The Pianist [Chapter 4/?]
Title: The Pianist
Author: zetastation
Beta: the awesome @Neta_lichT !!!
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: a bit of angst and nudity ;)
Summary: Dom's still trying to figure out a way to help Matt to remember who he is, but things are not going the way Dom planned.
Feedback: It's really important! It's the only way to know that you read it and it's also the only way to know what you thought about it. Criticism, compliments, suggestions... everything is welcome! Your opinion will help me to improve my writing skills, so I thank you very much if you comment :)
Disclaimer: I don’t own Muse. This is a work of fiction and it never happened.
Author’s Note: Sorry for my lateness, again. I've been trying to update it every week but I'm afraid I'm not able to do it :/ So, it'd be great if you understand my situation, I work and study, so I'm really busy :( Well, I hope you enjoy this 4,115 words chapter. I took too long to write it but it's finally done! And I thank my beta @Neta_lichT for her amazing work! This girl is incredible! She did wonders in my fanfiction! Neta, I don't even know how to thank you! I LOVE YOU! <3
P.S.: Blame my beta for the cliff hanger! hehe But I loved it <3
Prologue - Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 Part A
***
We were coming back to Matt’s place when the song on the radio switched into a familiar tune, a Muse song. Matt didn’t have any idea what was playing on the radio, but he looked really interested in it. When he realized he quite liked it, he stopped looking through the window of the car and paid more attention to the music, even humming in some parts. I felt really happy but didn’t want to ‘spoil’ his fun. I didn’t tell him it was one of our songs.
“That’s a good one.” He stated. “And the lyrics are great!” I glanced at Matt and found him smiling after the chorus. I chuckled. Good to know he still likes his own music! “Who’s the artist?”
“Hm, it’s a British band called Muse.” Will he remember that I told him our band’s name at the hospital?
“Muse…? I think I recognize that name…” Sure, I had mentioned it to him before. “I think you should play it, you know? I mean, I don’t even know what you used to do in our band but- Whoa!” He stared agape to the radio when the solo started. “That’s brilliant!!! How can someone be able to play something like this?” Then I couldn’t help but laughing loud when he said that. Poor Matt, has no idea how brilliant he is. “Why are you laughing?” He pouted, “Don’t be mean! I don’t remember what kind of music I like, okay?” He smiled shyly, crossing his arms.
“Oh, Matt! You have an awesome taste in music!”
“Hmmm, you're not making fun of me, right?”
“I’m not! I’m serious!”
“So why are you laughing?” He narrowed his eyes.
“It’s only because it’s a Muse song.”
“And…?”
I stopped the car when the traffic light turned red and looked properly at Matt. “Muse is our band, Matthew.” I smiled.
“Oh… That’s why I recognized this name! But… what did I do? In the band…” He wiggled on his seat.
“You are only the singer, guitarist, pianist and main composer. Only that.”
“W-what?!” He widened his eyes, stuttering. “Y-you are kidding me, right?!”
“No, I’m not.” I winked and Matt tried to say something, but he was stuck open mouthed. The traffic light turned green again and I kept driving to Matt’s house. He kept his silence until the end of the song. “What happened?”
“I can’t believe it… It was me? Singing? Playing?” I nodded. “Whoa! I just… Whoa!” He shook his head. “Can you tell me more about our band?”
“I think it’d be better if you, Chris, Tom and I talk about it together. You know, to make you understand all the details. But I can tell you the basics. We have released four albums.”
“Four?”
“The first one was released in 1999 and it’s called Showbiz.”
“1999? Exactly ten years ago!” He chuckled.
“Yeah, time goes by! Our second album was Origin of Symmetry, 2001. In 2003 it was the time to Absolution and, in 2006, we finally released Black Holes and Revelations. The music you just listened to is from our last album, that song was ‘Invincible’.”
“No, that song is Incredible!” Matt joked and we laughed. I glanced at him; to see that he was smiling made me feel really good. Somehow it was making me believe I am able to make him remember everything about us, or at least most of the things.
“And we’re almost done with our fifth album, but I guess we'll just put it on hold for a while…” I pointed.
“What did you play, Dominic?”
“The drums. Chris plays the bass and the backing vocals. You are the multitasker, not us.” I heard him chuckling once again. That’s good, really good!
“Can you please put more one song? I would like to listen to some more.”
“Sure! I have some samples of our albums here.” I pointed to the CD case over the car dashboard. Matt took the Absolution CD and put it in the CD player. “Go to track number 10. I want you to know how amazing you play.”
“Okay…” He obeyed and Butterflies & Hurricanes started to play.
“Listen to this masterpiece. I don’t like to brag, but to me, it’s one of our best songs.” I chuckled and Matt said nothing. He was really paying attention to the song. “Wait until you hear what you can do with the piano. You are great, Matt! I remember when you played the piano for the first time. Well, not the very first time, I mean, I remember the first time I heard you playing that. You almost made me cry, dude!”
“Really?” He asked.
“Yeah! Oh man, you always loved Chopin's compositions! Do you remember Chopin?” He shook his head. “What about Rachmaninoff?”
“I don’t think so… Who’s that?”
“Don’t worry, we will have time to listen to that, too. Wait! Listen now, now!” I said cheerful when the piano solo was about to start. “It’s beautiful!”
“Is it… Me?” Matt asked in disbelief and I don’t blame him. He’s so talented! I think if it was me who had lost my memory, I wouldn’t believe I used to play like that too.
“Yes, my friend. You are marvellous. Get used to it. Again.” I grinned. “What if you try to play something when we come back?”
“But I don’t remember how to play the piano, Dominic…”
“Matt, don’t say that! You were born to be a pianist! Actually, to be a musician, because you have so many skills. I was really impressed when I first met you. The way you used to play… It sounded like it was something unconscious, I don’t know how to explain that. It sounded so natural… As if you have always known how to play. You’re amazing, Matt.” I practically whispered. Talking about Matt always makes me start to ramble. I admire him so much, not only because I am in love with him, but it’s because he really is a great musician, a great person!
“Dominic, I don’t…”
“What? Don’t be shy! I know you still can play it! As I said before, you are amazing and I’m proud of you.” I glanced at him and smiled, trying to make him feel more comfortable. He only nodded and looked through the window. “Are you okay? Did you like the song?”
“Sure! I found it fantastic! But I’m not sure I can play it anymore.”
“You’re so modest, Matt.” I shook my head, smiling.
In a few minutes we got to his home. “So, what do you want to do now?” I asked as we entered his house. “It’s only 8 p.m. We can do one or two more things before we go to sleep. We can watch a movie or we- Wait! Where’s Hendrix?!” I stopped and looked back to the car.
“He’s here…” Matt was holding Hendrix in his arms and lifting his eyebrows. I haven’t noticed that!
“Oh, sorry. I think I spaced out a bit.” I laughed and shook my head. “So, did you decide what we will do now?” I closed the door behind us and Matt put Hendrix on the floor.
“Hm, I’m a bit sleepy, sorry… I think I will try to get some sleep.”
“Oh, okay. We can do something tomorrow.” I smiled and Matt nodded.
“Come with me, I will show you your room.”
We went upstairs for the very first time since Matt had left the hospital. I don’t know why he didn’t want to explore his place yet, but it was okay. He was tired, I understood him; he needed a proper rest. It was a long day for him.
“This is your room.” I said as I opened the door. “I will be there.” I pointed to the next room. “If you need any help, just call me, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Good night.” I waved and Matt nodded again, immediately closing his door. I hope he’s okay… I think it’s just because he’s tired.
Before I went to my room, I mean, to one of the guest rooms of Matt’s house, I checked if Hendrix had enough food and water. After a few minutes I finally went to my room. I took off my shoes and sat on the edge of the bed, looking around the room in a very thoughtful state.
Will Matt be okay on his own? What if he has trouble sleeping? I remember Doctor Walker saying that Matt could feel some discomfort, a headache or pain in some parts of his body, especially in his back. I hope he’ll get well soon.
I laid down on the mattress and started to think if it’d be better to take a shower before sleeping, but my thoughts were disturbed by a knock on my door.
“Come in.” I said as I sat up. Matthew opened the door and put his head inside the room, glancing around it until finally catching my eyes. “I thought you were going to sleep.” I smiled.
“Hm, I was, but…” Matt cleared his throat and scratched his nape. “I thought I could take a shower before that.” Funny, I was thinking the same.
“You can.”
“No, I can’t…” He glared at the floor.
“Why not?” I stood up and walked towards him.
“I-I’m having trouble.” I noticed his cheeks growing red and then I remembered when Doctor Walker told me how the nurses helped Matt take a shower.
“Oh, I see. I can help… You.” I gulped when I realized what I just had offered to do. I had no idea what kind of help he needed and thinking that those nurses had seen him… Naked… Oh my God! What was I doing?! I wanted to help him, but I didn’t want to make him think that I was some kind of a pervert! He needed to trust me, not to feel disgusted by me. “I-I mean, what kind of help do you need?”
“I have trouble… With buttons…” Matt almost whispered and his face was redder than before. Well, I think I was blushing, too… I’m stupid! “N-never mind, I will-”
“Let me help you!” Again, I didn’t think twice before saying that. Matt lifted his gaze and bit his bottom lip. Nodding, he went to his room and I followed him, confused. I knew I will help him, I knew it was about buttons, but, still, what will I do?
I just stood at the door of his room, waiting for some request by Matt or anything else of that kind. “You can… Sit there.” He pointed to his bed and then buried his hands in his pockets. I obeyed and sat on the edge. Okay… I thought things could get a little… Weird… Don’t be silly, Dom. Matt is your friend and he needs your help, nothing more will happen. Stop thinking of him in a way that friends shouldn’t. Respect him!
After a few moments Matt stepped forward, still flushing a bit and staring at the floor. “Are you okay?” I asked. I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.
“Y-yes.”
“Want me to help you with your shirt?” He nodded and stepped forward once again, now in front of me. Even though I was sitting, I could perfectly manage to help him. “May I?” I indicated the buttons of his shirt with my fingers, Matt nodded and assented.
As I opened the buttons, Matt’s pale skin slowly got exposed, looking so silky and soft… My fingers slightly brushed against his bare chest while I was helping him, making Matt to shiver a bit. At first I thought it was a real discomfort to him, but… I don’t know. When I finally unbuttoned his shirt and looked up at Matt, I found him staring at me, peaceful. He didn't look bothered anymore.
“Done.” I said and cleared my throat, looking around the room and realizing it was time to stand up and leave Matt to take his shower. But it was not. Matt placed his hands on my shoulders, preventing me to stand up. “Hm?” I looked at him, confused. “What happened?”
“I-I… I told you, I have troubles with… Buttons…” Then, ducking his head, Matt looked down and… Oh. I got it…
“Oh… I see… Well…” You can do it, Dom. You can do it. “Y-your trousers, right?” I asked just to be sure of what he was asking me.
“Yes…”
“Okay.”
So, I tried to be as quick as possible, but not being rude. Clumsily, I undid his belt buckle as Matt crossed his arms, apparently trying to cover his bare skin. Then I headed my fingers to the button of his trouser and, after that, unzipped it. I blushed when I noticed he was wearing navy boxers.
“I can manage from here.” Matt moved away, already walking towards the bathroom. “Thank you.” He closed the door and left me there, alone in his room.
“Okay, then…” He’s so shy… “I’m leaving now.” I said loud enough to let him hear from the bathroom, but I think he didn’t. I heard the sound of running water and concluded he didn’t need my help for now.
When I stood up and was about to go to my room, I thought it’d be better if I would sort some clean clothes for Matt. I moved to his wardrobe and picked a pair of boxers, a pair of loose trousers and shirt. After folding his clothes, I put them over his bed and was on my way to the door when I heard a noise. It was a muffled sound and I got worried. What if Matt had slipped and fell on the floor? What if he knocked his head? Oh God, I needed to help him!
I crossed the room and knocked on the bathroom door. “Matt?” He didn’t say a thing. “Is everything okay?” I asked worried.
“Dominic…” I could hear him calling me. “Help me.” What’s going on?!
I didn’t think twice, I just opened the door and entered the bathroom. The first thing I saw was Matt’s outline on the almost transparent shower curtains. He was leaning forward, resting one hand on the wall. “Matthew, are you fine?!” I inquired as I opened the curtains. He had his back to me, the water traced thin lines on his body, from his head to his feet, until finally hitting the floor, splashing tiny water drops that joined into a puddle. I didn’t care if he was taking a shower, I didn’t care if he was naked in front of me, I didn’t care if I was not supposed to be in there. He called me, asked for help, he needed me. That’s what really mattered. “What happened?” I moved closer, not bothering to get wet in the shower.
Matt looked at me over his shoulder, frowning, red cheeks, trembling parted lips. “My back… It’s hurting. I can’t bend…” He looked away.
“Oh, that’s okay. I will help you.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I remember the Doctor said you would probably feel some back pains.” I stepped forward and waited for Matt’s permission.
“Alright…”
I held his shoulders and let the water soak me a bit more; my head now completely under the stream of water. “May I?” Matt nodded and I slipped one of my hands to his waist and the other headed to his chest, holding him tightly to help him to straighten his posture, his naked body resting against my soaked clothes. “Is it still hurting? Your back, I mean.”
“A bit.” He answered, still not looking at me.
Then I slid both hands to Matt’s back and started to rub it, giving him a massage to make him feel better and to ease his pain. Matt moaned as I pressed his trapezius. Thinking I was a bit rude, I immediately reacted to his moan. “Sorry!”
“It’s okay. Just keep… Going.” He turned his head to face me. His blue eyes staring at me, his brunet hair stuck to his forehead, water streaming down his face, tracing to his chin, to his neck. Such a vision… I nodded and he gave me a shy smile, immediately turning his face to stare at the wall. I shook my head, trying to pull away from some particular thoughts.
But it was hard work… I mean, it’s hard not to have these thoughts whilst I was massaging him. I was right; his skin is really silky, soft… I had to fight against the urge not to hold him tightly. Not in the way I just held him to help him, but… You know. He’s the guy I have always loved; it was hard to resist.
After a few minutes of back rubbing, I noticed it was enough. I helped Matt get out of the shower and handed him a bathrobe, which he wore immediately. I could feel tension in the room, but I perfectly understood it. How should you act after you've helped the person you love to take a shower, rubbing his back because of some pain? I mean, I helped him, okay; but no one can deny it. It was weird… And the way Matt embraced himself now, like as if he was trying to hide from me… Okay, not actually trying to hide himself, but… It was enough; I was really embarrassed and confused. I should've let Matt on his own by now. He knew what to do.
“I’m leaving.” I said as I walked to the door, visibly bashful, sure I was blushing. Stupid me!
“Thank you, Dominic.” Matt said before I went. I glanced at him and noticed his face slightly flushed. Oh, and a smile… His lips were curled into a shy smile. “You know, for what you did and for that.” He pointed to the clothes I had left on his bed. Nodding, I beamed and went to my room.
I realized that I needed a proper shower, or at least a change of clothes. Well, I couldn’t soak my bed, could I? I walked towards the wardrobe in my room (yes, I will live in Matt’s house for a while) and picked some clean clothes. After changing myself I finally laid down on the bed. I checked the digital clock beside my bed, it was almost 9 p.m., even though it was still early, I definitely needed some rest…
But I couldn’t fall asleep.
Hm, it would be great if I could sleep. My brain couldn't stop working! I checked the clock once again, 1:07 a.m. Damn it. I couldn’t sleep… Well, I think Matt couldn't sleep, too. He knocked on my door at that moment. I stood up and opened the door.
“Sorry. I didn’t want to disturb you.” He said.
“Don’t worry. I couldn’t even sleep.” I smiled and scratched my nape. “What happened?”
“Hm, I can’t sleep, too…”
“Nice, let’s have some hot cocoa.” I chuckled.
“Okay, but… What’s that?”
“You will taste it by yourself.” I winked and patted his shoulder. “Come with me.”
We went downstairs, to the kitchen, and I prepared our hot cocoa. We sat at the table and I waited for Matt to drink his chocolate. “Want me to go first?” I grinned and he blushed a bit, immediately nodding. “Okay!” I lifted my mug and tasted the content. “Awesome.” I chuckled. “Now it’s your turn.”
“I hope it’s good.” He smiled and mirrored my actions, sipping the cocoa. “Oh my God!!!” Another sip; a long one this time. “Geez! Where do you find those delicious things, Dominic?!”
“You like it, I guess.” I laughed and Matt nodded, frantically.
“Of course I do! Tomorrow you will cook every kind of food you know!” He smiled. Good to see that cute (wonky) smile… “Sorry, I think I am too-”
“There’s no problem, dude. Seriously. I will cook everything you want.” I said, still happy because of his positive reaction. When we finished our hot cocoa, I left our mugs in the sink. “Want to do anything else?”
“Hm, I still can’t sleep. What did I use to do when I couldn’t sleep?”
“Want the truth? Sometimes you fell asleep after playing the piano. Or whilst you were playing it.” I chuckled. Those were good and funny memories…
“How do you know that? I mean, did you live with me?”
“Oh, no!” I laughed and shook my hands. It would have been great if I used to live with Matt. “I mean, we lived in the same flat once, but we were young. I know about the piano thing because… You know, you are my best friend and you used to tell me everything what happened to you and around you. And there were times when I went to your place, knocked on the door or tried to call you and you didn’t answer me. Then I used to peek through the window. There you were, sleeping on the piano. It was funny.” It had happened a few times.
“It sounds like a good memory.” Matt smiled and so did I.
“You know what? Try to play a bit. It can help you, I’m sure.” I suggested. Matt widened his eyes in disbelief.
“W-what?! N-no! I can’t!” He stuttered and shook his head, stepping back.
“Give it a try!”
“But…”
“You won’t regret it. Please.” I can’t say what exactly I tried to do. Puppy eyes? Whatever, Matt nodded, unwilling. “Great! Follow me!” I held his hand and walked towards the music room. Yes, Matthew has a music room, full of guitars (classical and electrical ones), a beautiful black grand piano in the middle and some other music related stuff. There’s also a massive window where the sunshine or moonlight could come in and fill the room. It’s a beautiful thing to see.
“You are kidding me, right? No way I can play something like this!” Matt shook his head. Grabbing his shoulders, I forced him to sit on the piano bench.
At that moment, it was moonlight that is filling the room. That soft light over Matt's exposed skin made him look divine, an angel… His pale skin practically glowing… It looked so silky… Well, I was pretty sure it’s silky and soft! Stop it, Dom! “Hm!” I cleared my throat. “Of course you can play it! I mean, you used to do it so naturally.” I was holding his shoulders, preventing him from standing up.
“Okay, I used to play it. Past tense.”
“Don’t say something like that! You should at least try.”
“If I couldn’t play it, will you give up on me?” He asked quietly, afraid of the answer I might give.
“What?! Are you crazy?! Hell, no! Of course not!” He looked at me, frowning and analysing my face. Then he looked back at the piano, staring at its ivory keys, thoughtfully. “C’mon, try to press a key.” I said with a smooth voice, trying to make him feel more comfortable.
Matthew took a deep breath and after a few seconds, tried to press a single key, that's it, nothing more. I waited a few moments and then asked. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know how to begin!”
“Well, at least you tried to play something. Keep trying! I’m sure you will do it.”
“But I…”
“C’mon, Matt! Do it! I know you can do it! You are a great, amazing, and extremely talented pianist! There’s no way you have forgotten how to play it!”
"Don’t push me." he said in a steely tone, but I refused to hear the warning in his voice. Matt tried again, banging his fingers on three keys this time instead of one, then put his palms on his thighs.
"At least try" I urged him even more, a bit annoyed.
That, for him, was the last straw.
Matt stood up all of a sudden, abruptly, banging both hands over the piano keys, making a disharmonious noise that usually happens when someone slams the keys.
"Stop!"
I moved away, stepping back, widening my eyes and looking at him a bit scared. What happened? He stared at me with an angry look on his face, his hands still over the keys, breathing slowly, red faced and frowning. But in the corners of his eyes, not yet masked by his anger, I could see it. Hurt.
“Don’t push me! I can’t do this!”
Leg after leg, Matt freed himself from the piano stool, exited the room and thundered upstairs, leaving me there, alone.
Before slamming his door forcefully, Matt screamed at me one last sentence that echoed through the empty house.
"I am not your Matthew anymore!"
***
Author: zetastation
Beta: the awesome @Neta_lichT !!!
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: a bit of angst and nudity ;)
Summary: Dom's still trying to figure out a way to help Matt to remember who he is, but things are not going the way Dom planned.
Feedback: It's really important! It's the only way to know that you read it and it's also the only way to know what you thought about it. Criticism, compliments, suggestions... everything is welcome! Your opinion will help me to improve my writing skills, so I thank you very much if you comment :)
Disclaimer: I don’t own Muse. This is a work of fiction and it never happened.
Author’s Note: Sorry for my lateness, again. I've been trying to update it every week but I'm afraid I'm not able to do it :/ So, it'd be great if you understand my situation, I work and study, so I'm really busy :( Well, I hope you enjoy this 4,115 words chapter. I took too long to write it but it's finally done! And I thank my beta @Neta_lichT for her amazing work! This girl is incredible! She did wonders in my fanfiction! Neta, I don't even know how to thank you! I LOVE YOU! <3
P.S.: Blame my beta for the cliff hanger! hehe But I loved it <3
Prologue - Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 6 - Chapter 7 Part A
***
We were coming back to Matt’s place when the song on the radio switched into a familiar tune, a Muse song. Matt didn’t have any idea what was playing on the radio, but he looked really interested in it. When he realized he quite liked it, he stopped looking through the window of the car and paid more attention to the music, even humming in some parts. I felt really happy but didn’t want to ‘spoil’ his fun. I didn’t tell him it was one of our songs.
“That’s a good one.” He stated. “And the lyrics are great!” I glanced at Matt and found him smiling after the chorus. I chuckled. Good to know he still likes his own music! “Who’s the artist?”
“Hm, it’s a British band called Muse.” Will he remember that I told him our band’s name at the hospital?
“Muse…? I think I recognize that name…” Sure, I had mentioned it to him before. “I think you should play it, you know? I mean, I don’t even know what you used to do in our band but- Whoa!” He stared agape to the radio when the solo started. “That’s brilliant!!! How can someone be able to play something like this?” Then I couldn’t help but laughing loud when he said that. Poor Matt, has no idea how brilliant he is. “Why are you laughing?” He pouted, “Don’t be mean! I don’t remember what kind of music I like, okay?” He smiled shyly, crossing his arms.
“Oh, Matt! You have an awesome taste in music!”
“Hmmm, you're not making fun of me, right?”
“I’m not! I’m serious!”
“So why are you laughing?” He narrowed his eyes.
“It’s only because it’s a Muse song.”
“And…?”
I stopped the car when the traffic light turned red and looked properly at Matt. “Muse is our band, Matthew.” I smiled.
“Oh… That’s why I recognized this name! But… what did I do? In the band…” He wiggled on his seat.
“You are only the singer, guitarist, pianist and main composer. Only that.”
“W-what?!” He widened his eyes, stuttering. “Y-you are kidding me, right?!”
“No, I’m not.” I winked and Matt tried to say something, but he was stuck open mouthed. The traffic light turned green again and I kept driving to Matt’s house. He kept his silence until the end of the song. “What happened?”
“I can’t believe it… It was me? Singing? Playing?” I nodded. “Whoa! I just… Whoa!” He shook his head. “Can you tell me more about our band?”
“I think it’d be better if you, Chris, Tom and I talk about it together. You know, to make you understand all the details. But I can tell you the basics. We have released four albums.”
“Four?”
“The first one was released in 1999 and it’s called Showbiz.”
“1999? Exactly ten years ago!” He chuckled.
“Yeah, time goes by! Our second album was Origin of Symmetry, 2001. In 2003 it was the time to Absolution and, in 2006, we finally released Black Holes and Revelations. The music you just listened to is from our last album, that song was ‘Invincible’.”
“No, that song is Incredible!” Matt joked and we laughed. I glanced at him; to see that he was smiling made me feel really good. Somehow it was making me believe I am able to make him remember everything about us, or at least most of the things.
“And we’re almost done with our fifth album, but I guess we'll just put it on hold for a while…” I pointed.
“What did you play, Dominic?”
“The drums. Chris plays the bass and the backing vocals. You are the multitasker, not us.” I heard him chuckling once again. That’s good, really good!
“Can you please put more one song? I would like to listen to some more.”
“Sure! I have some samples of our albums here.” I pointed to the CD case over the car dashboard. Matt took the Absolution CD and put it in the CD player. “Go to track number 10. I want you to know how amazing you play.”
“Okay…” He obeyed and Butterflies & Hurricanes started to play.
“Listen to this masterpiece. I don’t like to brag, but to me, it’s one of our best songs.” I chuckled and Matt said nothing. He was really paying attention to the song. “Wait until you hear what you can do with the piano. You are great, Matt! I remember when you played the piano for the first time. Well, not the very first time, I mean, I remember the first time I heard you playing that. You almost made me cry, dude!”
“Really?” He asked.
“Yeah! Oh man, you always loved Chopin's compositions! Do you remember Chopin?” He shook his head. “What about Rachmaninoff?”
“I don’t think so… Who’s that?”
“Don’t worry, we will have time to listen to that, too. Wait! Listen now, now!” I said cheerful when the piano solo was about to start. “It’s beautiful!”
“Is it… Me?” Matt asked in disbelief and I don’t blame him. He’s so talented! I think if it was me who had lost my memory, I wouldn’t believe I used to play like that too.
“Yes, my friend. You are marvellous. Get used to it. Again.” I grinned. “What if you try to play something when we come back?”
“But I don’t remember how to play the piano, Dominic…”
“Matt, don’t say that! You were born to be a pianist! Actually, to be a musician, because you have so many skills. I was really impressed when I first met you. The way you used to play… It sounded like it was something unconscious, I don’t know how to explain that. It sounded so natural… As if you have always known how to play. You’re amazing, Matt.” I practically whispered. Talking about Matt always makes me start to ramble. I admire him so much, not only because I am in love with him, but it’s because he really is a great musician, a great person!
“Dominic, I don’t…”
“What? Don’t be shy! I know you still can play it! As I said before, you are amazing and I’m proud of you.” I glanced at him and smiled, trying to make him feel more comfortable. He only nodded and looked through the window. “Are you okay? Did you like the song?”
“Sure! I found it fantastic! But I’m not sure I can play it anymore.”
“You’re so modest, Matt.” I shook my head, smiling.
In a few minutes we got to his home. “So, what do you want to do now?” I asked as we entered his house. “It’s only 8 p.m. We can do one or two more things before we go to sleep. We can watch a movie or we- Wait! Where’s Hendrix?!” I stopped and looked back to the car.
“He’s here…” Matt was holding Hendrix in his arms and lifting his eyebrows. I haven’t noticed that!
“Oh, sorry. I think I spaced out a bit.” I laughed and shook my head. “So, did you decide what we will do now?” I closed the door behind us and Matt put Hendrix on the floor.
“Hm, I’m a bit sleepy, sorry… I think I will try to get some sleep.”
“Oh, okay. We can do something tomorrow.” I smiled and Matt nodded.
“Come with me, I will show you your room.”
We went upstairs for the very first time since Matt had left the hospital. I don’t know why he didn’t want to explore his place yet, but it was okay. He was tired, I understood him; he needed a proper rest. It was a long day for him.
“This is your room.” I said as I opened the door. “I will be there.” I pointed to the next room. “If you need any help, just call me, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Good night.” I waved and Matt nodded again, immediately closing his door. I hope he’s okay… I think it’s just because he’s tired.
Before I went to my room, I mean, to one of the guest rooms of Matt’s house, I checked if Hendrix had enough food and water. After a few minutes I finally went to my room. I took off my shoes and sat on the edge of the bed, looking around the room in a very thoughtful state.
Will Matt be okay on his own? What if he has trouble sleeping? I remember Doctor Walker saying that Matt could feel some discomfort, a headache or pain in some parts of his body, especially in his back. I hope he’ll get well soon.
I laid down on the mattress and started to think if it’d be better to take a shower before sleeping, but my thoughts were disturbed by a knock on my door.
“Come in.” I said as I sat up. Matthew opened the door and put his head inside the room, glancing around it until finally catching my eyes. “I thought you were going to sleep.” I smiled.
“Hm, I was, but…” Matt cleared his throat and scratched his nape. “I thought I could take a shower before that.” Funny, I was thinking the same.
“You can.”
“No, I can’t…” He glared at the floor.
“Why not?” I stood up and walked towards him.
“I-I’m having trouble.” I noticed his cheeks growing red and then I remembered when Doctor Walker told me how the nurses helped Matt take a shower.
“Oh, I see. I can help… You.” I gulped when I realized what I just had offered to do. I had no idea what kind of help he needed and thinking that those nurses had seen him… Naked… Oh my God! What was I doing?! I wanted to help him, but I didn’t want to make him think that I was some kind of a pervert! He needed to trust me, not to feel disgusted by me. “I-I mean, what kind of help do you need?”
“I have trouble… With buttons…” Matt almost whispered and his face was redder than before. Well, I think I was blushing, too… I’m stupid! “N-never mind, I will-”
“Let me help you!” Again, I didn’t think twice before saying that. Matt lifted his gaze and bit his bottom lip. Nodding, he went to his room and I followed him, confused. I knew I will help him, I knew it was about buttons, but, still, what will I do?
I just stood at the door of his room, waiting for some request by Matt or anything else of that kind. “You can… Sit there.” He pointed to his bed and then buried his hands in his pockets. I obeyed and sat on the edge. Okay… I thought things could get a little… Weird… Don’t be silly, Dom. Matt is your friend and he needs your help, nothing more will happen. Stop thinking of him in a way that friends shouldn’t. Respect him!
After a few moments Matt stepped forward, still flushing a bit and staring at the floor. “Are you okay?” I asked. I didn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.
“Y-yes.”
“Want me to help you with your shirt?” He nodded and stepped forward once again, now in front of me. Even though I was sitting, I could perfectly manage to help him. “May I?” I indicated the buttons of his shirt with my fingers, Matt nodded and assented.
As I opened the buttons, Matt’s pale skin slowly got exposed, looking so silky and soft… My fingers slightly brushed against his bare chest while I was helping him, making Matt to shiver a bit. At first I thought it was a real discomfort to him, but… I don’t know. When I finally unbuttoned his shirt and looked up at Matt, I found him staring at me, peaceful. He didn't look bothered anymore.
“Done.” I said and cleared my throat, looking around the room and realizing it was time to stand up and leave Matt to take his shower. But it was not. Matt placed his hands on my shoulders, preventing me to stand up. “Hm?” I looked at him, confused. “What happened?”
“I-I… I told you, I have troubles with… Buttons…” Then, ducking his head, Matt looked down and… Oh. I got it…
“Oh… I see… Well…” You can do it, Dom. You can do it. “Y-your trousers, right?” I asked just to be sure of what he was asking me.
“Yes…”
“Okay.”
So, I tried to be as quick as possible, but not being rude. Clumsily, I undid his belt buckle as Matt crossed his arms, apparently trying to cover his bare skin. Then I headed my fingers to the button of his trouser and, after that, unzipped it. I blushed when I noticed he was wearing navy boxers.
“I can manage from here.” Matt moved away, already walking towards the bathroom. “Thank you.” He closed the door and left me there, alone in his room.
“Okay, then…” He’s so shy… “I’m leaving now.” I said loud enough to let him hear from the bathroom, but I think he didn’t. I heard the sound of running water and concluded he didn’t need my help for now.
When I stood up and was about to go to my room, I thought it’d be better if I would sort some clean clothes for Matt. I moved to his wardrobe and picked a pair of boxers, a pair of loose trousers and shirt. After folding his clothes, I put them over his bed and was on my way to the door when I heard a noise. It was a muffled sound and I got worried. What if Matt had slipped and fell on the floor? What if he knocked his head? Oh God, I needed to help him!
I crossed the room and knocked on the bathroom door. “Matt?” He didn’t say a thing. “Is everything okay?” I asked worried.
“Dominic…” I could hear him calling me. “Help me.” What’s going on?!
I didn’t think twice, I just opened the door and entered the bathroom. The first thing I saw was Matt’s outline on the almost transparent shower curtains. He was leaning forward, resting one hand on the wall. “Matthew, are you fine?!” I inquired as I opened the curtains. He had his back to me, the water traced thin lines on his body, from his head to his feet, until finally hitting the floor, splashing tiny water drops that joined into a puddle. I didn’t care if he was taking a shower, I didn’t care if he was naked in front of me, I didn’t care if I was not supposed to be in there. He called me, asked for help, he needed me. That’s what really mattered. “What happened?” I moved closer, not bothering to get wet in the shower.
Matt looked at me over his shoulder, frowning, red cheeks, trembling parted lips. “My back… It’s hurting. I can’t bend…” He looked away.
“Oh, that’s okay. I will help you.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. I remember the Doctor said you would probably feel some back pains.” I stepped forward and waited for Matt’s permission.
“Alright…”
I held his shoulders and let the water soak me a bit more; my head now completely under the stream of water. “May I?” Matt nodded and I slipped one of my hands to his waist and the other headed to his chest, holding him tightly to help him to straighten his posture, his naked body resting against my soaked clothes. “Is it still hurting? Your back, I mean.”
“A bit.” He answered, still not looking at me.
Then I slid both hands to Matt’s back and started to rub it, giving him a massage to make him feel better and to ease his pain. Matt moaned as I pressed his trapezius. Thinking I was a bit rude, I immediately reacted to his moan. “Sorry!”
“It’s okay. Just keep… Going.” He turned his head to face me. His blue eyes staring at me, his brunet hair stuck to his forehead, water streaming down his face, tracing to his chin, to his neck. Such a vision… I nodded and he gave me a shy smile, immediately turning his face to stare at the wall. I shook my head, trying to pull away from some particular thoughts.
But it was hard work… I mean, it’s hard not to have these thoughts whilst I was massaging him. I was right; his skin is really silky, soft… I had to fight against the urge not to hold him tightly. Not in the way I just held him to help him, but… You know. He’s the guy I have always loved; it was hard to resist.
After a few minutes of back rubbing, I noticed it was enough. I helped Matt get out of the shower and handed him a bathrobe, which he wore immediately. I could feel tension in the room, but I perfectly understood it. How should you act after you've helped the person you love to take a shower, rubbing his back because of some pain? I mean, I helped him, okay; but no one can deny it. It was weird… And the way Matt embraced himself now, like as if he was trying to hide from me… Okay, not actually trying to hide himself, but… It was enough; I was really embarrassed and confused. I should've let Matt on his own by now. He knew what to do.
“I’m leaving.” I said as I walked to the door, visibly bashful, sure I was blushing. Stupid me!
“Thank you, Dominic.” Matt said before I went. I glanced at him and noticed his face slightly flushed. Oh, and a smile… His lips were curled into a shy smile. “You know, for what you did and for that.” He pointed to the clothes I had left on his bed. Nodding, I beamed and went to my room.
I realized that I needed a proper shower, or at least a change of clothes. Well, I couldn’t soak my bed, could I? I walked towards the wardrobe in my room (yes, I will live in Matt’s house for a while) and picked some clean clothes. After changing myself I finally laid down on the bed. I checked the digital clock beside my bed, it was almost 9 p.m., even though it was still early, I definitely needed some rest…
But I couldn’t fall asleep.
Hm, it would be great if I could sleep. My brain couldn't stop working! I checked the clock once again, 1:07 a.m. Damn it. I couldn’t sleep… Well, I think Matt couldn't sleep, too. He knocked on my door at that moment. I stood up and opened the door.
“Sorry. I didn’t want to disturb you.” He said.
“Don’t worry. I couldn’t even sleep.” I smiled and scratched my nape. “What happened?”
“Hm, I can’t sleep, too…”
“Nice, let’s have some hot cocoa.” I chuckled.
“Okay, but… What’s that?”
“You will taste it by yourself.” I winked and patted his shoulder. “Come with me.”
We went downstairs, to the kitchen, and I prepared our hot cocoa. We sat at the table and I waited for Matt to drink his chocolate. “Want me to go first?” I grinned and he blushed a bit, immediately nodding. “Okay!” I lifted my mug and tasted the content. “Awesome.” I chuckled. “Now it’s your turn.”
“I hope it’s good.” He smiled and mirrored my actions, sipping the cocoa. “Oh my God!!!” Another sip; a long one this time. “Geez! Where do you find those delicious things, Dominic?!”
“You like it, I guess.” I laughed and Matt nodded, frantically.
“Of course I do! Tomorrow you will cook every kind of food you know!” He smiled. Good to see that cute (wonky) smile… “Sorry, I think I am too-”
“There’s no problem, dude. Seriously. I will cook everything you want.” I said, still happy because of his positive reaction. When we finished our hot cocoa, I left our mugs in the sink. “Want to do anything else?”
“Hm, I still can’t sleep. What did I use to do when I couldn’t sleep?”
“Want the truth? Sometimes you fell asleep after playing the piano. Or whilst you were playing it.” I chuckled. Those were good and funny memories…
“How do you know that? I mean, did you live with me?”
“Oh, no!” I laughed and shook my hands. It would have been great if I used to live with Matt. “I mean, we lived in the same flat once, but we were young. I know about the piano thing because… You know, you are my best friend and you used to tell me everything what happened to you and around you. And there were times when I went to your place, knocked on the door or tried to call you and you didn’t answer me. Then I used to peek through the window. There you were, sleeping on the piano. It was funny.” It had happened a few times.
“It sounds like a good memory.” Matt smiled and so did I.
“You know what? Try to play a bit. It can help you, I’m sure.” I suggested. Matt widened his eyes in disbelief.
“W-what?! N-no! I can’t!” He stuttered and shook his head, stepping back.
“Give it a try!”
“But…”
“You won’t regret it. Please.” I can’t say what exactly I tried to do. Puppy eyes? Whatever, Matt nodded, unwilling. “Great! Follow me!” I held his hand and walked towards the music room. Yes, Matthew has a music room, full of guitars (classical and electrical ones), a beautiful black grand piano in the middle and some other music related stuff. There’s also a massive window where the sunshine or moonlight could come in and fill the room. It’s a beautiful thing to see.
“You are kidding me, right? No way I can play something like this!” Matt shook his head. Grabbing his shoulders, I forced him to sit on the piano bench.
At that moment, it was moonlight that is filling the room. That soft light over Matt's exposed skin made him look divine, an angel… His pale skin practically glowing… It looked so silky… Well, I was pretty sure it’s silky and soft! Stop it, Dom! “Hm!” I cleared my throat. “Of course you can play it! I mean, you used to do it so naturally.” I was holding his shoulders, preventing him from standing up.
“Okay, I used to play it. Past tense.”
“Don’t say something like that! You should at least try.”
“If I couldn’t play it, will you give up on me?” He asked quietly, afraid of the answer I might give.
“What?! Are you crazy?! Hell, no! Of course not!” He looked at me, frowning and analysing my face. Then he looked back at the piano, staring at its ivory keys, thoughtfully. “C’mon, try to press a key.” I said with a smooth voice, trying to make him feel more comfortable.
Matthew took a deep breath and after a few seconds, tried to press a single key, that's it, nothing more. I waited a few moments and then asked. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know how to begin!”
“Well, at least you tried to play something. Keep trying! I’m sure you will do it.”
“But I…”
“C’mon, Matt! Do it! I know you can do it! You are a great, amazing, and extremely talented pianist! There’s no way you have forgotten how to play it!”
"Don’t push me." he said in a steely tone, but I refused to hear the warning in his voice. Matt tried again, banging his fingers on three keys this time instead of one, then put his palms on his thighs.
"At least try" I urged him even more, a bit annoyed.
That, for him, was the last straw.
Matt stood up all of a sudden, abruptly, banging both hands over the piano keys, making a disharmonious noise that usually happens when someone slams the keys.
"Stop!"
I moved away, stepping back, widening my eyes and looking at him a bit scared. What happened? He stared at me with an angry look on his face, his hands still over the keys, breathing slowly, red faced and frowning. But in the corners of his eyes, not yet masked by his anger, I could see it. Hurt.
“Don’t push me! I can’t do this!”
Leg after leg, Matt freed himself from the piano stool, exited the room and thundered upstairs, leaving me there, alone.
Before slamming his door forcefully, Matt screamed at me one last sentence that echoed through the empty house.
"I am not your Matthew anymore!"
***