So, the confession...
So I started taking this new birth control and serious I have been on the verge of either crying, screaming, or hitting something all friggin week. I cannot control myself. The only good thing about it is the fact that my voice seems to be clearing up and not acting so much like vibrating wads of gum. It seriously makes me suicidal right now, because so much seems to be going wrong.
I hate my voice with my whole being. I don't know why I cannot get back to the way I used to be. Or get any better. It makes me so fustrated. I also dont know why a certain person in the scheduling office has to be such a douche and switch my recital rehearsal from today to tomorrow and NOT tell me. I don't really care if you do it, just out of consideration for me, someone you know and who works for you, just fucking open your mouth and speak. And my poor mother has to deal with all of this. I cannot get my recital recorded because I waited too long to get in my contract, and thus, to add instult to injury, I cannot find the microphone to my minidisc player. And most of all, I feel like everyone is really sick of me. I dont know what I did to make them upset or mad, but they just seem to have had enough. I just want out of this fucking city for a few days to clear my head, but no, I have to give a stupid recital and then take finals and then graduate and then start working immediately. My only reprise is Wendy's wedding, which I am so excited about, but don't know how I am going to pull it off since I am unsure of my funds.
And most of all, with all these weddings, I feel so left out. I want someone to love me. I want to love someone. I am starting to feel as though I will never find that and that nobody is capable of loving me in that way. Despite being on this stupid medicine with the constant grouchiness, I am a great person. I just don't think I am anyone's ideal, or even what anyone would settle with because they always are looking for something better. I think Lexine had it right - I am the permanent penultimant girlfriend. Figures.
Oh, Death, put thine lips upon my eyes so I may sleep evermore.
I hate my voice with my whole being. I don't know why I cannot get back to the way I used to be. Or get any better. It makes me so fustrated. I also dont know why a certain person in the scheduling office has to be such a douche and switch my recital rehearsal from today to tomorrow and NOT tell me. I don't really care if you do it, just out of consideration for me, someone you know and who works for you, just fucking open your mouth and speak. And my poor mother has to deal with all of this. I cannot get my recital recorded because I waited too long to get in my contract, and thus, to add instult to injury, I cannot find the microphone to my minidisc player. And most of all, I feel like everyone is really sick of me. I dont know what I did to make them upset or mad, but they just seem to have had enough. I just want out of this fucking city for a few days to clear my head, but no, I have to give a stupid recital and then take finals and then graduate and then start working immediately. My only reprise is Wendy's wedding, which I am so excited about, but don't know how I am going to pull it off since I am unsure of my funds.
And most of all, with all these weddings, I feel so left out. I want someone to love me. I want to love someone. I am starting to feel as though I will never find that and that nobody is capable of loving me in that way. Despite being on this stupid medicine with the constant grouchiness, I am a great person. I just don't think I am anyone's ideal, or even what anyone would settle with because they always are looking for something better. I think Lexine had it right - I am the permanent penultimant girlfriend. Figures.
Oh, Death, put thine lips upon my eyes so I may sleep evermore.