(no subject)
I can't believe this account is still here. After combing through my profile and seeing that all of my friends no longer post to this site, it begs the question why I'm making this entry. It's very likely that no one will read it after all, and isn't the point for someone to read it?
I used to believe that. But now I don't think so. And it's not because I believe that I have all the answers, and that I've come to some enlightenment; it's because I realize that the sum of my intelligence and experiences amounts to the knowledge that I know nothing about the world...Myself included.
I know just enough to know that I don't know nearly enough. I know nothing. And what's more, I am not afraid. This concept doesn't frighten me, it doesn't terrify me, it doesn't particularly bother me. It's like a calm breeze brushing through my hair, only deeper, but less visceral. I dare say fainter.
I'm not really expecting anyone to respond to this, and that's ok. If they do, that's fine too. I think...Lately I've just been really deep in thought...Perhaps an homage to 10 years ago. Either way is okay.
But, I just really felt the need to post some of the things on my mind, I would say mostly emotion-centric; but who knows. I find that as I lay my head down at night and gaze up at my eyelids...The blackness doesn't comfort me. I just find so much inside of me, I feel as if perhaps I've held so much back. Deep down, under everything, like there is so much unresolved and unexpressed emotion. Some of it might be joy, some might be pain, I really don't know what it is. I just feel like part of me died a long time ago, and I never accepted it.
I never mourned it, I never even acknowledged that such a part of me existed in the first place. Is that why I feel so...Dead? So stagnant. I can't say. I think, it might be best if I try to really dig into that when the thoughts arise proper. When I wake, the images subside. But soon...they'll return. Until then.
I used to believe that. But now I don't think so. And it's not because I believe that I have all the answers, and that I've come to some enlightenment; it's because I realize that the sum of my intelligence and experiences amounts to the knowledge that I know nothing about the world...Myself included.
I know just enough to know that I don't know nearly enough. I know nothing. And what's more, I am not afraid. This concept doesn't frighten me, it doesn't terrify me, it doesn't particularly bother me. It's like a calm breeze brushing through my hair, only deeper, but less visceral. I dare say fainter.
I'm not really expecting anyone to respond to this, and that's ok. If they do, that's fine too. I think...Lately I've just been really deep in thought...Perhaps an homage to 10 years ago. Either way is okay.
But, I just really felt the need to post some of the things on my mind, I would say mostly emotion-centric; but who knows. I find that as I lay my head down at night and gaze up at my eyelids...The blackness doesn't comfort me. I just find so much inside of me, I feel as if perhaps I've held so much back. Deep down, under everything, like there is so much unresolved and unexpressed emotion. Some of it might be joy, some might be pain, I really don't know what it is. I just feel like part of me died a long time ago, and I never accepted it.
I never mourned it, I never even acknowledged that such a part of me existed in the first place. Is that why I feel so...Dead? So stagnant. I can't say. I think, it might be best if I try to really dig into that when the thoughts arise proper. When I wake, the images subside. But soon...they'll return. Until then.