Talk is cheap and lies are expensive but my wallet's fat and so is my head
I have had a headache all day. It's unbelievable. The lovely side effect of thinking all day. Far too many things. And they're all simple...I just haven't let them stay that way I guess. So here comes the list.
1) No matter what I say, how much I brush it off, I'm really, really hurt by the fact that Jackie and Katie went on this trip to DisneyWorld that the three of us had been planning for years without me. I know that when you graduate high school and go off to college, things change. Those who used to be the best of friends grow distant, plans change and no matter how hard you try to hold on to the friends back home, sometimes it just doesn't work so well. But this really, really hurt me. It was as if they were telling me, without actually saying it, that I wasn't a part of their lives anymore. A big sign that said "Hey Amy, you've been replaced and we don't need you anymore, that whole 'Best Friends Forever' thing actually meant 'Best friends for now, until we graduate and we no longer need an Amy in this situation' thing." It just doesn't feel very good.
2) I made the mistake of going over to Larry's house (an ex boyfriend from a year ago), and I, like an idiot, kissed him. Not only that though. We were just watching movies. Watching movies as we normally did, in his room, sitting down or laying down on his bed. Not all cuddly or anything, just laying there. Once we got through Spiderman 2, I was cold, got under the blanket and we put "The Perfect Score" on. After a while, he got cold or at least said he did, and got under the blanket as well. Another while later, he asked if my hands were cold, when I said they were he grabbed my hands and before I know it, he's holding my hand in a non-warming them up way. The movie ends, he rolls over and throws his arm over me and starts to fall asleep. I tell him to wake up which he does. We talk for a while and before I knew it, we were kissing. This is bad. Very bad. I'm really not that kind of a girl. I'm the girl who doesn't do anything unless she's put serious thought into it. The girl that doesn't kiss a boy she isn't dating, the girl that likes a boy and takes months to tell him so. But with Larry it's always been different. I told him how I felt about him almost immediately considering my past. We had a fairly good relationship while it lasted. When we broke up, it was mutual. But I still did care about him. We hung out a few times before I left, we were friends. But now, I see him and I'm smiling. I see him and I miss the nights that he hugged me and let me cry when my grandpa was sick...not that exact scenario but the fact that I had the option. 250 miles Amy, 250 miles. Remember that and forget it.
3) I miss school. I love being home. Much needed relaxation period and all and I do miss some of the people out here. But I'd like to mesh the two worlds together. I want to be back in the EK house, sitting in my room talking to Marie, Jamie, Ashley, Brandy...whoever would be sitting in there with me. Or sitting in the bun room watching movies, or wandering the halls of Wood Hall and seeing everybody there that I miss too. This is crazy. Is it healthy to love my college this much? Oh well.
4) Being 19 is no different than being 18 other than...oh wait there is no difference!
5) As pointed out last night when EVERYBODY at my birthday party volunteered to pay for my mom to leave my step father, my step dad is no good for my mom. She's been talking to me about it 24/7 and honestly, really can't handle it all of the time. Not from my mom. She pretends to be all happy when he's around, not letting on that anything is wrong, but then when it's just her and I one on one, she can't seem more unhappy about still being married to him. So what do I say? Do I tell her that she's two different people right now? Do I tell her that she should leave him regardless of finances, or anything else that's holding her back? Or do I just say "sorry" offer no advice, and just lend an ear to listen?
That's it I suppose. As I am far too tired, I am going to go to sleep. That is if I can sleep with the lights on seeing as I saw "The Darkness" tonight and although it wasn't scary, my mind has definitely been mollested and lights MUST be on.
~Amy
1) No matter what I say, how much I brush it off, I'm really, really hurt by the fact that Jackie and Katie went on this trip to DisneyWorld that the three of us had been planning for years without me. I know that when you graduate high school and go off to college, things change. Those who used to be the best of friends grow distant, plans change and no matter how hard you try to hold on to the friends back home, sometimes it just doesn't work so well. But this really, really hurt me. It was as if they were telling me, without actually saying it, that I wasn't a part of their lives anymore. A big sign that said "Hey Amy, you've been replaced and we don't need you anymore, that whole 'Best Friends Forever' thing actually meant 'Best friends for now, until we graduate and we no longer need an Amy in this situation' thing." It just doesn't feel very good.
2) I made the mistake of going over to Larry's house (an ex boyfriend from a year ago), and I, like an idiot, kissed him. Not only that though. We were just watching movies. Watching movies as we normally did, in his room, sitting down or laying down on his bed. Not all cuddly or anything, just laying there. Once we got through Spiderman 2, I was cold, got under the blanket and we put "The Perfect Score" on. After a while, he got cold or at least said he did, and got under the blanket as well. Another while later, he asked if my hands were cold, when I said they were he grabbed my hands and before I know it, he's holding my hand in a non-warming them up way. The movie ends, he rolls over and throws his arm over me and starts to fall asleep. I tell him to wake up which he does. We talk for a while and before I knew it, we were kissing. This is bad. Very bad. I'm really not that kind of a girl. I'm the girl who doesn't do anything unless she's put serious thought into it. The girl that doesn't kiss a boy she isn't dating, the girl that likes a boy and takes months to tell him so. But with Larry it's always been different. I told him how I felt about him almost immediately considering my past. We had a fairly good relationship while it lasted. When we broke up, it was mutual. But I still did care about him. We hung out a few times before I left, we were friends. But now, I see him and I'm smiling. I see him and I miss the nights that he hugged me and let me cry when my grandpa was sick...not that exact scenario but the fact that I had the option. 250 miles Amy, 250 miles. Remember that and forget it.
3) I miss school. I love being home. Much needed relaxation period and all and I do miss some of the people out here. But I'd like to mesh the two worlds together. I want to be back in the EK house, sitting in my room talking to Marie, Jamie, Ashley, Brandy...whoever would be sitting in there with me. Or sitting in the bun room watching movies, or wandering the halls of Wood Hall and seeing everybody there that I miss too. This is crazy. Is it healthy to love my college this much? Oh well.
4) Being 19 is no different than being 18 other than...oh wait there is no difference!
5) As pointed out last night when EVERYBODY at my birthday party volunteered to pay for my mom to leave my step father, my step dad is no good for my mom. She's been talking to me about it 24/7 and honestly, really can't handle it all of the time. Not from my mom. She pretends to be all happy when he's around, not letting on that anything is wrong, but then when it's just her and I one on one, she can't seem more unhappy about still being married to him. So what do I say? Do I tell her that she's two different people right now? Do I tell her that she should leave him regardless of finances, or anything else that's holding her back? Or do I just say "sorry" offer no advice, and just lend an ear to listen?
That's it I suppose. As I am far too tired, I am going to go to sleep. That is if I can sleep with the lights on seeing as I saw "The Darkness" tonight and although it wasn't scary, my mind has definitely been mollested and lights MUST be on.
~Amy