felt Matt placing a hand on my shoulder, shaking me slightly. I didn’t understand why he did that. Did he need something?
I lazily turned to face him, a questioning look on my face, and I didn’t even have the chance to ask what happened when I saw Matt ducking his face and felt him pressing a soft kiss to my forehead.
I lost the ability to speak and move, and all I could do was stare at him with wide eyes, completely caught off guard by his last move. In the other hand, Matt only smiled.
“W-what...” I tried to say.
“Better?” he asked and I looked even more confused at him. What did he mean?
“B-better…?! W-what are you-” I probably sounded frightened, judging by Matt’s chuckle.
“Yeah, the bump on your head. Does it still hurt?” he touched my forehead, smoothing the skin there with his thumb. “The kids said someone should kiss it better. Did it work?” If it worked?! Can I… I don’t know, if this is not real, can I just hug and kiss him ‘till dawn? No, better, ‘till forever. Can I do it?
“It did,” I replied in a whisper.
“Great! Have a good night, Dom,” he happily said, placing a last kiss to my cheek before turning away, his back to me.
“Good… night...” I touched with two fingers where he had kissed me and watched him drifting off to sleep, peacefully. Like an angel.
Falling asleep was an easier task now, especially when I could vividly remember his lips touching my skin, sweetly.
***
Author: zetastation
Beta: matturemuser
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: language, fluff, kind of domestic Belldom? lol
Summary: Matt and Dom have a new mission.
Feedback: Yes, please!
Disclaimer: I don't own Muse nor any song mentioned in this story. This is a work of fiction and never happened. No offence intended. The photography from the banner was taken by take_a_bow06 (thank you sweetie! <3) and edited by me.
Author's Note: I can't stop laughing. 7667 words LMAO. Everytime I try to write a short chapter but I just can't! This chapter was one of the most difficult ones to write and there's nothing great about this one! I don't know why the hell it gave me so much trouble, I only know I'm not really satisfied with this chapter, idk, I think it could be better... I struggled so much, experienced anger, sadness and even sickness and I don't like the result. But, well, it's done and, well, please let me know if you like it Xxx
Dedicated to my kind, amazing friends who helped me plotting. Also, nuraicha, I'm sorry for being a cunt lately. Love you <3
(During flashbacks, conversations are in italics and narrative is regular)
Previous Chapter
***
The cold breeze blowing on my face made me feel chilled so I zipped up my jacket, burying my hands in its pockets; but when my fingers brushed over something inside one of the pockets, I took it out to take a look and found out a lighter. I didn’t even remember putting it in there.
It had been a while now…
I traced the lighter with my fingers, staring at it and wondering if using it again would be a good idea or not. The night was freezing and maybe a cigarette could help me to ward off the cold. I used to do that years ago, why not try it once again? Alright, I know I had promised Matthew that I would stop with the smoking, and I actually have been a good boy, sticking to my promise. But truth is that there are times I just can’t help it, especially when something worries me a lot.
And lately… There are things upsetting me so much. I know I’m being irrational for thinking I could stand a chance with Matt and- Stop it, Dominic. Just stop it. By now, after all these years, I should be convinced of the fact that it won’t ever happen, no matter how much I want it.
Just get over it, you idiot.
Sighing, I decided to scrutinize my pockets again and found three cigarettes. I lit one of them, led it to my lips and pulled the smoke into my mouth, removed the cigarette and inhaled quickly. Then I fully exhaled and felt that typical rush of pleasure.
I’d missed that…
I’m more than sure that Matthew would get so mad at me if he caught me smoking again. The last time I officially did it was when I was still recovering from the pain of the loss of my father. I remember that day very well. Matt was with me, we were in my bedroom, sitting on the floor and resting our backs against the wall. Not a word had been said until then, we just went to my room, sat and I lit the cigarette. It had been almost a month since my father had passed away and I’d gotten into a deep depression back then. Even so, Matt was always with me.
I remember I was so hopeless and immersed in bad thoughts that I was not paying attention to my surroundings, so when I felt Matt placing a hand on my thigh I stirred and looked at him, with widened eyes. He just stared at me with concern, a sad frown on his face and used the other hand to touch my face. I didn’t understand what he was trying to do, so I just let him keep going. The next thing he did was pull the cigarette out from my lips, throwing it through the window that we were sitting under.
When I thought of protesting, he quickly hugged me, as he had never done before. And look, we’d hugged each other many times, but this one was different somehow. It felt like he was trying to protect me from any further harm, and I felt safe in his arms. I’d been feeling so defenceless and distressed back then, and that simple hug made me realise that there are people who care about me, who don’t want to see me sad or destroying myself like I’ve been doing lately.
My father died of a heart attack and he smoked during his entire life. I shouldn’t follow his path.
Matt just stayed like that, hugging me as if his life depended on it, and he only whispered, “Stop with it. Promise me you’ll stop it, please,” and I nodded. After all, I didn’t want to cause more pain to my friends and family.
After that, I remember smoking again only once within the past five years. Matt didn’t know about it. It happened when he proposed to Gaia.
And tonight… Well, here I am, alone on the balcony of a friend’s house, while the rest of the people are inside having fun at the party. Matt, Gaia and some of our relatives and friends are here too. I just couldn’t stay in there with everybody, at least not after seeing Matt and Gaia dancing together, so close and kissing.
What the hell am I thinking now? It’s pure jealousy, it’s always been jealousy. Jealousy and cowardice, lack of attitude from my side, and now it’s too late and I know I can’t complain.
I love Matt. Too bad I realised it when he was already dating Gaia. There’s nothing I can do right now and I still need to accept this fact. But it’s really hard, especially when I have to see him almost everyday and not be able to express my feelings for him. It’s also torture whenever I see him with Gaia. Of course I’m sounding selfish, I can’t help it. I should be happy for Matthew, because he found someone who cares about him, but I wish I could be that someone…
And that will never happen.
The cold wind blew a bit harder and I felt my bones chilling. I even had goosebumps. After inhaling more of the cigarette, I heard footsteps and looked over my shoulders, just to find Matt walking in my direction, with a reproachful look in his face and crossing his arms over his chest.
Oh, shit.
He stopped beside me and asked, “Why are you smoking?” Because of you, of course. “I thought you’d promised you’d quit.”
“I did. It’s just that… Tonight is an exception, okay? It won’t happen again,” I looked away. I couldn’t stand staring at his disapproving look. Suddenly I felt guilty.
“I hate the smell of smoke on you,” he said, clinging onto the collar of my jacket and making me look back at him again. I was confused for a moment, then I saw how disappointed he looked; a deep frown on his face and a glisten of sadness in his blue eyes.
Guilty. That’s the best word to describe how I felt in that moment. Memories from the day of our promise came flooding back and I had no excuse to tell him. I should just shut up.
“Why is tonight an exception?”
“B-because…” C’mon, Dom! You can’t tell him the truth! Think of something, anything! “I-I’m stupid.”
“You’re smoking again. Yeah, you’re stupid.” Oh, I’d forgotten Matthew can be harsh when he needs to.
“Sorry… It’s just that there are some… Disturbing thoughts in my head lately.” Well, that was not a lie.
“What disturbing thoughts?”
“Eh… Stuff. You wouldn’t like to know,” Brilliant, Dominic. Just come up with something useful, you’re obviously lying!
“Dominic, stop. I know you’re lying.”
“I was thinking about Dad,” No, no, no… You should not say that, Dom!
“Oh,” his expression quickly changed, from angry to concerned, “Dom… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called you stupid. I’m sorry.” He placed a sympathetic hand on my shoulder.
Is there a more appropriate word than ‘guilty’? Because I don’t know what else could express how I was feeling. Using the painful memories of my father was not something I would be proud of, but unfortunately, they were the first thing that popped into my stupid mind.
I bit on my bottom lip and frowned. I should have come up with something else, “I was not supposed to-”
“Shut up, Dom,” Matthew pulled me into a tight hug, softly pressing his lips against mine for a short moment before placing his head on my shoulder. “I’m sorry… You should’ve told me earlier. You’re so melancholic lately. I had no idea,” he whispered.
Why did he have to do that? Why? What’s the point of kissing me if there are no feelings involved? To comfort me? It doesn’t help anything...
“Matt, I-”
“I told you to shut up, alright?” he covered my mouth with one of his hands, but kept hugging me. “It’s gonna be okay…” Matt sighed and his hot breath tickled the skin of my neck.
I don’t deserve him; he’s too good for me…
***
I’d not slept this well in a really long time. Everything felt so cosy and good… I felt the sunshine heating my body in a subtle way and all I could hear was calm, deep breathing. Still with my eyes closed - and not fully awake yet - I tried to move one of my hands and felt some sort of soft surface. Skin, to be more precise.
As if it had life on its own, my hand carefully crept even further beneath what I suspected was clothes. I could even feel goosebumps forming on the skin I was touching, and its owner quietly stirred, grunting lowly.
The noise certainly woke me and I opened my eyes to find Matthew sleeping right in front of me. In my arms. I mean, first, he was already waking too, judging by the way he was wriggling on the bed; second, we were both intertwined in each other’s arms with our legs tangled together.
I held my breath. Oh, no no no! What?
I realised my hand was placed right on the exposed skin of his sides, over his ribs. Matthew had his arms wrapped around my neck and, when he tried to stretch with them still lacing my neck, he buried his face into my chest, exhaling loudly.
And yes, I froze.
In a matter of seconds, I felt Matt moving again, and the next thing I saw was his mussed brunet head turning up, so he could look directly into my eyes. I expected to see horror, disgust and discomfort. What I didn’t expect to see was the softening of his blue eyes, the contented smile and the melting of his body against mine.
Then I heard him sighing and his body relaxed, scooting closer as if he was seeking a better position to accommodate himself.
Oh, what’s happening?!
“Dom?”
I need to leave, for god’s sake! This is not normal!
“Sorry!” I didn’t think twice before disentangling myself from him, getting up from the bed in a hurry, “Oh, god! I’m so sorry! Sorry!”
“Hey!” Matt sat up on the mattress and looked at me, confused. What did I do to him?! He’ll hate me forever.
“Shit! Sorry!” I just fucked up our friendship! I hurried to the door of his bedroom and had just enough courage to glance back at him one last time before I left.
And I saw him grinning.
Why?! He was supposed to be disgusted with me!
Just… Why…?
***
I tried to avoid Matthew throughout the morning. I just couldn’t be sure of what was going on. On leaving his bedroom, I went to my own and took a shower; then I decided to postpone meeting with Matthew, so I just spent the next hours watching telly - even if I was not really paying attention to what was being aired.
Why I was avoiding him? Maybe it won’t make much sense, but truth is that I was confused about what was going on. First, we shouldn’t have kissed last night. I don’t know what the hell happened to us for that to have occurred. It was probably the alcohol's fault… Right? We had both been drunk and Matt must not have been aware of what he did. Actually, I don’t think he really remembered what we did last night. Otherwise he’d have shoved me off the bed in anger, or maybe even beaten me up? I have no idea how he would've reacted.
But I was caught by surprise by his relaxed - and I must say almost ‘satisfied’ - expression. Yeah, he obviously didn't remember what had happened. Should I be happy about it? I think I should. At least he wouldn't come up with a bazillion questions which I couldn’t even answer.
Whatever, though I was almost completely sure that Matt was not aware of the kiss from the last night, I was feeling uneasy about it. I’d better try to avoid any further contact with him for the next days, until I had settled my thoughts down a bit and figured out a way to handle the situation. But it’d be hard. I’d have to deal with the guilt of my act. I shouldn’t even have allowed him to drink - not even myself - but then I never could have expected us to end up kissing like that!
After some time, I felt my stomach rumbling and realised I had not had breakfast yet. I sighed in recognition of my own stupidity. Matt was probably starving like me right now as he obviously didn't know how to cook - he actually never knew. I switched off the television and took a deep breath, gathering courage to go downstairs and knowing the chances of finding Matthew in the way.
Oh, god… I can only imagine him scrutinizing the inside of the refrigerator right now.
Damn it!
I got up from my bed and stopped on my tracks when I heard footsteps outside my room. Who the fuck am I? A 12-year-old schoolgirl?! Stop panicking, Dom! You’re annoyingly overreacting.
I put my hand on the door handle and turned it, slowly opening the door. I sneaked through the doorway and looked from one side to the other. No sign of Matthew.
Sighing in relief, I tiptoed to the kitchen. Fortunately, Matt was not there either; but I saw an empty bowl over the counter and box of Corn Flakes beside it. It seemed like Matthew didn’t wait for me to give him breakfast. I couldn’t help smiling. That was a sign that I was wrong about his level of dependence. I don't know why I insisted on treating him like a child. Shame on me.
I poured myself a glass of juice and prepared some toast. I had decided to eat upstairs in order to avoid Matt. But as the best laid plans often go awry, I bumped into Matt just as I was going around the corner leading to my room, spilling the orange juice all over his shirt.
“Oh, no! I had just taken a shower!” Matt whined.
“God, I’m sorry!” I apologised, placing the now empty juice glass and the plate with toast on the nearest corner table and hurrying back to check the ‘damage’ on Matt’s clothes.
“It’s okay, Dom! Don’t worry,” And the creature actually laughed at that situation! He had this painfully beautiful smile on his face while he smoothed the soaked spots on his shirt.
“It’s not okay. I’ll wash this for you as soon as possible, it’ll get stained otherwise,” I said, pointing to his shirt and then motioning with my hand for him to give me the dirty clothes.
“Oh, do you want me to take off my shirt?” Matthew quirked an eyebrow and smirked and I looked at him in confusion. Soon realisation struck me; sure that I was blushing, I finally realised what I was asking for.
“N-no, no!” I indiscreetly shook my head in denial, “You go back to your bedroom, change yourself there and give me the stained clothes!”
“But why? Couldn’t I give you this shirt right now?” He started to unbutton his shirt, “Much easier and quicker for you, isn’t it?” And there he was, smiling, holding up his top and standing shirtless in front of me as if he was trying to tease me somehow; but he couldn’t do such a thing, could he? I mean, what would be his reasons? I’m just imagining things…
When I thought of grabbing his shirt and disappearing from his sight as soon as possible, my eyes caught sight of the faint scars along his sides. Fortunately, they were nothing big or deep; but still, they would never bring good memories.
Also, I know I had seen Matthew like this before, shirtless - actually with no clothes at all - but that was a totally different situation and I didn’t pay attention to his scars. I just focused on helping him that day. And in the other days, yes, of course I noticed his scars, but today… I don’t know, they just caught my attention more than the usual.
“Dom…?” Matt called me out of my trance, a confused look on his face.
“Yes?”
“Are they that scary?”
“What?”
“You know, the scars,” he placed a hand on his right side, smoothing the stigmatized pale skin there.
“Oh, no, Matt!” As if by instinct, I quickly landed my hand over his and he looked up at me, surprised. I felt a lump forming in my throat while we exchanged an empathic look. “I have scars like those too,” I said, withdrawing my hand and scratching my head.
“Do you?”
“Yeah, on my arm too,” I folded the left sleeve of my shirt and showed him the almost imperceptible scars on my wrist. “See?”
“Oh… I’ve never noticed them…” he carefully held my hand and analysed the light marks there, tracing them with his fingers, softly. “I have this one too.” Matt turned his back to me and ducked his head, lifting the hair on his nape and exposing the back of his neck. There was a noticeable scar there, which could be perfectly hidden by his hair.
“I’ve not seen this one before,” I said, gently holding his neck with one hand and brushing the thin line of scar with my thumb.
I noticed the way his hair bristled and I moved away from him.
“Well,” I cleared my throat, “I need to wash your shirt.” I changed the subject and Matthew turned to face me again, handing me the shirt. I muttered a ‘thanks’ and bolted to the laundry.
***
Avoiding Matthew during the whole week was not my intention, but after the incident that night, I found myself clueless about what I should do. I believe it was more his questions I was avoiding than Matt himself. I was afraid he would raise a topic in which I could get deeply embarrassed.
I spent quite some time questioning myself about whether Matt remembered about that kiss. He kept behaving like there was nothing wrong so I assumed he didn’t remember it. To be honest, his behaviour indeed changed, but not in a bad way; quite the contrary, he has been very… Well, last night I was alone on the couch, watching a movie, until I heard footsteps and noticed Matt approaching the couch. He quickly asked if he could sit there too and I nodded, sitting straight. There were three more empty seats for him to pick from, and I don’t know why, but he chose the one right beside me. I swallowed hard and tried to focus my gaze only on the television.
After a while I relaxed and decided to enjoy Matt’s presence, but as soon I noticed he was scooting closer to me and I felt his knee touching mine, I went into high alert state again.
Call me crazy, paranoid, idiotic or whatever, but I was afraid and my fear might be irrational. I don’t know what to think, if Matt remembers the kiss, why would he act like this? If he doesn’t remember, again, why would he act like this? What does this sudden increase in closeness mean? Could it be just a natural move of his? Why?
God! So many questions! I wish I had the guts to ask him if he remembers or not! But I’m also afraid of his answer… I don’t want him to think that I’m using him or forcing situations between us. Another thing that worries me is that, if he finds out that I’ve been in love with him for a long time now, will he still believe me? Or would he think that all I’ve told him was a lie to make him trust me wholeheartedly to win his trust and then take advantage of his condition? I don’t know, I don’t know how he’d react! I don’t want to risk anything.
During the whole week, Matthew’s new behaviour caught me by surprise, leaving me more confused than I already was. For instance, I swear to god that he’d even changed the way he looks at me and now I could distinguish sweet glances from him at me, not to mention the enchanted, lovesick smiles and the strange sudden need to be closer all the time, whether I was cooking, washing dishes, bathing Hendrix or whatever.
That was very suspicious.
Or whenever we had to pass each other in the hallway and Matt tapped on my shoulders or on my back… Or the day when I was going to take the dirty clothes to laundry, I dropped them on the floor and Matthew helped me to collect them, occasionally touching my hand in the process… Or when I was cooking for him and he approached from behind, placing a hand on my shoulder and inclining his face forward to take in on the flavour of the pasta and whisper how good it smelled…
I just have one question: why?
All those thoughts were what I had in mind during the week we spent and I only felt relieved when Chris, Tom, Morgan or any other of our friends came to visit us; after all, we didn’t live isolated from the world. Having a third person in the house helped to distract me.
There was even this incident involving paparazzi. I had just woken up when I heard a eager knock on my door and Matt entered my room right away, saying something about people outside with cameras and microphones. I looked outside through the window and saw many paps surrounding Matt’s house. I warned him that we should stay indoors until they went away, but I called Chris, Tom and Dom A. to help us. Matt and I spent quite a while in my bedroom, lurking outside every now and then. I don’t even need to mention the awkward silence and Matt’s insistence on staying close to me.
That week we also went to visit his mum in the hospital twice and every time he ended up holding my hand, squeezing it gently… But I understand that those situations have nothing to do with my paranoid thoughts.
And today… Well, right now I’m laying on couch, reading a book and the last time I saw Matt, he was playing with Hendrix on the garden. Everything is finally peaceful and relaxing…
Well, it was until I heard my phone buzzing. I sighed in boredom, read the screen and picked up the call.
“Hey, Chris.”
“Dom, are you busy right now?” he said in a rush.
“Oh, hm, no. Why? Is everything okay?” I sat up, shutting the book and placing it on the coffee table.
“Can you come here? It’s very important. Kelly’s mum got sick and we’re gonna take her to the emergency.”
“What?!” I quickly stood up, as worried as Chris sounded, sought my keys and went outside, “I’m on my way.” Hanging up, I spotted Matt sitting under a tree and petting Hendrix on his lap. “Matthew!” I called out, striding towards him.
“Hm?” he looked up at me, stopping petting Hendrix’s head.
“We need to go, it’s an emergency!”
“What? Why? What happened?” Standing up with the dog in his arms, Matt asked.
“Kelly’s mum got sick and Chris asked us to come to his place,” I promptly explained.
“Oh, no!”
“We have to hurry, c’mon!” we hurried to my car.
***
“Do you guys think you can deal with it?” Kelly asked in a hurry as she helped Chris to lead her mother inside the car.
“You don’t need to worry about us, Kelly,” I said.
“We’ll take care of them as if they were our own children,” Matthew completed and I cast him a curious glance before looking back to Kelly and Chris.
“We’re so sorry for asking something like this from you guys. I know it’s inconvenient, given the circumstances...” Chris was obviously talking about me, as I was already taking care of Matthew. Would I be able to cope with more three human beings under my supervision? I would try my best, I’d do it for Chris and Kelly.
They didn’t take long to leave, leaving only Matthew, Hendrix and I. Yeah, Matt actually brought Hendrix with us. Oh, and the kids were still sleeping, but they probably would wake soon. It was already lunch time and they should be starving.
We were going to… babysit?! Yeah, it seems like that. We were going to babysit Alfie, Ava and Frankie for the next hours. I knew these kids very well and all I can say was, 10, 8 and 6-year-old children can do the same amount of damage as a small army. Or even much worse… Kelly ended up taking Ernie with her, since he’s just too young.
Matt sounded very excited about his new experience. Poor thing. I bet he wouldn’t be happy like this if he remembered what these kids could do. But maybe staying with them for a while was going to be useful, like a therapy, both for me and for Matt. He would interact more with them, relearn about them; and I would replace my current worries for something else.
I’m sure things will be okay.
Right…?
***
“Alfred, come back here!” I heard Matt calling out, followed by footsteps. They were obviously running around the house.
“NO!” A piercing childish shout came from the boy.
“MY DOLL!” A loud whimper from Ava.
Oh, and Frankie just started crying hysterically.
“Dom!” Matt called me.
“What?” I sighed, couldn’t interrupt my current task. Cooking.
“Dom!” Again. I think he didn’t hear me.
“Oh, my...” I sighed again, taking off the apron I was wearing until then and turned off the stove. We had decided that I’d prepare the lunch while Matt would try to keep an eye on the kids, but it was easier said than done.
I went to the living room, where the screams and cries came, “What happened?” I asked as soon as I caught sight of Matt holding Frankie in one arm only and trying to separate Alfred and Ava with the other.
Frankie’s face was completely red, tears streaming down from his eyes and he simply couldn’t stop crying. Alfie was holding a headless doll in one hand and… Oh, look! The missing head was in his other hand. Ava had a deflated plastic ball in her hands, a dropped pen at her feet and was shouting back at her brother.
Screams.
Cries.
More screams.
More cries...
“Enough!” I said, firmly, in a loud tone, making everyone look at me with surprised faces. Even Frankie stopped crying. “For god’s sake, could someone explain to me what’s going on here?!” I put my hands on my hips and waited for their answer.
“It’s his fault!”
“It’s her fault!” Ava and Alfie said at the same time, pointing at each other.
“Matt, what happened?” I crossed my arms.
“Oh, hm, Alfie ripped off the doll’s head and Ava stabbed his toy ball with a pen,” he shifted the weight of Frankie in his arms and looked down at the other two.
“Why did you rip the head off your sister’s doll?” I glanced at Alfred, who chose to stare at his shoes instead. I crouched to stay in his height. “So?” I asked calmly.
“I did it because Ava hid my ball...” the boy muttered to himself and I turned to face Ava, who also was with her head down.
“Is it true?” The girl only nodded. “And why did you do that?” she shook her head. “And what you did was right?”
“No.”
“What about you, Alfred?” I looked back at the boy. “Was that right?”
“No.”
“Well,” I stood up again and crossed my arms over my chest, “apologize to each other. You’re siblings and shouldn’t fight like this.” They looked hesitant at first, but soon gave in on the peeve and followed my advice. “Good!” I smiled, “We can go buy new toys after lunch.”
“Really?!” They looked at me hopefully and I nodded. Even Matt looked surprised and I promised a toy for Frankie, too.
“Thank you, Uncle Howie!” Alfie said with sparkling eyes.
“Howie, uh?” Matthew repeated mostly to himself, a smile on his lips. “Cute,” he chuckled.
And I blushed. As usual.
***
As I had promised, I took the kids (and Matt) to the toy store. We took different paths, Matt and Ava went down an aisle while Alfie, Frankie and I went down another one. Chris called me in the meanwhile saying that he was not sure if they could return in the same day; Kelly’s mum was under observation.
“I’m sorry, Dom. I’ve been trying to call Tom or Dom A. since this morning, but they don’t answer the calls… I don’t even know what they’re doing. And as it was an emergency, you and Matt were the only ones I could trust with my kids. Not that I don’t trust you guys! It’s just that I didn’t want to give you more responsibilities, you know? You’re already-”
“Hey, Chris! It’s alright. Really, I said you don’t need to worry about us! We’re doing well. Right now I’m in a toy store with the kids, we will visit the park and go back home,” I said while I observed Frankie and Alfie choosing their new toys.
“Are you sure?”
“Yep!”
“Thank you so much, mate… I don’t know how to thank you.”
“You don’t have to,” I smiled, “That’s what friends are for, right?”
“Still, thank you. Also, you guys will need to sleep at my place and there’s a guest room next the children’s. There are two beds.”
“Oh, that’s perfect then!” Matt and I sleeping in the same room…? Challenging!
“Alright, now I really have to go. Take care, okay?” he hung up the call.
“Dom, Dom!” I looked back and found Matt running towards me with a middle-sized box in his hands.
“Oh, my god… What’s that, Matt?!”
“Look how nice this thing looks!” he said cheerfully, showing me an Alien vs. Predator action figure.
“Oh… Cool. Is it for Ava? I don’t think she likes these kind of things.”
“No, no, no! It’s for me!” he grinned and I couldn’t help laughing. “What?”
“Nothing, it’s just that… I don’t know, this,” I pointed to the action figure. “this is so you...”
“What?! Do you think I look like this?!” Matt wrinkled his nose and I chuckled.
“Of course you don’t! What I meant was that you have always been interested in aliens and stuff.”
“Really?” he blinked a few times, looking surprised. “That’s cool then!”
“Yeah...”
“Uncle Bells,” Ava approached us cradling a pretty rag doll in her arms. “Can I take this one?”
“Hm...” he quickly glanced at me as if he was waiting for my approval and I nodded, smiling. “Yeah, sure! Why not?” Matthew stroked her hair and the girl giggled.
Once the children have chosen their new toys, we left the store and I drove to the park near Chris’ house. The park was a beautiful, quiet place, with a pond in the middle crossed by a small wooden bridge where it was possible to see a few people observing the fish in the limpid water. There were those who preferred to walk or ride a bike on a trail around the pond, just as there were the ones who opted to sit on the stone benches and watch their surroundings.
It was a very familiar place, with groups of people picnicking on the grass and even walking their dogs. Seeing those dogs made me think of Hendrix. Too bad we couldn’t take him with us this time.
We spent around an hour there. I played frisbee (Alfred’s new toy) with Frankie and Alfie while Matt and Ava chose to sit on one of those stone benches and watch us having fun. It was nice to see Matt and Ava chatting; he has always been Ava’s favourite uncle. I’m glad to know that at least their connection hadn’t vanished.
For the first time in that week, I forgot all my concerns and enjoyed the time with the kids.
Not long before we left the park, there was this time when I threw the disc and waited for one of the boys to throw me back. I got distracted by Matthew, who was watching the fish with Ava on the wooden bridge. He looked so happy… So beautiful… Smiling and laughing.
I love the way that dimples form at the corner of his mouth whenever he smiles.
But my quick observation cost me a bump on the head after being hit by the flying disc.
Eh, I actually collapsed on the ground and the next thing I remember was Matt and the kids near me, asking if I was okay. Matt touched the bump on my head and I hissed. Apologizing, he stood up and held up a hand to help me. I also remember Ava saying something about kissing it better, but no! Just no!
Before going back home, Matthew decided to buy ice cream for all. I was surprised when he brought me a chocolate one because that’s my favourite flavour. I thought that maybe that was a simple coincidence, since chocolate is the favourite flavour of many people; but when I asked which one he had chosen, I changed my mind.
“The guy told me it’s something called dulce de leche, I don’t know. It tastes really good though!” he said.
Guessing right both of our favourite ice creams could not be a simple coincidence.
***
The rest of the day went peacefully, without any other fights between the kids. We just spent more time together, we had a quick snack, watched a movie, played with Hendrix and before we knew it, it was already night. I ordered pizza for dinner and the kids were very happy with the idea; Ava was the only one who was hesitant at first, she said that if it was her mum, she wouldn’t allow them to have pizza at that time of night.
It was just after I had made sure the final child was in the shower that I realised that Matt and I had a bit of a dilemma. When we had left home, we had no idea how long we were going to be caught up in the babysitting caper. So of course, we hadn’t even thought about packing a change of clothes or any sleepwear… I didn’t get a great deal of time to consider it just then as Frankie burst in demanding a bedtime story.
I was not too inclined at first, but when I heard Matt’s happy agreement, I looked surprised at him. “Do you even remember any fairy tale?” I whispered to him while the kids were celebrating the forthcoming storytelling.
“Fairy tale?” he tilted his head to one side, frowning in confusion. How the heck did he agree with something he doesn’t even know how to do?
“Uncle Bells, please could you read this book?!” Frankie asked cheerfully, grabbing a book from the nightstand.
A book? Yeah, it may work.
We were in the room the boys share and both of them went to their respective beds. Matt and I dragged two pouffes near their beds while Ava decided to sit on the edge of Alfie’s mattress. She said she couldn’t sleep listening to stories.
I’m a man in my thirties and, to be honest, I’d never drifted off to sleep after or during a storytelling, but the sound of Matthew’s voice was so relaxing and peaceful that no one could resist it.
He managed to say things clearly, in a hypnotizing, quiet flow. It sounded like he was singing but with no musical rhythm; it was just the natural music that his voice could produce. Saying that he sounded like an angel might be too cliché, but I just can’t find another proper statement.
While the kids were quieting down, falling asleep, Matt’s voice came down to a discreet whisper. Leaning my back against the wall, I continued listening to him and soon I felt my eyes growing tired and my eyelids heavier than they should. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, slowly drifting off, but I still could hear my surroundings. I even heard the end of the story. Even if I was supposed to get up by that time, I gave in to the tiredness; the pouffe and the wall suddenly felt the most comfortable things on the world.
Silence fell on the room, but I heard Ava’s low, sweet voice asking, “Is there something wrong, Uncle Bells?”
“Hm? Why do you ask?”
“Mommy and Daddy said you were sick, that’s why you spent some time in the hospital.”
“Oh… Yeah, I was kinda sick...”
“I hope everything is okay.”
“Don’t worry, I’m fine.” I swear I could distinguish him smiling just by the tone of his voice.
“Whenever I’m sick, Mommy snuggles me and I always feel a lot better.” The last thing I remember was hearing her yawning and wishing Matt a good night.
I don’t know how long I stayed asleep, but the feeling of something brushing against my hair and then my face certainly woke me up.
And just to find a pair of beautiful blue eyes staring at me, sweetly, along with a lovely smile on Matt’s face. He continued to stroke my cheek with his thumb. Was that a dream?
“Hey, you fell asleep,” he chuckled.
He abandoned my face and walked towards the door, stopping in the doorway and looking back at me over his shoulders. Smiling.
“Let’s go to our bedroom.”
Is it possible for a heart to beat as fast as mine is doing right now?
I immediately stood up from the pouffe where I was sitting and followed Matt, closing the boys’ door. In our bedroom there were two queen size beds, a nightstand in the middle of them with a lampshade on it. When I thought we would finally rest, I recalled the clothes problem again.
“What the matter?” Matt asked, already toeing off his shoes as he sat on the edge of the bed.
“We can’t sleep in these clothes when we have to wear them again tomorrow.”
“But why not?”
“They’re soiled, Matt. We played in the park, with Hendrix, we sweated… They’ll also be all gross to put on the morning. Don’t you think it’s disgusting?” I wrinkled my nose.
“Eh, I don’t know...?”
“You don’t know or you don’t care, piggy?” I teased.
“I’m not a pig!”
“Whatever,” I shook my head, chuckling.
“So, what are we going to do? Borrow some of Chris’ clothes?”
“Oh, no, no. I don’t think we should. I mean, yeah, you and I have always been borrowing each other’s clothes, but with Chris it’s different.”
“Have we?” he quirked an eyebrow, looking curious.
“Uh, yeah, but only because we are the same size and-” I cleared my throat, sure that my face had just flushed, “So, we can’t sleep in these clothes, we can’t borrow from Chris, I’m tired as fuck so I’m not going to drive home right now just to get some spare clothes...” Tapping my chin I tried to figure out a solution for the problem.
But then an unexpected idea popped into my mind. No, no, no! ‘That’ was not an option! Sleeping in the soiled clothes maybe was not that disgusting, right?
Oh, no… I can’t stand the thought of having dirty clothes clinging to my body. How gross! But… How will I tell Matt that we’re going to sleep in ‘that’ way…?
“Dom?” Matthew brought my attention back to him.
“Eh… Matt, I need to, uh, tell you something,” I rubbed the back of my neck. What should I do?!
“What?” he stood up and stepped closer to me.
“Well, hm… Eh, you know, we have problem with our clothes, right?” he nodded. “So… How do I say it?” I asked more to myself than to Matt.
“Say what?”
“For lack of choice,” I emphasised these words, “I think that… W-we should… Please, Matthew. Listen to me first, I have an explanation for this idea. Don’t hate me after-”
“Dom, just say it!”
I bit on my thumb and looked away, trying to focus on anything but Matt while I told him, “I think we should sleep only in our boxers, because you know, I said our clothes are soiled and it’s extremely gross and ungraceful to sleep with- God!” I yelped when I looked back at Matt again and found him stripping off his shirt without thinking twice or questioning me.
“What?” he stopped taking off the shirt which was hanging on his arms now, exposing the slightly marked alabaster skin of his chest and his bony shoulders. My eyes landed onto his sharp collarbones and- “Dom, are you okay?” he gently asked as he finished stripping off the shirt, clumsily folding it and placing onto the recamier of his bed.
“N-nothing, I-I just… uh,” I tried, I really tried to turn away to give him privacy to take off his clothes, but I just couldn’t help glancing at him every now and then when he started undoing his belt, unzipping his trousers and letting them fall on the floor, revealing a pair of beautiful, pale, slim legs, narrow hips, protruding hipbones alongside his navel and a sparse amount of dark hair below it.
The sight of Matt only in navy-blue boxers was something I was not psychologically prepared to see tonight, and I should be careful about the effect it could have on me- Oh, wait, the effect it IS having on me right now.
I felt guilty for feeling turned on in that situation and when I realised I indeed had a boner, I mumbled an apology and hurried to the bathroom, but quickly glanced at Matt when I was about to close the bathroom door. He looked confused at me before lowering his gaze and arching his eyebrows in surprise.
Shit! Did he just see ‘that’?! Did he?! Oh, shit, shit! What the hell will I explain him now?
I counted on luck and left the bathroom - now only in my boxers too - in the moment I thought he had already gone to sleep. But I found him looking at his bed, arms crossed over his chest.
“W-what happened?” I asked.
“I can’t sleep here, Dom. Look,” and then he showed me a big wet orange spot on the mattress.
“What’s that?!”
“I think it was one of the children. It looks like orange juice.”
“Aw, no! Where are you going to sleep now?”
“With you, obviously!” he snorted.
“W-with me?!” What?! Matt and I, sleeping in the same bed, wearing nothing but boxers…?! WHAT?!
“Yeah, your bed is big enough! C’mon, don’t be mean!” Smiling, he went straight to my bed and slipped beneath the sheets.
“I-I don’t think it’s a good idea. I’ll sleep in your bed then.”
“No way! It’s wet, wouldn’t you find it disgusting?”
“But-”
“C’mon, Dom!” he sighed and patted the empty space beside him.
Oh, god. Is it even happening for real?! My head injury from earlier was that powerful to make me imagine things? It’s easier to face this situation as just a product of my imagination because this doesn’t feel like reality.
Hesitantly, I climbed on the bed, quickly covering myself with the sheets.
The same sheets Matt was sharing with me.
As I tried to relax and lay with my back to Matt, I felt the warm, soft skin of his legs brushing against mine while he was shifting positions on bed, getting comfortable. My first reaction was to curl up, dragging my knees up, trying to avoid any contact with him before I went crazy once and for all.
We wished to each other goodnight and Matt turned off the lamp.
Trying to relax with half-naked Matthew laying in the same bed as me was not tranquilizing; quite the contrary, I could only feel my muscles tense and I couldn’t close my eyes for long too. Soon I felt Matt placing a hand on my shoulder, shaking me slightly. I didn’t understand why he did that. Did he need something?
I lazily turned to face him, a questioning look on my face, and I didn’t even have the chance to ask what happened when I saw Matt ducking his face and felt him pressing a soft kiss to my forehead.
I lost the ability to speak and move, and all I could do was stare at him with wide eyes, completely caught off guard by his last move. In the other hand, Matt only smiled.
“W-what...” I tried to say.
“Better?” he asked and I looked even more confused at him. What did he mean?
“B-better…?! W-what are you-” I probably sounded frightened, judging by Matt’s chuckle.
“Yeah, the bump on your head. Does it still hurt?” he touched my forehead, smoothing the skin there with his thumb. “The kids said someone should kiss it better. Did it work?” If it worked?! Can I… I don’t know, if this is not real, can I just hug and kiss him ‘till dawn? No, better, ‘till forever. Can I do it?
“It did,” I replied in a whisper.
“Great! Have a good night, Dom,” he happily said, placing a last kiss to my cheek before turning away, his back to me.
“Good… night...” I touched with two fingers where he had kissed me and watched him drifting off to sleep, peacefully. Like an angel.
Falling asleep was an easier task now, especially when I could vividly remember his lips touching my skin, sweetly.
***