Child Of Grace: Chapter 33 - Wolf In The Fold
ZeldaQueen: Gah. I'm getting sick. Is it possible for bad fanfiction to spread viruses?
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Chapter 33: Wolf In The Fold
ZeldaQueen: We start out this chapter with Holly being given the Firebolt from Sirius as a Christmas present. Yes, it's already Christmas. And yes, this is completely glossed over. Oh, the suethor tells us that Holly is happy, squealing, going on about how Sirius just shouldn't have, it's so expensive, I don't care. We aren't shown anything. In canon, we had Harry always riding his broom for practice and for fun (no dirty jokes, please). We had him supporting teams and talking about strategies and games with his fellow players. We had him describe throwing out his old Nimbus as getting rid of a friend, a friend he just couldn't replace. We had him staring for hours at the Firebolt, seriously considering emptying his bank vault to get it. We're told how his dad was a good Quidditch player himself. We had him admitting in the fourth book that Quidditch was his big talent, something he was good enough that even Krum complimented him on. Later, we see that Quidditch is one of the things he and Ginny bond over. It's a huge part of his life.
And in this? None of that. We get shallow imitations and see Holly going through the motions. She says she loves all of this stuff, but we don't see any of it. It doesn't help that apparently the suethor thinks that Harry's overeager love of the Firebolt was stupid, since she gives us that Holly "resisted the urge to take her new Firebolt out to the Quidditch Pitch that very instant, merely settling for watching as it hovered over the scraps of wrapping paper and empty boxes" The Legend of Rah and the Muggles did more showing than this, and we all know how bad that piece of work was. That's not even going into how the suethor perfectly managed to make the Firebolt mystery completely null and void and boring, since we get no concern or wonder over who would send her such a gift, as well as no concern that it might be hexed to kill her (oh don't I wish). I'm surprised, really. Having Hermione rat Holly out and have McGonagall take the broom away would be the perfect way to vilify them.
We get a run-through of what everyone got, which is basically cribbing from Rowling's descriptions but with name changes. There's some really sappy exchanges between Holly and Sirius, in which we learn that the Potters already have two houses which it's implied that Holly owns (WHAT HOUSES? THEY HAD ONE, WHICH WAS BLOWN UP!!!) and Sirius implies that he will not live for very long to spend his vast fortune. Ignoring the fact that this is very clumsy foreshadowing for the fifth story arc, why would he say that? Why would the daredevil Sirius think that he'd be dying? He went out laughing, for heaven's sake! And even if he did think he'd die soon, why would he tell Holly that?
Holly goes back to gushing about her gift and I find it very hypocritical that she treats something like this like it's just what she's always wanted, but doesn't give a fig about the lovely broom care kit Hermione got her. No, wait, I just realized that all Holly has talked about thus far is how expensive the Firebolt is. So she only gushes about expensive gifts. Never mind, carry on. Holly turns to her other gifts. We are first told that she gets another Weasley sweater, which shows that Mrs. Weasley still has the patience of a saint and is kind enough to send Holly handmade clothes, even though she hasn't visited, hasn't written, and has been a total bitch to Ginny and Ron. Oh, but the suethor quickly overshadows this by going on about how Blaise's mother sent even more clothes. Gag me. She also acts surprised that Hagrid and Neville sent her gifts. I am too, considering how she's treated them. But Holly dearest? The reason those people are being nice and sending you stuff even though you've acted like they're garbage? They don't hold petty grudges!
Then we jump to Holly, Theo, and Luna on their way to the Great Hall for lunch. Apparently Holly got Luna a pair of ruby slippers for Christmas, which she is clacking the heels of as she walks. *headdesk* Holly goes on about how clever Malfoy and Blaise were for conspiring with Sirius to get the Firebolt, and theorizes that they sent the order. Because in canon it was Crookshanks and we can't have that nasty cat do anything useful here, can we? Holly then starts fantasizing about how overjoyed and jealous her Quidditch team will be, which just makes it look like she only likes the Firebolt because it makes her look good. They enter the Great Hall and I turn cold because I do not like where this is going.
"'Firebolt?' a voice questioned, and the three turned to see Hermione approaching them.
'Yes,' Holly replied, noting that there were only twelve places set. 'It's a broom I got as gift.'
'Oh,' Hermione said mildly, her eyes narrowing. 'Who from?'
Luna responded instead, 'Why do you want to know? Do you also wish to buy one? I hear that they're good for appeasing the Sylphs.' She took the seat at the end of the table, next to Professor Flitwick, who was in the middle of speaking to Sprout. The blonde gave a happy smile as Holly nipped into the empty chair on her left.
Hermione frowned as she followed them over, pausing as she considered where to sit. 'You do know who it's from, don't you? Did it come with a tag?'
'Why does that matter?' Theo countered, easing himself in the seat next to Holly. He gave a nod of greeting to the young Hufflepuff girl diagonal from him.
The Gryffindor didn't answer, simply giving them a disapproving sniff as several more people joined them."
ZeldaQueen: Well, it looks like I was right. The suethor just couldn't resist. Although, if this goes through, I'll have a number of things to be railing about. Just you wait.
So they all sit down and Holly smirks because Hermione is forced to sit between a Hufflepuff and Filch. Truly, a fate worse than death. *rolls eyes* We then are treated to a rehash of the vulture hat-from-the-cracker joke, which makes no sense at all because we never saw Neville's boggart! Holly never even learned of it! Gah!
So we get a summary of what's going on, with Trelawny being bashed. Incidentally, the suethor completely glosses over the "thirteen to dine" thing, effectively removing a lovely bit of humor. Instead, the suethor tries to make up by going on about Snape's occasional sarcastic remarks, which the Slytherins find hilarious. Urge...to kill...rising...
Oh, and Holly also notices that Lupin isn't there. But there's no mystery here either, since she already knows it's the full moon. What's the point of this fic again? THERE IS NO MYSTERY!!! But she makes plans to go see him the next day and confront him about his lycanthropy and her mind powers. She actually says "He'd be a captive audience with no chance of interruption or escape". I'm just disgusted.
We skip ahead to Holly and Theo leaving and Trelawny has her canon panic over who rose first. This makes no sense, since the set-up for the joke was mostly ignored. McGonagall gives her canon ax-murderer remark and the suethor has her smirk and has everyone else drop what they're doing to stare or laugh at McGonagall for that hilarious quip. I hate her.
As Holly and Theo leave, she sees Hermione lean over to talk to McGonagall, Dumbledore, and Snape. Hoooo boy...
We cut ahead to the three of them being in the Common Room relaxing, when McGonagall comes bursting in, along with Snape. The suethor writes this to make McGonagall sound as horrible as possible. We get the canon comments about the broom, all while Holly and company freak out over Sirius being seen. Keep in mind that Sirius is a kitten at this point.
McGonagall asking her canon questions about whether or not there was any identification as to who sent the Firebolt, and of course Holly continues to panic because SURELY SOMEONE WILL REALIZE THAT THE CAT IN THE NEARBY CHAIR IS THE MASS MURDERER AT LARGE! Theo tells McGonagall that they know who sent it and Holly very unconvincingly lies and says that it's "[her] gift to [her]self". Quite understandably, McGonagall does not believe that and gets reasonably pissed at Holly for lying to her. Snape gets furious that McGonagall would think that his little angels of students would lie and McGonagall says that she thinks that Holly doesn't know who sent the broomstick and is lying so she can keep it. Nearly hit the nail on the head there. Snape shows a modicum of intelligence and asks why Holly would buy herself such an expensive gift, especially around the holidays. Considering that Holly claimed that Sirius could have bought two houses with the money, I'd be wondering how she got the money period. But instead, we get this.
"Holly replied, 'I felt that I had earned it, especially with the way things are this year. It's been seriously unnerving.'
Everyone paused, even Snape. The aforementioned man's eyebrows rose until they were even with his hairline. Theo's head whipped around so fast that he put a crick in his neck, and Luna shook her head painfully and took a steadying breath. McGonagall gaped at Holly for a moment before promptly snapping her mouth shut.
'V-Very well, Potter.' The woman cleared her throat nosily before beating a hasty retreat. 'Carry on then, children. Severus.' She inclined her head and promptly left.
The Potions master lingered, intently studying the three students and almost daring them to fidget. He gave Holly a nod of approval as she gave him her broom, and he mutely inspected the Firebolt for several moments before handing it back. The man turned to leave but paused just by the exit.
'Do try to win, Miss Potter,' Snape commented softly, voice still managing to carry. 'It would be a shame to lose after spending so much money, and certainly, the Gryffindor Quidditch team is looking forward to facing such a fine broom.' His lips threatening to pull into a smile, he departed."
ZeldaQueen: Okay, hold on a moment! Listy time!
First of all, why did they use such a pointless lie? Holly bought herself a very expensive broom for Christmas? Okaaaay? Why not say that it was from a friend? Or from Blaise's family? Or the Malfoys? Both of those families are filthy rich and think the sun rises and sets on her.
Which leads to the second point, why the hell didn't they just make up this lie or another for Hermione? Hermione knows squat about Holly's life. Holly could have easily just said, "Oh yeah, I know who sent the Firebolt. It was from a friend of mine", and that would be the end of it. There would be no reason for Hermione to think Holly was lying, since Hermione seems happily oblivious to the fact that Holly hates her guts and would no sooner tell her the truth than Bella would be honest with Charlie. Instead, Holly dithered around and was rude and wouldn't just give a straight answer and say "Yes, I know where it came from". This is her own fault.
Third, why would Hermione even care? In canon, she knew that Harry had no family. She knew who most of his friends were. She knew that he needed a new broom but hadn't got one and that he got the Firebolt completely anonymously. In this, Hermione knows very little about Holly. She knows Holly's an orphan. She knows almost nothing about Holly's friends and even less about said friends' family, besides the fact that they're filthy rich. And she knows that Holly needs a new broom. There is no reason for Hermione to be so suspicious here. It makes no sense. I guess we're supposed to think that Hermione is a nosy biddy for wondering about Holly's business, except that, as I pointed out above, Holly wouldn't give her a straight answer. So all it looks like is Hermione made an effort to ensure that Holly didn't get killed by a cursed broom. Which leads us to point number four...
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE POINT OF THAT??? Seriously, what? As we know, canon has that we still think Sirius is a mass murderer at this point. Thus, this is a bit of a mystery. Is the broom really cursed? Is it an effort to kill Harry? And when it turns out that it isn't cursed, who would be so kind as to find out about his broom-less plight and give him such an expensive replacement? There is none of that here. None, whatsoever. So what does this add to the story? Except...
Fifth, is that "seriously" bit supposed to be some sort of hint? Like, from her dropping that word, the teachers suddenly realize that Sirius is innocent all along and has been with Holly and she's taking care of him and he gave her the broom after all? If so, kind of a long jump there, huh? If not, what was the point of that?
Sixth, how Mary Sue is her last retort? "Oh, I just got myself this massively expensive present to deal with the fact that people are looking out for me! How ever did I make it this far?" And if point number five isn't the case, then how did that shut up McGonagall and Snape? Little brat.
So, the teachers leave and Theo congratulates Holly on being so clever (she wasn't) and says he can't believe they fell for it. Me neither. He theorizes that McGonagall figures that Holly was covering for the Firebolt being a gift from Blaise's family or Malfoy's family. This sounds pretty stupid, until the author has the gall to trot out the "teacher favoritism" argument.
"'Or the Malfoys,' Tom inserted as he came out of his diary. 'As a school governor, it would reflect badly on him if he were to give such an expensive gift to a student he doesn't really know all that well.'
Holly didn't even open her eyes. 'Especially since the rest of the Quidditch team received Nimbus 2001s last year. Someone-'
'-Like McGonagall,' Theo put in helpfully.
'Like McGonagall,' Holly allowed with a grin, reaching over to scratch under Sirius' chin, 'could claim favouritism. She'd say that I could just ride a Nimbus like the rest of the team. No need to get a different broom.'
Tom made dismissive sound. 'Gryffindors,' he loftily commented, dispelling the tension in the room. And when Sirius sent him a look, he gave an innocent and strangely believable smile.
Holly just laughed."
ZeldaQueen: Oh dearie me, time for more points again, so soon?
First of all, why the fuck would McGonagall claim favoritism? In canon, everyone rode on different brooms, some clearly better than others. No one cares. Holly was willing to be a filthy cheater and use her telekinesis to win the one game, just because the rules didn't say she couldn't do it. Why not just point out that the rules didn't state that all brooms have to be the same?
Second, apparently Lucius did get the entire Slytherin team Nimbus 2001s the previous year, which is stupid since he only did that in canon to bribe Malfoy's way onto the team. If McGonagall is so biased, why the hell would she let that happen? If she were so determined to keep the teams on even footing, why not claim that every single Quiddich team has to have the same broom type? The suethor is implying, after all, that McGonagall is determined to keep other teams worse than Gryffindore. Inversely, if she did complain and Lucius told her to go cram it, why would he be any more worried about sending Holly a Firebolt?
Third, I love how Holly and her friends get so offended at the mere thought that someone lumps all Slytherins together as evil genocidal maniacs, and Holly then just laughs when Tom acts like all Gryffindors are all favoritists who engage in nepotism.
Next section brings us to Lupin's office, where Holly has just told him that she knows about how she knows he's a werewolf. And I'm really sorry for so many quotes, but this is just disgusting.
"Remus, surprisingly, took the news rather well. And by well, Holly meant that he gawked with his golden eyes bugged out, mouth opening and closing much like a fish. But at least, he didn't start throwing things, as Vernon surely would have done. Or shriek, like Petunia. Though truth be told, he was emulating Dudley Dursley rather well, resembling her pig of cousin whenever a teacher asked a question."
ZeldaQueen: Why would she compare his reactions to her uncle or aunt? There's no reason. And she compares him instead to her cousin. Who she calls a pig. And basically she gives us the image of Lupin standing there stupidly with his mouth hanging open.
WE ARE NOT AMUSED!
So we have Lupin being all DRAMATICALLY HORRIFIED that Holly knows his secret, and it's honestly very pathetic. Seriously, he was ashamed of his condition in canon but wasn't a sobbing wuss about it. The suethor proceeds to give us the quote "'I'm sorry,' Remus apologised, voice very soft." which leads us to the question of whether the suethor was inspired by Twilight and Eragon or if those books were already on par with horrible fanfiction. Anyway, Holly shows that she's just so brave and special because she doesn't care, dammit and Lupin goes on about how she's just like her dad, blah, blah, blah. He asks if she figured it out through his moon boggart like that pleb Hermione, but Holly says that she figured it out long before that 'cause she's just that great. Lupin asks her how she knows that and Holly starts angsting about whether or not to tell him about her mind powers.
EXCUSE ME, BUT WASN'T THAT THE REASON YOU CAME HERE???
She finally comes clean and Lupin gapes over how Mary Sue uber-speshul she is. He also isn't the least bit bothered that she pretty much mindraped him to find out his darkest secret. He starts going on in fragments and makes it incredibly obvious that he knows something regarding Holly but doesn't want her to know he knows. Holly's reaction is to try to mindrape him for this information. This doesn't work because his mind is "annoyingly shielded". I love how she just gets so bothered that people won't let her waltz into their heads whenever she wants. Anyway, the suethor tries to justify her little Sue hating Peter from the start but loving Sirius. Oh, it wasn't because the suethor read ahead, oh no! It was that Holly could read their minds!
Lupin continues to be soppily shocked at all of this and Holly is an arrogant little bitch and gives us this.
"'Don't worry about it. It's to be expected really," Holly allowed. "I did essentially waltz in here, only to drop all of this in your lap. I'd worry if you weren't a bit confused.'"
ZeldaQueen: OH, SHE "ALLOWED" IT, DID SHE? WELL IT'S A GOOD THINK THAT THE ALMIGHTY HOLLY IS ALLOWING LUPIN TO BE PROPERLY SHOCKED AT HER UBER-SPECIAL POWERS, ISN'T IT? I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE SHE HATES ON RON AND GINNY FOR BEING AWED BY HER ABILITIES! GOD, THIS SUE SUCKS!!!!
The rest of this scene is just disgusting, as Holly acts like the adult in the situation with Lupin being an awed kid and her starting to tell him she's a Parselmouth and I want to slap her.
So, next scene! We skip ahead to the end of break and are treated to everyone drooling over Holly's broom "with the reverence it deserved". There's also some stupid foreshadowing in which Blaise keeps asking how Holly is and talking to the Prefects. This is all promptly shoved under the rug and forgotten as the suethor tells us about Holly's homework, all while making it perfectly clear that she's still abusing the Time Turner.
Erm, question - WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO CATCHING PETTIGREW???
Instead of answering that, the suethor starts going on about Ancient Runes and Arithmancy. And I take back what I said before about Ancient Ruins. It looks like the suethor is going the way of Rose Potter anyway.
"All told, Ancient Runes and Arithmancy were progressing nicely. Rosetta had them writing full if simple runic sentences in Egyptian hieroglyphics, and she actually started to teach them how to empower their work with magic. The last was only done under her direct supervision and after she had carefully checked over everything. A single misplaced stroke could result in disaster, such as blowing off their arms instead of turning the desk yellow. All the same, Rosetta seemed exceptionally pleased with Holly's work, hinting to her and the other gifted students that she might be willing to give additional instruction next year if they kept going as they were. The professor even went as far as recommending supplementary volumes to their class text, blatantly saying that the books needed to be read to truly excel in her class."
ZeldaQueen: Yeah.
Meanwhile, dear little Holly continues to bash Divination and Care of Magical Creatures. She complains about Trelawny's habit of predicting her death, most of which I'd love to see inflicted on her, as well as how Hagrid's classes were "more a disappointment than anything else. While some of the creatures he presented were semi-interesting and dead useful magically speaking, he showed none of his normal enthusiasm. This was mostly due to the fact that he didn't really like anything unless it was enormous, vicious, or both. Further, all of his lustre was gone because of the Buckbeak fiasco, and he moped about like someone whose Kneazle had just died. Still, the giant man did find it in himself to give Draco dirty looks during lessons, although they were half-hearted and rather pitiful to see". I...really don't know how to pinpoint the arrogant bitchiness of that. Perhaps it's because she seems totally incapable of understanding why the poor guy's upset because his beloved pet is going to potentially be executed as well as why he'd be annoyed with Malfoy for the situation. Perhaps it's because she's trying to excuse her basing by saying "well it's boring and it's his fault because he only likes dangerous stuff!". Perhaps it's because she flat-out called Hagrid pitiful. I do believe our little Sue is a sociopath and I would love to see her die in many painful ways.
Holly has also started her Patronus lessons. Hey guys, remember how those lessons were used by Rowling as a good way to address Harry's lingering sadness over the loss of his parents and how she extensively showed us his struggles to summon good memories to defeat his worst fears? The suethor sums it all up in a paragraph.
"Holly's anti-Dementor lessons began that weekend, and it was both better and worse than she had imagined. Somehow, she miraculously managed to form a very indistinct and virtually nonexistent shimmer when she first tried the Patronus charm, something that impressed Remus thoroughly. But she was still disappointed, hoping that there would be an easier solution to her problem. Nevertheless, the Slytherin resolutely promised herself that she would practice every opportunity she had, despite the fact that the lessons were ridiculously tiring. It didn't help that she heard her mother's dying screams whenever her boggart turned into a Dementor, and she was only mollified by the fact that she could always summon her parents again so that she could listen to them in a much more pleasant setting."
ZeldaQueen: Yet again, I love how she treats this all as an annoyance. "Oh fantastic, I'm forced to listen to my dead mother screaming. What a pain. And what the hell, why is this difficult and draining? Isn't there an easier way for me to block out these horribly scarring and painful memories? This sucks! I'm so glad I can just magically summon up my parents every Halloween so I can just have them kiss my butt and I don't have to acknowledge the fact that they died screaming or anything. Gawd".
We then jump to the Ravenclaw Quidditch match, which lasts all of one paragraph. The suethor bashes Cho and Davis by saying that they freaked out on sight of the Firebolt. We also get the death of Lee Jordon's hilarious Firebolt commentary, as that all is summed up in one sentence. Holly also catches the Snitch in five minutes, "true to form, or perhaps to spite the deputy headmistress just a little". We're given more heavy-handed FORESHADOWING as we're told that Titania pulls Snape aside to whisper something to him.
Cut to the Slytherin victory party, "boisterous enough to put any Gryffindor or Weasley to shame". Because Gryffindors and Weasleys suck. The twins themselves are there because the suethor likes them and have a fine time partying, even though in canon they would tell Holly to go suck eggs. Oh, and Luna's also there. She's at the victory party of the team that beat her team. You know, suethor, even in canon, Luna supported her own House over Gryffindor, who she was good friends with. Y'know?
This is all interrupted as Blaise drags Holly aside and starts waffling on about how there's something important to tell her. I'll spare you all because it's really stupid to read. Instead, we get "It's about the Dursleys" and the chapter ends.
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AN: I finally have a new computer, and everybody knows what that means.
ZeldaQueen: Pudding?
Regular updates.
ZeldaQueen: Ack.
Hooray!
ZeldaQueen: Boooo!
Also, it has occurred to me that J.K. has pre-empted my epilogue. I actually had something similar planned, but who knows if I'll use it now?
ZeldaQueen: (Suethor) "I mean, I was totally better and thought of it first. I guess Rowling just ruined this fic because she had the gall to make it canon. Gawd."
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Onward to: Chapter 34: Poisoned Rationality
Back to: Chapter 32: Mauraders And Maps
Return to: Table of Contents
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Chapter 33: Wolf In The Fold
ZeldaQueen: We start out this chapter with Holly being given the Firebolt from Sirius as a Christmas present. Yes, it's already Christmas. And yes, this is completely glossed over. Oh, the suethor tells us that Holly is happy, squealing, going on about how Sirius just shouldn't have, it's so expensive, I don't care. We aren't shown anything. In canon, we had Harry always riding his broom for practice and for fun (no dirty jokes, please). We had him supporting teams and talking about strategies and games with his fellow players. We had him describe throwing out his old Nimbus as getting rid of a friend, a friend he just couldn't replace. We had him staring for hours at the Firebolt, seriously considering emptying his bank vault to get it. We're told how his dad was a good Quidditch player himself. We had him admitting in the fourth book that Quidditch was his big talent, something he was good enough that even Krum complimented him on. Later, we see that Quidditch is one of the things he and Ginny bond over. It's a huge part of his life.
And in this? None of that. We get shallow imitations and see Holly going through the motions. She says she loves all of this stuff, but we don't see any of it. It doesn't help that apparently the suethor thinks that Harry's overeager love of the Firebolt was stupid, since she gives us that Holly "resisted the urge to take her new Firebolt out to the Quidditch Pitch that very instant, merely settling for watching as it hovered over the scraps of wrapping paper and empty boxes" The Legend of Rah and the Muggles did more showing than this, and we all know how bad that piece of work was. That's not even going into how the suethor perfectly managed to make the Firebolt mystery completely null and void and boring, since we get no concern or wonder over who would send her such a gift, as well as no concern that it might be hexed to kill her (oh don't I wish). I'm surprised, really. Having Hermione rat Holly out and have McGonagall take the broom away would be the perfect way to vilify them.
We get a run-through of what everyone got, which is basically cribbing from Rowling's descriptions but with name changes. There's some really sappy exchanges between Holly and Sirius, in which we learn that the Potters already have two houses which it's implied that Holly owns (WHAT HOUSES? THEY HAD ONE, WHICH WAS BLOWN UP!!!) and Sirius implies that he will not live for very long to spend his vast fortune. Ignoring the fact that this is very clumsy foreshadowing for the fifth story arc, why would he say that? Why would the daredevil Sirius think that he'd be dying? He went out laughing, for heaven's sake! And even if he did think he'd die soon, why would he tell Holly that?
Holly goes back to gushing about her gift and I find it very hypocritical that she treats something like this like it's just what she's always wanted, but doesn't give a fig about the lovely broom care kit Hermione got her. No, wait, I just realized that all Holly has talked about thus far is how expensive the Firebolt is. So she only gushes about expensive gifts. Never mind, carry on. Holly turns to her other gifts. We are first told that she gets another Weasley sweater, which shows that Mrs. Weasley still has the patience of a saint and is kind enough to send Holly handmade clothes, even though she hasn't visited, hasn't written, and has been a total bitch to Ginny and Ron. Oh, but the suethor quickly overshadows this by going on about how Blaise's mother sent even more clothes. Gag me. She also acts surprised that Hagrid and Neville sent her gifts. I am too, considering how she's treated them. But Holly dearest? The reason those people are being nice and sending you stuff even though you've acted like they're garbage? They don't hold petty grudges!
Then we jump to Holly, Theo, and Luna on their way to the Great Hall for lunch. Apparently Holly got Luna a pair of ruby slippers for Christmas, which she is clacking the heels of as she walks. *headdesk* Holly goes on about how clever Malfoy and Blaise were for conspiring with Sirius to get the Firebolt, and theorizes that they sent the order. Because in canon it was Crookshanks and we can't have that nasty cat do anything useful here, can we? Holly then starts fantasizing about how overjoyed and jealous her Quidditch team will be, which just makes it look like she only likes the Firebolt because it makes her look good. They enter the Great Hall and I turn cold because I do not like where this is going.
"'Firebolt?' a voice questioned, and the three turned to see Hermione approaching them.
'Yes,' Holly replied, noting that there were only twelve places set. 'It's a broom I got as gift.'
'Oh,' Hermione said mildly, her eyes narrowing. 'Who from?'
Luna responded instead, 'Why do you want to know? Do you also wish to buy one? I hear that they're good for appeasing the Sylphs.' She took the seat at the end of the table, next to Professor Flitwick, who was in the middle of speaking to Sprout. The blonde gave a happy smile as Holly nipped into the empty chair on her left.
Hermione frowned as she followed them over, pausing as she considered where to sit. 'You do know who it's from, don't you? Did it come with a tag?'
'Why does that matter?' Theo countered, easing himself in the seat next to Holly. He gave a nod of greeting to the young Hufflepuff girl diagonal from him.
The Gryffindor didn't answer, simply giving them a disapproving sniff as several more people joined them."
ZeldaQueen: Well, it looks like I was right. The suethor just couldn't resist. Although, if this goes through, I'll have a number of things to be railing about. Just you wait.
So they all sit down and Holly smirks because Hermione is forced to sit between a Hufflepuff and Filch. Truly, a fate worse than death. *rolls eyes* We then are treated to a rehash of the vulture hat-from-the-cracker joke, which makes no sense at all because we never saw Neville's boggart! Holly never even learned of it! Gah!
So we get a summary of what's going on, with Trelawny being bashed. Incidentally, the suethor completely glosses over the "thirteen to dine" thing, effectively removing a lovely bit of humor. Instead, the suethor tries to make up by going on about Snape's occasional sarcastic remarks, which the Slytherins find hilarious. Urge...to kill...rising...
Oh, and Holly also notices that Lupin isn't there. But there's no mystery here either, since she already knows it's the full moon. What's the point of this fic again? THERE IS NO MYSTERY!!! But she makes plans to go see him the next day and confront him about his lycanthropy and her mind powers. She actually says "He'd be a captive audience with no chance of interruption or escape". I'm just disgusted.
We skip ahead to Holly and Theo leaving and Trelawny has her canon panic over who rose first. This makes no sense, since the set-up for the joke was mostly ignored. McGonagall gives her canon ax-murderer remark and the suethor has her smirk and has everyone else drop what they're doing to stare or laugh at McGonagall for that hilarious quip. I hate her.
As Holly and Theo leave, she sees Hermione lean over to talk to McGonagall, Dumbledore, and Snape. Hoooo boy...
We cut ahead to the three of them being in the Common Room relaxing, when McGonagall comes bursting in, along with Snape. The suethor writes this to make McGonagall sound as horrible as possible. We get the canon comments about the broom, all while Holly and company freak out over Sirius being seen. Keep in mind that Sirius is a kitten at this point.
McGonagall asking her canon questions about whether or not there was any identification as to who sent the Firebolt, and of course Holly continues to panic because SURELY SOMEONE WILL REALIZE THAT THE CAT IN THE NEARBY CHAIR IS THE MASS MURDERER AT LARGE! Theo tells McGonagall that they know who sent it and Holly very unconvincingly lies and says that it's "[her] gift to [her]self". Quite understandably, McGonagall does not believe that and gets reasonably pissed at Holly for lying to her. Snape gets furious that McGonagall would think that his little angels of students would lie and McGonagall says that she thinks that Holly doesn't know who sent the broomstick and is lying so she can keep it. Nearly hit the nail on the head there. Snape shows a modicum of intelligence and asks why Holly would buy herself such an expensive gift, especially around the holidays. Considering that Holly claimed that Sirius could have bought two houses with the money, I'd be wondering how she got the money period. But instead, we get this.
"Holly replied, 'I felt that I had earned it, especially with the way things are this year. It's been seriously unnerving.'
Everyone paused, even Snape. The aforementioned man's eyebrows rose until they were even with his hairline. Theo's head whipped around so fast that he put a crick in his neck, and Luna shook her head painfully and took a steadying breath. McGonagall gaped at Holly for a moment before promptly snapping her mouth shut.
'V-Very well, Potter.' The woman cleared her throat nosily before beating a hasty retreat. 'Carry on then, children. Severus.' She inclined her head and promptly left.
The Potions master lingered, intently studying the three students and almost daring them to fidget. He gave Holly a nod of approval as she gave him her broom, and he mutely inspected the Firebolt for several moments before handing it back. The man turned to leave but paused just by the exit.
'Do try to win, Miss Potter,' Snape commented softly, voice still managing to carry. 'It would be a shame to lose after spending so much money, and certainly, the Gryffindor Quidditch team is looking forward to facing such a fine broom.' His lips threatening to pull into a smile, he departed."
ZeldaQueen: Okay, hold on a moment! Listy time!
First of all, why did they use such a pointless lie? Holly bought herself a very expensive broom for Christmas? Okaaaay? Why not say that it was from a friend? Or from Blaise's family? Or the Malfoys? Both of those families are filthy rich and think the sun rises and sets on her.
Which leads to the second point, why the hell didn't they just make up this lie or another for Hermione? Hermione knows squat about Holly's life. Holly could have easily just said, "Oh yeah, I know who sent the Firebolt. It was from a friend of mine", and that would be the end of it. There would be no reason for Hermione to think Holly was lying, since Hermione seems happily oblivious to the fact that Holly hates her guts and would no sooner tell her the truth than Bella would be honest with Charlie. Instead, Holly dithered around and was rude and wouldn't just give a straight answer and say "Yes, I know where it came from". This is her own fault.
Third, why would Hermione even care? In canon, she knew that Harry had no family. She knew who most of his friends were. She knew that he needed a new broom but hadn't got one and that he got the Firebolt completely anonymously. In this, Hermione knows very little about Holly. She knows Holly's an orphan. She knows almost nothing about Holly's friends and even less about said friends' family, besides the fact that they're filthy rich. And she knows that Holly needs a new broom. There is no reason for Hermione to be so suspicious here. It makes no sense. I guess we're supposed to think that Hermione is a nosy biddy for wondering about Holly's business, except that, as I pointed out above, Holly wouldn't give her a straight answer. So all it looks like is Hermione made an effort to ensure that Holly didn't get killed by a cursed broom. Which leads us to point number four...
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE POINT OF THAT??? Seriously, what? As we know, canon has that we still think Sirius is a mass murderer at this point. Thus, this is a bit of a mystery. Is the broom really cursed? Is it an effort to kill Harry? And when it turns out that it isn't cursed, who would be so kind as to find out about his broom-less plight and give him such an expensive replacement? There is none of that here. None, whatsoever. So what does this add to the story? Except...
Fifth, is that "seriously" bit supposed to be some sort of hint? Like, from her dropping that word, the teachers suddenly realize that Sirius is innocent all along and has been with Holly and she's taking care of him and he gave her the broom after all? If so, kind of a long jump there, huh? If not, what was the point of that?
Sixth, how Mary Sue is her last retort? "Oh, I just got myself this massively expensive present to deal with the fact that people are looking out for me! How ever did I make it this far?" And if point number five isn't the case, then how did that shut up McGonagall and Snape? Little brat.
So, the teachers leave and Theo congratulates Holly on being so clever (she wasn't) and says he can't believe they fell for it. Me neither. He theorizes that McGonagall figures that Holly was covering for the Firebolt being a gift from Blaise's family or Malfoy's family. This sounds pretty stupid, until the author has the gall to trot out the "teacher favoritism" argument.
"'Or the Malfoys,' Tom inserted as he came out of his diary. 'As a school governor, it would reflect badly on him if he were to give such an expensive gift to a student he doesn't really know all that well.'
Holly didn't even open her eyes. 'Especially since the rest of the Quidditch team received Nimbus 2001s last year. Someone-'
'-Like McGonagall,' Theo put in helpfully.
'Like McGonagall,' Holly allowed with a grin, reaching over to scratch under Sirius' chin, 'could claim favouritism. She'd say that I could just ride a Nimbus like the rest of the team. No need to get a different broom.'
Tom made dismissive sound. 'Gryffindors,' he loftily commented, dispelling the tension in the room. And when Sirius sent him a look, he gave an innocent and strangely believable smile.
Holly just laughed."
ZeldaQueen: Oh dearie me, time for more points again, so soon?
First of all, why the fuck would McGonagall claim favoritism? In canon, everyone rode on different brooms, some clearly better than others. No one cares. Holly was willing to be a filthy cheater and use her telekinesis to win the one game, just because the rules didn't say she couldn't do it. Why not just point out that the rules didn't state that all brooms have to be the same?
Second, apparently Lucius did get the entire Slytherin team Nimbus 2001s the previous year, which is stupid since he only did that in canon to bribe Malfoy's way onto the team. If McGonagall is so biased, why the hell would she let that happen? If she were so determined to keep the teams on even footing, why not claim that every single Quiddich team has to have the same broom type? The suethor is implying, after all, that McGonagall is determined to keep other teams worse than Gryffindore. Inversely, if she did complain and Lucius told her to go cram it, why would he be any more worried about sending Holly a Firebolt?
Third, I love how Holly and her friends get so offended at the mere thought that someone lumps all Slytherins together as evil genocidal maniacs, and Holly then just laughs when Tom acts like all Gryffindors are all favoritists who engage in nepotism.
Next section brings us to Lupin's office, where Holly has just told him that she knows about how she knows he's a werewolf. And I'm really sorry for so many quotes, but this is just disgusting.
"Remus, surprisingly, took the news rather well. And by well, Holly meant that he gawked with his golden eyes bugged out, mouth opening and closing much like a fish. But at least, he didn't start throwing things, as Vernon surely would have done. Or shriek, like Petunia. Though truth be told, he was emulating Dudley Dursley rather well, resembling her pig of cousin whenever a teacher asked a question."
ZeldaQueen: Why would she compare his reactions to her uncle or aunt? There's no reason. And she compares him instead to her cousin. Who she calls a pig. And basically she gives us the image of Lupin standing there stupidly with his mouth hanging open.
WE ARE NOT AMUSED!
So we have Lupin being all DRAMATICALLY HORRIFIED that Holly knows his secret, and it's honestly very pathetic. Seriously, he was ashamed of his condition in canon but wasn't a sobbing wuss about it. The suethor proceeds to give us the quote "'I'm sorry,' Remus apologised, voice very soft." which leads us to the question of whether the suethor was inspired by Twilight and Eragon or if those books were already on par with horrible fanfiction. Anyway, Holly shows that she's just so brave and special because she doesn't care, dammit and Lupin goes on about how she's just like her dad, blah, blah, blah. He asks if she figured it out through his moon boggart like that pleb Hermione, but Holly says that she figured it out long before that 'cause she's just that great. Lupin asks her how she knows that and Holly starts angsting about whether or not to tell him about her mind powers.
EXCUSE ME, BUT WASN'T THAT THE REASON YOU CAME HERE???
She finally comes clean and Lupin gapes over how Mary Sue uber-speshul she is. He also isn't the least bit bothered that she pretty much mindraped him to find out his darkest secret. He starts going on in fragments and makes it incredibly obvious that he knows something regarding Holly but doesn't want her to know he knows. Holly's reaction is to try to mindrape him for this information. This doesn't work because his mind is "annoyingly shielded". I love how she just gets so bothered that people won't let her waltz into their heads whenever she wants. Anyway, the suethor tries to justify her little Sue hating Peter from the start but loving Sirius. Oh, it wasn't because the suethor read ahead, oh no! It was that Holly could read their minds!
Lupin continues to be soppily shocked at all of this and Holly is an arrogant little bitch and gives us this.
"'Don't worry about it. It's to be expected really," Holly allowed. "I did essentially waltz in here, only to drop all of this in your lap. I'd worry if you weren't a bit confused.'"
ZeldaQueen: OH, SHE "ALLOWED" IT, DID SHE? WELL IT'S A GOOD THINK THAT THE ALMIGHTY HOLLY IS ALLOWING LUPIN TO BE PROPERLY SHOCKED AT HER UBER-SPECIAL POWERS, ISN'T IT? I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE SHE HATES ON RON AND GINNY FOR BEING AWED BY HER ABILITIES! GOD, THIS SUE SUCKS!!!!
The rest of this scene is just disgusting, as Holly acts like the adult in the situation with Lupin being an awed kid and her starting to tell him she's a Parselmouth and I want to slap her.
So, next scene! We skip ahead to the end of break and are treated to everyone drooling over Holly's broom "with the reverence it deserved". There's also some stupid foreshadowing in which Blaise keeps asking how Holly is and talking to the Prefects. This is all promptly shoved under the rug and forgotten as the suethor tells us about Holly's homework, all while making it perfectly clear that she's still abusing the Time Turner.
Erm, question - WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO CATCHING PETTIGREW???
Instead of answering that, the suethor starts going on about Ancient Runes and Arithmancy. And I take back what I said before about Ancient Ruins. It looks like the suethor is going the way of Rose Potter anyway.
"All told, Ancient Runes and Arithmancy were progressing nicely. Rosetta had them writing full if simple runic sentences in Egyptian hieroglyphics, and she actually started to teach them how to empower their work with magic. The last was only done under her direct supervision and after she had carefully checked over everything. A single misplaced stroke could result in disaster, such as blowing off their arms instead of turning the desk yellow. All the same, Rosetta seemed exceptionally pleased with Holly's work, hinting to her and the other gifted students that she might be willing to give additional instruction next year if they kept going as they were. The professor even went as far as recommending supplementary volumes to their class text, blatantly saying that the books needed to be read to truly excel in her class."
ZeldaQueen: Yeah.
Meanwhile, dear little Holly continues to bash Divination and Care of Magical Creatures. She complains about Trelawny's habit of predicting her death, most of which I'd love to see inflicted on her, as well as how Hagrid's classes were "more a disappointment than anything else. While some of the creatures he presented were semi-interesting and dead useful magically speaking, he showed none of his normal enthusiasm. This was mostly due to the fact that he didn't really like anything unless it was enormous, vicious, or both. Further, all of his lustre was gone because of the Buckbeak fiasco, and he moped about like someone whose Kneazle had just died. Still, the giant man did find it in himself to give Draco dirty looks during lessons, although they were half-hearted and rather pitiful to see". I...really don't know how to pinpoint the arrogant bitchiness of that. Perhaps it's because she seems totally incapable of understanding why the poor guy's upset because his beloved pet is going to potentially be executed as well as why he'd be annoyed with Malfoy for the situation. Perhaps it's because she's trying to excuse her basing by saying "well it's boring and it's his fault because he only likes dangerous stuff!". Perhaps it's because she flat-out called Hagrid pitiful. I do believe our little Sue is a sociopath and I would love to see her die in many painful ways.
Holly has also started her Patronus lessons. Hey guys, remember how those lessons were used by Rowling as a good way to address Harry's lingering sadness over the loss of his parents and how she extensively showed us his struggles to summon good memories to defeat his worst fears? The suethor sums it all up in a paragraph.
"Holly's anti-Dementor lessons began that weekend, and it was both better and worse than she had imagined. Somehow, she miraculously managed to form a very indistinct and virtually nonexistent shimmer when she first tried the Patronus charm, something that impressed Remus thoroughly. But she was still disappointed, hoping that there would be an easier solution to her problem. Nevertheless, the Slytherin resolutely promised herself that she would practice every opportunity she had, despite the fact that the lessons were ridiculously tiring. It didn't help that she heard her mother's dying screams whenever her boggart turned into a Dementor, and she was only mollified by the fact that she could always summon her parents again so that she could listen to them in a much more pleasant setting."
ZeldaQueen: Yet again, I love how she treats this all as an annoyance. "Oh fantastic, I'm forced to listen to my dead mother screaming. What a pain. And what the hell, why is this difficult and draining? Isn't there an easier way for me to block out these horribly scarring and painful memories? This sucks! I'm so glad I can just magically summon up my parents every Halloween so I can just have them kiss my butt and I don't have to acknowledge the fact that they died screaming or anything. Gawd".
We then jump to the Ravenclaw Quidditch match, which lasts all of one paragraph. The suethor bashes Cho and Davis by saying that they freaked out on sight of the Firebolt. We also get the death of Lee Jordon's hilarious Firebolt commentary, as that all is summed up in one sentence. Holly also catches the Snitch in five minutes, "true to form, or perhaps to spite the deputy headmistress just a little". We're given more heavy-handed FORESHADOWING as we're told that Titania pulls Snape aside to whisper something to him.
Cut to the Slytherin victory party, "boisterous enough to put any Gryffindor or Weasley to shame". Because Gryffindors and Weasleys suck. The twins themselves are there because the suethor likes them and have a fine time partying, even though in canon they would tell Holly to go suck eggs. Oh, and Luna's also there. She's at the victory party of the team that beat her team. You know, suethor, even in canon, Luna supported her own House over Gryffindor, who she was good friends with. Y'know?
This is all interrupted as Blaise drags Holly aside and starts waffling on about how there's something important to tell her. I'll spare you all because it's really stupid to read. Instead, we get "It's about the Dursleys" and the chapter ends.
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AN: I finally have a new computer, and everybody knows what that means.
ZeldaQueen: Pudding?
Regular updates.
ZeldaQueen: Ack.
Hooray!
ZeldaQueen: Boooo!
Also, it has occurred to me that J.K. has pre-empted my epilogue. I actually had something similar planned, but who knows if I'll use it now?
ZeldaQueen: (Suethor) "I mean, I was totally better and thought of it first. I guess Rowling just ruined this fic because she had the gall to make it canon. Gawd."
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Onward to: Chapter 34: Poisoned Rationality
Back to: Chapter 32: Mauraders And Maps
Return to: Table of Contents