The Short Second Life Of Bree Tanner: Part 11
ZeldaQueen: Dear Sailor Spork, please let something interesting happen. Amen.
Ah yes, and as a personal aside, I've just started up a second account at zq_nanowrimo. It's rather empty now, but I plan to fill it with my writings for the NaNoWriMo contest, the idea being that it might motivate me a bit more to keep up my daily quota. When the contest starts in three months. Nnnn... So if anyone's wondering why this weird person is friending them...that's why.
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Part 11
ZeldaQueen: Okay, the newborns have been training and Bree is sitting off to the side with Fred. I can only conclude that Riley is letting her get away with this because she's supposed to be convincing Fred to help out in the battle. She, of course, doesn't do that at all, but it's probably just as well. Fred is awesome enough not to be fooled by stuff like that. Instead, we get Bree going on about how boring and repetitive the fighting is. Fred breaks out a deck of cards and starts to play Solitaire and Bree decides that watching this is more entertaining than "watching the same mistakes over and over again". Either Meyer has completely missed the point of training for combat or she just decided to chicken out of writing it. Both cases seem quite likely. Twelve hours later, Bree tells Fred about a move he could make with the red five. No, I have no idea why that's important, but Meyer saw fit to specify. I guess it's supposed to be Fred seeing that Bree is interested in the game, since he starts playing Rummy with her after this. Question! Isn't Bree pretending she doesn't know what's going on? So isn't all but waving a sign that says "I'm Sneaking Away, I Don't Need This!" not hiding stuff very well? I'm just saying...
We're told that Riley gives no one breaks to hunt and everyone is getting really, really thirsty. I still don't care. Why? Well, first off, we never see any examples of how newborns are controlled by thirst. So all we get is Bree whining about how OH-SO-THIRSTY she is, which she does anyway (except for a period when Meyer forgot). We get mention that Fred looks strained, but nothing. I mean, if Meyer were more clever, she could have made some allusions to alcohol dependency, maybe having Fred's hands shake as he holds the cards or something. But no, nothing.
So, on the third night, they all rested. No, really. Riley calls halt and everyone gathers around. Bree mentions that everyone just goes back to their original gangs, so "the practicing hadn’t changed any of those alliances". I'm going to mention this later. Bree, meanwhile, huddles up by Fred for protection.
Riley tells them all that he thinks that they're ready, and if I didn't already know that the newborns were just supposed to be canon fodder, I'd break a rib laughing. Everyone starts growling at this and we're beaten over the head with how uniform and army-like it is. Keep this in mind for later as well.
They're all taken out for their reward and Kristie's group starts shoving at Raoul's, and Riley is basically like "Behave yourselves or so help me I'll turn this car around and we'll go right home!". Fred, meanwhile, does a "ladies first" gestures with his arm for Bree which would be cute, except that Meyer then whacks us over the head with how he clearly isn't doing it out of fear of Bree being behind him, so it must just be him being polite. SHOW, DON'T TELL, MEYER!!!
The two run along after the army and Bree wonders what Fred's thinking, and if he was "only thirsty". I just realized, every single goddammed time Meyer tries to suggest a budding romance, she always has the point of view character wondering what the object of their affections is thinking. And of course, the narrator inevitably comes to the conclusion that of course the object of affections is thinking of something else. After all, the narrator is just so plain and boring! And I find this hilarious because given how flat and dull Meyer's characters all are, trying to figure out their thoughts is like snipe hunting. It's also annoyingly repetitive and so shoujo that I just want to scream.
We get a lot of pointless descriptions of where they're running and Bree notes that Riley had better have a lot of bodies from them to drink from, or else it'll be a free-for-all. *violent eye twitch* I'm sorry, what was that? What was that??? So let me get this straight, just because she wants there to be some order, she's hoping that Riley kidnapped and/or already murdered extra innocent civilians??? Is that it?
...Gee, what a charming protagonist here. I just feel so bad, knowing what's going to happen to her.
They all come out off the water and Riley points to a commuter ferry boat and basically tells them that this is their dinner, so they can have at just as soon as he knocks out power and communications. Bree notes that "Humans weren’t
supposed to know about vampires. At least, not for very long. Just long enough for us to kill them". Meyer, stop. Just stop. I'm not going to believe Bree's a smart cookie, no matter how many times you have her be "logical". The fact that she so casually thinks horrible things like that just makes me hate her weasely black guts.
And then, we get this horrible scene. The lights go out, they all attack, and Bree says that her brain basically shuts down as she drinks up and is merry. When she comes back to herself, she realizes that she must have drunk three times what she normally has and that the blood was tasty and clean. There's mention of how Bree ate the fewest number of people and how Raoul ate so many that he has a hill of bodies that he's laughing on top of. Everyone is cheering "like a bunch of happy drunks" and Jen comes out of the water and mentions that she got all of the people who tried to escape by swimming.
Now, there are a lot of words to be said about this bit, most of them consisting of four letters. Mervin has already made some great points on the matter, specifically the fact that so many people have mysteriously vanished and surely will be missed, oh and that the girl who's supposed to be our protagonist just committed mass murder!!!
Now, I know a lot of people will try to excuse Bree by saying "she's a vampire, she can't help it!" *cough* Well, here's the thing. Yes, Bree's a vampire. Yes, she says she pretty much blacked out when she was drinking. The rub? She doesn't show the least amount of sorrow or guilt for what she did!!!!!! She just sits there, calmly narrating about everything without showing any sort of self-loathing or revolt. Heck, if Meyer could have managed that, she could have potentially made this all quite sympathetic. But no, she can't even have Bree give shallow Mary Sue levels of pretend guilt. I'll be addressing this later.
And the fact that a huge number of people just disappeared? Well, in any other case, it could probably be fixed somehow. The author could imply that Riley simply doesn't care, since the newborns will ideally all be dead and he expects to be far away with Victoria. It could be written like in Harry Potter, that the massive attacks are noticed but become X-Files-esque occurrences. Needless to say, we don't get any of that. What gets me is that all of this? Not one mention of any of it in Breaking Dawn. Nothing. Nada. No mentions of police investigations, nothing from Charlie, nothing at all. I can only conclude that either Bella and Jacob are so utterly, utterly self-centered that they somehow ignored all mentions of massive deaths in Seattle or the people in Seattle were dumbed down to the point at which they completely forgot about the Big Bad Thing after it stopped (which apparently is an affliction that strikes everyone in this God-forsaken series). Either way, it reflects very, very poorly on Meyer's writing skills.
Okay. We must move on. *deep breathing* Bree finds Fred who appears to be hiding out and keeping an eye on Riley. We're not told that he has a ton of bodies lying around him, so for my own peace of mind I shall pretend he continued to be awesome and held back. Riley, meanwhile, gives a speech about how this is what they'll have all of the time once they get rid of the Cullens, and apparently the newborns all have lobotomies because the idea that the humans would abandon Seattle after enough deaths doesn't cross their minds. Anyway, Riley tells them to sink the boat and get back so they can talk about a matter of dessert. Because it's not like a boat mysteriously sinking in safe waters with nothing for it to crash against, all while the power was weirdly off and no one called for help isn't going to be suspicious. Nope. Nor is it like anyone would, you know, find the sunk ship and perform autopsies on the bodies and notice that they died by blood loss.
Fred and Bree continue to stay separate from the other newborns when they get back to the house and Bree notes that if Riley can't deliver on his promises after the fight, there's going to be hell to pay. Um Bree? Maybe he doesn't plan for any of you to survive the damned fight!!! GOD!
Riley manages to get their attention and tells them to find the right vampire clan during the fight or else they're going to have trouble. How many clans do the newborns think are running around the area? *rubs head* Anyway, they're told that the enemy clan has yellow eyes, which means that their sight sucks because they're really old. Look, I'm just repeating this!
And then Bella edges into the story. Hooray.
Because the next thing Riley brings up is how the Cullens keep around with them a "pet human". And of course, everyone is just shocked, shocked to discover gambling in this establishment at this development. Kristie asks if Bella's supposed to be a portable meal or something, which actually would be an interesting idea in a darker vampire story. Like, a vampire tricks a girl into thinking that he loves her, that they're meant to be, gets her to go off with him, and then eats her the next time he gets the munchies and there's no one else around. But of course, we know what Meyer is doing here. This is just touting how Pure and True the love of Edward and Bella is. Because of course it is so inconceivable to these stupid newborns that a vampire can tolerate a human's company at all. That the very idea of a vampire keeping a human around is so shocking. After all, it's not like that has never happened in vampire media before!
So, okay Meyer. Are all these people horrible sociopaths? Were they all turned with no family or friends or loved ones left behind that they miss? Do they all see humans only as a meal ticket, to be munched on as soon as they're caught? Hmm? Really? Are they all so alien that it's impossible for them imagine another vampire enjoying the company of a human?
Bullshit.
Meyer, you appear to have forgotten something here - VAMPIRES USED TO BE HUMANS!!!! You can dress this all up. You can blame the sociopathic tendencies on their thirst, but that has nothing to do with it. These bastards and bitches just don't care about people. And you expect me to believe this? That in a group of about twenty or so teenagers and young adults, not a one of them can understand the desire to continue to mingle with humans? That not a one of them has a human - a parent, a sibling, a boyfriend or girlfriend - that they wish to return to? That not a one of them has at least heard of the idea of a vampire traveling and interacting with humans? Because trust me, it happens in media. A lot. Being Human. Cirque Du Freak. Blade. True Blood. There's an entire goddamed trope devoted to it. So please, Meyer. Please stop making it sound like this is some special thing, just to make Edward look better. It doesn't work.
*Closes eyes and rubs head* Okay, not much more left here. Riley pulls out a ziplock bag and opens it to reveal Bella's red shirt. Remember, the one that everyone was a fucking moron about in Eclipse? He passes it around and everyone huffs it as he tells them that he got it earlier while scouting, adding "I watch out for my kids". Of course, no one responds with "Right! That's why you were fine with letting us set each other on fire and rip each other to bits and didn't bother to train us for this until the last possible moment! How caring!"
Bree sniffs the shirt and we get a lot of bull about how sweet it is and how she would just love to nom on Bella. Yes, she's actively fantasizing, with no regret, about how she'd like to drink the blood of some random girl she's never met and knows nothing about. I mean, we all know what Bella's like and I personally wouldn't mind her dying, but still... Oh, and if one considers the old vampire biting equaling sex, this bit just screams "les yay".
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ZeldaQueen: And because this is so stupid, I'm stopping here for now. Good riddance!
Onward to: Part 12
Back To: Part 10
Back to: Table of Contents
Ah yes, and as a personal aside, I've just started up a second account at zq_nanowrimo. It's rather empty now, but I plan to fill it with my writings for the NaNoWriMo contest, the idea being that it might motivate me a bit more to keep up my daily quota. When the contest starts in three months. Nnnn... So if anyone's wondering why this weird person is friending them...that's why.
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 11
ZeldaQueen: Okay, the newborns have been training and Bree is sitting off to the side with Fred. I can only conclude that Riley is letting her get away with this because she's supposed to be convincing Fred to help out in the battle. She, of course, doesn't do that at all, but it's probably just as well. Fred is awesome enough not to be fooled by stuff like that. Instead, we get Bree going on about how boring and repetitive the fighting is. Fred breaks out a deck of cards and starts to play Solitaire and Bree decides that watching this is more entertaining than "watching the same mistakes over and over again". Either Meyer has completely missed the point of training for combat or she just decided to chicken out of writing it. Both cases seem quite likely. Twelve hours later, Bree tells Fred about a move he could make with the red five. No, I have no idea why that's important, but Meyer saw fit to specify. I guess it's supposed to be Fred seeing that Bree is interested in the game, since he starts playing Rummy with her after this. Question! Isn't Bree pretending she doesn't know what's going on? So isn't all but waving a sign that says "I'm Sneaking Away, I Don't Need This!" not hiding stuff very well? I'm just saying...
We're told that Riley gives no one breaks to hunt and everyone is getting really, really thirsty. I still don't care. Why? Well, first off, we never see any examples of how newborns are controlled by thirst. So all we get is Bree whining about how OH-SO-THIRSTY she is, which she does anyway (except for a period when Meyer forgot). We get mention that Fred looks strained, but nothing. I mean, if Meyer were more clever, she could have made some allusions to alcohol dependency, maybe having Fred's hands shake as he holds the cards or something. But no, nothing.
So, on the third night, they all rested. No, really. Riley calls halt and everyone gathers around. Bree mentions that everyone just goes back to their original gangs, so "the practicing hadn’t changed any of those alliances". I'm going to mention this later. Bree, meanwhile, huddles up by Fred for protection.
Riley tells them all that he thinks that they're ready, and if I didn't already know that the newborns were just supposed to be canon fodder, I'd break a rib laughing. Everyone starts growling at this and we're beaten over the head with how uniform and army-like it is. Keep this in mind for later as well.
They're all taken out for their reward and Kristie's group starts shoving at Raoul's, and Riley is basically like "Behave yourselves or so help me I'll turn this car around and we'll go right home!". Fred, meanwhile, does a "ladies first" gestures with his arm for Bree which would be cute, except that Meyer then whacks us over the head with how he clearly isn't doing it out of fear of Bree being behind him, so it must just be him being polite. SHOW, DON'T TELL, MEYER!!!
The two run along after the army and Bree wonders what Fred's thinking, and if he was "only thirsty". I just realized, every single goddammed time Meyer tries to suggest a budding romance, she always has the point of view character wondering what the object of their affections is thinking. And of course, the narrator inevitably comes to the conclusion that of course the object of affections is thinking of something else. After all, the narrator is just so plain and boring! And I find this hilarious because given how flat and dull Meyer's characters all are, trying to figure out their thoughts is like snipe hunting. It's also annoyingly repetitive and so shoujo that I just want to scream.
We get a lot of pointless descriptions of where they're running and Bree notes that Riley had better have a lot of bodies from them to drink from, or else it'll be a free-for-all. *violent eye twitch* I'm sorry, what was that? What was that??? So let me get this straight, just because she wants there to be some order, she's hoping that Riley kidnapped and/or already murdered extra innocent civilians??? Is that it?
...Gee, what a charming protagonist here. I just feel so bad, knowing what's going to happen to her.
They all come out off the water and Riley points to a commuter ferry boat and basically tells them that this is their dinner, so they can have at just as soon as he knocks out power and communications. Bree notes that "Humans weren’t
supposed to know about vampires. At least, not for very long. Just long enough for us to kill them". Meyer, stop. Just stop. I'm not going to believe Bree's a smart cookie, no matter how many times you have her be "logical". The fact that she so casually thinks horrible things like that just makes me hate her weasely black guts.
And then, we get this horrible scene. The lights go out, they all attack, and Bree says that her brain basically shuts down as she drinks up and is merry. When she comes back to herself, she realizes that she must have drunk three times what she normally has and that the blood was tasty and clean. There's mention of how Bree ate the fewest number of people and how Raoul ate so many that he has a hill of bodies that he's laughing on top of. Everyone is cheering "like a bunch of happy drunks" and Jen comes out of the water and mentions that she got all of the people who tried to escape by swimming.
Now, there are a lot of words to be said about this bit, most of them consisting of four letters. Mervin has already made some great points on the matter, specifically the fact that so many people have mysteriously vanished and surely will be missed, oh and that the girl who's supposed to be our protagonist just committed mass murder!!!
Now, I know a lot of people will try to excuse Bree by saying "she's a vampire, she can't help it!" *cough* Well, here's the thing. Yes, Bree's a vampire. Yes, she says she pretty much blacked out when she was drinking. The rub? She doesn't show the least amount of sorrow or guilt for what she did!!!!!! She just sits there, calmly narrating about everything without showing any sort of self-loathing or revolt. Heck, if Meyer could have managed that, she could have potentially made this all quite sympathetic. But no, she can't even have Bree give shallow Mary Sue levels of pretend guilt. I'll be addressing this later.
And the fact that a huge number of people just disappeared? Well, in any other case, it could probably be fixed somehow. The author could imply that Riley simply doesn't care, since the newborns will ideally all be dead and he expects to be far away with Victoria. It could be written like in Harry Potter, that the massive attacks are noticed but become X-Files-esque occurrences. Needless to say, we don't get any of that. What gets me is that all of this? Not one mention of any of it in Breaking Dawn. Nothing. Nada. No mentions of police investigations, nothing from Charlie, nothing at all. I can only conclude that either Bella and Jacob are so utterly, utterly self-centered that they somehow ignored all mentions of massive deaths in Seattle or the people in Seattle were dumbed down to the point at which they completely forgot about the Big Bad Thing after it stopped (which apparently is an affliction that strikes everyone in this God-forsaken series). Either way, it reflects very, very poorly on Meyer's writing skills.
Okay. We must move on. *deep breathing* Bree finds Fred who appears to be hiding out and keeping an eye on Riley. We're not told that he has a ton of bodies lying around him, so for my own peace of mind I shall pretend he continued to be awesome and held back. Riley, meanwhile, gives a speech about how this is what they'll have all of the time once they get rid of the Cullens, and apparently the newborns all have lobotomies because the idea that the humans would abandon Seattle after enough deaths doesn't cross their minds. Anyway, Riley tells them to sink the boat and get back so they can talk about a matter of dessert. Because it's not like a boat mysteriously sinking in safe waters with nothing for it to crash against, all while the power was weirdly off and no one called for help isn't going to be suspicious. Nope. Nor is it like anyone would, you know, find the sunk ship and perform autopsies on the bodies and notice that they died by blood loss.
Fred and Bree continue to stay separate from the other newborns when they get back to the house and Bree notes that if Riley can't deliver on his promises after the fight, there's going to be hell to pay. Um Bree? Maybe he doesn't plan for any of you to survive the damned fight!!! GOD!
Riley manages to get their attention and tells them to find the right vampire clan during the fight or else they're going to have trouble. How many clans do the newborns think are running around the area? *rubs head* Anyway, they're told that the enemy clan has yellow eyes, which means that their sight sucks because they're really old. Look, I'm just repeating this!
And then Bella edges into the story. Hooray.
Because the next thing Riley brings up is how the Cullens keep around with them a "pet human". And of course, everyone is just shocked, shocked to discover gambling in this establishment at this development. Kristie asks if Bella's supposed to be a portable meal or something, which actually would be an interesting idea in a darker vampire story. Like, a vampire tricks a girl into thinking that he loves her, that they're meant to be, gets her to go off with him, and then eats her the next time he gets the munchies and there's no one else around. But of course, we know what Meyer is doing here. This is just touting how Pure and True the love of Edward and Bella is. Because of course it is so inconceivable to these stupid newborns that a vampire can tolerate a human's company at all. That the very idea of a vampire keeping a human around is so shocking. After all, it's not like that has never happened in vampire media before!
So, okay Meyer. Are all these people horrible sociopaths? Were they all turned with no family or friends or loved ones left behind that they miss? Do they all see humans only as a meal ticket, to be munched on as soon as they're caught? Hmm? Really? Are they all so alien that it's impossible for them imagine another vampire enjoying the company of a human?
Bullshit.
Meyer, you appear to have forgotten something here - VAMPIRES USED TO BE HUMANS!!!! You can dress this all up. You can blame the sociopathic tendencies on their thirst, but that has nothing to do with it. These bastards and bitches just don't care about people. And you expect me to believe this? That in a group of about twenty or so teenagers and young adults, not a one of them can understand the desire to continue to mingle with humans? That not a one of them has a human - a parent, a sibling, a boyfriend or girlfriend - that they wish to return to? That not a one of them has at least heard of the idea of a vampire traveling and interacting with humans? Because trust me, it happens in media. A lot. Being Human. Cirque Du Freak. Blade. True Blood. There's an entire goddamed trope devoted to it. So please, Meyer. Please stop making it sound like this is some special thing, just to make Edward look better. It doesn't work.
*Closes eyes and rubs head* Okay, not much more left here. Riley pulls out a ziplock bag and opens it to reveal Bella's red shirt. Remember, the one that everyone was a fucking moron about in Eclipse? He passes it around and everyone huffs it as he tells them that he got it earlier while scouting, adding "I watch out for my kids". Of course, no one responds with "Right! That's why you were fine with letting us set each other on fire and rip each other to bits and didn't bother to train us for this until the last possible moment! How caring!"
Bree sniffs the shirt and we get a lot of bull about how sweet it is and how she would just love to nom on Bella. Yes, she's actively fantasizing, with no regret, about how she'd like to drink the blood of some random girl she's never met and knows nothing about. I mean, we all know what Bella's like and I personally wouldn't mind her dying, but still... Oh, and if one considers the old vampire biting equaling sex, this bit just screams "les yay".
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ZeldaQueen: And because this is so stupid, I'm stopping here for now. Good riddance!
Onward to: Part 12
Back To: Part 10
Back to: Table of Contents