In the beginning, I thought I was in control
I guess I could make things easier on myself if I don't answer my phone when he calls or if I just didn't go over there. It's been twice now. And this time, today, was worse than the last. We're just laying down, watching a movie, doesn't matter which one, and whenever they mention love or marriage he'll squeeze my hand, pull me next to him, look at me until I look at him, then he'll smile, or he'll throw his arm around me.What am I supposed to do now? Why does he make it so hard for me to leave? I spent half an hour trying to get him to let me leave. He was holding on to me, telling me he'll never let me go. He just has those perfect blue eyes that turn me into mush and a smile that makes me want to stay. But we're not dating, so I shouldn't be keeping this up. So tomorrow, when I go over there after he gets off of work (he asked me to come over), I'm going to talk to him. Ask him what's going on and why this started and why he's being so attentive, caring and why he always wants to see me. Yeah. I will. You just watch.
Moving on. Last update, when I reread it, sounded like I was really down but I wasn't. It's easy to convey feelings wrong when you're typing in a journal. I'm actually loving the time off and the relaxation. I miss everybody back at school and I am ready to go back, but I am really happy to be home with my friends and my family. So don't go thinking that there's a very depressed Amy in Illinois. I'm spending a lot of time with my mom which I love. I've talked to people who I've been missing. I hung out with Alex which was really needed. Spent time with the girls, saw Will and saw Shannon. I even went back to my old high school and got attacked by a bunch of my friends who're now seniors there, and the security guart even came to talk to me (always a good idea to make nice with the guy who monitors hallways and exits during classes that should be called Nap Studies). It was nice. I talked to my favorite teacher, and my least favorite teacher. I might even go back tomorrow. We'll see.
For now, I'm going to go watch Wimbledon with my mom.
~Amy
Moving on. Last update, when I reread it, sounded like I was really down but I wasn't. It's easy to convey feelings wrong when you're typing in a journal. I'm actually loving the time off and the relaxation. I miss everybody back at school and I am ready to go back, but I am really happy to be home with my friends and my family. So don't go thinking that there's a very depressed Amy in Illinois. I'm spending a lot of time with my mom which I love. I've talked to people who I've been missing. I hung out with Alex which was really needed. Spent time with the girls, saw Will and saw Shannon. I even went back to my old high school and got attacked by a bunch of my friends who're now seniors there, and the security guart even came to talk to me (always a good idea to make nice with the guy who monitors hallways and exits during classes that should be called Nap Studies). It was nice. I talked to my favorite teacher, and my least favorite teacher. I might even go back tomorrow. We'll see.
For now, I'm going to go watch Wimbledon with my mom.
~Amy