I came to the realization today during my piano lesson that I'm a self-critical, perfectionist, controlling hag. It's such an ugly thing to be, and I need to lighten the hell up. I laughed with my piano teacher after she joked about my scowling in parts that I was unhappy with...and my solution was to put a mirror on the piano, angled so that I can ( Read more... )

Not even two weeks ago I was at the ER hemorrhaging for absolutely unknown reasons. I haven't seen that much blood come from me since after the birth of my children, so it was bizarre and scary. It's a safe guess that it was a major hormonal fluctuation of some sort; regardless, I've felt emotionally raw ever since.  It's like my insides are on my ( Read more... )

The one who was wished for in the humid, Ohio summer
The one who was first planned
The one who prompted cravings of Nilla Wafers with cream cheese
She who came while her father chain-smoked in the waiting room
Swaddled in pink and handed to her mother who woke from twilight sleep
The one to be proud of, no secrets to hide
First girl in the family
( Read more... )

Day 1 Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day 2 Nine things about yourself
Day 3 Eight ways to win your heart
Day 4 Seven things that cross your mind a lot
Day 5 Six things you wish you had never done.
Day 6 Five people who mean a lot to you(not in any particular order)
Day 7 Four turn offs
Day 8 Three turn ons
Day 9 Two images ( Read more... )

Day 1 Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day 2 Nine things about yourself
Day 3 Eight ways to win your heart
Day 4 Seven things that cross your mind a lot
Day 5 Six things you wish you have never done.
Day 6 Five people who mean a lot to you(not in any particular order)
Day 7 Four turn offs
Day 8 Three turn ons
Day 9 Two images ( Read more... )

Day 1 Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day 2 Nine things about yourself
Day 3 Eight ways to win your heart
Day 4 Seven things that cross your mind a lot
Day 5 Six things you wish you have never done.
Day 6 Five people who mean a lot to you(not in any particular order)
Day 7 Four turn offs
Day 8 Three turn ons
Day 9 Two ( Read more... )

Day 1 Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day 2 Nine things about yourself
Day 3 Eight ways to win your heart
Day 4 Seven things that cross your mind a lot
Day 5 Six things you wish you have never done.
Day 6 Five people who mean a lot to you(not in any particular order)
Day 7 Four turn offs
Day 8 Three turn ons
Day 9 Two images ( Read more... )

Through practicing polyamory, I've been able to see myself from different perspectives as I engage in various types of relationships. Each relationship is unique, and within each of those unique pairings, I've learned something new about myself through the way that I relate. Last summer, I was involved with someone who observed that I often made ( Read more... )

 1) Entitlement through suffering (Eggers book, Gibran quote, dad's death, A.'s struggles, etc) I need a name for that two-year stretch in my life when it was nothing but punches ( Read more... )

 I am at rest today ( Read more... )