not gonna bitch...
okay heres the story people. last month started off with a bang, this month has started off with a huh?...the day the music died was a couple weeks ago when my bandmate got picked up on a warrent for J WALKING!!!...as insane as that was he got out and ever since has been at his moms house...he hasnt come over, and pretty much has ditched the band...now with Zack gone, we have no bassist and further more no more producer...he was the one that lead in recording our demos, and did the drum beats for them as well...now Kurt is still wanting to make music, though we havent even attempted since Zack left...im not shure if this is Kurt giving up on it or not...he says hes still down to do it, but its not going newhere...the other thing i know is that he has a life aside from music, he wants to get a job at Gateway and all this stuff and thats great...thats his life, not mine...i cant just sit here and wait around for shit to get started...Cory our drummer has shown intrest in continuing to play with me...problem is its not really a band with just a guitarist and a drummer...i dont know ne bass players really, cept for Chris...Chris has shown intrest in working with me on some shit, and im down to collaborate...the only question is WHEN???...i hate having to be back on the computer night after night with nowhere to go and nothing to do...ontop of all that shit, ive been feeling very self-concious again lately...somthing i havent felt in a while...i havent been dating, infact i really dont date at all...i hate that word date, its sounds like a job or some shit...love shouldnt have to be found through work...honestly id much rather just hang out with a girl for a while, become friends and see where it goes...my ex and i just jumped right into our realationship and that fuct the whole thing up...Married and bored single and lonely, i dont think Chris Rock really knew how much sense that made...yeah i am lonely, cant deny it and im not gonna blame neone for it...im a very odd dude, im not the guy that girls go hey i wanna talk to that guy...cant blame them really, i do the same thing with some girls...my 2 big problems are i need to lose weight and i need to stop being so damn nice...its like a sign of weakness i guess, i come off more as a friend...i honestly dont know, i really dont care to be completely honest...whatever problems i have now will disappear in a week or so neway...no use in crying for the moment, instead keep trying for the longrun...ive also been thinking more and more about the possibility of moving back up north...i guess there would be no better time than now...the fact that i dont have a "REAL" band momentarily and that i am really starting to get sick of the shit i have to deal with at work...and the fact that im not seeing anyone out here, makes now a great time to leave...but were not going newhere yet, and call me negative but i just know that when that time does come (if it does) somthings going to have come up out here...basically the ride has entered a tunnel, and i cant see the light yet...still knowing that not all tunnels last forever, and that upon exiting there is no better thrill...heres to the end of tunnels...