A vague outcry

[zerodefects]

I sat here trying to explain it, but I can't.
So all I can give you is a vague outcry.

I can only put it to you this way...
I think that I am completely fucked.
I hate the fact that I have been trying everything I know, and still I am completely fucked.

I am a FIGHTER!
I do not just let things beat me. I will NOT succumb to this.
I will hold my head up high, I will walk on with confidence, I will...
I will push with all that I have!

I look and wonder what is left.
I have been fighting this for a long long time
I haven't gained much ground from where I started
I am growing tired
Morale and hope are in a shortage

Losing means living my life in a pathetic existence
An existance I will not live
I would have to change my beliefs and my dreams
I would have to change myself in a way I don't ever want to see when looking at a mirror.
That exact person in the mirror, another would see every night.
A man who WAS...

NO!
I will not live that way.

Yet, what choices do I have?
What are my choices?

What choices did I have?
That may haunt me forever.
I hope not.
I really hope not.