Tom Swifties

[zencadet]

Last night, or should I say early this morning, I had Tom Swifties on the brain, and as a result have been writing down a lot of them.

For those too lazy to click on the link provided a Tom Swifty is a pun using the type of stylistic structuring of the Tom Swift books. Some examples include "We must hurry," said Tom swiftly. "They had to amputate them both at the ankles," Tom said defeatedly. "I fall ill every Tuesday," said Tom weakly.

I have tried to stick to "true" Tom Swifties in that I've only used puns with the adverbs ending in -ly. So after writing about 50 or so of them, here's a selection of my favourites:

1. "Constructing that golem was a mistake," remarked the rabbi, stonily.
2. "There are no good charities left for me to donate my money to," said Faith, hopelessly.
3. "I can't find the location of the treasure," said the pirate, crossly.
4. "But I'm sure it's around here somewhere," said the pirate, expertly.
5. "We've found the accurséd Pharaoh's tomb," said Carter, cryptically.
6. "I want a divorce," said the wife, single-mindedly.
7. "The zombies are breaking through," said Shaun, gravely.
8. "I believe this house to be haunted," said the medium, spiritedly.
9. "My torch is broken," said the miner, darkly.
10. ""Life is brief," said the philosopher, quickly.
11. "There is an imbalance of the humours," said the alchemist, phlegmatically.
12. "I'm so stoned," said the student, dopily.
13. "The computer is compiling," said the programmer, basically.
14. "Have you tried rebooting?" said the tech support guy, offishly.
15. "My car's got a flat," said the motorist, tiredly.
16. "I wonder if astral projection is real," thought the professor, absent-mindedly.
17. "She must be a witch, she turned me into a newt," said the villager, craftily.
18. "Let me out of this burning wicker man!" cried the inspector, woodenly.
19. "The theatre is fully booked," said the manager, playfully.
20. "I cannot emphasise my words more clearly," said the orator, boldly.
21. "Asphyxiation was the cause of death," said the coroner, breathlessly.
22. "You want to take me for a ride?" said the prostitute, hoarsely.
23. "I've seen this TV show before," grandad would say repeatedly.

Why not try them out yourself! The above were done without the benefit of a dictionary and in the early hours of the morning - so I'm sure some of you can do better.