Hush, Hush: Chapter 3
ZeldaQueen: This chapter is rather infamous. Have your feminist rage at the ready, folks
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 3
ZeldaQueen: We’re back in biology class, and Nora is secretly writing down the various reasons that she should be moved away from Patch. She hopes that by presenting these arguments to the teacher, he’ll agree this time around. She writes down about his uncooperative-ness regarding the assignment and how he’s terrible with teamwork, but doesn’t write down how he’s constantly making inappropriate sexual comments towards her and scaring her.
Nora tells us that while she can’t prove it, she suspects that Patch was looking in her window last night. She understandably is scared by that. Yet he’s the love interest. That’s just…wow. Anyway, while freaking out about this, she takes two iron tablets discreetly. She notices Patch staring at her, but decides that she won’t explain it to him. Apparently she’s anemic and needs to take a couple of iron tablets. Other than that, she’s good, but she doesn’t want Patch to know about her medical conditions.
Her musings are interrupted as the teacher calls on her. She asks him to repeat the question and he says that he wants her to tell the class what traits she looks for in a “potential mate”.
…What.
I…what sort of a question is that? How has this guy not been fired? I can understand him asking what are a few general traits organisms in general look for, but herself? He honestly wants her to stand up and tell the entire class what she finds sexually appealing?
Oh, and nicely worded there. Potential mates, my ass. Yes, that just makes it sound fine. Take a group of people who are hormonal and probably awkward and shy and getting into the dating scene and talk about it like they’re all pieces of meat in a zoo. God!
Nora is, of course, squicked by this. We get a moment where we’re told how Patch has this satisfied grin on his face, watching in antici…pation and I would dearly love to remove any reason he would have need of a potential mate. Nora sputters and the teacher tells her to get on with it and she finally asks if someone else can take the bullet. The teacher calls on Patch and I am so not looking forward to this.
Patch says that the traits he looks for are “Intelligent. Attractive. Vulnerable” This chills me because he’s done absolutely nothing but come on to Nora in the most sleazy and disgusting ways possible. And what’s one of the things now that he’s saying he wants in a woman? He wants her to be vulnerable. Now consider that he’s harassing Nora and apparently spying on her through her window. He knows where she’s going to college. He knows that she’s going to be dependant on him if she wants a good grade. He knows that she is at home alone at night. And he is turned on by how vulnerable she is.
Thank you for that, Ms Fitzpatrick. I believe I’m going to continue this recap from under my bed.
From there, we launch into what has got to be the most sexist class ever. I’m dead serious here. Any Schufly has nothing on this. The teacher asks why Patch put vulnerable on his list. BECAUSE HE’S A CREEPY, STALKING MOTHERFUCKER WHO OUGHT TO BE LOCKED UP, THAT’S WHY!!!
Vee interrupts as the voice of reason, asking what the fuck this all has to do with biology or Sex Ed in general. The teacher says that all species look for certain things to attract a mate, so he’s just doing the same with us. Then why not ask what humans look for in general instead of singling out and humiliating students, you asshole? Instead of answering my question, the teacher asks Vee to give her list. Ms. Fitzpatrick attempts to make Vee overly bitchy by having her give “Gorgeous, wealthy, indulgent, fiercely protective, and just a little bit dangerous” as her list. She sounds like a blonde version of Bella Swan. And I’m not going to touch that bit about him being a little dangerous. That couple with Patch’s behavior will just make my head explode.
Patch, for no reason at all, laughs and says that the trouble with human attraction is that no one knows if it will be returned. Um, that risk runs in every species, you idiot. Haven’t you ever watched the Discovery Channel? The teacher agrees with that statement though, which speaks quite a lot about his qualifications to be a teacher.
Patch then goes back to the vulnerable thing. He doesn’t say why he likes it, though. Instead, he says that humans are vulnerable because they can be hurt. As he says this, he bumps his knee against Nora’s
ZeldaQueen: This is a nightmare, I swear to God. All I can think of in relation to that is the Reptile Room, when Count Olaf sat at the dinner table next to the fifteen-year-old Violet and ran a knife up and down her thigh.
The teacher says that humans have the most complex methods of choosing potential mates, and I still find that to be highly suspect. He then goes on to say how women are all attracted to strong, smart men who have good survival skills and how men are attracted to beautiful women, because beauty means that they’re young and healthy and thus won’t die before they can have babies. Oh yeah, he goes there. He says that the only point of sex is babies and then adds “you'll see that children are the key to the survival of our species. And the more children you have, the greater your contribution to the gene pool”. He says this, incidentally, in reaction to Vee calling him out on being extremely sexist and not talking about what some modern-day qualities are for finding potential mates
ZeldaQueen: First of all, thank you for that, you sexist asshole. Thank you for just flat-out saying that people who can't or don't want to have children are a bunch of worthless fools who aren't contributing to our gene pool.
Second of all, if my memory of anthropology serves, it's proven that humans and Bonobo apes are the only species that engage in sex for social reasons (as in reasons other than reproduction). Instead of perhaps speculating on that though, you just basically humiliate and debase people like that. Oh and silly me, wouldn't such discussions be better suited in a social anthropology class rather than a biology one? Like I said, I can understand if there was a general discussion on the matters of reproduction and the gene pool, but this? Has anyone ever had a biology class like this? When my biology classes discussed reproduction and the gene pool, we learned about chromosomes and dominant and recessive traits and the genetic mapping of fruit flies and how marrying your cousins for too many generations was a Bad Idea.
Third of all, I realize I'm not the first reviewer of this book to point this out, but GAY PEOPLE EXIST, YOU BUNGHOLE! Fit that into your "sex is only for babies" nonsense.
My ass. This is infuriating!
And it only gets worse. The teacher says how attraction comes before sex, but there's also the body language involved to let a possible mate know that one is interested. The teacher asks Patch how, if he were at a party, he would let a girl he as interested in know his interest. Patch says that he would single her out and talk to her. Yeah, he'd probably single her out by catching her alone in the bathroom and lock the doors...God, I'm so sorry. Anyway, the teacher then asks Patch how he'd know if said girl was interested, and Patch talks about how he'd study her. I'm sorry, but this is just creepy. He's talking about getting a potential girlfriend like he's choosing a raw steak at the grocery store. Given how the teacher is presenting the lesson, small wonder he's doing so well. And then... oh Jesus Christ!!!
"'I study her,' Patch said. 'I figure out what she's thinking and feeling. She's not going to come right out and tell me, which is why I have to pay attention. Does she turn her body toward mine? Does she hold myeyes, then look away? Does she bite her lip and play with her hair, the way Nora is doing right now?'
Laughter rose in the room. I dropped my hands to my lap.
'She's game," said Patch, bumping my leg again. Of all things, I blushed.
'Very good! Very good!' Coach said, his voice charged, smiling broadly at our attentiveness.
'The blood vessels in Nora's face are widening and her skin is warming," Patch said. 'She knows she's being evaluated. She likes the attention, but she's not sure how to handle it.'
'I am not blushing.'
'She's nervous,' Patch said. 'She's stroking her arm to draw attention away from her face and down to her figure, or maybe her skin. Both are strong selling points.'
I nearly choked. He's joking, I told myself. No, he's insane. I had no experience dealing with lunatics, and it showed. I felt like I spent most of our time together staring at Patch, mouth agape. If I had any illusions about keeping up with him, I was going to have to figure out a new approach.
I placed my hands flat against the table, held my chin high, and tried to look as if I still possessed some dignity. 'This is ridiculous.'
Stretching his arm out to his side with exaggerated slyness, Patch hung it on the back of my chair. I had the strange feeling that this was a threat aimed entirely at me, and that he was unaware and uncaring of how the class received it. They laughed, but he didn't seem to hear it, holding my eyes so singly with his own that I almost believed he'd carved a small, private world for us that no one else could reach.
Vulnerable, he mouthed.
I locked my ankles around the legs of my chair and jerked forward, feeling the weight of his arm drop off the back of the seat. I was not vulnerable.
'And there you have it!' Coach said. 'Biology in motion.'"
ZeldaQueen: Can we count all of the creepy, possessive, misogynistic, abusive, assholish things going on there? I think we can!
- The way Patch is talking about studying Nora, the girl sitting right next to him, like she's a chunk of meat on display, specifically referring to her skin and figure as "strong selling points", like this is some fucking sex slave trade
- The way the teacher laughs and encourages it because hey, the class is paying attention. To Hell if one of his students is being publicly humiliated. She's just a lowly wimmuns and probably has had period already so by the laws of nature, she ought to be off having babies and contributing to the gene pool, dammit!
- The way Patch puts his arm around Nora in a way that his horribly, creepily possessive, pretty much saying "You belong to me, my pretty"
- The way he immediately after mouths to her how vulnerable she is
- The way Nora is blushing and humiliated and still makes valiant struggles to keep her dignity and fight back, while we all know that she will eventually submit and go into a relationship with this bastard and expect us to believe that it's True Love
- The way the entire rest of the class just laughs at this and apparently fails to notice how upset and uncomfortable Nora is
Teens are being given this book, ladies and gentlemen. There are fans for this series. People who think that Patch is the greatest guy ever. People who say he's even better than Edward Cullen. People who read that and think how romantic and playful it is.
I, meanwhile, feel incredibly frightened. I'm dead serious. Holly Potter's sociopathic reactions to everything in Child of Grace didn't inspire this level of fear in me. Rose Potters narcissistic tendencies to emulate Voldemort didn't. Nothing Zoey Redbird did or will do (yes, I'm looking at you, Chosen) gets my skin to crawl this badly. NOTHING IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING TWILIGHT SERIES, INCLUDING BREAKING DAWN, MIDNIGHT SUN, AND THE SHORT, SECOND LIFE OF BREE TANNER ELICITS THIS MUCH REVULSION AND DISGUST! I'm dead serious. This is astonishing. We're only on the third chapter and I'm already calling "Bring back Edward and Bella!"
Class lets out and Patch casually tells Nora that he had fun and that they should do that again sometime.
I'm literally ready to weep. I'm not kidding at all.
Vee proceeds to be the only person in the entire biology class to show an iota of sense and compassion. She tells Nora that she's going to petition to get the teacher fired, as "It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of your lab table, horizontal, minus your clothes, doing the Big Deed-". Nora gives her a "not now" look and proceeds to once again gives a display of sense. She tells Vee to go on ahead, she's going to have a talk to the teacher.
She goes over to the desk and point-blank tells him "I'm here to tell you the new seating chart and lesson plan is making me uncomfortable".
The teacher leans back in his chair, folds his hands behind his head, and tells her just as point-blank that he likes the seating chart and it can stay. I dearly would love to write up a spite fic in which he's sucked into an alternate universe where he's sitting next to Bella Swan who won't stop demanding sex from him, but I'm tired and hungry and want this chapter over as quickly as possible.
Nora proceeds to show sense and breaks out her weapon - she slaps a copy of the school code of conduct and says that all students are guaranteed safety from feeling threatened on school property. Perfect. Let's see how he responds.
He asks if she feels threatened.
After that class. After all of that. He actually has the gall to ask...
ZeldaQueen: Right. I've got nothing.
Nora just repeats that he makes her uncomfortable. Still, I can believe that it's hard to talk about a guy sexually harassing you, not to mention that I'm still furious that the teacher is such a fucking idiot that he couldn't figure out for himself how upset Nora was right in class there! She also proposes a deal - she will tutor any student in the class if she can sit next to Vee again. Oh dear lord, don't let this go where I think it is...
The teacher says that Patch needs a tutor.
Let me get this straight. She says that she feels threatened by this kid while on school property and in the classroom, which is a very public place. The teacher's response is to...tell her to hang out with the kid off of school property, on her own time, probably in said kid's house (or more likely that sleazy bar), and where he doesn't have to be worried about being caught by school rules.
Please, someone, tell me that I'm not the only one noticing the logic fail here.
Nora points out that his plan is kind of defeating the purpose. She does not point out how it pretty much also puts her in even more uncomfortable and threatening situations.
The teacher justifies this by saying that Patch didn't participate in class at all before sitting next to Nora, so clearly she gets him to do work. That's right! Never mind the fact that he's clearly inspired to participate in class by SEXUAL HARASSMENT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT???
Nora does not point that out. Instead, she makes possibly the worst argument ever by saying that her best friend will fail if not sitting next to her. Of course, this sets up for the teacher to say that Vee just copies off of Nora, giving him the Higher Moral Ground to keep them separated. And it's funny, but going off of that class we just saw, Vee appeared to be the only one with any actual sense or grasp of the wrongness of what was going on. She certainly didn't appear unintelligent to me. Nora begs to be allowed to tutor Vee instead, and the teacher says nope. He also tells her that she's staying next to Patch for at least a few more weeks and still is going to tutor him. So let's see, he's ignoring the proposed deal and forcing her to hang around even more with someone who she feels uncomfortable at best with.
Nora, go to the principle. Go to the superintendent. Take up Vee's petition to get this dude fired. He's breaking the school code of conduct and forcing you into a position which makes you uncomfortable and quite frankly is dangerous.
But enough about that! Not like it's important that a person is being forced into stuff like that! Jump to seven o'clock. Vee and Nora have just seen the symbolically-titled movie The Sacrifice. They have a conversation about how creepy it is to learn that you've been raised your entire life for sacrificial purposes. Ten bucks says that this spells out the plot of this book. Nora doesn't want to discuss the movie, because she remembers how someone was looking in her window last night and is still scared. I have to ask, why doesn't she call the police to drive by or have a look? Ah well, to Hell with logic! We need to talk about Patch! Nora says that he's the reason she's been grumpy for the past two days. No kidding. Vee replies to that with "I have to admit, his dark side calls to me".
Yes, I know. I often feel attracted to assholes who sexually harass me and make veiled threats and possibly peep in my window at nigh - oh, wait. I don't. Because I don't have the IQ of a lobotomized fish.
And, although she's loathe to admit it, Nora feels something about Patch drawing her in. Excuse me for a moment.
WHAT? WHAT ABOUT THIS GUY "DRAWS YOU IN"? HE'S BEEN NOTHING BUT DISRESPECTFUL AND HATEFUL AND HARASSING YOU AND MAKING LEWD COMMENTS AND THAT ATTRACTS YOU?!? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE???
There we go. Vee asks Nora to just try and say that Patch isn't good looking, and I'm about to stick my fist through a pane of glass to distract myself from my anger. Of course Nora just can't bring herself to say that, but says that his personality spoils his beauty. Wonder how long that perspective will stick around.
Vee replies that it's "Not beauty. He's ... hard-edged. Sexy" and then asks if the rough, bad-boy image isn't Nora's type. Maybe her type isn't stalkers who harass her, hmm? No, it's clearly not that Nora has any desire to preserve her dignity, because Vee insists that Nora simply is too picky when it comes to guys and that there isn't a single boy at the school who can live up to her expectations. Yes Nora, fuck those silly expectations of yours! How dare you hold out for a guy who is kind and respectful to you?
Vee, who apparently took a blow to the head and forgotten about today's biology class, tells Nora that it's weird that she's gone through high school without a single boyfriend and says that she's silly for holding out for love. She ought to have fun. Nora points out that kissing someone you don't care for is hardly fun and Vee says no not kissing, Nora should be having sex with other guys. I'm sorry, excuse me again.
YES, BECAUSE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T HAVING SEX ARE JUST A BUNCH OF FUDDY-DUDDYS WHO HAVE RIDICULOUSLY HIGH STANDARDS! GAH!
So sorry. Vee says that Nora ought to make out with Patch, and that she herself has fantasies about doing so with him.
HIM! WHY HIM? HE'S HOT, SO WHAT? I KNOW HE'S HOT AND HAVE NO DESIRE TO KISS HIM BECAUSE HE'D PROBABLY SHANK ME AND LAUGH! HE'S A JERK WHO HARASSES HIS ALLEGED LOVE INTEREST AND SHOWS NO INTEREST IN ANYBODY ELSE!!!
Oh dear, I really am sorry. At this rate, we're never going to be done.
Jump to the library, where Nora starts typing up a review of the movie for the school paper. I guess she doesn't have the internet at her house or something. There's a random appearance from a girl named Marcie Millar, who is the Bitchy Mean Girl. We know that she's the Bitchy Mean Girl because she wears a short skirt, covers her freckles with foundation make-up, and makes a number of lame insults directed towards how Vee's overweight. Vee drives her off with equally lame insults towards Marcie having chocolate Ex-Lax in her teeth. That was pointless.
And then Patch shows up. Oh great, I was missing him. *rolls eyes* There he is, checking books out of the library. Speaking of checking things out, Nora peeks at him over her computer. She tells us how her heart starts to thud and then how her pulse races when he smiles at her.
Hooooold it in, old girl. Three rants a chapter is quite enough.
Nora tells Vee that they have to leave. Vee first jokes that he's taking out a book titled How to Be a Stalker, then jokes that it's How to Radiate Sexy Without Even Trying. I hate her. Nora gets her gear together just as Patch is finished, and figures that she can't leave now because they surely will meet at the exit and she will be forced to talk to him. Um no, no you will not. Don't talk to him. After how he's treated you, there's not a person alive who would consider it unwarranted to give him the cold shoulder.
While Nora pretends she has to find something so Patch will leave first, Vee guesses that Patch stalked her here. Brilliant deduction, Holmes. She also guesses that Patch has restraining orders filed against him and that if they looked in the student records, they can find some dirt on him. Nora says she's not interested, but Vee keeps going on about it. FORESHADOWING!
They leave the library and apparently Vee's kind enough to loan Nora her car so she can get home, but not kind enough to actually drive her herself. Apparently there's a nasty fog rolling in.
As she drives home, Nora wonders what Patch's deal is. She wonders why he would go to the trouble of stalking her to the library. "Not many people would go to that much trouble... unless they had a very good reason". Or, you know, unless they're sadistic or psychotic killers. Or insane. Or a number of other things.
When she's about halfway home, Nora starts to get freaked out about something unknown. It's really storming hard, and then a dark figure smacks up against the windshield of the car. Nora pulls to a stop and looks out the window to see if whoever-it-is is alright. She sees that it's a guy dressed all in black and wearing a ski mask. Ruh-oh! He gets up, wanders over to the window, and starts pounding on it, trying to break in. Nora freaks out, starts the car, and we get the standard deal where the car won't start while the Bad Guy tears away at the door. He sticks his fist through the window, but the car finally does start and Nora hi-tails it out of there
Onward to: Chapter 4
Back to: Chapter 2
Return to to: Table of Contents
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 3
ZeldaQueen: We’re back in biology class, and Nora is secretly writing down the various reasons that she should be moved away from Patch. She hopes that by presenting these arguments to the teacher, he’ll agree this time around. She writes down about his uncooperative-ness regarding the assignment and how he’s terrible with teamwork, but doesn’t write down how he’s constantly making inappropriate sexual comments towards her and scaring her.
Nora tells us that while she can’t prove it, she suspects that Patch was looking in her window last night. She understandably is scared by that. Yet he’s the love interest. That’s just…wow. Anyway, while freaking out about this, she takes two iron tablets discreetly. She notices Patch staring at her, but decides that she won’t explain it to him. Apparently she’s anemic and needs to take a couple of iron tablets. Other than that, she’s good, but she doesn’t want Patch to know about her medical conditions.
Her musings are interrupted as the teacher calls on her. She asks him to repeat the question and he says that he wants her to tell the class what traits she looks for in a “potential mate”.
…What.
I…what sort of a question is that? How has this guy not been fired? I can understand him asking what are a few general traits organisms in general look for, but herself? He honestly wants her to stand up and tell the entire class what she finds sexually appealing?
Oh, and nicely worded there. Potential mates, my ass. Yes, that just makes it sound fine. Take a group of people who are hormonal and probably awkward and shy and getting into the dating scene and talk about it like they’re all pieces of meat in a zoo. God!
Nora is, of course, squicked by this. We get a moment where we’re told how Patch has this satisfied grin on his face, watching in antici…pation and I would dearly love to remove any reason he would have need of a potential mate. Nora sputters and the teacher tells her to get on with it and she finally asks if someone else can take the bullet. The teacher calls on Patch and I am so not looking forward to this.
Patch says that the traits he looks for are “Intelligent. Attractive. Vulnerable” This chills me because he’s done absolutely nothing but come on to Nora in the most sleazy and disgusting ways possible. And what’s one of the things now that he’s saying he wants in a woman? He wants her to be vulnerable. Now consider that he’s harassing Nora and apparently spying on her through her window. He knows where she’s going to college. He knows that she’s going to be dependant on him if she wants a good grade. He knows that she is at home alone at night. And he is turned on by how vulnerable she is.
Thank you for that, Ms Fitzpatrick. I believe I’m going to continue this recap from under my bed.
From there, we launch into what has got to be the most sexist class ever. I’m dead serious here. Any Schufly has nothing on this. The teacher asks why Patch put vulnerable on his list. BECAUSE HE’S A CREEPY, STALKING MOTHERFUCKER WHO OUGHT TO BE LOCKED UP, THAT’S WHY!!!
Vee interrupts as the voice of reason, asking what the fuck this all has to do with biology or Sex Ed in general. The teacher says that all species look for certain things to attract a mate, so he’s just doing the same with us. Then why not ask what humans look for in general instead of singling out and humiliating students, you asshole? Instead of answering my question, the teacher asks Vee to give her list. Ms. Fitzpatrick attempts to make Vee overly bitchy by having her give “Gorgeous, wealthy, indulgent, fiercely protective, and just a little bit dangerous” as her list. She sounds like a blonde version of Bella Swan. And I’m not going to touch that bit about him being a little dangerous. That couple with Patch’s behavior will just make my head explode.
Patch, for no reason at all, laughs and says that the trouble with human attraction is that no one knows if it will be returned. Um, that risk runs in every species, you idiot. Haven’t you ever watched the Discovery Channel? The teacher agrees with that statement though, which speaks quite a lot about his qualifications to be a teacher.
Patch then goes back to the vulnerable thing. He doesn’t say why he likes it, though. Instead, he says that humans are vulnerable because they can be hurt. As he says this, he bumps his knee against Nora’s
ZeldaQueen: This is a nightmare, I swear to God. All I can think of in relation to that is the Reptile Room, when Count Olaf sat at the dinner table next to the fifteen-year-old Violet and ran a knife up and down her thigh.
The teacher says that humans have the most complex methods of choosing potential mates, and I still find that to be highly suspect. He then goes on to say how women are all attracted to strong, smart men who have good survival skills and how men are attracted to beautiful women, because beauty means that they’re young and healthy and thus won’t die before they can have babies. Oh yeah, he goes there. He says that the only point of sex is babies and then adds “you'll see that children are the key to the survival of our species. And the more children you have, the greater your contribution to the gene pool”. He says this, incidentally, in reaction to Vee calling him out on being extremely sexist and not talking about what some modern-day qualities are for finding potential mates
ZeldaQueen: First of all, thank you for that, you sexist asshole. Thank you for just flat-out saying that people who can't or don't want to have children are a bunch of worthless fools who aren't contributing to our gene pool.
Second of all, if my memory of anthropology serves, it's proven that humans and Bonobo apes are the only species that engage in sex for social reasons (as in reasons other than reproduction). Instead of perhaps speculating on that though, you just basically humiliate and debase people like that. Oh and silly me, wouldn't such discussions be better suited in a social anthropology class rather than a biology one? Like I said, I can understand if there was a general discussion on the matters of reproduction and the gene pool, but this? Has anyone ever had a biology class like this? When my biology classes discussed reproduction and the gene pool, we learned about chromosomes and dominant and recessive traits and the genetic mapping of fruit flies and how marrying your cousins for too many generations was a Bad Idea.
Third of all, I realize I'm not the first reviewer of this book to point this out, but GAY PEOPLE EXIST, YOU BUNGHOLE! Fit that into your "sex is only for babies" nonsense.
My ass. This is infuriating!
And it only gets worse. The teacher says how attraction comes before sex, but there's also the body language involved to let a possible mate know that one is interested. The teacher asks Patch how, if he were at a party, he would let a girl he as interested in know his interest. Patch says that he would single her out and talk to her. Yeah, he'd probably single her out by catching her alone in the bathroom and lock the doors...God, I'm so sorry. Anyway, the teacher then asks Patch how he'd know if said girl was interested, and Patch talks about how he'd study her. I'm sorry, but this is just creepy. He's talking about getting a potential girlfriend like he's choosing a raw steak at the grocery store. Given how the teacher is presenting the lesson, small wonder he's doing so well. And then... oh Jesus Christ!!!
"'I study her,' Patch said. 'I figure out what she's thinking and feeling. She's not going to come right out and tell me, which is why I have to pay attention. Does she turn her body toward mine? Does she hold myeyes, then look away? Does she bite her lip and play with her hair, the way Nora is doing right now?'
Laughter rose in the room. I dropped my hands to my lap.
'She's game," said Patch, bumping my leg again. Of all things, I blushed.
'Very good! Very good!' Coach said, his voice charged, smiling broadly at our attentiveness.
'The blood vessels in Nora's face are widening and her skin is warming," Patch said. 'She knows she's being evaluated. She likes the attention, but she's not sure how to handle it.'
'I am not blushing.'
'She's nervous,' Patch said. 'She's stroking her arm to draw attention away from her face and down to her figure, or maybe her skin. Both are strong selling points.'
I nearly choked. He's joking, I told myself. No, he's insane. I had no experience dealing with lunatics, and it showed. I felt like I spent most of our time together staring at Patch, mouth agape. If I had any illusions about keeping up with him, I was going to have to figure out a new approach.
I placed my hands flat against the table, held my chin high, and tried to look as if I still possessed some dignity. 'This is ridiculous.'
Stretching his arm out to his side with exaggerated slyness, Patch hung it on the back of my chair. I had the strange feeling that this was a threat aimed entirely at me, and that he was unaware and uncaring of how the class received it. They laughed, but he didn't seem to hear it, holding my eyes so singly with his own that I almost believed he'd carved a small, private world for us that no one else could reach.
Vulnerable, he mouthed.
I locked my ankles around the legs of my chair and jerked forward, feeling the weight of his arm drop off the back of the seat. I was not vulnerable.
'And there you have it!' Coach said. 'Biology in motion.'"
ZeldaQueen: Can we count all of the creepy, possessive, misogynistic, abusive, assholish things going on there? I think we can!
- The way Patch is talking about studying Nora, the girl sitting right next to him, like she's a chunk of meat on display, specifically referring to her skin and figure as "strong selling points", like this is some fucking sex slave trade
- The way the teacher laughs and encourages it because hey, the class is paying attention. To Hell if one of his students is being publicly humiliated. She's just a lowly wimmuns and probably has had period already so by the laws of nature, she ought to be off having babies and contributing to the gene pool, dammit!
- The way Patch puts his arm around Nora in a way that his horribly, creepily possessive, pretty much saying "You belong to me, my pretty"
- The way he immediately after mouths to her how vulnerable she is
- The way Nora is blushing and humiliated and still makes valiant struggles to keep her dignity and fight back, while we all know that she will eventually submit and go into a relationship with this bastard and expect us to believe that it's True Love
- The way the entire rest of the class just laughs at this and apparently fails to notice how upset and uncomfortable Nora is
Teens are being given this book, ladies and gentlemen. There are fans for this series. People who think that Patch is the greatest guy ever. People who say he's even better than Edward Cullen. People who read that and think how romantic and playful it is.
I, meanwhile, feel incredibly frightened. I'm dead serious. Holly Potter's sociopathic reactions to everything in Child of Grace didn't inspire this level of fear in me. Rose Potters narcissistic tendencies to emulate Voldemort didn't. Nothing Zoey Redbird did or will do (yes, I'm looking at you, Chosen) gets my skin to crawl this badly. NOTHING IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING TWILIGHT SERIES, INCLUDING BREAKING DAWN, MIDNIGHT SUN, AND THE SHORT, SECOND LIFE OF BREE TANNER ELICITS THIS MUCH REVULSION AND DISGUST! I'm dead serious. This is astonishing. We're only on the third chapter and I'm already calling "Bring back Edward and Bella!"
Class lets out and Patch casually tells Nora that he had fun and that they should do that again sometime.
I'm literally ready to weep. I'm not kidding at all.
Vee proceeds to be the only person in the entire biology class to show an iota of sense and compassion. She tells Nora that she's going to petition to get the teacher fired, as "It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of your lab table, horizontal, minus your clothes, doing the Big Deed-". Nora gives her a "not now" look and proceeds to once again gives a display of sense. She tells Vee to go on ahead, she's going to have a talk to the teacher.
She goes over to the desk and point-blank tells him "I'm here to tell you the new seating chart and lesson plan is making me uncomfortable".
The teacher leans back in his chair, folds his hands behind his head, and tells her just as point-blank that he likes the seating chart and it can stay. I dearly would love to write up a spite fic in which he's sucked into an alternate universe where he's sitting next to Bella Swan who won't stop demanding sex from him, but I'm tired and hungry and want this chapter over as quickly as possible.
Nora proceeds to show sense and breaks out her weapon - she slaps a copy of the school code of conduct and says that all students are guaranteed safety from feeling threatened on school property. Perfect. Let's see how he responds.
He asks if she feels threatened.
After that class. After all of that. He actually has the gall to ask...
ZeldaQueen: Right. I've got nothing.
Nora just repeats that he makes her uncomfortable. Still, I can believe that it's hard to talk about a guy sexually harassing you, not to mention that I'm still furious that the teacher is such a fucking idiot that he couldn't figure out for himself how upset Nora was right in class there! She also proposes a deal - she will tutor any student in the class if she can sit next to Vee again. Oh dear lord, don't let this go where I think it is...
The teacher says that Patch needs a tutor.
Let me get this straight. She says that she feels threatened by this kid while on school property and in the classroom, which is a very public place. The teacher's response is to...tell her to hang out with the kid off of school property, on her own time, probably in said kid's house (or more likely that sleazy bar), and where he doesn't have to be worried about being caught by school rules.
Please, someone, tell me that I'm not the only one noticing the logic fail here.
Nora points out that his plan is kind of defeating the purpose. She does not point out how it pretty much also puts her in even more uncomfortable and threatening situations.
The teacher justifies this by saying that Patch didn't participate in class at all before sitting next to Nora, so clearly she gets him to do work. That's right! Never mind the fact that he's clearly inspired to participate in class by SEXUAL HARASSMENT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT???
Nora does not point that out. Instead, she makes possibly the worst argument ever by saying that her best friend will fail if not sitting next to her. Of course, this sets up for the teacher to say that Vee just copies off of Nora, giving him the Higher Moral Ground to keep them separated. And it's funny, but going off of that class we just saw, Vee appeared to be the only one with any actual sense or grasp of the wrongness of what was going on. She certainly didn't appear unintelligent to me. Nora begs to be allowed to tutor Vee instead, and the teacher says nope. He also tells her that she's staying next to Patch for at least a few more weeks and still is going to tutor him. So let's see, he's ignoring the proposed deal and forcing her to hang around even more with someone who she feels uncomfortable at best with.
Nora, go to the principle. Go to the superintendent. Take up Vee's petition to get this dude fired. He's breaking the school code of conduct and forcing you into a position which makes you uncomfortable and quite frankly is dangerous.
But enough about that! Not like it's important that a person is being forced into stuff like that! Jump to seven o'clock. Vee and Nora have just seen the symbolically-titled movie The Sacrifice. They have a conversation about how creepy it is to learn that you've been raised your entire life for sacrificial purposes. Ten bucks says that this spells out the plot of this book. Nora doesn't want to discuss the movie, because she remembers how someone was looking in her window last night and is still scared. I have to ask, why doesn't she call the police to drive by or have a look? Ah well, to Hell with logic! We need to talk about Patch! Nora says that he's the reason she's been grumpy for the past two days. No kidding. Vee replies to that with "I have to admit, his dark side calls to me".
Yes, I know. I often feel attracted to assholes who sexually harass me and make veiled threats and possibly peep in my window at nigh - oh, wait. I don't. Because I don't have the IQ of a lobotomized fish.
And, although she's loathe to admit it, Nora feels something about Patch drawing her in. Excuse me for a moment.
WHAT? WHAT ABOUT THIS GUY "DRAWS YOU IN"? HE'S BEEN NOTHING BUT DISRESPECTFUL AND HATEFUL AND HARASSING YOU AND MAKING LEWD COMMENTS AND THAT ATTRACTS YOU?!? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE???
There we go. Vee asks Nora to just try and say that Patch isn't good looking, and I'm about to stick my fist through a pane of glass to distract myself from my anger. Of course Nora just can't bring herself to say that, but says that his personality spoils his beauty. Wonder how long that perspective will stick around.
Vee replies that it's "Not beauty. He's ... hard-edged. Sexy" and then asks if the rough, bad-boy image isn't Nora's type. Maybe her type isn't stalkers who harass her, hmm? No, it's clearly not that Nora has any desire to preserve her dignity, because Vee insists that Nora simply is too picky when it comes to guys and that there isn't a single boy at the school who can live up to her expectations. Yes Nora, fuck those silly expectations of yours! How dare you hold out for a guy who is kind and respectful to you?
Vee, who apparently took a blow to the head and forgotten about today's biology class, tells Nora that it's weird that she's gone through high school without a single boyfriend and says that she's silly for holding out for love. She ought to have fun. Nora points out that kissing someone you don't care for is hardly fun and Vee says no not kissing, Nora should be having sex with other guys. I'm sorry, excuse me again.
YES, BECAUSE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T HAVING SEX ARE JUST A BUNCH OF FUDDY-DUDDYS WHO HAVE RIDICULOUSLY HIGH STANDARDS! GAH!
So sorry. Vee says that Nora ought to make out with Patch, and that she herself has fantasies about doing so with him.
HIM! WHY HIM? HE'S HOT, SO WHAT? I KNOW HE'S HOT AND HAVE NO DESIRE TO KISS HIM BECAUSE HE'D PROBABLY SHANK ME AND LAUGH! HE'S A JERK WHO HARASSES HIS ALLEGED LOVE INTEREST AND SHOWS NO INTEREST IN ANYBODY ELSE!!!
Oh dear, I really am sorry. At this rate, we're never going to be done.
Jump to the library, where Nora starts typing up a review of the movie for the school paper. I guess she doesn't have the internet at her house or something. There's a random appearance from a girl named Marcie Millar, who is the Bitchy Mean Girl. We know that she's the Bitchy Mean Girl because she wears a short skirt, covers her freckles with foundation make-up, and makes a number of lame insults directed towards how Vee's overweight. Vee drives her off with equally lame insults towards Marcie having chocolate Ex-Lax in her teeth. That was pointless.
And then Patch shows up. Oh great, I was missing him. *rolls eyes* There he is, checking books out of the library. Speaking of checking things out, Nora peeks at him over her computer. She tells us how her heart starts to thud and then how her pulse races when he smiles at her.
Hooooold it in, old girl. Three rants a chapter is quite enough.
Nora tells Vee that they have to leave. Vee first jokes that he's taking out a book titled How to Be a Stalker, then jokes that it's How to Radiate Sexy Without Even Trying. I hate her. Nora gets her gear together just as Patch is finished, and figures that she can't leave now because they surely will meet at the exit and she will be forced to talk to him. Um no, no you will not. Don't talk to him. After how he's treated you, there's not a person alive who would consider it unwarranted to give him the cold shoulder.
While Nora pretends she has to find something so Patch will leave first, Vee guesses that Patch stalked her here. Brilliant deduction, Holmes. She also guesses that Patch has restraining orders filed against him and that if they looked in the student records, they can find some dirt on him. Nora says she's not interested, but Vee keeps going on about it. FORESHADOWING!
They leave the library and apparently Vee's kind enough to loan Nora her car so she can get home, but not kind enough to actually drive her herself. Apparently there's a nasty fog rolling in.
As she drives home, Nora wonders what Patch's deal is. She wonders why he would go to the trouble of stalking her to the library. "Not many people would go to that much trouble... unless they had a very good reason". Or, you know, unless they're sadistic or psychotic killers. Or insane. Or a number of other things.
When she's about halfway home, Nora starts to get freaked out about something unknown. It's really storming hard, and then a dark figure smacks up against the windshield of the car. Nora pulls to a stop and looks out the window to see if whoever-it-is is alright. She sees that it's a guy dressed all in black and wearing a ski mask. Ruh-oh! He gets up, wanders over to the window, and starts pounding on it, trying to break in. Nora freaks out, starts the car, and we get the standard deal where the car won't start while the Bad Guy tears away at the door. He sticks his fist through the window, but the car finally does start and Nora hi-tails it out of there
Onward to: Chapter 4
Back to: Chapter 2
Return to to: Table of Contents