Sore Wa Yappari Kimi Deshita - An Arashi Story - Chapter 10
Title : Sore Wa Yappari Kimi Deshita - An Arashi Story - Chapter 10
Author :
zeon_avalanthe
Rating : G
Genre : Angst ; Friendship
Pairing : Gen
Disclaimer : Everyone knows that I don't own any of those boys, sadly.. And title is shamelessly taken from one of Nino's solo.. You'll know why..
Summary : It was a normal day with their last concert of this year's tour to come.. But why Aiba suddenly say he wants to quit Arashi ?
~Chapter 10~
Sho’s Side
It’s finally the day. The fans had been excited we could hear them talking loudly from outside the venue. We’re doing the concert at the same place we did at our 15th anniversary, and it sure brought back so many memories. We don’t come up to the venue on the helicopter like we did three years ago though. We don’t sail in the sea with the same boat on our debut days as well. We don’t walk around the places just to re-enact our photoshots in the past. We can’t.
We slide up to the stage after the countdown, giving fake smiles we’ve accustomed with as we sing to the melody of our debut song. We’re not trying to copy the previous concert by singing A.Ra.Shi first, it’s just we had agreed to sing in sequence to our history from our debut up until today. We decided to do things in order this time, so we could close our history properly, and so we could leave without regret.
We were still singing for Kaze No Mukou E when I rushed back to the backstage for a change of clothes for my solo-corner. I stared at the shirt I’m going to change into for a moment. The four of us had agreed that there is only one outfit befitting each of our solo which we dedicated for Aiba-kun. It’s the shirt Aiba-kun gave to us for our birthday. Clutching at the fabric tightly, I feel myself tearing up. I was lost in my own thoughts until one of the staff call me to tell me that it’s almost time. I quickly put on the shirt before running to my supposed position and wait for the song transition before making an appearance. I listened to the melody as I took a deep breath, readying myself for this song I sing for Aiba-kun.
“Sora ni kagayaku yo kirari, hoshi ga jiwari nijindekuyo
Kanashii hodo kirei da ne
Hanashi wo kiite hoshii koto are mo kore mo aru keredo
Nigirishimete dakishimete, shiwakucha no mama
Hoshi ni negau to itsuka kanau to iu keredo
Yume no naka de shika bokura towa ni mou aenai”
My voice breaks as I sang that part. It was so surreal I almost couldn’t believe it. But it’s the truth. No matter how many wishes we made upon the stars, we can never see Aiba-kun ever again.
“Sora ni kagayaku yo kirari hoshi ga jiwari nijindeku yo
Kaerimichi namida ga tomaranai boku wa zutto
Sora ni omoide ga porori namida horori koboreteku yo
Kanashii hodo kirei da ne”
There were times when I will just huddled on my bed, crying all my hearts out, overwhelmed by the loss. And at those times, I will be reminded to the times in the past when we’re still together, and wishing that it had all been but a dream.
“Kanashimi wo wakeatte namida no kazu herasu yori
Yorokobi wo wakachiaenai hou ga tsurai ne
Mabuta no oku ni utsuru koboreru egao ga
Ima demo yuuki kureru yo, Mou ichido aitai
Sora ni mukatte utau yo, sou utau yo, koe no kagiri
Fushigi da ne hitori janainda boku wa zutto
Sora ni mukai te wo furu yo kono te furu yo chikara komete
Sore ga bokura no sain”
In everything I do, Aiba-kun’s smiles were always reflected back at me. At it hurts because it makes me want to see him again while knowing that I can’t. And when I look up to the sky, it’s a strange thing but I feel like someone is looking back at me and I will unconsciously wave my hand up. I felt so stupid, but a small smile will formed on my lips and for once, I felt at ease after I did so.
“Tanoshikute mo, kurushikute mo
Mou bokura wa aenai donna ni negattete mo
Sora ni kagayaku yo kirari hoshi ga jiwari nijindeku yo
Kaerimichi namida ga tomaranai boku wa zutto
Sora ni omoide ga porori namida horori kobereteku yo
Kanashii hodo kirei da ne
Sora ni mukatte utau yo sou utau yo koe no kagiri
Fushigi da ne hitori janainda boku wa zutto
Itsumademo wasurenai yo wasurenai yo kimi to itsuka
Sora ni egaita mirai”
We can never see each other ever again, that much I know. That is the exact reason I sing and sing and sing until my voice gone. So that it will be delivered to you that we will never ever forget you no matter what. The four of us will be on our different ways from now on, but our memories of you will never change. I can only hope you understand.
***
Nino’s Side
I watched how Sho-san cried after his solo as he walked to the backstage. A VTR is being played by now so the four of us had a little time to huddle up together and try to console each other. It’d been months but the pain is still so raw for us. Most of the nights, I will still wake up from the nightmares of re-living that night over and over again. That was why I immersed myself into games more lately, to distract my mind and prevent the nightmares from returning. Which didn’t really work if I have to say.
Being in a concert reminds me of how we often teased Aiba-shi during our concerts in the past. And it was bittersweet, to remember them all now. Looking back, the man never really get mad at us for teasing him. On the contrary, his tension seemed to rose instead. Aiba-shi was kind. A little too kind perhaps.
We sing another few songs before it’s finally my turn to sing solo. I returned backstage to change my outfit before running back to my position. Lots of thoughts passed by me as I stood on stand-by, waiting for the cue while fiddling with the hem of the t-shirt Aiba-chan made for us with all his might. I remembered the moment I decided to sing this song. Aiba-chan was a reflection of summer, always full of energy. But after he was gone, the summer heat was turned into a cold winter. It was as if, the sushine was suddenly replaced by the snow. It was snowing when Aiba-chan passed away. It was snowing when the four of us returned to his tomb after his funeral.
“It is still snowing inside of me...” I whispered to myself as I face the stage.
Aiba-shi, this song is for you.
“Azayaka ni shimitsuita itoshii omokage
Yowai jibun wo shitta anata ni deatte kara
Kakaekirenai itami wo oshikoroseba
Todokanu omoi tsunoru dake
Yuki wa tada shizuka ni marude anata no you ni
Kono kata ni maiorite sotto hohoemu
Te de furereba kitto kieteshimau kara kono mama de
Hitori me wo toji anata kanjiru”
I’ve learnt another side of me after I met you and you showed me the world from a different point of view. You changed me from who I was to who I am right now. I was a shut-down kid who was bullied at school, and was on the verge of giving up the world when you came. I owe you more than a career in the entertainment world, Aiba-shi. I owe you my life.
“Nemutta yokogao ni yasashiku kuchidzuke
Sunao ni ienakute furueru mune kakusu
Sono egao tada shinjite dakishimereba
Kiseki no oto ga hibiku sora
Yuki wa tada shizuka ni marude anata no you ni
Kono kata ni maiorite sotto hohoemu
Te de furereba kitto kieteshimau kara kono mama de
Hitori me wo toji anata kanjiru”
It was your smiles which had me believed in the world and tried to challenge life once again. It was you who taught me how to live. It was you who had convinced me that miracles exist. You had conducted many miracles so many times before, so why can’t you make one this time ?
“Shiroku moeru koi wa mayuikonda kaze maiagatte toosugiru
Anata no moto e tadotte yuku no darou
Anata ga nozomu nara kono mi wo sasageyou
Furikakaru kanashimi wo subete azukete
Haru wo mukaeru you ni dakishimeai
Tokete yukeru nara nani mo iranai no ni”
We were always together, weren’t we ? You will follow me wherever I go and I promised you that I have to follow you wherever you go as well. But Aiba-chan, you have gone to a distant place where I couldn’t reach you, so how can I keep my promise ? We always shared everything in the past, so why can’t you share your pain that time with me as well ?
“Yuki wa tada shizuka ni marude anata no you ni
Kono kata ni maiorite sotto hohoemu
Te de furereba kitto kieteshimau kara kono mama de
Hitori me wo toji anata kanjiru
Eien ni kanawanai
Sore demo itoshii hito yo”
I’m quite sure I’m openly crying by now but I coulnd’t care less. I don’t want anything else but for you to stay here, Aiba-chan, is that too much of a wish ? You’re so dear to me, so why do you have to disappear ? Why do you have to leave, why can’t we still be together ? Why, Aiba-shi, why ?
***
Riida’s Side
We approached Nino who is still crying on-stage after he finished his solo. As of lately, Nino cried far too easily that I start to worry about his emotion stability. It had been hard to all of us, but it was the hardest for Nino, we all know it. The least we could do is to try and be with each other for as much as we could.
The light of the stage dimmed as we entered my solo-corner. Dance had always been my virtue, so I always put an original moves especially on my solo. The tempo of the song was slowed down as to match my movement. But on the side note, I find it better this way.
“Kuchibiru ni ochita kotoba wo nuguou to nobashita kono te wa
Yukiba nai omoi wo shizuka ni tsutsunde iku
Yume wa itsuka nakusu mono da to itta no wa dare
Boku wa sore wo warai tobashite ashita wo erande iku
Negai hitotsu hoshi janakute anata e sotto inoru
Datte sore wa anata dake ni okoseru kiseki dakara
Nando datte ima bokura no subete de sotto inoru
Sou kimi e todoke tooku no sora negai de tsunagatte iku you ni”
I tried not to think about anything, but it was hard knowing to whom I deliver this song for. The strong feeling to wish was the same feeling I possess right now. Of how I wish for things to went differently, of how I wish for Aiba-chan to never leave at all. Of how I wish for a miracle to happen and undone this sadness away.
“Atarashii asa wo shiru tabi taisetsuna mono wo nakushiteru
Sono tabi ni asu no itoshisa wo kanjirareru
Sora ni ukabu hoshi ya tsuki wo shitta no wa itsu
Boku wa ikite tsukiru koto nai eien wo tsunaide iru
Negai hitotsu hoshi janakute anata e sotto inoru
Datte kimi no egao dake ga okoseru kiseki dakara
Nando datte ima bokura no subete de sotto inoru
Sou kimi e todoke itsumade demo negai ga hibiki aimasu you ni”
We’ve lost someone dear to us, and since that day, we’ve lost many important things everyday. I begin to realize how important it is to wake up and find out you’re still alive in the morning, but at the same time I dreaded it because it means I have to wake up from the dream I built to protect myself and be shoved back into the harsh reality. And thus I can only keep on wishing, while remembering your smiles, for you.
“Yozora wo miageteru kimi mo boku mo
Onaji omoi ga kanaerareru hi made
Negai hitotsu hoshi janakute anata e sotto inoru
Datte sore wa anata dake ni okoseru kiseki dakara
Nando datte ima bokura no subete de sotto inoru
Sou kimi e todoke tooku no sora negai de tsunagatte iku you ni”
I took a deep breath as the last of the song drifted back and the light around me dimmed. I gave myself time before I walked back to the dressing room for a change of clothes. I passed by Sho-kun and we both exchanged knowing looks. We’re more than half-way through the concert. It’s almost time for that.
***
Jun’s Side
It was almost my turn for the solo-corner but I’m still a mess. After my corner, we will sing a few more songs before we go to our usual individual speeches. And my mind is already flying ahead of time as I keep on thinking for the speeches and the announcement we are about to make. It’s not like I’m nervous, neither I hesitated for it. It’s just, whenever the thought crossed my mind, a feeling of melancholy washed over me. I guess I’m being overly-sentimental today.
I readied myself to enter my corner while remembering those days Riida taught us the dance moves for this song. Aiba-kun was the last to master the choreography, as per usual, but Riida didn’t seem to mind staying more to watched Aiba-kun repeated his moves over and over again. I smiled at the memory as I start singing.
“Sayonara ima, sayonara kara
Hitotsuzutsu hitotsuzutsu bokura ga miteta sekai wa
Samishisa wo okizari ni nichijou e to nomi komareru
Ikutsumo no ‘moshimo’ ga matowari tsuita mama
Donna kotoba wo narabeta toshitemo kimi wa mou inai”
My voice cracked at the last words as the fact was shoved back at me hard. That’s right. No matter how we phrased it, Aiba-kun is not here anymore.
“Nigiyaka na kono machi no katasumi de nanimo dekinai boku ga iru
Karamawari surikirete yuku kokoro ga mada furueteru
Shiroi tameiki kara (koborete yuku) kimi no nukumori sae (omoidasezu)
Deru hazu mo nai kotae sagashi tsukarete kyou mo nemuri ni tsuku
Mou sukoshi ato sukoshi tsuyoku aritai to negaeba
Sono tabi ni okubyou da to omoi shiresareru dake
Sorezore no kioku wa katachi wo kaeru kedo
Kimi no kotoba ni uso wa nai koto wo zutto shinjite itai
Dore dake toki ga nagareta toshitemo wasurerarenai kimi ga iru
Ibutsu na mama kakae konda kokoro ga mada uzuiteru
Itsuka mita yume nara (hanarete yuku) boku wo yobu koe sae (kasurete yuku)
Iku ate no nai namida wa kidzukarenu mama sotto nagarete yuku”
Things might change now. But you know Aiba-kun ? Only you will never change. Only you we will never forget. Even at nights, I still catch myself calling out for you, begging you to come back to us in my sleep, with the tear-tracks drying on my cheeks. I begin to understand now how much sufferings you must have felt during those last few months as you struggled by yourself, unable to say a thing to any of us.
“Ano hi tomatta mama no sekai de
Nani wo tsutaetara ii imi mo wakaranai yo
Dore dake toki ga nagareta toshitemo
Nigiyaka na kono machi no katasumi de nanimo dekinai boku ga iru
Karamawari surikirete yuku kokoro ga mada furueteru
Shiroi tameiki kara (koborete yuku) kimi no nukumori sae (omoidasezu)
Deru hazu mo nai kotae sagashi tsukarete kyou mo nemuri ni tsuku
Wasurenai kara, wasurenai kara”
Indeed, the world has stopped for us since that day, leaving us trapped in this empty space with no way out. We were getting nowhere, I know. We can’t do athing about it, I know. But we can’t help but keep on searching aimlessly, eventhough we know there is no answer to our questions. We just can’t forget, Aiba-kun. We just can’t.
~End of Chapter 10~
It's a little OOT, but tomorrow is the start of Ramadhan, and I'd like to apologize if I had somehow, said or did something which may offended any of you somehow.. Happy fasting to all Moslems !
Author :
zeon_avalanthe
Rating : G
Genre : Angst ; Friendship
Pairing : Gen
Disclaimer : Everyone knows that I don't own any of those boys, sadly.. And title is shamelessly taken from one of Nino's solo.. You'll know why..
Summary : It was a normal day with their last concert of this year's tour to come.. But why Aiba suddenly say he wants to quit Arashi ?
~Chapter 10~
Sho’s Side
It’s finally the day. The fans had been excited we could hear them talking loudly from outside the venue. We’re doing the concert at the same place we did at our 15th anniversary, and it sure brought back so many memories. We don’t come up to the venue on the helicopter like we did three years ago though. We don’t sail in the sea with the same boat on our debut days as well. We don’t walk around the places just to re-enact our photoshots in the past. We can’t.
We slide up to the stage after the countdown, giving fake smiles we’ve accustomed with as we sing to the melody of our debut song. We’re not trying to copy the previous concert by singing A.Ra.Shi first, it’s just we had agreed to sing in sequence to our history from our debut up until today. We decided to do things in order this time, so we could close our history properly, and so we could leave without regret.
We were still singing for Kaze No Mukou E when I rushed back to the backstage for a change of clothes for my solo-corner. I stared at the shirt I’m going to change into for a moment. The four of us had agreed that there is only one outfit befitting each of our solo which we dedicated for Aiba-kun. It’s the shirt Aiba-kun gave to us for our birthday. Clutching at the fabric tightly, I feel myself tearing up. I was lost in my own thoughts until one of the staff call me to tell me that it’s almost time. I quickly put on the shirt before running to my supposed position and wait for the song transition before making an appearance. I listened to the melody as I took a deep breath, readying myself for this song I sing for Aiba-kun.
“Sora ni kagayaku yo kirari, hoshi ga jiwari nijindekuyo
Kanashii hodo kirei da ne
Hanashi wo kiite hoshii koto are mo kore mo aru keredo
Nigirishimete dakishimete, shiwakucha no mama
Hoshi ni negau to itsuka kanau to iu keredo
Yume no naka de shika bokura towa ni mou aenai”
My voice breaks as I sang that part. It was so surreal I almost couldn’t believe it. But it’s the truth. No matter how many wishes we made upon the stars, we can never see Aiba-kun ever again.
“Sora ni kagayaku yo kirari hoshi ga jiwari nijindeku yo
Kaerimichi namida ga tomaranai boku wa zutto
Sora ni omoide ga porori namida horori koboreteku yo
Kanashii hodo kirei da ne”
There were times when I will just huddled on my bed, crying all my hearts out, overwhelmed by the loss. And at those times, I will be reminded to the times in the past when we’re still together, and wishing that it had all been but a dream.
“Kanashimi wo wakeatte namida no kazu herasu yori
Yorokobi wo wakachiaenai hou ga tsurai ne
Mabuta no oku ni utsuru koboreru egao ga
Ima demo yuuki kureru yo, Mou ichido aitai
Sora ni mukatte utau yo, sou utau yo, koe no kagiri
Fushigi da ne hitori janainda boku wa zutto
Sora ni mukai te wo furu yo kono te furu yo chikara komete
Sore ga bokura no sain”
In everything I do, Aiba-kun’s smiles were always reflected back at me. At it hurts because it makes me want to see him again while knowing that I can’t. And when I look up to the sky, it’s a strange thing but I feel like someone is looking back at me and I will unconsciously wave my hand up. I felt so stupid, but a small smile will formed on my lips and for once, I felt at ease after I did so.
“Tanoshikute mo, kurushikute mo
Mou bokura wa aenai donna ni negattete mo
Sora ni kagayaku yo kirari hoshi ga jiwari nijindeku yo
Kaerimichi namida ga tomaranai boku wa zutto
Sora ni omoide ga porori namida horori kobereteku yo
Kanashii hodo kirei da ne
Sora ni mukatte utau yo sou utau yo koe no kagiri
Fushigi da ne hitori janainda boku wa zutto
Itsumademo wasurenai yo wasurenai yo kimi to itsuka
Sora ni egaita mirai”
We can never see each other ever again, that much I know. That is the exact reason I sing and sing and sing until my voice gone. So that it will be delivered to you that we will never ever forget you no matter what. The four of us will be on our different ways from now on, but our memories of you will never change. I can only hope you understand.
***
Nino’s Side
I watched how Sho-san cried after his solo as he walked to the backstage. A VTR is being played by now so the four of us had a little time to huddle up together and try to console each other. It’d been months but the pain is still so raw for us. Most of the nights, I will still wake up from the nightmares of re-living that night over and over again. That was why I immersed myself into games more lately, to distract my mind and prevent the nightmares from returning. Which didn’t really work if I have to say.
Being in a concert reminds me of how we often teased Aiba-shi during our concerts in the past. And it was bittersweet, to remember them all now. Looking back, the man never really get mad at us for teasing him. On the contrary, his tension seemed to rose instead. Aiba-shi was kind. A little too kind perhaps.
We sing another few songs before it’s finally my turn to sing solo. I returned backstage to change my outfit before running back to my position. Lots of thoughts passed by me as I stood on stand-by, waiting for the cue while fiddling with the hem of the t-shirt Aiba-chan made for us with all his might. I remembered the moment I decided to sing this song. Aiba-chan was a reflection of summer, always full of energy. But after he was gone, the summer heat was turned into a cold winter. It was as if, the sushine was suddenly replaced by the snow. It was snowing when Aiba-chan passed away. It was snowing when the four of us returned to his tomb after his funeral.
“It is still snowing inside of me...” I whispered to myself as I face the stage.
Aiba-shi, this song is for you.
“Azayaka ni shimitsuita itoshii omokage
Yowai jibun wo shitta anata ni deatte kara
Kakaekirenai itami wo oshikoroseba
Todokanu omoi tsunoru dake
Yuki wa tada shizuka ni marude anata no you ni
Kono kata ni maiorite sotto hohoemu
Te de furereba kitto kieteshimau kara kono mama de
Hitori me wo toji anata kanjiru”
I’ve learnt another side of me after I met you and you showed me the world from a different point of view. You changed me from who I was to who I am right now. I was a shut-down kid who was bullied at school, and was on the verge of giving up the world when you came. I owe you more than a career in the entertainment world, Aiba-shi. I owe you my life.
“Nemutta yokogao ni yasashiku kuchidzuke
Sunao ni ienakute furueru mune kakusu
Sono egao tada shinjite dakishimereba
Kiseki no oto ga hibiku sora
Yuki wa tada shizuka ni marude anata no you ni
Kono kata ni maiorite sotto hohoemu
Te de furereba kitto kieteshimau kara kono mama de
Hitori me wo toji anata kanjiru”
It was your smiles which had me believed in the world and tried to challenge life once again. It was you who taught me how to live. It was you who had convinced me that miracles exist. You had conducted many miracles so many times before, so why can’t you make one this time ?
“Shiroku moeru koi wa mayuikonda kaze maiagatte toosugiru
Anata no moto e tadotte yuku no darou
Anata ga nozomu nara kono mi wo sasageyou
Furikakaru kanashimi wo subete azukete
Haru wo mukaeru you ni dakishimeai
Tokete yukeru nara nani mo iranai no ni”
We were always together, weren’t we ? You will follow me wherever I go and I promised you that I have to follow you wherever you go as well. But Aiba-chan, you have gone to a distant place where I couldn’t reach you, so how can I keep my promise ? We always shared everything in the past, so why can’t you share your pain that time with me as well ?
“Yuki wa tada shizuka ni marude anata no you ni
Kono kata ni maiorite sotto hohoemu
Te de furereba kitto kieteshimau kara kono mama de
Hitori me wo toji anata kanjiru
Eien ni kanawanai
Sore demo itoshii hito yo”
I’m quite sure I’m openly crying by now but I coulnd’t care less. I don’t want anything else but for you to stay here, Aiba-chan, is that too much of a wish ? You’re so dear to me, so why do you have to disappear ? Why do you have to leave, why can’t we still be together ? Why, Aiba-shi, why ?
***
Riida’s Side
We approached Nino who is still crying on-stage after he finished his solo. As of lately, Nino cried far too easily that I start to worry about his emotion stability. It had been hard to all of us, but it was the hardest for Nino, we all know it. The least we could do is to try and be with each other for as much as we could.
The light of the stage dimmed as we entered my solo-corner. Dance had always been my virtue, so I always put an original moves especially on my solo. The tempo of the song was slowed down as to match my movement. But on the side note, I find it better this way.
“Kuchibiru ni ochita kotoba wo nuguou to nobashita kono te wa
Yukiba nai omoi wo shizuka ni tsutsunde iku
Yume wa itsuka nakusu mono da to itta no wa dare
Boku wa sore wo warai tobashite ashita wo erande iku
Negai hitotsu hoshi janakute anata e sotto inoru
Datte sore wa anata dake ni okoseru kiseki dakara
Nando datte ima bokura no subete de sotto inoru
Sou kimi e todoke tooku no sora negai de tsunagatte iku you ni”
I tried not to think about anything, but it was hard knowing to whom I deliver this song for. The strong feeling to wish was the same feeling I possess right now. Of how I wish for things to went differently, of how I wish for Aiba-chan to never leave at all. Of how I wish for a miracle to happen and undone this sadness away.
“Atarashii asa wo shiru tabi taisetsuna mono wo nakushiteru
Sono tabi ni asu no itoshisa wo kanjirareru
Sora ni ukabu hoshi ya tsuki wo shitta no wa itsu
Boku wa ikite tsukiru koto nai eien wo tsunaide iru
Negai hitotsu hoshi janakute anata e sotto inoru
Datte kimi no egao dake ga okoseru kiseki dakara
Nando datte ima bokura no subete de sotto inoru
Sou kimi e todoke itsumade demo negai ga hibiki aimasu you ni”
We’ve lost someone dear to us, and since that day, we’ve lost many important things everyday. I begin to realize how important it is to wake up and find out you’re still alive in the morning, but at the same time I dreaded it because it means I have to wake up from the dream I built to protect myself and be shoved back into the harsh reality. And thus I can only keep on wishing, while remembering your smiles, for you.
“Yozora wo miageteru kimi mo boku mo
Onaji omoi ga kanaerareru hi made
Negai hitotsu hoshi janakute anata e sotto inoru
Datte sore wa anata dake ni okoseru kiseki dakara
Nando datte ima bokura no subete de sotto inoru
Sou kimi e todoke tooku no sora negai de tsunagatte iku you ni”
I took a deep breath as the last of the song drifted back and the light around me dimmed. I gave myself time before I walked back to the dressing room for a change of clothes. I passed by Sho-kun and we both exchanged knowing looks. We’re more than half-way through the concert. It’s almost time for that.
***
Jun’s Side
It was almost my turn for the solo-corner but I’m still a mess. After my corner, we will sing a few more songs before we go to our usual individual speeches. And my mind is already flying ahead of time as I keep on thinking for the speeches and the announcement we are about to make. It’s not like I’m nervous, neither I hesitated for it. It’s just, whenever the thought crossed my mind, a feeling of melancholy washed over me. I guess I’m being overly-sentimental today.
I readied myself to enter my corner while remembering those days Riida taught us the dance moves for this song. Aiba-kun was the last to master the choreography, as per usual, but Riida didn’t seem to mind staying more to watched Aiba-kun repeated his moves over and over again. I smiled at the memory as I start singing.
“Sayonara ima, sayonara kara
Hitotsuzutsu hitotsuzutsu bokura ga miteta sekai wa
Samishisa wo okizari ni nichijou e to nomi komareru
Ikutsumo no ‘moshimo’ ga matowari tsuita mama
Donna kotoba wo narabeta toshitemo kimi wa mou inai”
My voice cracked at the last words as the fact was shoved back at me hard. That’s right. No matter how we phrased it, Aiba-kun is not here anymore.
“Nigiyaka na kono machi no katasumi de nanimo dekinai boku ga iru
Karamawari surikirete yuku kokoro ga mada furueteru
Shiroi tameiki kara (koborete yuku) kimi no nukumori sae (omoidasezu)
Deru hazu mo nai kotae sagashi tsukarete kyou mo nemuri ni tsuku
Mou sukoshi ato sukoshi tsuyoku aritai to negaeba
Sono tabi ni okubyou da to omoi shiresareru dake
Sorezore no kioku wa katachi wo kaeru kedo
Kimi no kotoba ni uso wa nai koto wo zutto shinjite itai
Dore dake toki ga nagareta toshitemo wasurerarenai kimi ga iru
Ibutsu na mama kakae konda kokoro ga mada uzuiteru
Itsuka mita yume nara (hanarete yuku) boku wo yobu koe sae (kasurete yuku)
Iku ate no nai namida wa kidzukarenu mama sotto nagarete yuku”
Things might change now. But you know Aiba-kun ? Only you will never change. Only you we will never forget. Even at nights, I still catch myself calling out for you, begging you to come back to us in my sleep, with the tear-tracks drying on my cheeks. I begin to understand now how much sufferings you must have felt during those last few months as you struggled by yourself, unable to say a thing to any of us.
“Ano hi tomatta mama no sekai de
Nani wo tsutaetara ii imi mo wakaranai yo
Dore dake toki ga nagareta toshitemo
Nigiyaka na kono machi no katasumi de nanimo dekinai boku ga iru
Karamawari surikirete yuku kokoro ga mada furueteru
Shiroi tameiki kara (koborete yuku) kimi no nukumori sae (omoidasezu)
Deru hazu mo nai kotae sagashi tsukarete kyou mo nemuri ni tsuku
Wasurenai kara, wasurenai kara”
Indeed, the world has stopped for us since that day, leaving us trapped in this empty space with no way out. We were getting nowhere, I know. We can’t do athing about it, I know. But we can’t help but keep on searching aimlessly, eventhough we know there is no answer to our questions. We just can’t forget, Aiba-kun. We just can’t.
~End of Chapter 10~
It's a little OOT, but tomorrow is the start of Ramadhan, and I'd like to apologize if I had somehow, said or did something which may offended any of you somehow.. Happy fasting to all Moslems !