The Short Second Life Of Bree Tanner: Part 8
ZeldaQueen: Howdy folks, sorry for the delay but I'm back! On a non-sporking note, I'd just like to pass this little warning around. Dunno anything about the fellow in it, but if it's true, be careful.
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Part 8
ZeldaQueen: Right, so, Bree and Diego are still dumbasses and stumbled upon Victoria's very gaudy house, in which Meyer put down both human kissing and Victoria's character. Bree also had a flashback which was supposed to make us feel sorry for her, but just infuriated me.
Bree recalls the conversation between Riley and Victoria the night she was turned, and decides that far from sounding romantic or friendly, it sounded like "she was talking to an employee. One she didn’t like much and might fire soon". Bree then starts focusing on the sounds of the two kissing and thinks how the exchange "didn’t tell us much". You mean besides the fact that Victoria somehow, in the span of three months, apparently swung from strongly disliking Riley to snogging him? Perhaps indicating that she's emotionally manipulating him, with romance as the carrot on a stick to keep him around? Hmm?
After a few minutes, the kissing stops and Victoria asks how many newborns there are. Meyer once more pisses me off by noting that Victoria's voice is "[h]igh, almost a trill. Like a spoiled young girl". Meyer, given that you tried to pass off Bella-fucking-Swan as a fantastic heroine for the ages, I do not want to hear you of all people calling the shots on who's a "spoiled young girl". Riley proudly tells her that there are twenty two newborns and Meyer has to hold our hand and have Bree and Diego share the stunning realization that there were twenty-two of them at last count, so oh my god, it must be that they're talking about them!!! No SHIT, Sherlock! Riley's been kidnapping and turning you and Victoria's clearly his higher-up! What would you think she'd be asking about? Riley tells Victoria about how Bree and Diego nearly were "lost to the sun" and either Meyer forgot what she's writing or is milking this for all it's worth, because don't Riley and Victoria already know about the sunlight thing? Wasn't it a trick to control the newborns? Hello? So if the two of them are in private, why would they keep up the pretense? And hey, wouldn't it be the ideal point for them to let something slip, like for Riley to instead say "I thought two vampires figured out the sunlight trick, good thing no one's the wiser". Then Bree and Diego would know Riley is up to no good and maybe warn the other newborns, or run away, or something! But no! Also, wasn't it made clear before that Riley didn't give a damn if the newborns were killed? Wouldn't he just go out and kidnap two more kids?
Oh but wait, I guess he'd of course be worried about his boyfriend (damn, shaolina, you hit the mark!) because Riley starts going on about how smart Diego is to have saved himself. And we even get this gem from Bree.
"There was almost an affectionate sound to his voice when he spoke of Diego as one of his kids"
ZeldaQueen: Oh, jealous much? Anyway, Victoria asks Riley if he's sure about this. So wait, is it that Riley doesn't know about the sparkling and only Victoria does? I'm confused.
Victoria asks about the behavior of the newborns and Riley tells her that he can keep them distracted through thirst. Now this is a good idea. After all, like I said before, there would be some time when a newly-turned vampire would be dependent on Riley for help, even if they don't like him. He's the one who knows the rules, he's the one who's arranging for their food. So if he limits their supply of blood to keep them crazy, that could explain why they never revolt or run away. If they can't think straight, they can't organize themselves. The problem with this, though? We never get the feeling of uncontrollable thirst. Bree pretty much acts like Bella did, including holding her breath. The only difference is that Bree was given free reign on humans while Bella was let loose on wildcats. Also, it was made pretty clear that while the newborns are crazy, they still aren't under Riley's control. Bree even says that they just sneak out to eat whenever they want. So how does that work?
OH MY FUCKING GOD, BREE IS A TOTAL IDIOT!
Sorry about that folks, but I couldn't help it! Because Bree hears Riley talk about keeping the newborns thirsty and unable to think, and immediately wonders why. Even after the flashback, even after her musings with Diego about how they're pawns, even after the implication that they're being used for some purpose, SHE STILL DOESN'T GET IT, WHAT A MORON!!! Seriously, when you hear two people conspiring and they mention keeping a group of people unable to think or organize, it almost always means that the group is being used for some dangerous or unethical purpose!
Oh, and Meyer? Please stop trying to pad out this thing and keep us in suspense. We've read Eclipse. We know about the Cullens. We know what Victoria's up to. We know that Bree is going to die. Please, go elsewhere for your sources of drama and mystery.
Riley asks Victoria if it's time to launch their plan and she freaks out and says that she hasn't decided yet. We get a stupid explanation about how their enemies have such great powers, but surely will be unable to hold their own against twenty-two newborns! Oh, I do love the smell of a good dead herring!
Incidentally, bullshit. Alice is watching for Victoria to make a decision. Even if Victoria holds off until the last minute to decide when to attack, she still decided to turn Riley into a vampire. She still decided to leave him in charge of creating an army of vampires. Surely she had to have been the one to have the idea. She decided to build the army up to attack the Cullens. So how did Alice not see any of that? Yes, they don't get the exact date of attack. They should still have known that Victoria had made herself a servant to do her dirty work!
Finally, Bree and Diego get it through their thick skulls that Victoria and Riley have an enemy to fight. And we get this.
"Yes, we’d been created for a purpose, as we’d guessed. We had an enemy. Or, our creator had an enemy. Did the distinction matter?"
ZeldaQueen: OH MY GOD, YES IT DOES YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!!!!!! These people are clearly sinister, they are going to ship you off to a battle you know nothing about and clearly didn't agree to, I do believe that this is not the time for the "their enemy is my enemy" approach!
Victoria suggests that they get more newborns, just to be safe, and Riley makes a good point that it might hurt them to do that, since the youngest vampires are the most violent and thus ups the chances of destroying some of the newborns. Bree repeats several times that Riley seems terrified of Victoria being angry with him and is glad she is not. At no point does Bree wonder why, if Riley is so terrified of Victoria's wrath, the two were snogging.
All of a sudden, Diego imitates the Dramatic Prairie Dog and Bree sees...well this.
"Four figures were crossing the open field to the house. They had entered the clearing from the west, the point farthest from
where we hid. They all wore long, dark cloaks with deep hoods, so at first I thought they were people. Weird people, but just
humans all the same, because none of the vampires I knew had matching Goth clothes. And none moved in a way that was so
smooth and controlled and… elegant. But then I realized that none of the humans I’d ever seen could move that way, either,
and what’s more, they couldn’t do it so quietly. The dark-cloaks skimmed across the long grass in absolute silence. So either
these were vampires, or they were something else supernatural. Ghosts, maybe. But if they were vampires, they were vampires I didn’t know, and that meant they might very well be these enemies she was talking about. If so, we should get the hell out of Dodge right now, because we didn’t have twenty other vampires on our side at the moment."
ZeldaQueen: Yes Meyer, we get it! The Volturi are uber-refined and gothic and awesomesauce and unworldly. All I can think about is The Spoony One's Eclipse review, and his point about having bright-red eyes and dressing like it's the Italian Renaissance seems more likely to attract attention than sparkling in the sunlight.
Also, apparently Bree doesn't realize that vampires are capable of, you know, changing clothes, if that's the basis she uses initially to figure out if they're humans or vampires. You'd think a girl who's working her way through an entire book store would read about how vampires like to act and dress old-timey (seriously Meyer, you didn't invent that concept).
Oh, and glad you finally cottoned on to the idea of running away, Bree. Why you didn't do it earlier, I'm still waiting for an explanation.
Bree wants to run away, but is afraid to attract their attention and considering that the best way to draw attention is to move quickly, staying put is actually semi-intelligent for her. We get a lot of yammering about how the Volturi are all in perfect formation and never stumble or anything. I have to say, those descriptions always make me giggle because I'm sure Meyer was trying to get this.
ZeldaQueen: But all I get mental images of are this.
ZeldaQueen: Awe-inspiring.
The Volturi head in the house and Bree tries to get Diego to take the chance and escape. He opts to stay and listen some more and of course Bree is incapable of just leaving on her own. Yes, I know, in any other case I'd chalk it up to comradery and looking out for one's friends, except that I already sat through Edward leading Bella on a leash for four freaking books, not to mention the whole "Carlisle and Emmett won't go against Esme and Rosalie" thing in Breaking Dawn.
The Volturi address Victoria and presumably it's Jane talking, since she has a voice that was "not as high-pitched as our creator’s, but it still sounded girlish" So Victoria, who is presumably in an adult body, is more high-pitched than the vampire in a younger body? Wow Meyer, that's still pretty mean. Jane goes on about how it's pointless for Victoria to fight or run and I'd be more on edge if the Volturi actually followed through with some of their threats. The worst we actually see them do in the books is terrorize a fifteen-year-old girl. Anyway, Jane assures Victoria that they won't be killing her...yet. You can just imagine Meyer thinking "dun dun dunnnnn" as she wrote that.
Jane asks what Victoria's intentions are for her newborn army and whether or not it involves killing the Cullens. No, she doesn't just say that, but we who are blessed with a higher IQ than a toaster oven can figure that out already. It's dropped that the army is illegal and Bree starts spazzing and wondering how on Earth anything could be illegal for vampires, since it's just simply impossible for anyone to arrest or try or hold power over them.
Okay, first. Bree? You're clearly screwed up on your concept of "illegal". Because just because someone can do something doesn't make it legal to do something. Is that why you're so happily eating people with no qualms? Because you an get away with it, because no one is stopping you from doing so, you think it's perfectly alright? No, it's not. A criminal who gets away with their behavior is still a criminal. The police never caught the Zodiac Killer, have no idea who or where he is, and hold no power over him. So by your logic, the murders he committed were not illegal? Idiot!
Second of all, darling, you just shat your pants when the Volturi showed up. Victoria and Riley, who you also shit your pants over, are also crapping themselves. Long and short, these cloaked people seem to hold some authority over vampires. MAYBE THEY ARE THE VAMPIRE POLICE, DIPSTICK! Or do you think that there's a group of vampires who make a habit of dressing up creepily, threatening people, interrogating them, and pointing out illegal activities?
*sigh* Moving on, Victoria assures Jane that her plan is all about killing the Cullens and that she isn't doing it yet because of the Alice Factor. We're told that there's a "petulant" note in Victoria's voice as she explains this. *patiently* Are you almost done pissing on Victoria's character, Meyer? I can wait until you are.
Jane asks how Victoria's been avoiding Alice's visions and Victoria explains that she never decided what to do with the army, so it never shows up. I already pointed this out, but if that's the case, then shouldn't Alice still have known about the army, since Victoria did, in fact, decide to have it made? Hmm? Jane congratulates Victoria on her success, but warns her that she's got to decide soon whether she'll attack or not. Jane reminds her that if she doesn't, she'll be subjected to the law and that she (Jane) hates granting reprieves, since it's not in her nature. Right. That's just why you let Bella and the Cullens off alive three fucking times throughout this series, even though you're allegedly chomping at the bit to kill them all.
That's one thing about the Volturi that always confused me. Apparently the Cullens are that one defiant group, because they eat animals or something, I don't know. And apparently the Volturi are desperate to see them dead. Why not just go ahead and kill them all, like they do to everyone else? In Breaking Dawn, we're told that the Volturi make a regular habit of slaughtering covenants over trumped-up charges and only leaving alive the vampires they want to keep. They apparently want Alice and Edward. So go in, kill everyone else, have Chelsea brainwash those two into being best buddies, mission accomplished! It's not even like they don't have anything on the Cullens! Bella could work very well as an excuse! Just point out that the Cullens were putting the vampire world at risk through their association with her - a legitimate point, when you consider all of the death and destruction going on in her name - and kill 'em. I've heard people use the "vampires aren't close-knit" excuse as to why the Cullens, with all of their experience, never heard of things like half-human vampire babies. So why would the Cullens death be the one to unite the vampire world against the Volturi? No one ought to care!
Gah, I'll just move on. Jane tells Victoria that she has seven days five days to launch the attack, and if she does not, she will be burned.
The Volturi leave and Bree starts to freak out again and indicates to Diego that she wants to go back to the other newborns. Diego convinces her to wait a little longer and they hear Victoria saying that "now they know". She then tells Riley that they need every advantage and that he is to train all of the newborns. In a few days, get them whipped into shape. Instead of having trained them from the very beginning. Shut up, I'm sure it makes sense somehow!
So they go rushing after Riley, with all of this information. Will they warn the newborns about this? Try to run? Lay low?
They still want to stick to the plan and confront Riley. Fuck me with a spoon.
AFTER ALL THEY HEARD, AFTER CLEARLY SEEING THAT RILEY IS SUSPICIOUS AND IN ON A PLAN INVOLVING THEM AND IS USING THEM, THEY'RE STILL GOING TO ASK HIM ABOUT THE SPARKLING!
JESUS CHRIST!!!
Diego tries to be gallant and says that it's too suspicious if he and Bree both go, so he'll confront Riley alone, while she waits up for him. No, he's not going to have her hide in the bushes or bring back-up. He's just going to wander off alone and confront the dude who is involved in some conspiracy.
You know, I don't feel sorry in the slightest that these guys will all be dying.
Oh, and what do you know? Diego still thinks that Riley is in the dark on this all! He even goes on about how informing Riley that they can move around during the day will help them all out with the big battle going down! The battle that they were all shanghaied for! Idiot!
Bree and Diego kiss and she goes back to the house, where they are now minus one vampire who is lying in a charred heap on the ground. She quickly finds Freaky Fred and goes hiding behind him again. She notices, for the first time, that he is muscular, broad-shouldered, and looks like a college student. She also mentions several times how she's surprised that he's good-looking. Now myself, that wouldn't bother me at first. Bree's explanation for her surprise is that she associated him with his revolting aura, and that is an interesting idea, since people usually associate "gross" with "geeky", "ugly", "stupid", "smelly" and so on. The thing is, she just saw Diego for the last time (do you really think he's coming out alive?). No, she doesn't know it yet. But Meyer does. So the instant Diego is gone, all of a sudden, Bree notices how Freaky Fred is so danged attractive! Hooray! Meyer, there are other things to worry about!
Fred puts Bree in his protect gross aura thing and there's a brief moment when he smiles at her. And while you just know Meyer is trying to pump it up like OTHER TRUE LOVE, I honestly get the feeling that it's more Fred's just a nice guy who likes to help Bree out. And that's pretty cool.
Bree sits down by Fred and starts flipping through a book and waiting for Diego to return, because surely he will. She starts logicking her way through all that she learned and for the first time, she wonders if maybe, Victoria already knows about the sparkling thing and is deliberately having everyone be kept ignorant about it. THANK YOU! Of course, she still wonders why they all would be lied to, and if I hit my head on the wall any more, the paint will chip.
She starts to think that just maybe, sending Diego alone to talk to Riley wasn't such a good idea, since Riley might also be in on it. HOW IS IT THAT MOST VIEWERS CAN FIGURE THIS OUT IN THE FIRST FEW CHAPTERS AND YOU'RE ONLY GETTING IT NOW??? Oh, and this is the first time that she considers that the burn-in-the-sunlight threat was put into play to keep them all in line and from running away. Oy.
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ZeldaQueen: And that seems about as good a place as any to stop now. Nearly over! Woot!
Onward to: Part 9
Back To: Part 7
Back to: Table of Contents
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Part 8
ZeldaQueen: Right, so, Bree and Diego are still dumbasses and stumbled upon Victoria's very gaudy house, in which Meyer put down both human kissing and Victoria's character. Bree also had a flashback which was supposed to make us feel sorry for her, but just infuriated me.
Bree recalls the conversation between Riley and Victoria the night she was turned, and decides that far from sounding romantic or friendly, it sounded like "she was talking to an employee. One she didn’t like much and might fire soon". Bree then starts focusing on the sounds of the two kissing and thinks how the exchange "didn’t tell us much". You mean besides the fact that Victoria somehow, in the span of three months, apparently swung from strongly disliking Riley to snogging him? Perhaps indicating that she's emotionally manipulating him, with romance as the carrot on a stick to keep him around? Hmm?
After a few minutes, the kissing stops and Victoria asks how many newborns there are. Meyer once more pisses me off by noting that Victoria's voice is "[h]igh, almost a trill. Like a spoiled young girl". Meyer, given that you tried to pass off Bella-fucking-Swan as a fantastic heroine for the ages, I do not want to hear you of all people calling the shots on who's a "spoiled young girl". Riley proudly tells her that there are twenty two newborns and Meyer has to hold our hand and have Bree and Diego share the stunning realization that there were twenty-two of them at last count, so oh my god, it must be that they're talking about them!!! No SHIT, Sherlock! Riley's been kidnapping and turning you and Victoria's clearly his higher-up! What would you think she'd be asking about? Riley tells Victoria about how Bree and Diego nearly were "lost to the sun" and either Meyer forgot what she's writing or is milking this for all it's worth, because don't Riley and Victoria already know about the sunlight thing? Wasn't it a trick to control the newborns? Hello? So if the two of them are in private, why would they keep up the pretense? And hey, wouldn't it be the ideal point for them to let something slip, like for Riley to instead say "I thought two vampires figured out the sunlight trick, good thing no one's the wiser". Then Bree and Diego would know Riley is up to no good and maybe warn the other newborns, or run away, or something! But no! Also, wasn't it made clear before that Riley didn't give a damn if the newborns were killed? Wouldn't he just go out and kidnap two more kids?
Oh but wait, I guess he'd of course be worried about his boyfriend (damn, shaolina, you hit the mark!) because Riley starts going on about how smart Diego is to have saved himself. And we even get this gem from Bree.
"There was almost an affectionate sound to his voice when he spoke of Diego as one of his kids"
ZeldaQueen: Oh, jealous much? Anyway, Victoria asks Riley if he's sure about this. So wait, is it that Riley doesn't know about the sparkling and only Victoria does? I'm confused.
Victoria asks about the behavior of the newborns and Riley tells her that he can keep them distracted through thirst. Now this is a good idea. After all, like I said before, there would be some time when a newly-turned vampire would be dependent on Riley for help, even if they don't like him. He's the one who knows the rules, he's the one who's arranging for their food. So if he limits their supply of blood to keep them crazy, that could explain why they never revolt or run away. If they can't think straight, they can't organize themselves. The problem with this, though? We never get the feeling of uncontrollable thirst. Bree pretty much acts like Bella did, including holding her breath. The only difference is that Bree was given free reign on humans while Bella was let loose on wildcats. Also, it was made pretty clear that while the newborns are crazy, they still aren't under Riley's control. Bree even says that they just sneak out to eat whenever they want. So how does that work?
OH MY FUCKING GOD, BREE IS A TOTAL IDIOT!
Sorry about that folks, but I couldn't help it! Because Bree hears Riley talk about keeping the newborns thirsty and unable to think, and immediately wonders why. Even after the flashback, even after her musings with Diego about how they're pawns, even after the implication that they're being used for some purpose, SHE STILL DOESN'T GET IT, WHAT A MORON!!! Seriously, when you hear two people conspiring and they mention keeping a group of people unable to think or organize, it almost always means that the group is being used for some dangerous or unethical purpose!
Oh, and Meyer? Please stop trying to pad out this thing and keep us in suspense. We've read Eclipse. We know about the Cullens. We know what Victoria's up to. We know that Bree is going to die. Please, go elsewhere for your sources of drama and mystery.
Riley asks Victoria if it's time to launch their plan and she freaks out and says that she hasn't decided yet. We get a stupid explanation about how their enemies have such great powers, but surely will be unable to hold their own against twenty-two newborns! Oh, I do love the smell of a good dead herring!
Incidentally, bullshit. Alice is watching for Victoria to make a decision. Even if Victoria holds off until the last minute to decide when to attack, she still decided to turn Riley into a vampire. She still decided to leave him in charge of creating an army of vampires. Surely she had to have been the one to have the idea. She decided to build the army up to attack the Cullens. So how did Alice not see any of that? Yes, they don't get the exact date of attack. They should still have known that Victoria had made herself a servant to do her dirty work!
Finally, Bree and Diego get it through their thick skulls that Victoria and Riley have an enemy to fight. And we get this.
"Yes, we’d been created for a purpose, as we’d guessed. We had an enemy. Or, our creator had an enemy. Did the distinction matter?"
ZeldaQueen: OH MY GOD, YES IT DOES YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!!!!!! These people are clearly sinister, they are going to ship you off to a battle you know nothing about and clearly didn't agree to, I do believe that this is not the time for the "their enemy is my enemy" approach!
Victoria suggests that they get more newborns, just to be safe, and Riley makes a good point that it might hurt them to do that, since the youngest vampires are the most violent and thus ups the chances of destroying some of the newborns. Bree repeats several times that Riley seems terrified of Victoria being angry with him and is glad she is not. At no point does Bree wonder why, if Riley is so terrified of Victoria's wrath, the two were snogging.
All of a sudden, Diego imitates the Dramatic Prairie Dog and Bree sees...well this.
"Four figures were crossing the open field to the house. They had entered the clearing from the west, the point farthest from
where we hid. They all wore long, dark cloaks with deep hoods, so at first I thought they were people. Weird people, but just
humans all the same, because none of the vampires I knew had matching Goth clothes. And none moved in a way that was so
smooth and controlled and… elegant. But then I realized that none of the humans I’d ever seen could move that way, either,
and what’s more, they couldn’t do it so quietly. The dark-cloaks skimmed across the long grass in absolute silence. So either
these were vampires, or they were something else supernatural. Ghosts, maybe. But if they were vampires, they were vampires I didn’t know, and that meant they might very well be these enemies she was talking about. If so, we should get the hell out of Dodge right now, because we didn’t have twenty other vampires on our side at the moment."
ZeldaQueen: Yes Meyer, we get it! The Volturi are uber-refined and gothic and awesomesauce and unworldly. All I can think about is The Spoony One's Eclipse review, and his point about having bright-red eyes and dressing like it's the Italian Renaissance seems more likely to attract attention than sparkling in the sunlight.
Also, apparently Bree doesn't realize that vampires are capable of, you know, changing clothes, if that's the basis she uses initially to figure out if they're humans or vampires. You'd think a girl who's working her way through an entire book store would read about how vampires like to act and dress old-timey (seriously Meyer, you didn't invent that concept).
Oh, and glad you finally cottoned on to the idea of running away, Bree. Why you didn't do it earlier, I'm still waiting for an explanation.
Bree wants to run away, but is afraid to attract their attention and considering that the best way to draw attention is to move quickly, staying put is actually semi-intelligent for her. We get a lot of yammering about how the Volturi are all in perfect formation and never stumble or anything. I have to say, those descriptions always make me giggle because I'm sure Meyer was trying to get this.
ZeldaQueen: But all I get mental images of are this.
ZeldaQueen: Awe-inspiring.
The Volturi head in the house and Bree tries to get Diego to take the chance and escape. He opts to stay and listen some more and of course Bree is incapable of just leaving on her own. Yes, I know, in any other case I'd chalk it up to comradery and looking out for one's friends, except that I already sat through Edward leading Bella on a leash for four freaking books, not to mention the whole "Carlisle and Emmett won't go against Esme and Rosalie" thing in Breaking Dawn.
The Volturi address Victoria and presumably it's Jane talking, since she has a voice that was "not as high-pitched as our creator’s, but it still sounded girlish" So Victoria, who is presumably in an adult body, is more high-pitched than the vampire in a younger body? Wow Meyer, that's still pretty mean. Jane goes on about how it's pointless for Victoria to fight or run and I'd be more on edge if the Volturi actually followed through with some of their threats. The worst we actually see them do in the books is terrorize a fifteen-year-old girl. Anyway, Jane assures Victoria that they won't be killing her...yet. You can just imagine Meyer thinking "dun dun dunnnnn" as she wrote that.
Jane asks what Victoria's intentions are for her newborn army and whether or not it involves killing the Cullens. No, she doesn't just say that, but we who are blessed with a higher IQ than a toaster oven can figure that out already. It's dropped that the army is illegal and Bree starts spazzing and wondering how on Earth anything could be illegal for vampires, since it's just simply impossible for anyone to arrest or try or hold power over them.
Okay, first. Bree? You're clearly screwed up on your concept of "illegal". Because just because someone can do something doesn't make it legal to do something. Is that why you're so happily eating people with no qualms? Because you an get away with it, because no one is stopping you from doing so, you think it's perfectly alright? No, it's not. A criminal who gets away with their behavior is still a criminal. The police never caught the Zodiac Killer, have no idea who or where he is, and hold no power over him. So by your logic, the murders he committed were not illegal? Idiot!
Second of all, darling, you just shat your pants when the Volturi showed up. Victoria and Riley, who you also shit your pants over, are also crapping themselves. Long and short, these cloaked people seem to hold some authority over vampires. MAYBE THEY ARE THE VAMPIRE POLICE, DIPSTICK! Or do you think that there's a group of vampires who make a habit of dressing up creepily, threatening people, interrogating them, and pointing out illegal activities?
*sigh* Moving on, Victoria assures Jane that her plan is all about killing the Cullens and that she isn't doing it yet because of the Alice Factor. We're told that there's a "petulant" note in Victoria's voice as she explains this. *patiently* Are you almost done pissing on Victoria's character, Meyer? I can wait until you are.
Jane asks how Victoria's been avoiding Alice's visions and Victoria explains that she never decided what to do with the army, so it never shows up. I already pointed this out, but if that's the case, then shouldn't Alice still have known about the army, since Victoria did, in fact, decide to have it made? Hmm? Jane congratulates Victoria on her success, but warns her that she's got to decide soon whether she'll attack or not. Jane reminds her that if she doesn't, she'll be subjected to the law and that she (Jane) hates granting reprieves, since it's not in her nature. Right. That's just why you let Bella and the Cullens off alive three fucking times throughout this series, even though you're allegedly chomping at the bit to kill them all.
That's one thing about the Volturi that always confused me. Apparently the Cullens are that one defiant group, because they eat animals or something, I don't know. And apparently the Volturi are desperate to see them dead. Why not just go ahead and kill them all, like they do to everyone else? In Breaking Dawn, we're told that the Volturi make a regular habit of slaughtering covenants over trumped-up charges and only leaving alive the vampires they want to keep. They apparently want Alice and Edward. So go in, kill everyone else, have Chelsea brainwash those two into being best buddies, mission accomplished! It's not even like they don't have anything on the Cullens! Bella could work very well as an excuse! Just point out that the Cullens were putting the vampire world at risk through their association with her - a legitimate point, when you consider all of the death and destruction going on in her name - and kill 'em. I've heard people use the "vampires aren't close-knit" excuse as to why the Cullens, with all of their experience, never heard of things like half-human vampire babies. So why would the Cullens death be the one to unite the vampire world against the Volturi? No one ought to care!
Gah, I'll just move on. Jane tells Victoria that she has seven days five days to launch the attack, and if she does not, she will be burned.
The Volturi leave and Bree starts to freak out again and indicates to Diego that she wants to go back to the other newborns. Diego convinces her to wait a little longer and they hear Victoria saying that "now they know". She then tells Riley that they need every advantage and that he is to train all of the newborns. In a few days, get them whipped into shape. Instead of having trained them from the very beginning. Shut up, I'm sure it makes sense somehow!
So they go rushing after Riley, with all of this information. Will they warn the newborns about this? Try to run? Lay low?
They still want to stick to the plan and confront Riley. Fuck me with a spoon.
AFTER ALL THEY HEARD, AFTER CLEARLY SEEING THAT RILEY IS SUSPICIOUS AND IN ON A PLAN INVOLVING THEM AND IS USING THEM, THEY'RE STILL GOING TO ASK HIM ABOUT THE SPARKLING!
JESUS CHRIST!!!
Diego tries to be gallant and says that it's too suspicious if he and Bree both go, so he'll confront Riley alone, while she waits up for him. No, he's not going to have her hide in the bushes or bring back-up. He's just going to wander off alone and confront the dude who is involved in some conspiracy.
You know, I don't feel sorry in the slightest that these guys will all be dying.
Oh, and what do you know? Diego still thinks that Riley is in the dark on this all! He even goes on about how informing Riley that they can move around during the day will help them all out with the big battle going down! The battle that they were all shanghaied for! Idiot!
Bree and Diego kiss and she goes back to the house, where they are now minus one vampire who is lying in a charred heap on the ground. She quickly finds Freaky Fred and goes hiding behind him again. She notices, for the first time, that he is muscular, broad-shouldered, and looks like a college student. She also mentions several times how she's surprised that he's good-looking. Now myself, that wouldn't bother me at first. Bree's explanation for her surprise is that she associated him with his revolting aura, and that is an interesting idea, since people usually associate "gross" with "geeky", "ugly", "stupid", "smelly" and so on. The thing is, she just saw Diego for the last time (do you really think he's coming out alive?). No, she doesn't know it yet. But Meyer does. So the instant Diego is gone, all of a sudden, Bree notices how Freaky Fred is so danged attractive! Hooray! Meyer, there are other things to worry about!
Fred puts Bree in his protect gross aura thing and there's a brief moment when he smiles at her. And while you just know Meyer is trying to pump it up like OTHER TRUE LOVE, I honestly get the feeling that it's more Fred's just a nice guy who likes to help Bree out. And that's pretty cool.
Bree sits down by Fred and starts flipping through a book and waiting for Diego to return, because surely he will. She starts logicking her way through all that she learned and for the first time, she wonders if maybe, Victoria already knows about the sparkling thing and is deliberately having everyone be kept ignorant about it. THANK YOU! Of course, she still wonders why they all would be lied to, and if I hit my head on the wall any more, the paint will chip.
She starts to think that just maybe, sending Diego alone to talk to Riley wasn't such a good idea, since Riley might also be in on it. HOW IS IT THAT MOST VIEWERS CAN FIGURE THIS OUT IN THE FIRST FEW CHAPTERS AND YOU'RE ONLY GETTING IT NOW??? Oh, and this is the first time that she considers that the burn-in-the-sunlight threat was put into play to keep them all in line and from running away. Oy.
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ZeldaQueen: And that seems about as good a place as any to stop now. Nearly over! Woot!
Onward to: Part 9
Back To: Part 7
Back to: Table of Contents