killing a part of me...
ive always found it hard to communicate with people on a normal level due to my extreme analysis of everything in or around me. the problem is i see things in very different ways than most people, i guess u can call it a form of psychosis. im not a doctor and i wont try to pick apart any chemical flaws. all i know now is that if i wanna be apart of this band, i have to stop being so fuckin analytical. its bringing these speaches out of me that i dont even realize till after its pointed out. its making me feel like absolute shit, and like again its starting to cave in. thankfully Kurt and Zack have been patient. i just have this insane fear of pissing them off now. i need to break this shit fast. the music we were doing last night was beyond amazing to my ears. i just took so long with it (due to outside elements corrupting my brain... a.k.a. massive amounts of pot). no i am not a pot head and fuck last night, i will never do that again. same thing that happend with drinking. i got so fuckin wasted that one time i nearly passed out in my bathroom. last night i got so high i felt as if while i was playing guitar that the guitar was actually attached to my flesh. pot and booze have not been enhancements to my sound only dampeners. this is the only place where my analyisis actually matters, when it comes to my physical health. tonight im going in with a closed mouth and an open ear. and wait for the magic to appear again. to me now its not a question of will it?...more like when will it?...