Looking back
"Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure - measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife
In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?"
- "Seasons of Love" Rent
I remember falling asleep on Inger's shoulder listening to those words. It is a rarity for me to really really like a song on first hearing it. That was such a rarity.
So how do I measure a year? Personally, I go by landmarks, certain days that really mean something to me.
Edgefest, the last day of summer before school starts.
Last year. I remember it so clearly. I remember who was there. I remember drinking Mikes and eating Doritios with the crew before the concert. I remember who rocked and who sucked. I remember moshing with Kevin and Erin. I remember a large boot in the back of my head...errr sorta. I remember Our Lady Peace, who put on an AMAZING show. Then the two women who were higher than a kite yelling "I LOVE YOU"!
Yet, this isn't what I was thinking about yesterday. I was remembering who I was, what I felt, what I thought nearly five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes ago.
I remember not wanting that summer to end. It had been one of the best summers ever.
Now it was over. My jobs were finished, never returned to again. Said my goodbyes to my summer acquaintances, never to see them again. Watched the girl with my heart move away over two hundred miles, never to be the same again. It was all over.
But, I carried a smile, hanging with my crew, most who I haven't seen since May. I wouldn't have been smiling if I knew what else was coming. Spiritually, socially, and mentally I started to become lost. God, friends, and happiness...all felt so far away. I saw nothing but problems, work, and deep dark black holes in my life.
Yesterday, I carried a smile as I wondered; what is to come over this five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes? I see problems on the horizon, bad ones. My two closest buddies couldn't be farther away. Slowly, I am losing the hope of rebuilding more and more.
Yet, I still carry a smile. I know I am smarter, stronger, and have more control over myself than last year. I know I will have my share of challenges, choices, and tragedy. I will get through it as I always do...and if I don't right away I will emerge from the ashes of the fire of struggle even better than before.
Yesterday, I heard some news. News that would have a year ago started the response of detachment and a slow retreat. Yet, I swallowed my fears, my worries, my want to run...and I walked forward...forcefully at first, then naturally soon after...not to question my action later. In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes, I have changed for the better. I have learned from my mistakes of the past and I have the strength and control to put them into affect.
I really wonder how I will look back five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes from today. Instead of reflecting on a poor year in my life I want to say..."what an excellent year!!!" I will try my hardest to make it possible. Smarter, stronger, and more in control...my hardest is even better than before. I hope it is enough for whatever life decides to throw at me this year. Well...here I go...already one thousand four hundred and forty minutes into one Hell of a good year!
Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure - measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife
In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?"
- "Seasons of Love" Rent
I remember falling asleep on Inger's shoulder listening to those words. It is a rarity for me to really really like a song on first hearing it. That was such a rarity.
So how do I measure a year? Personally, I go by landmarks, certain days that really mean something to me.
Edgefest, the last day of summer before school starts.
Last year. I remember it so clearly. I remember who was there. I remember drinking Mikes and eating Doritios with the crew before the concert. I remember who rocked and who sucked. I remember moshing with Kevin and Erin. I remember a large boot in the back of my head...errr sorta. I remember Our Lady Peace, who put on an AMAZING show. Then the two women who were higher than a kite yelling "I LOVE YOU"!
Yet, this isn't what I was thinking about yesterday. I was remembering who I was, what I felt, what I thought nearly five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes ago.
I remember not wanting that summer to end. It had been one of the best summers ever.
Now it was over. My jobs were finished, never returned to again. Said my goodbyes to my summer acquaintances, never to see them again. Watched the girl with my heart move away over two hundred miles, never to be the same again. It was all over.
But, I carried a smile, hanging with my crew, most who I haven't seen since May. I wouldn't have been smiling if I knew what else was coming. Spiritually, socially, and mentally I started to become lost. God, friends, and happiness...all felt so far away. I saw nothing but problems, work, and deep dark black holes in my life.
Yesterday, I carried a smile as I wondered; what is to come over this five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes? I see problems on the horizon, bad ones. My two closest buddies couldn't be farther away. Slowly, I am losing the hope of rebuilding more and more.
Yet, I still carry a smile. I know I am smarter, stronger, and have more control over myself than last year. I know I will have my share of challenges, choices, and tragedy. I will get through it as I always do...and if I don't right away I will emerge from the ashes of the fire of struggle even better than before.
Yesterday, I heard some news. News that would have a year ago started the response of detachment and a slow retreat. Yet, I swallowed my fears, my worries, my want to run...and I walked forward...forcefully at first, then naturally soon after...not to question my action later. In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes, I have changed for the better. I have learned from my mistakes of the past and I have the strength and control to put them into affect.
I really wonder how I will look back five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes from today. Instead of reflecting on a poor year in my life I want to say..."what an excellent year!!!" I will try my hardest to make it possible. Smarter, stronger, and more in control...my hardest is even better than before. I hope it is enough for whatever life decides to throw at me this year. Well...here I go...already one thousand four hundred and forty minutes into one Hell of a good year!