official derby medal...
so at practice Tuesday night, i was kickin ass. skating good, feeling determined and bustin through people on the pack drill.....it was going great. but as i came around the corner, a giant derby clusterfuck happened and two jammers plowed into two groups, sending people this way and that. the problem was....the two packs were next to each other which created this huge barrier of people falling. i saw what was happening and tried to motor around the far right side.....by the wall. i damn near made it through when i got a hipcheck that sent me flying. i probably should have stopped further back, or perhaps i should have fallen to my knees, but i was shoved into the wall and my arm went over the top. as i slid down the wall, my skin under my arm was rubbed raw and horribly on fire and then, my skates went out from under me........but my elbowpad got stuck and my arm didn't come down with my ass and i felt my shoulder burn with pain.
pain is a funny thing....it can teach us and make us strong, but it can also completely take over our bodies and turn us into primal beings as well. as i hit the floor, my eyes were flighty.....searching for something to look at for a sense of calm. i was instantly hit with a severe sense of claustrophobia and i struggled to hold my shoulder and also get my mouthguard out. my pads were stripped from my arm, rings taken off. i knew there were a lot of people around me, but there was only one person i wanted there and they just couldn't be. i found my calm in a familiar face, a familiar voice. I can't even tell you who else was standing around me to be honest with you. i do not remember anyone else but that one person. i focused in on it because it was something i knew. pain does that for me, i need to have my personal "rock", my safe place to fall for the moment. whether it's family or friends, having that familiarity is a good, grounding thing for me and it pulled me from my wild panic i had on the floor. once i settled down and was able to cope and find my "happy place", i was lifted from the floor and i stepped off the rink to the sound of my team applauding me.
i did go to the hospital after practice. the pain only increased and the inability to move my arm concerned me. i had been instructed to let my coach know i was going, so after being called to be seen, i stood up to walk back to the room and saw him walk in. he was supportive and kind and worked hard to keep a smile on my face. he sat with me as we waited for xrays and paperwork.....all of it. i guess i never realized that it would have been the first time i had ever been alone at the hospital when something was wrong with me.....but i wasn't, i still had someone. and that's the thing i'm realizing more and more about derby. i've only known these people for four months and already, they are willing to help me out, to confide in me, to lift me up when i'm down. there is so much strength in this team, in this sport that it almost brings tears to my eyes to think about what i have in these people. and for my coach to sit with me until five in the morning, make me laugh, and care so much....it's really nice.
my rotator cuff may be torn, i'm holding onto the hope that it's not, that it's just a pulled or torn muscle, but i can't say right now. they put my arm in a sling and gave me some percoset and naproxin for swelling. male nurses came back to find out where our bout would be at, i even got them a card. the doctor came into the room, talking of physical therapy....the only question i had was "and what about skating?". the doctor smiled and said genuinely...."I like your style". i am to lay low currently on the skating for a week or so. then, only skating, no hitting until i can strengthen my shoulder. it kills me, but it's what needs to be done. skating has become as much a part of me as the basic necessity to eat. i skate, i sleep, i eat, i skate more. i only wish my children were able to watch me, to see how awesome i am. i wish my kids could be witness to that and be proud.....but derby is a sore spot right now with everything going on and i guess i just have to be patient.
so, i am officially walking around learning how to do everything with my left arm. i can use my right hand now that the soreness left my elbow this morning, so typing is back on par. so i tilt myself so that i can still wear my sling and i sit here, typing away. the kids are really helpful and my mother has been supportive for once instead of all "i told you so"-ish.
the whole experience was weird and very hard to swallow just when i was feeling so liberated on the rink floor, but i know this is just a small setback and i WILL push through this, i WILL become a better player and a better person for it.
pain is a funny thing....it can teach us and make us strong, but it can also completely take over our bodies and turn us into primal beings as well. as i hit the floor, my eyes were flighty.....searching for something to look at for a sense of calm. i was instantly hit with a severe sense of claustrophobia and i struggled to hold my shoulder and also get my mouthguard out. my pads were stripped from my arm, rings taken off. i knew there were a lot of people around me, but there was only one person i wanted there and they just couldn't be. i found my calm in a familiar face, a familiar voice. I can't even tell you who else was standing around me to be honest with you. i do not remember anyone else but that one person. i focused in on it because it was something i knew. pain does that for me, i need to have my personal "rock", my safe place to fall for the moment. whether it's family or friends, having that familiarity is a good, grounding thing for me and it pulled me from my wild panic i had on the floor. once i settled down and was able to cope and find my "happy place", i was lifted from the floor and i stepped off the rink to the sound of my team applauding me.
i did go to the hospital after practice. the pain only increased and the inability to move my arm concerned me. i had been instructed to let my coach know i was going, so after being called to be seen, i stood up to walk back to the room and saw him walk in. he was supportive and kind and worked hard to keep a smile on my face. he sat with me as we waited for xrays and paperwork.....all of it. i guess i never realized that it would have been the first time i had ever been alone at the hospital when something was wrong with me.....but i wasn't, i still had someone. and that's the thing i'm realizing more and more about derby. i've only known these people for four months and already, they are willing to help me out, to confide in me, to lift me up when i'm down. there is so much strength in this team, in this sport that it almost brings tears to my eyes to think about what i have in these people. and for my coach to sit with me until five in the morning, make me laugh, and care so much....it's really nice.
my rotator cuff may be torn, i'm holding onto the hope that it's not, that it's just a pulled or torn muscle, but i can't say right now. they put my arm in a sling and gave me some percoset and naproxin for swelling. male nurses came back to find out where our bout would be at, i even got them a card. the doctor came into the room, talking of physical therapy....the only question i had was "and what about skating?". the doctor smiled and said genuinely...."I like your style". i am to lay low currently on the skating for a week or so. then, only skating, no hitting until i can strengthen my shoulder. it kills me, but it's what needs to be done. skating has become as much a part of me as the basic necessity to eat. i skate, i sleep, i eat, i skate more. i only wish my children were able to watch me, to see how awesome i am. i wish my kids could be witness to that and be proud.....but derby is a sore spot right now with everything going on and i guess i just have to be patient.
so, i am officially walking around learning how to do everything with my left arm. i can use my right hand now that the soreness left my elbow this morning, so typing is back on par. so i tilt myself so that i can still wear my sling and i sit here, typing away. the kids are really helpful and my mother has been supportive for once instead of all "i told you so"-ish.
the whole experience was weird and very hard to swallow just when i was feeling so liberated on the rink floor, but i know this is just a small setback and i WILL push through this, i WILL become a better player and a better person for it.