I asked why....
I asked a question last time...Why do I write in this thing?
I found my answers.
If I am using my journal for just regular reflections, why is it on-line for all to see?
Honestly, that is completely not in my personality, to share myself like this.
John, while attempting to reestablish some sort of a connection with me commented on the size of my journal entries. He really didn't understand that I am very sensitive to any kind of criticism, especially to something like this. His intentions were honest and pure, and I must apologize to him for any kind of unwarranted shift in tone he may have experienced with me, which I really tried my hardest to hide.
These are the kinds of things that I fear. I am a very scared man right now. I am scared of being misunderstood, because I find troubles in understanding myself. Therefore, my last entry could have been my last until I have something solid to write about, that I can explain better, that couldn't be misunderstood.
However...
This morning I was tickled pink. The intended friend for those words in my last entry published them on his profile and away message.
I by no means consider myself to being a great writer (Erin would kill me). Anything with a "poetic" sense I do not believe I hold much capacity for. I can only speak what I think and sing what I feel.
However, MORE importantly that that. I do NOT believe that I understand his situation well at all. I believe we have had similar emotions and frustrations. However, I cannot see what is inside. I think that was my point after writing it. Things are so much easier said from the outside. For the inside holds ones true chaos and true conflicts in life. If one could conquer that, they have the raw power to overcome ANY outside situation. Key word...IF.
Thus...my journey, that I share with you all.
I share this journey with you is because I hope you can possibly find something worthwhile for yourselves here. I know who reads this, I know who could read it. Each of you are people that I love. I know some that could think twice after reading that (and I have a number of names in my head), if you took the time to read this, I even love you too. I hope that in my successes and failures of my internal conflicts that one that I love may gain something, anything out of it.
I saw it in a profile this morning that somebody got something out of my words. I saw it in Erin's journal recently when she compared her and my perceptions of balance. I hope others can gain something, because this isn't easy for me. Not in the least.
Just as a final added note. To those who leave comments, thank you. I like to know if I am understood, however, more importantly I listen to your words very closely. I may not comment back a lot, but I treasure any kind of wisdom or experiences you may relate to something that I write about. Thank you again.
I found my answers.
If I am using my journal for just regular reflections, why is it on-line for all to see?
Honestly, that is completely not in my personality, to share myself like this.
John, while attempting to reestablish some sort of a connection with me commented on the size of my journal entries. He really didn't understand that I am very sensitive to any kind of criticism, especially to something like this. His intentions were honest and pure, and I must apologize to him for any kind of unwarranted shift in tone he may have experienced with me, which I really tried my hardest to hide.
These are the kinds of things that I fear. I am a very scared man right now. I am scared of being misunderstood, because I find troubles in understanding myself. Therefore, my last entry could have been my last until I have something solid to write about, that I can explain better, that couldn't be misunderstood.
However...
This morning I was tickled pink. The intended friend for those words in my last entry published them on his profile and away message.
I by no means consider myself to being a great writer (Erin would kill me). Anything with a "poetic" sense I do not believe I hold much capacity for. I can only speak what I think and sing what I feel.
However, MORE importantly that that. I do NOT believe that I understand his situation well at all. I believe we have had similar emotions and frustrations. However, I cannot see what is inside. I think that was my point after writing it. Things are so much easier said from the outside. For the inside holds ones true chaos and true conflicts in life. If one could conquer that, they have the raw power to overcome ANY outside situation. Key word...IF.
Thus...my journey, that I share with you all.
I share this journey with you is because I hope you can possibly find something worthwhile for yourselves here. I know who reads this, I know who could read it. Each of you are people that I love. I know some that could think twice after reading that (and I have a number of names in my head), if you took the time to read this, I even love you too. I hope that in my successes and failures of my internal conflicts that one that I love may gain something, anything out of it.
I saw it in a profile this morning that somebody got something out of my words. I saw it in Erin's journal recently when she compared her and my perceptions of balance. I hope others can gain something, because this isn't easy for me. Not in the least.
Just as a final added note. To those who leave comments, thank you. I like to know if I am understood, however, more importantly I listen to your words very closely. I may not comment back a lot, but I treasure any kind of wisdom or experiences you may relate to something that I write about. Thank you again.