thinking of her.
today was a busy day. today had parts to it that were hard and weird and strange for me. but today....i can't stop thinking of her. of Ona. of Maya.
I think it started this morning when kiaran mentioned, out of the blue, that maya always looked so beautiful in her dresses. since then, i can't shake the thoughts of them. and honestly, sitting here by myself, kids in bed....the tears feel very hot and raw. jesus, i really miss the world when i knew she was a part of it. i miss those times at my house, long ago when things were ok.
and part of me isn't sure if i cry only for them or for the life i had once. less complex, less scary......
but i can't shake the sadness tonite and i held it in all day. I don't know how to explain it, except that it hits me in a full strength dose. something will remind me of her, of maya and my mind remembers the pain. in those moments, i think to think that she is thinking of me too. possibly letting me know, in her stubborn and blunt way, that i'm not ever rid of her. lol....
she was such an impact on my life. she changed me so much in ways she'll never have known. I wish she had taken more hugs from me, i wish she had just reached for me in the last year. i swear i would have crumbled, i swear i would have heard her eventually.....i would have listened, i would have understood.
my heart is still so hurt and i know i can never replace her hole that resides in my mind, heart and soul. it's so hard for me to find friends that are reflections of myself. she was one....i have one other.
Ona.....maya....you are not forgotten by us. today, we thought of you, missed you and tonite, I cry for your loss. I miss you both....and I'm so sorry.
so sorry.............
i love you so much, whever you are, i know you are together.....i know you are at peace and in each other's arms.....
i just wish i had a peice of you with me besides this black earring you gave to me and the memories that come and go so painfully.....i wish i could be sitting here, on my couch, smoking with you, letting the kids play, talking about whatever while we joked and laughed and watched bad movies like Run Ronnie Run.......I wish I could have just one more evening with you. just one........
just one more beer and game of texas hold em, indian poker.....one more bad juan and batch of cheesy shit. one more fire in the chiminea.....one more hug from maya.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Damien Rice Lyrics
Sleep Don't Weep Lyrics
Sleep. Don’t weep,
My sweet love.
Your face, it's all wet.
And your day was rough.
So do what you must do
To find yourself.
Wear another shoe.
Paint my shelf.
There's times that I was broke
When you stood strong.
I think I’ve found a place
Where I …
Sleep. Don’t weep,
My sweet love.
Your face, it's all wet
‘Cause our days were rough.
So do what you must do
To fill that hole.
Wear another shoe
To comfort the soul.
There's times that I was broke
When you stood strong.
I think I’ve found a place
Where I feel I will…
Sleep. Don’t weep,
My sweet love.
My face, it's all wet
‘Cause my day was rough.
So do what you must do
To find yourself.
Wear another shoe.
Paint my shelf.
There's times that I was broke
When you stood strong.
I hope I find a place
Where I feel I…belong
Sleep. Don’t weep,
My sweet love.
My face it's all wet
'Cause my day was rough.
Don't weep, my sweet love.
My face, it's all wet
'Cause my days are rough.
-damien rice
I think it started this morning when kiaran mentioned, out of the blue, that maya always looked so beautiful in her dresses. since then, i can't shake the thoughts of them. and honestly, sitting here by myself, kids in bed....the tears feel very hot and raw. jesus, i really miss the world when i knew she was a part of it. i miss those times at my house, long ago when things were ok.
and part of me isn't sure if i cry only for them or for the life i had once. less complex, less scary......
but i can't shake the sadness tonite and i held it in all day. I don't know how to explain it, except that it hits me in a full strength dose. something will remind me of her, of maya and my mind remembers the pain. in those moments, i think to think that she is thinking of me too. possibly letting me know, in her stubborn and blunt way, that i'm not ever rid of her. lol....
she was such an impact on my life. she changed me so much in ways she'll never have known. I wish she had taken more hugs from me, i wish she had just reached for me in the last year. i swear i would have crumbled, i swear i would have heard her eventually.....i would have listened, i would have understood.
my heart is still so hurt and i know i can never replace her hole that resides in my mind, heart and soul. it's so hard for me to find friends that are reflections of myself. she was one....i have one other.
Ona.....maya....you are not forgotten by us. today, we thought of you, missed you and tonite, I cry for your loss. I miss you both....and I'm so sorry.
so sorry.............
i love you so much, whever you are, i know you are together.....i know you are at peace and in each other's arms.....
i just wish i had a peice of you with me besides this black earring you gave to me and the memories that come and go so painfully.....i wish i could be sitting here, on my couch, smoking with you, letting the kids play, talking about whatever while we joked and laughed and watched bad movies like Run Ronnie Run.......I wish I could have just one more evening with you. just one........
just one more beer and game of texas hold em, indian poker.....one more bad juan and batch of cheesy shit. one more fire in the chiminea.....one more hug from maya.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Damien Rice Lyrics
Sleep Don't Weep Lyrics
Sleep. Don’t weep,
My sweet love.
Your face, it's all wet.
And your day was rough.
So do what you must do
To find yourself.
Wear another shoe.
Paint my shelf.
There's times that I was broke
When you stood strong.
I think I’ve found a place
Where I …
Sleep. Don’t weep,
My sweet love.
Your face, it's all wet
‘Cause our days were rough.
So do what you must do
To fill that hole.
Wear another shoe
To comfort the soul.
There's times that I was broke
When you stood strong.
I think I’ve found a place
Where I feel I will…
Sleep. Don’t weep,
My sweet love.
My face, it's all wet
‘Cause my day was rough.
So do what you must do
To find yourself.
Wear another shoe.
Paint my shelf.
There's times that I was broke
When you stood strong.
I hope I find a place
Where I feel I…belong
Sleep. Don’t weep,
My sweet love.
My face it's all wet
'Cause my day was rough.
Don't weep, my sweet love.
My face, it's all wet
'Cause my days are rough.
-damien rice