(no subject)
you can be with a defective or damaged person, because you're a defective person. you can't be with a normal good person.
you just have to find someone who is defective but at least not evil. someone who has learned to manage their defectiveness and find workarounds for their brokenness and be functional, like you do.
you don't get to have someone good. they wouldn't understand you anyway. you'll never be one of them. you'll never fit in with them. it'll always feel like pretending for you.