The Pianist [Chapter 7 Part A/?]
Title: The Pianist
Author: zetastation
Betas: aka_demon72 and ilurvebelldom (thank you sweeties!)
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: language, het activities... (yeah, go and kill me D':)
Summary: It's time for Matthew to take some time to clear his mind.
Feedback: Pretty please!!! <3
Disclaimer: I don’t own Muse. This is a work of fiction and it never happened.
Author’s Note: Update yay! Thank you all for the positive feedback on the last chapter! Things will be a bit different from now, but I hope you'll still like it :) I had to split this chapter because it already has 10449 words =O So this first bit has 4792 words :) I hope you enjoy it!
Dedicated to hyper_bliss (you'll know why when you read it =P)
P.S.: During flashbacks, conversations are italic and narration is regular.
Prologue - Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6
***
“You’re my best friend, Dom. And... You’re visibly suffering. You’re only 15 and you still have a long life to live. Don’t let that damn girl break your heart…”
“She already did…”
“Oh, man...” Matthew hurried to hug me when he realized I was about to break down. “Don’t cry, please. I can’t bear you crying. I hate when you cry...” He said. Actually, he whispered while stroking my back.
“I’m not crying. I’m not!” My voice was shaking and muffled by Matt’s shirt as I buried my face in his shoulder, struggling not to cry.
Too late. I could feel my face warming as the tears began to stream down. I was pathetic… Crying over a girl? A stupid girl?!
“It’s okay. I mean, I think everyone has to go through a heartbreak, sooner or later.” I could hear him chuckling, trying to comfort me and still smoothing my back.
“Have you ever had one?”
“Yeah… Several times.”
I looked up at him and found a shy smile on his face. “How could you survive then?”
“Girls are not everything and I have amazing friends who always help me to survive.” Grinning, Matt wiped my tears away. “Anyway, we’re young! We’ll meet so many people in our lives. We can’t be stuck only in the present. Think big, Dom.” He winked and I finally could manage to smile at him.
“Hm, maybe you’re right. I appreciate your words, but… I think I’ll still keep feeling like shit for a while…”
“I see. Well, you would be happy to know that there’s someone who loves you!”
“What?! Who?!”
“Me!” And I didn’t even have time to process his words. I just felt Matt’s hands cupping my face and pulling me forward, brushing his lips against mine for barely a second. Giggling, he moved away, his cheeks slightly flushed.
“W-what the fuck, Matt?!” I asked, both shocked and amused. Despite the kiss (actually, the peck), I didn’t have feelings for him at that time, so it felt so innocent, at the most a prank. I wasn’t mad at him, just a bit confused and surprised.
“Oh dear, Dominic!” He held my hands and kissed them. “You’re so sweet! Your hair is pure gold and your eyes are so enigmatic! Oh, I wish I could taste the cherry flavour of your lips! Wait, I just did!” We laughed. “Please, darling, be my girlfriend!”
“Your what?! Girlfriend?! Matt, you idiot! I’m not even a girl!” I pushed him away playfully.
“Aren’t you?! Oh, shit! I just kissed a guy!” He burst out laughing. What the hell was he thinking?! In all the time that I'd known him, I already had known that Matt was quite an... Odd person. But there were times when I had no idea what was going on his mind. “Sorry, dude.” He said catching his breath. “You’re not mad at me, are you? I was just kidding!”
“Don’t worry, I got it.” I smiled. “Thank you.”
“Thank you for what? The kiss?!” He arched his eyebrows, looking at me with worry. “Dom, you’re scaring me.”
“Not for the kiss! Eww, no!!!” I grimaced and, instinctively, wiped my mouth with my sleeve, which made Matt laugh a bit more. “You’re insane!” I tried to reproach him, but I couldn’t help smiling. “And I was referring to what you told me. I mean, you’re a good friend, Matt. You always try to cheer me up.” I said, being as honest as possible.
“Dom…” He put on a serious face and for one moment, I thought I had just said something wrong. “I’d like to hug you now, but I think we've already had enough of not very manly physical contact for today. I think a hand shake is the right thing to do.” I stared at him in confusion, but held up my hand anyway. Matt grabbed it, pulled me into a bear hug and suddenly it became hard to breathe. “Kidding again!”
“Jesus, Matt! You’ll be the death of me!” I laughed.
“I’m not even sorry.” He let go of me and grabbed his school bag, which was on the floor. “But seriously, I’ve gotta go now. Mum will be home soon and if she doesn't see me there...” He sighed.
“Yeah, it’s okay. I understand. Thanks for coming anyway.” I said leading him to the front door of my house. “My parents will be here soon and they don’t like when I don’t tell them I’m bringing someone home after school.”
“These parents…” Matthew shook his head, smiling. “Talk to you tomorrow?”
“Sure!” I opened the door.
“Okay. Bye, Dom.” Matt waved. “Love you, in a straight way, of course.”
“I’m afraid to say the same, but… Yeah, love you too. In the straightest way…” We chuckled and he left not long after.
***
Years ago.
It was years ago when it happened for the very first time.
And now I’m here, recalling that old memory… Something that happened long before I developed feelings for Matthew. That was a chaste, childish kiss, and now here we are again. But now I do have strong feelings for him; this time it wasn't a joke or a challenge, as it used to be when we were younger, in our more foolish moments. It was… Different somehow.
It was enough to make me feel like a teenager again.
You know, in high school, when you have a crush on someone and you are lucky enough to steal a kiss from this person. It may sound a bit childish and stupid. Indeed, it is. But it’s also something new and that throws us into a state of bliss. Just the racing of our heart at that moment, the anxiety, the insecurity… That’s me right now.
I felt Matt’s hands running over my shirt, tugging it as if he was looking desperately for support. And I cursed myself when Matt pulled away immediately after I tried to lick his bottom lip, in an attempt to make him part his lips for me.
“I-I need to see my girlfriend.” It was the only thing he said before turning his gaze to the floor and burying his hands in his pockets.
Damn it! I had spoiled everything… AGAIN! Wasn’t it enough we had already fought over the piano?! Now I was too eager and couldn’t stop myself. This was too much for him. I won’t blame him if he decides to hate me; I’d hate myself too.
At the same time I felt extremely hurt, disappointed. Why did Matt decide to see Gaia right now?! I mean, now that this happened, he won’t trust me anymore and will prefer to be with his… ‘Girlfriend’…
Gaia didn’t watch over Matt every day.
Gaia wasn’t there at the hospital every day.
Gaia didn’t move a finger to help Matt to get home.
Gaia wasn’t taking care of Matt at the moment.
Okay, don’t freak out, Dom. Matt wants to see his girl. What’s the problem on it? Actually, what exactly makes me think I have the right to prevent him for seeing her? What the hell, Dominic?! You don’t own Matt, you can't control him! If he wants to see Gaia, alright, he will.
I’m so selfish. So hopeless…
“Sure…” I finally manage to say. “Let’s go.” I said. My voice was emotionless. I didn’t dare look at Matt; I knew he was still frightened. I grabbed my car keys and we left the house.
***
Her house was pretty similar to mine. Big and beautiful.
When we got there, Dominic mumbled something like “Call me if you need anything.” But I couldn’t be sure since I was still processing everything that just happened. We hadn't exchanged a single word during the ride and an uncomfortable silence hung between us.
What had just happened was… New. I hadn't expected myself to act like that and his reaction had been even more surprising. My brain was a mess, I had no idea what was right and what was not; whether I should keep trusting him or not. He had already done so much for me; it’d be unfair if I stopped trusting him anymore. But he had also hidden something from me… Well, I felt he had hidden something.
Was he afraid of telling me about it? I mean, how and why it hadn't felt like it was the first time it had happened…
I didn't know what to believe anymore… I couldn’t trust myself since I didn't have any reliable memories. Actually, I had almost no memories.
I jumped out of the car and hesitated a moment before looking back at Dominic and nodding at him. I began to walk towards the front door and rang the doorbell. I could still hear the car's engine humming behind me, so I assumed Dominic was waiting for me to get into my girlfriend’s house.
My girlfriend… What’s her name again? Tania? Laila? Taila? Ga-something? Damn it! I couldn’t remember...
I waited a few seconds and, just when I was about to press the doorbell again, I heard footsteps. The door was opened and I found a beautiful woman in front of me. It was the same girl at the hospital. She had a nice hair, brunette like mine, it was long and straight. Her face was pretty, she had really delicate features. Her eyes were brown, but beautiful, and they were shining in recognition when she looked at me.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t lose myself into her bright smile. A sweet smile on her sweet face…
“Matt!” She whispered and hugged me. That was when I realized the hum of Dom's car engine had stopped. I was still processing that when she grabbed my hand and led me into her house. Before she closed the door, I quickly glanced over my shoulder.
Dominic had left.
“How are you feeling? Do you want something to drink or to eat? What brought you here?” She asked cheerfully, squeezing my hand and walking towards the couch in the living room. I looked around, trying to remember something, but my mind was blank as a sheet as far as her place was concerned.
What a surprise…
“I’m fine, thanks. I don’t think I want to eat or drink... And Dominic brought me here. I wanted to see you.” Hadn’t she seen the car outside?
She chuckled as we sat on the couch. “I missed you so much…” She stared at me for a few moments, her eyes sparkling. Unfortunately, I couldn’t say the same about her. I had no idea whether I missed her or not. “Do you… Remember me?” She asked a while later, noticing how I was still a little out of it.
“Umm, I’m sorry, no…” Suddenly her happy expression turned into a disappointed one, even though she tried to hide it. “But Dominic told me you are my girlfriend.”
“Yeah, I am.” She smiled. “I’m Gaia Polloni.”
“Gaia…” I repeated her name, thoughtfully. “It’s a beautiful name.”
“Thank you.”
“Eh, would you mind to answer me a few questions?” I decided to ask.
“Of course not! I’m here to help you with everything!”
“Please… Could you tell me something... About me?” I wasn’t expecting to sound like I was begging, but the way she looked at me… There was pity in her eyes. She furrowed her brows, biting her bottom lip whilst tightening the grip in my hand.
“Sure.” Gaia cleared her throat. “What would you like to know?”
“Everything.” I smiled. I knew she couldn’t give me every answer, but she could help me somehow.
“Let me see…”
And then she started. Gaia told me about the first time we met and how it was. It happened at the end of 2000, in an airplane.
Apparently, I had thrown a shoe at her head. Yeah, according to her, I was sitting with Dominic a few rows behind hers in the airplane, and for some unknown reason (at least unknown to her); she was knocked by one of my shoes at her head. Then she said something about suing and lawyers. We didn’t meet for a few weeks, till Christmas Eve.
We met again at a bar. I was with Dominic (again) and Gaia was with a friend of hers. She was drowning her sorrows because she had just caught her fiancé with another woman. Apparently I had helped her somehow, comforting her, while Dominic was hanging out with her friend. She said we kissed for the first time that night, but we couldn’t spend more time together because her friend had puked on Dominic, or something else equally disgusting.
Then we started to date a few weeks after Christmas.
Gaia told me a lot of other details of about our relationship, sad moments and funny ones, and the atmosphere eased somewhat. Everything sounded pretty true so I believed her. Although I could ask Dominic, just to confirm her story.
We didn’t even notice the time fly by; but when I glanced out through the window it was already pretty dark outside. “Too sad you can’t remember any of these things…” She sighed and I noticed one of her hands move to my hair, stroking it softly. I couldn’t say why, but I felt like I had shied away at her touch. But maybe it was all in my mind…
“I’m sorry. I can’t.”
“Do you want to know anything else? It’s almost midnight, but we can keep chatting as long as you wish. I miss you too much, Matthew…” Gaia shifted on her seat and moved closer to me, her thigh brushing against mine.
“Could you tell me more about my friends?”
“It’d better you ask them, but I can summarize a few things.” She winked, beaming at me. “There’s Christopher, the youngest one. I think you’ve already met, am I right?” I nodded. “He plays with you guys; he’s the bassist and back up vocalist.”
“Dominic told me.” I smiled as I recalled that memory of us chatting in the car. Of course, before things went down with all that pressure he unintentionally put on me… I shook my head trying to get rid of that bad memory.
“Hm, I see.” Gaia said, nonchalantly, sounding a bit bored. I wondered why. “So, Chris is a nice guy, a really good friend. You've known him for years, since you were teenagers. He has a family, a wife called Kelly, she’s a great person too, and four children. Alfie, Ava, Frankie and Ernie. You’re Alfie’s and Ernie’s godfather.”
“I’m what?”
“Godfather. Kelly is Catholic and had her children baptized, so-”
“Baptized?” I interrupted, confused.
“Yeah… It’s some kind of blessing, I guess. I’m not the right person to answer that.” She smiled in embarrassment. “So, they chose you as their sons’ godfather, someone who will watch over them if anything bad happen to their parents.”
“This is so confusing, and why would they want me to watch over their kids?”
“Because they trust you?” Gaia arched a brow and looked at me, as if what she just said was the most obvious thing in the world. “You’re one of his best mates.”
“I think I’ll take some time to get used to social customs and protocols again.” I stated, honestly.
“I’m afraid you never did get used to them...” She held both of my hands in hers. “As I was saying, there’s Tom too. He’s the media manager of your band and you've known him as long as Dom and Chris. Tom can be a little prankster, quite a tricky bastard sometimes, but he’s a good friend too. Well, that’s what you used to say.” She chuckled. “And then pretty recently you guys met Morgan. I can’t tell you much about him... You and I have not spent enough time together lately, so he’s more or less a stranger for me. All I can say it’s that he doesn’t seem like a bad person.” She shrugged.
“What about Dominic?” I asked curiously and Gaia's eyes widened before her face darkened. I wondered what was wrong with her…
“He is… Your friend too.” was all she said. Only that. She then stood up from the couch and walked into the kitchen. I followed her, disturbed by her sudden coldness at the mere mention of Dominic.
“Gaia?”
“Yeah?” She was holding a glass of water.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.” Sipping the water, she shrugged.
“Will you tell me more about Dominic?”
“Why should I? You already spent a good time with him. Was he sassy enough not to tell you about himself?” She said in one shot, not mincing words and not caring much about it either. I frowned and crossed my arms. What had happened to her?
“What’s wrong with you? You avoid conversation whenever I talk about Dominic.”
“I don’t.”
“So what are you doing right now?”
“I just… I don’t have anything to tell you about him.”
“Why not? I’m sure you have.”
“I have, but… Listen, Matthew.” She rubbed her brow and pinched the bridge of her nose. “The truth is…” She placed the already empty glass over the table. “We never got along. It’s not a secret to anyone and you had already known it before you… Lost your memory.”
“Why not? Did you do something to him?”
“Why don’t you consider the opposite?”
“What did he do?”
“Nothing. No one did anything to anyone. It’s just that… I don’t know. I can’t stand him, and I’m pretty sure he can’t stand me either.”
“I see…”
“He’s too selfish; he always wants all the attention to him alone. He tricks everyone with his friendly smiles, but he can’t fool me. No, he can’t.” Gaia hissed and I found myself gaping at her.
“Are you listening what you’re saying?”
“Uh?”
“How do you dare to say such things about Dominic? He’s not selfish! He is a really kind person, someone who's taken care of me so far, treated me well.” Okay, we may have argued before… But it wasn’t just his fault… “I don’t think you know Dominic. You’d not say so if you did.”
“Neither do you, Matt… You know him for barely a few days.”
“It doesn’t matter. I have a good feeling whenever I’m with him. It can’t be something bad, can it? You certainly don’t know him as much as I do- As much as I used to do. You can’t say those things about Dominic.”
“Matthew...” It was the only thing she managed to say after a few moments of awkward silence. Gaia tried to say something else, but she gave up. “I’m sorry.” She shook her head and walked closer to me.
I stepped back.
“I’m apologizing…”
“You should apologize to Dominic.”
“Can we… Let’s just forget it, please… Why don’t we go to sleep? I’m sure our minds will be clearer in morning.” She suggested, smoothing up one of my arms.
Maybe I had overreacted… But I couldn’t just listen to her saying those things about my best friend. Still I thought it would be better if I accepted her suggestion so I followed her upstairs.
***
I had a dream. It was probably influenced by the happenings of the previous day because it was about Gaia, Dominic and me. At one moment, I was at some bar and Gaia was crying, hopeless. Everything was pretty blurry as I stepped closer to her. I sat next to the crying woman and patted her head, my fingers carefully running through her hair. She looked up at me and I saw hurt into her brown eyes.
At another moment, I was with Dominic at some place where I could see Christmas decoration on the walls; colourful tiny lamps and balls, wreathes, red and green stockings. We were laughing, making jokes, sitting on a couch against the wall and drinking some booze.
I couldn’t say how we got there, but the next thing I saw was the two of us tickling each other on the couch. I was straddling Dominic and he was trying to push my hands off him, preventing me to keep tickling; it didn’t take too long until he finally grab both of my hands. He was already feeling victorious, thinking he had stopped me, when I suddenly ducked my head and pressed our lips together.
It was pretty quick and when I moved away I found Dominic staring at me, confused at first, but he soon hurried up to pull me off of him, wiping his mouth as I lost myself laughing hard on the couch. I’m pretty sure he shouted something like “What the fuck are you doing?!” So I sat up and, trying to catch my breath, I pointed at the wall near us. When he caught sight of what I was trying to show him, he couldn’t help smiling like a fool.
It was not the first time we were under mistletoe.
***
I woke up feeling a bit dizzy. Yawning, I stretched on the soft mattress and rubbed my eyes to get used to the luminosity in the room. Hearing something rubbing against the cool sheets, I looked at my side.
There was Gaia.
She was lying on her side, propping on an elbow and staring at me, her gaze sweet over me, looking like I was being admired. She had a lovely smile on her face and her hair was slightly mussed, just the usual from someone who just woke up.
After our little argument last night, she led me to her bedroom. At first, I was a bit hesitant when I realized she was going to sleep with me, as I laid on the bed and she followed me. We just had a fight and she was with me, here, in the same bed… I knew she is my girlfriend and yes, I also know most of the couples do that, but… I just didn’t feel comfortable with her around. It was like I didn’t know her. Okay, I’d forgotten about her as I’d forgotten about every single detail of my life. But how could I explain this weird feeling I had for Dominic, for instance, since the first time I saw him at the hospital, and on the other hand I felt absolutely nothing special towards the woman supposed to be my girlfriend?
What is a girlfriend? She was supposed to be the one who I chose to protect, to make her smile and happy by my side, to learn and to teach, to give and receive; wasn’t she? And we should share feelings…
So why I didn’t have feelings for her?
At the most, I could say I found her beautiful, but that was all. Nothing more. Well, at least I could try. Right? Maybe it’s just me who still adjusting to my life again. Yeah, it makes sense. That must be it.
As I was saying, we ended up sharing the same bed.
To be honest, I’d prefer be at Dominic’s- Wait, that was my own house, not Dominic’s. Okay, I’d be more comfortable if I was home last night, but since it was already late of the night, I was sure Dominic was sleeping. I didn’t want to annoy him and risk being inconvenient. So I had to spend the night at Gaia’s.
She had apologized a few more times before finally falling asleep. I don’t want to sound rude, but… I thanked some powerful being when she did. I was tired and had a huge headache.
“Morning.” Gaia disturbed my thoughts, pressing a gentle kiss to my cheek. “Did you sleep well?” She asked, stroking my arm and acting like nothing had happened last night.
“I think so.”
“Did you have a dream?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Tell me about it?”
“Eh…” Why was she all interested in what I dreamt so out of the blue? “I-I don’t think I should…” I expected a confusing look from her, but all she did was place her head on my shoulder and giggle.
“I missed you so much.” She led a hand to my chest, caressing it over my clothes. “Why are you wearing these?”
“These what?”
“These sweatshirt and trousers.” Gaia chuckled.
“Because… They cover my body…? And because I’m quite sure people are not supposed to see each other naked and walking down the streets? I may have lost my memory but I know why people wear clothes.”
“You silly boy!” She patted my chest and lifted her head, enough to face me. “Do you still have problems with buttons and stuff?”
“Maybe…” I replied, shyly because I was a natural disaster. By the way, how did she know about that?
“Aw…” Gaia smiled and pecked me. I stirred, as a reaction to what she just did. I looked surprised at her, but I didn’t think she noticed my state of confusion. “You have no idea how long I waited to be with you again…” She spoke with a silky voice whilst rubbing her thumb on my cheek. I felt her lips again. “Miss you so…” Whispering she resumed kissing my lips.
I couldn’t move.
I was... Confused and didn’t know what to do.
She was different from Dominic.
She was warm, had soft lips, a soft skin. Her scent was sweet and delicate.
But somehow I felt more comfortable with Dominic.
Gaia wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed our bodies together, sliding one of her legs between mine. My hands found her shoulders and when I was about to pull her away, she did what Dominic had tried before.
I felt she slipping her tongue into my mouth and a new rush of sensations overtook me. That was new to me. Would I have felt it if I’d let Dominic do it?
It was good…
I loosened the grip on her shoulders as she moved her tongue, reaching every corner of my mouth. Suddenly, I found myself moaning and receptive to what she was doing. She led the kiss in a very slow and careful way, probably trying her best to make me enjoy that contact.
She did really well because I was really enjoying it. I even tried to move my tongue like she was doing with hers, but I was doing something awkward and I felt Gaia smiling against my lips as she let a chuckle scape. She moved away just enough to look at me. Grinning, she used her thumb to wipe away some moisture from one of the corners of my mouth.
I couldn’t say why, but I smiled back at her and her eyes brightened up immediately, shining in a way I’d never had seen before. Cupping my face eagerly, she pulled me into a very passionate kiss; deeper and more intense than the last one.
Rolling over me, Gaia squeezed her body against mine, and made me whimper a bit when I felt her leg pressing against a certain lower part of my body. She gasped at the same time and lifted her head, looking surprised somehow. I couldn’t help staring at her bosoms when she decided to sat up, straddling me, whilst the intriguing pressure in my lower parts just increased even more. Gaia’s face had blushed heavily.
Noticing my curious stare on her chest, she grabbed my hand and led it to one of her breasts, making me to cup it. I lifted both of my eyebrows in surprise when she let out a low moan, and so I realized the gravity of that situation.
What the hell was I doing?!
That didn’t feel right…
And when I least expected, I felt her fidgety fingers playing with the waistband of my trousers, sliding one by one into the cloth as she tried to pull it down.
Okay.
Now…
WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE DOING?!
THAT ABSOLUTELY WASN’T RIGHT!
I immediately pushed Gaia aside and ran to the bathroom, locking the door.
Now I was safe. I took a deep, deep breath and tried to relax as I leaned against the door. “Matthew?!” I heard her shouting from the bedroom. I chilled. “Matt?!”
“Call Dominic, please!” It was the only thing I could manage to say at that moment. I didn’t feel like I wanted to spend more time with Gaia and everything was being too weird with her. I mean, okay, I was enjoying at first, but then it became… Awful… I wasn’t feeling as comfortable as before…
Maybe I was just ill, considering the bulge in my trousers when I looked down. I was pretty sure it was not like that a few moments earlier.
Yeah, something was definitely wrong with me.
***
Author's Note 2: yes, you can kill me now. But if you do, I won't be able to make it up to you next chapter :P
Author: zetastation
Betas: aka_demon72 and ilurvebelldom (thank you sweeties!)
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: language, het activities... (yeah, go and kill me D':)
Summary: It's time for Matthew to take some time to clear his mind.
Feedback: Pretty please!!! <3
Disclaimer: I don’t own Muse. This is a work of fiction and it never happened.
Author’s Note: Update yay! Thank you all for the positive feedback on the last chapter! Things will be a bit different from now, but I hope you'll still like it :) I had to split this chapter because it already has 10449 words =O So this first bit has 4792 words :) I hope you enjoy it!
Dedicated to hyper_bliss (you'll know why when you read it =P)
P.S.: During flashbacks, conversations are italic and narration is regular.
Prologue - Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6
***
“You’re my best friend, Dom. And... You’re visibly suffering. You’re only 15 and you still have a long life to live. Don’t let that damn girl break your heart…”
“She already did…”
“Oh, man...” Matthew hurried to hug me when he realized I was about to break down. “Don’t cry, please. I can’t bear you crying. I hate when you cry...” He said. Actually, he whispered while stroking my back.
“I’m not crying. I’m not!” My voice was shaking and muffled by Matt’s shirt as I buried my face in his shoulder, struggling not to cry.
Too late. I could feel my face warming as the tears began to stream down. I was pathetic… Crying over a girl? A stupid girl?!
“It’s okay. I mean, I think everyone has to go through a heartbreak, sooner or later.” I could hear him chuckling, trying to comfort me and still smoothing my back.
“Have you ever had one?”
“Yeah… Several times.”
I looked up at him and found a shy smile on his face. “How could you survive then?”
“Girls are not everything and I have amazing friends who always help me to survive.” Grinning, Matt wiped my tears away. “Anyway, we’re young! We’ll meet so many people in our lives. We can’t be stuck only in the present. Think big, Dom.” He winked and I finally could manage to smile at him.
“Hm, maybe you’re right. I appreciate your words, but… I think I’ll still keep feeling like shit for a while…”
“I see. Well, you would be happy to know that there’s someone who loves you!”
“What?! Who?!”
“Me!” And I didn’t even have time to process his words. I just felt Matt’s hands cupping my face and pulling me forward, brushing his lips against mine for barely a second. Giggling, he moved away, his cheeks slightly flushed.
“W-what the fuck, Matt?!” I asked, both shocked and amused. Despite the kiss (actually, the peck), I didn’t have feelings for him at that time, so it felt so innocent, at the most a prank. I wasn’t mad at him, just a bit confused and surprised.
“Oh dear, Dominic!” He held my hands and kissed them. “You’re so sweet! Your hair is pure gold and your eyes are so enigmatic! Oh, I wish I could taste the cherry flavour of your lips! Wait, I just did!” We laughed. “Please, darling, be my girlfriend!”
“Your what?! Girlfriend?! Matt, you idiot! I’m not even a girl!” I pushed him away playfully.
“Aren’t you?! Oh, shit! I just kissed a guy!” He burst out laughing. What the hell was he thinking?! In all the time that I'd known him, I already had known that Matt was quite an... Odd person. But there were times when I had no idea what was going on his mind. “Sorry, dude.” He said catching his breath. “You’re not mad at me, are you? I was just kidding!”
“Don’t worry, I got it.” I smiled. “Thank you.”
“Thank you for what? The kiss?!” He arched his eyebrows, looking at me with worry. “Dom, you’re scaring me.”
“Not for the kiss! Eww, no!!!” I grimaced and, instinctively, wiped my mouth with my sleeve, which made Matt laugh a bit more. “You’re insane!” I tried to reproach him, but I couldn’t help smiling. “And I was referring to what you told me. I mean, you’re a good friend, Matt. You always try to cheer me up.” I said, being as honest as possible.
“Dom…” He put on a serious face and for one moment, I thought I had just said something wrong. “I’d like to hug you now, but I think we've already had enough of not very manly physical contact for today. I think a hand shake is the right thing to do.” I stared at him in confusion, but held up my hand anyway. Matt grabbed it, pulled me into a bear hug and suddenly it became hard to breathe. “Kidding again!”
“Jesus, Matt! You’ll be the death of me!” I laughed.
“I’m not even sorry.” He let go of me and grabbed his school bag, which was on the floor. “But seriously, I’ve gotta go now. Mum will be home soon and if she doesn't see me there...” He sighed.
“Yeah, it’s okay. I understand. Thanks for coming anyway.” I said leading him to the front door of my house. “My parents will be here soon and they don’t like when I don’t tell them I’m bringing someone home after school.”
“These parents…” Matthew shook his head, smiling. “Talk to you tomorrow?”
“Sure!” I opened the door.
“Okay. Bye, Dom.” Matt waved. “Love you, in a straight way, of course.”
“I’m afraid to say the same, but… Yeah, love you too. In the straightest way…” We chuckled and he left not long after.
***
Years ago.
It was years ago when it happened for the very first time.
And now I’m here, recalling that old memory… Something that happened long before I developed feelings for Matthew. That was a chaste, childish kiss, and now here we are again. But now I do have strong feelings for him; this time it wasn't a joke or a challenge, as it used to be when we were younger, in our more foolish moments. It was… Different somehow.
It was enough to make me feel like a teenager again.
You know, in high school, when you have a crush on someone and you are lucky enough to steal a kiss from this person. It may sound a bit childish and stupid. Indeed, it is. But it’s also something new and that throws us into a state of bliss. Just the racing of our heart at that moment, the anxiety, the insecurity… That’s me right now.
I felt Matt’s hands running over my shirt, tugging it as if he was looking desperately for support. And I cursed myself when Matt pulled away immediately after I tried to lick his bottom lip, in an attempt to make him part his lips for me.
“I-I need to see my girlfriend.” It was the only thing he said before turning his gaze to the floor and burying his hands in his pockets.
Damn it! I had spoiled everything… AGAIN! Wasn’t it enough we had already fought over the piano?! Now I was too eager and couldn’t stop myself. This was too much for him. I won’t blame him if he decides to hate me; I’d hate myself too.
At the same time I felt extremely hurt, disappointed. Why did Matt decide to see Gaia right now?! I mean, now that this happened, he won’t trust me anymore and will prefer to be with his… ‘Girlfriend’…
Gaia didn’t watch over Matt every day.
Gaia wasn’t there at the hospital every day.
Gaia didn’t move a finger to help Matt to get home.
Gaia wasn’t taking care of Matt at the moment.
Okay, don’t freak out, Dom. Matt wants to see his girl. What’s the problem on it? Actually, what exactly makes me think I have the right to prevent him for seeing her? What the hell, Dominic?! You don’t own Matt, you can't control him! If he wants to see Gaia, alright, he will.
I’m so selfish. So hopeless…
“Sure…” I finally manage to say. “Let’s go.” I said. My voice was emotionless. I didn’t dare look at Matt; I knew he was still frightened. I grabbed my car keys and we left the house.
***
Her house was pretty similar to mine. Big and beautiful.
When we got there, Dominic mumbled something like “Call me if you need anything.” But I couldn’t be sure since I was still processing everything that just happened. We hadn't exchanged a single word during the ride and an uncomfortable silence hung between us.
What had just happened was… New. I hadn't expected myself to act like that and his reaction had been even more surprising. My brain was a mess, I had no idea what was right and what was not; whether I should keep trusting him or not. He had already done so much for me; it’d be unfair if I stopped trusting him anymore. But he had also hidden something from me… Well, I felt he had hidden something.
Was he afraid of telling me about it? I mean, how and why it hadn't felt like it was the first time it had happened…
I didn't know what to believe anymore… I couldn’t trust myself since I didn't have any reliable memories. Actually, I had almost no memories.
I jumped out of the car and hesitated a moment before looking back at Dominic and nodding at him. I began to walk towards the front door and rang the doorbell. I could still hear the car's engine humming behind me, so I assumed Dominic was waiting for me to get into my girlfriend’s house.
My girlfriend… What’s her name again? Tania? Laila? Taila? Ga-something? Damn it! I couldn’t remember...
I waited a few seconds and, just when I was about to press the doorbell again, I heard footsteps. The door was opened and I found a beautiful woman in front of me. It was the same girl at the hospital. She had a nice hair, brunette like mine, it was long and straight. Her face was pretty, she had really delicate features. Her eyes were brown, but beautiful, and they were shining in recognition when she looked at me.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t lose myself into her bright smile. A sweet smile on her sweet face…
“Matt!” She whispered and hugged me. That was when I realized the hum of Dom's car engine had stopped. I was still processing that when she grabbed my hand and led me into her house. Before she closed the door, I quickly glanced over my shoulder.
Dominic had left.
“How are you feeling? Do you want something to drink or to eat? What brought you here?” She asked cheerfully, squeezing my hand and walking towards the couch in the living room. I looked around, trying to remember something, but my mind was blank as a sheet as far as her place was concerned.
What a surprise…
“I’m fine, thanks. I don’t think I want to eat or drink... And Dominic brought me here. I wanted to see you.” Hadn’t she seen the car outside?
She chuckled as we sat on the couch. “I missed you so much…” She stared at me for a few moments, her eyes sparkling. Unfortunately, I couldn’t say the same about her. I had no idea whether I missed her or not. “Do you… Remember me?” She asked a while later, noticing how I was still a little out of it.
“Umm, I’m sorry, no…” Suddenly her happy expression turned into a disappointed one, even though she tried to hide it. “But Dominic told me you are my girlfriend.”
“Yeah, I am.” She smiled. “I’m Gaia Polloni.”
“Gaia…” I repeated her name, thoughtfully. “It’s a beautiful name.”
“Thank you.”
“Eh, would you mind to answer me a few questions?” I decided to ask.
“Of course not! I’m here to help you with everything!”
“Please… Could you tell me something... About me?” I wasn’t expecting to sound like I was begging, but the way she looked at me… There was pity in her eyes. She furrowed her brows, biting her bottom lip whilst tightening the grip in my hand.
“Sure.” Gaia cleared her throat. “What would you like to know?”
“Everything.” I smiled. I knew she couldn’t give me every answer, but she could help me somehow.
“Let me see…”
And then she started. Gaia told me about the first time we met and how it was. It happened at the end of 2000, in an airplane.
Apparently, I had thrown a shoe at her head. Yeah, according to her, I was sitting with Dominic a few rows behind hers in the airplane, and for some unknown reason (at least unknown to her); she was knocked by one of my shoes at her head. Then she said something about suing and lawyers. We didn’t meet for a few weeks, till Christmas Eve.
We met again at a bar. I was with Dominic (again) and Gaia was with a friend of hers. She was drowning her sorrows because she had just caught her fiancé with another woman. Apparently I had helped her somehow, comforting her, while Dominic was hanging out with her friend. She said we kissed for the first time that night, but we couldn’t spend more time together because her friend had puked on Dominic, or something else equally disgusting.
Then we started to date a few weeks after Christmas.
Gaia told me a lot of other details of about our relationship, sad moments and funny ones, and the atmosphere eased somewhat. Everything sounded pretty true so I believed her. Although I could ask Dominic, just to confirm her story.
We didn’t even notice the time fly by; but when I glanced out through the window it was already pretty dark outside. “Too sad you can’t remember any of these things…” She sighed and I noticed one of her hands move to my hair, stroking it softly. I couldn’t say why, but I felt like I had shied away at her touch. But maybe it was all in my mind…
“I’m sorry. I can’t.”
“Do you want to know anything else? It’s almost midnight, but we can keep chatting as long as you wish. I miss you too much, Matthew…” Gaia shifted on her seat and moved closer to me, her thigh brushing against mine.
“Could you tell me more about my friends?”
“It’d better you ask them, but I can summarize a few things.” She winked, beaming at me. “There’s Christopher, the youngest one. I think you’ve already met, am I right?” I nodded. “He plays with you guys; he’s the bassist and back up vocalist.”
“Dominic told me.” I smiled as I recalled that memory of us chatting in the car. Of course, before things went down with all that pressure he unintentionally put on me… I shook my head trying to get rid of that bad memory.
“Hm, I see.” Gaia said, nonchalantly, sounding a bit bored. I wondered why. “So, Chris is a nice guy, a really good friend. You've known him for years, since you were teenagers. He has a family, a wife called Kelly, she’s a great person too, and four children. Alfie, Ava, Frankie and Ernie. You’re Alfie’s and Ernie’s godfather.”
“I’m what?”
“Godfather. Kelly is Catholic and had her children baptized, so-”
“Baptized?” I interrupted, confused.
“Yeah… It’s some kind of blessing, I guess. I’m not the right person to answer that.” She smiled in embarrassment. “So, they chose you as their sons’ godfather, someone who will watch over them if anything bad happen to their parents.”
“This is so confusing, and why would they want me to watch over their kids?”
“Because they trust you?” Gaia arched a brow and looked at me, as if what she just said was the most obvious thing in the world. “You’re one of his best mates.”
“I think I’ll take some time to get used to social customs and protocols again.” I stated, honestly.
“I’m afraid you never did get used to them...” She held both of my hands in hers. “As I was saying, there’s Tom too. He’s the media manager of your band and you've known him as long as Dom and Chris. Tom can be a little prankster, quite a tricky bastard sometimes, but he’s a good friend too. Well, that’s what you used to say.” She chuckled. “And then pretty recently you guys met Morgan. I can’t tell you much about him... You and I have not spent enough time together lately, so he’s more or less a stranger for me. All I can say it’s that he doesn’t seem like a bad person.” She shrugged.
“What about Dominic?” I asked curiously and Gaia's eyes widened before her face darkened. I wondered what was wrong with her…
“He is… Your friend too.” was all she said. Only that. She then stood up from the couch and walked into the kitchen. I followed her, disturbed by her sudden coldness at the mere mention of Dominic.
“Gaia?”
“Yeah?” She was holding a glass of water.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.” Sipping the water, she shrugged.
“Will you tell me more about Dominic?”
“Why should I? You already spent a good time with him. Was he sassy enough not to tell you about himself?” She said in one shot, not mincing words and not caring much about it either. I frowned and crossed my arms. What had happened to her?
“What’s wrong with you? You avoid conversation whenever I talk about Dominic.”
“I don’t.”
“So what are you doing right now?”
“I just… I don’t have anything to tell you about him.”
“Why not? I’m sure you have.”
“I have, but… Listen, Matthew.” She rubbed her brow and pinched the bridge of her nose. “The truth is…” She placed the already empty glass over the table. “We never got along. It’s not a secret to anyone and you had already known it before you… Lost your memory.”
“Why not? Did you do something to him?”
“Why don’t you consider the opposite?”
“What did he do?”
“Nothing. No one did anything to anyone. It’s just that… I don’t know. I can’t stand him, and I’m pretty sure he can’t stand me either.”
“I see…”
“He’s too selfish; he always wants all the attention to him alone. He tricks everyone with his friendly smiles, but he can’t fool me. No, he can’t.” Gaia hissed and I found myself gaping at her.
“Are you listening what you’re saying?”
“Uh?”
“How do you dare to say such things about Dominic? He’s not selfish! He is a really kind person, someone who's taken care of me so far, treated me well.” Okay, we may have argued before… But it wasn’t just his fault… “I don’t think you know Dominic. You’d not say so if you did.”
“Neither do you, Matt… You know him for barely a few days.”
“It doesn’t matter. I have a good feeling whenever I’m with him. It can’t be something bad, can it? You certainly don’t know him as much as I do- As much as I used to do. You can’t say those things about Dominic.”
“Matthew...” It was the only thing she managed to say after a few moments of awkward silence. Gaia tried to say something else, but she gave up. “I’m sorry.” She shook her head and walked closer to me.
I stepped back.
“I’m apologizing…”
“You should apologize to Dominic.”
“Can we… Let’s just forget it, please… Why don’t we go to sleep? I’m sure our minds will be clearer in morning.” She suggested, smoothing up one of my arms.
Maybe I had overreacted… But I couldn’t just listen to her saying those things about my best friend. Still I thought it would be better if I accepted her suggestion so I followed her upstairs.
***
I had a dream. It was probably influenced by the happenings of the previous day because it was about Gaia, Dominic and me. At one moment, I was at some bar and Gaia was crying, hopeless. Everything was pretty blurry as I stepped closer to her. I sat next to the crying woman and patted her head, my fingers carefully running through her hair. She looked up at me and I saw hurt into her brown eyes.
At another moment, I was with Dominic at some place where I could see Christmas decoration on the walls; colourful tiny lamps and balls, wreathes, red and green stockings. We were laughing, making jokes, sitting on a couch against the wall and drinking some booze.
I couldn’t say how we got there, but the next thing I saw was the two of us tickling each other on the couch. I was straddling Dominic and he was trying to push my hands off him, preventing me to keep tickling; it didn’t take too long until he finally grab both of my hands. He was already feeling victorious, thinking he had stopped me, when I suddenly ducked my head and pressed our lips together.
It was pretty quick and when I moved away I found Dominic staring at me, confused at first, but he soon hurried up to pull me off of him, wiping his mouth as I lost myself laughing hard on the couch. I’m pretty sure he shouted something like “What the fuck are you doing?!” So I sat up and, trying to catch my breath, I pointed at the wall near us. When he caught sight of what I was trying to show him, he couldn’t help smiling like a fool.
It was not the first time we were under mistletoe.
***
I woke up feeling a bit dizzy. Yawning, I stretched on the soft mattress and rubbed my eyes to get used to the luminosity in the room. Hearing something rubbing against the cool sheets, I looked at my side.
There was Gaia.
She was lying on her side, propping on an elbow and staring at me, her gaze sweet over me, looking like I was being admired. She had a lovely smile on her face and her hair was slightly mussed, just the usual from someone who just woke up.
After our little argument last night, she led me to her bedroom. At first, I was a bit hesitant when I realized she was going to sleep with me, as I laid on the bed and she followed me. We just had a fight and she was with me, here, in the same bed… I knew she is my girlfriend and yes, I also know most of the couples do that, but… I just didn’t feel comfortable with her around. It was like I didn’t know her. Okay, I’d forgotten about her as I’d forgotten about every single detail of my life. But how could I explain this weird feeling I had for Dominic, for instance, since the first time I saw him at the hospital, and on the other hand I felt absolutely nothing special towards the woman supposed to be my girlfriend?
What is a girlfriend? She was supposed to be the one who I chose to protect, to make her smile and happy by my side, to learn and to teach, to give and receive; wasn’t she? And we should share feelings…
So why I didn’t have feelings for her?
At the most, I could say I found her beautiful, but that was all. Nothing more. Well, at least I could try. Right? Maybe it’s just me who still adjusting to my life again. Yeah, it makes sense. That must be it.
As I was saying, we ended up sharing the same bed.
To be honest, I’d prefer be at Dominic’s- Wait, that was my own house, not Dominic’s. Okay, I’d be more comfortable if I was home last night, but since it was already late of the night, I was sure Dominic was sleeping. I didn’t want to annoy him and risk being inconvenient. So I had to spend the night at Gaia’s.
She had apologized a few more times before finally falling asleep. I don’t want to sound rude, but… I thanked some powerful being when she did. I was tired and had a huge headache.
“Morning.” Gaia disturbed my thoughts, pressing a gentle kiss to my cheek. “Did you sleep well?” She asked, stroking my arm and acting like nothing had happened last night.
“I think so.”
“Did you have a dream?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Tell me about it?”
“Eh…” Why was she all interested in what I dreamt so out of the blue? “I-I don’t think I should…” I expected a confusing look from her, but all she did was place her head on my shoulder and giggle.
“I missed you so much.” She led a hand to my chest, caressing it over my clothes. “Why are you wearing these?”
“These what?”
“These sweatshirt and trousers.” Gaia chuckled.
“Because… They cover my body…? And because I’m quite sure people are not supposed to see each other naked and walking down the streets? I may have lost my memory but I know why people wear clothes.”
“You silly boy!” She patted my chest and lifted her head, enough to face me. “Do you still have problems with buttons and stuff?”
“Maybe…” I replied, shyly because I was a natural disaster. By the way, how did she know about that?
“Aw…” Gaia smiled and pecked me. I stirred, as a reaction to what she just did. I looked surprised at her, but I didn’t think she noticed my state of confusion. “You have no idea how long I waited to be with you again…” She spoke with a silky voice whilst rubbing her thumb on my cheek. I felt her lips again. “Miss you so…” Whispering she resumed kissing my lips.
I couldn’t move.
I was... Confused and didn’t know what to do.
She was different from Dominic.
She was warm, had soft lips, a soft skin. Her scent was sweet and delicate.
But somehow I felt more comfortable with Dominic.
Gaia wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed our bodies together, sliding one of her legs between mine. My hands found her shoulders and when I was about to pull her away, she did what Dominic had tried before.
I felt she slipping her tongue into my mouth and a new rush of sensations overtook me. That was new to me. Would I have felt it if I’d let Dominic do it?
It was good…
I loosened the grip on her shoulders as she moved her tongue, reaching every corner of my mouth. Suddenly, I found myself moaning and receptive to what she was doing. She led the kiss in a very slow and careful way, probably trying her best to make me enjoy that contact.
She did really well because I was really enjoying it. I even tried to move my tongue like she was doing with hers, but I was doing something awkward and I felt Gaia smiling against my lips as she let a chuckle scape. She moved away just enough to look at me. Grinning, she used her thumb to wipe away some moisture from one of the corners of my mouth.
I couldn’t say why, but I smiled back at her and her eyes brightened up immediately, shining in a way I’d never had seen before. Cupping my face eagerly, she pulled me into a very passionate kiss; deeper and more intense than the last one.
Rolling over me, Gaia squeezed her body against mine, and made me whimper a bit when I felt her leg pressing against a certain lower part of my body. She gasped at the same time and lifted her head, looking surprised somehow. I couldn’t help staring at her bosoms when she decided to sat up, straddling me, whilst the intriguing pressure in my lower parts just increased even more. Gaia’s face had blushed heavily.
Noticing my curious stare on her chest, she grabbed my hand and led it to one of her breasts, making me to cup it. I lifted both of my eyebrows in surprise when she let out a low moan, and so I realized the gravity of that situation.
What the hell was I doing?!
That didn’t feel right…
And when I least expected, I felt her fidgety fingers playing with the waistband of my trousers, sliding one by one into the cloth as she tried to pull it down.
Okay.
Now…
WHAT THE HELL WAS SHE DOING?!
THAT ABSOLUTELY WASN’T RIGHT!
I immediately pushed Gaia aside and ran to the bathroom, locking the door.
Now I was safe. I took a deep, deep breath and tried to relax as I leaned against the door. “Matthew?!” I heard her shouting from the bedroom. I chilled. “Matt?!”
“Call Dominic, please!” It was the only thing I could manage to say at that moment. I didn’t feel like I wanted to spend more time with Gaia and everything was being too weird with her. I mean, okay, I was enjoying at first, but then it became… Awful… I wasn’t feeling as comfortable as before…
Maybe I was just ill, considering the bulge in my trousers when I looked down. I was pretty sure it was not like that a few moments earlier.
Yeah, something was definitely wrong with me.
***
Author's Note 2: yes, you can kill me now. But if you do, I won't be able to make it up to you next chapter :P