My Inner Life: Chapter 17: A New Friend (Part 1)
ZeldaQueen: Howdy folks! We're really getting down to the wire here. Second-to-last chapter of My Inner Life, right here, right now!
Link and friends are still absent, mostly because they need a break in the worst possible way. Don't worry, they'll be back well in time for the end.
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter 17: A New Friend
A New Friend
ZeldaQueen: That sounds like the title of a children's book
A few months later, Link and I were at Lake Hylia with our son and fairies on a family picnic, when the most amazing thing happened.
ZeldaQueen: Link actually remembered what canon was and drowned me in the lake. Astonishing!
I have always remembered stories being told me by my parents about a noble race of creatures called Griffins.
ZeldaQeen: Well this is totally out of left field!
And again, notice how she has always been conveniently told about all of the legends that she comes across. Nothing surprises her unless it's being used for cheap drama
It was told to me that these wise and noble creatures live in the (12)Black Mountains just north of (13)Dragonmount, which was a day's ride from Hyrule.
ZeldaQueen: WHERE? Those places don't exist!
And more footnotes! Goody! First, for the Black Mountains. "The Black mountains are a large mountain chain made of black rock encrusted with precious minerals. This chain lies to the north of Hyrule where it is said the noble race called the Griffins live." All we get from that is that the thing is made of precious minerals and is to the north. Hooray, some sort of context (despite the fact that the only thing in the north of Hyrule is the castle).
Second, for Dragonmount, "Dragonmount is a dragon shaped rock formation near the Black Mountains. It is said the once the mighty dragons lived there at the base of the Black Mountains and their land stretched to where the base of Dragonmount now stands. Some say the dragons built the mighty rock to symbolize their land, some say it was unearthed after the dragons were forced to move to the poison land as a symbol of anger and revenge on the Griffins for taking their home"
Honestly? I'm seriously getting annoyed by the Suethor's need to keep adding things. It's getting to the point at which she could just change the names and make this some totally original work. Why doesn't she just do that? At least she can leave the game canon alone
I had never thought I would have ever met one of these noble creatures until now……..
ZeldaQueen: Because everything unusual in this story happens to you!
Also - ellipses abuse!
Link and I had just unrolled the blanket for us to sit on while Lilly, Navi and Aria were playing with our son, when Link's ears twitched from a sudden noise. "Jenna……did you hear that?" Link asked his ears twitching.
ZeldaQueen: Link's part dog? Ought to work great with Jenna - she's part cat. No wonder they have such rough sex
"Hear what my love?" I returned, giving him a sideways look. "I hear nothing."
His ears twitched again. "You don't hear that noise honey? It sounds like something is whimpering." Link said again, his eyes scanning over the land on the other side of the lake.
ZeldaQueen: She's not reacting, she's confused by how he's behaving, and she said she can't hear anything. Yes Link, I don't think she can hear that noise
"I have no idea what you're hearing love, I still hear nothing."
ZeldaQueen: Oh you never know what's going on around you. Compared to you, Bella Swan is well-prepared and alert
"I forget that you're not part Elvin, you're full human, that's probably why you don't hear it. Half human, half Elvin people have stronger hearing then full humans." Link said quizzically, his eyes still scanning for the source of the faint noise.
ZeldaQueen: I'm sorry, what was that horse pucky? Link is not "half Elvin". If you think that's why his ears are pointy (which it probably is, given how often you mention them), it's not. The people of Hyrule naturally have pointed ears. And if Link has such strong hearing, then how the fuck was he surprised by Dark Link before?
And "quizzically" is not the word you wanted
"You never cease to amaze me Link , but you're probably right.
ZeldaQueen: Of course. He's your Almighty Husband and is naturally always right.
You're easily impressed, aren't you? That's the exact same response you gave for finding out he had metal boots
Do you have any idea where it's coming from?" I returned, my eyes watching him. He shook his head in response. "Not a clue, there's so many other noises mixed in with it that I cannot tell."
ZeldaQueen: There aren't that many things in Lake Hylia. It's a pretty broad, open, area you know
Raising my head up, I sniffed the air, searching for a distinctive scent.
ZeldaQueen: Cat Jenna makes another appearance. Hooray!
I scanned the air, searched for something out of the ordinary, when a bitter scent of blood and sulfur hit my nose causing it to wrinkle in distaste.
ZeldaQueen: ...the fuck? If this thing is so far away that Jenna can't hear it at all, how can she smell blood and sulfur from it? She really is a cat person!
"Link…..I think I picked up something. I smell a mixture of sulfur and blood coming from somewhere across the lake." I said as a worried look crossed Link's lean face. "I think something is wounded over there."
ZeldaQueen: Yes, you are. Just give me a moment to sharpen my sulfur knife and say your prayers
"Sulfur and blood? The only place I know of where sulfur is, is in the Black Mountains to the north of Dragonmount.
ZeldaQueen: How convenient! The only place in Hyrule that has sulfur is the non-canon place described just at the beginning of this chapter!
But what could be causing sulfur to mix with blood? And how would sulfur get this far south?"
ZeldaQueen: My God these people are stupid!
Link's gaze returned to the other side of the lake. "I think we should send the fairies to go check it out. I agree, they have better sight and smell then we do.
ZeldaQueen: Again, what? How could the fairies have better sense of sight and smell? They don't have noses or eyes!
I think they will have better luck in finding out where the sounds and smell is coming from."
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 81
I returned,
ZeldaQueen: Would it kill you to say "replied"? PDORD Count = 82
my body shaking slightly from an uneasy feeling. "Lilly, Navi, Aria come quickly, its of great importance." Link called, his voice expressing urgency. I watched as the three small hovering lights came floating over to us, their glowing aura's flickering with wonderment. "What's wrong Link, did something bad happen?" Navi asked. "We need you Lilly and Aria to check out something on the other side of the lake."
ZeldaQueen: Yes, send the fairies - who have no defenses whatsoever - over to investigate the source of something that smells like blood and sulfur!
Actually, why isn't Link checking this out himself? According to the game, it's perfectly easy to walk in a complete circle around the lake. There are even little bridges to let you get to the island in the middle. And even if the Suethor insists it's too far, Link can swim! In fact, this is one of the few Zelda games in which he doesn't drown immediately upon contact with water. He can swim as long and far as you want him too! Plus, he still has the Zora tunic and the Iron Boots! He could walk across the bottom of the lake! This makes no sense!
"What is wrong over there?" "Did you hear wolfos or something?" Aria asked worried.
ZeldaQueen: Well I certainly hope not, since there aren't any Wolfos in the area of Lake Hylia
"No it's not that, but I heard something that sounds like whimpering and Jenna smells blood mixed with sulfur coming from the other side of the lake." Link said his blue eyes filled with concern.
ZeldaQueen: (Link) "It's clearly a dangerous situation, so that's why you're the ones who're going. Better you than us!"
"Sulfur…..what….oh by the goddesses the only place where sulfur comes from is in the Black Mountains?!" Lilly returned her face twisting with shock.
ZeldaQueen: THE FAIRIES DON'T HAVE FACES! ARE YOU THINKING OF THE SUPER YELLOW LUMS IN RAYMAN? THOSE LOOK LIKE THIS
ZeldaQueen: THE FAIRIES LOOK LIKE THIS IN OCARINA OF TIME
ZeldaQueen: Get it? Got it? GOOD!
"How in the hell would sulfur have gotten this far south?" Aria questioned her blue aura, dimming slightly.
ZeldaQueen: Why is the fairy swearing? Why is she questioning her blue aura? And didn't we already get this dialogue from Link and Jenna?
"That's what we want to find out." Link returned.
ZeldaQueen: STOP USING THAT WORD!
"I understand. We will leave now." Navi said as she Lilly and Aria started to make their way across the lake.
ZeldaQueen: (Navi) "Since you're too much of a lazy bastard to go yourself, it seems"
"Please be careful!" I yelled just before they got halfway across.
ZeldaQueen: Either those fairies move fucking fast or Jenna is really slow to the punch
Link and I watched as they reached the other side and their glowing auras disappeared inside the thick foliage lining the bank.
ZeldaQueen: Please shut up about the fairies' auras
We sat and anxiously waited for their return. Minutes passed into what seemed like an eternity as they still did not return.
ZeldaQueen: Wow, these people are impatient
Link and I started to grow worried, the minutes turning into long amounts of time.
ZeldaQueen: My, that's descriptive
Then just as we agreed to go after them,
ZeldaQueen: Which they should have just done from the beginning
I saw a small light emerge from the bank of trees just a short way from where they entered. I grabbed the sleeve of Link's green tunic and showed him the small light hovering over the bank. We started to worry as we only saw one light. Getting more worried with each passing minute, Link was getting ready to jump into the lake and swim across when two more small lights emerged from the trees and joined the one waiting by the bank.
ZeldaQueen: GET ON WITH IT!
Breathing a sigh of relief, we watched as the three small fairies made their way back across and joined us on the other side. With a look of distress, all three fairies turned a shade of bright yellow.
ZeldaQueen: Um...fairies can't do that
"Link
ZeldaQueen: COMMA!
you and Jenna must hurry!" Navi cried, as she spun in a circle. "You will not believe this, but there's a wounded Griffin over there hiding among the trees." Link and I exchanged shocked glances. "A Griffin!?" We said in unison. "What in the hell would a Griffin be doing this far south?" I asked puzzled.
ZeldaQueen: Probably the same thing the smell of sulfur is. I'm just wondering why there's a Griffin in Hyrule period, since they don't exist in that canon!
"I thought that they only lived in the Black Mountains. I never heard of one venturing too far away from the Black Mountains unless they had a passenger with a request to go some where. And it's not even that, the Griffins don't just trust anyone." Link added, his puzzled look making his blue eyes look dull.
ZeldaQueen: Oh noes! Link is so distressed that his eyes are dull! Whatever shall we do without their enchanting jewelish sparkle?
And how does that work? The Griffins don't trust anyone but they take passengers to places they normally don't travel to? Huh?
"Whatever may be its reason, we must hurry, the creature is wounded badly, and it needs our immediate attention." Aria added with urgency in her voice.
ZeldaQueen: The Suethor is allergic to adverbs. Don't laugh, it's a serious condition
"Well then we must make haste. Aria, please stay here with Link Jr.
ZeldaQueen: Because a fairy is certainly capable of keeping an infant safe from the various monsters that roam Lake Hylia. Hope you don't mind your kid being eaten by a Tektite
Lilly, Navi, please show us the way." I said as I made my way down to the bank and into the water. I listened as Link joined me and we both swam with great hast to the other side. Rising out of the water and onto the bank, I stood up and rung out my saturated dress as Link made his way up and beside me.
ZeldaQueen: Summary - they swam across the lake, which they both could have done from the start. Fail
Then Lilly and Navi joined us, their aura's
ZeldaQueen: You don't know how apostrophes work, do you?
flickering with worry. "This way follow us!" Navi yelled
ZeldaQueen: Who is "this way" and why does Navi want them to follow her?
as her and Lilly
ZeldaQueen: "She and Lilly"! Christ Suethor, this is just stupid!
disappeared into the thickness of the trees. Following, we entered the thicket and made our way into a small clearing, where we saw a sight we never thought we'd see. There lying on the ground was a Hugh white Griffin with black tips on its wings and light yellow bird like claws on its front legs. Beautiful intricate jewelry hung from its tufted ears and from its neck indicating it must be of high rank. My mouth just hung open as I watched its crystal blue eye staring us over.
ZeldaQueen: Summary - they find a Griffin, bit whoop, it's wearing lots of shiny stuff so of course it must be important. Heaven forbid the Sue meet anything or anyone that's not insanely powerful or high-ranking
And she's using the exact same adjectives for its eyes as for Link's. Are there no other kinds of eyes in this story?
Also, she mixed up "huge" and "Hugh" again. Pray tell, how the fuck did she manage that? It's not even like she mixed up letters, she put in the wrong letter and capitalized the damned "H"!
Slowly it lifted its head and its sharp beak opened.
ZeldaQueen: It promptly bit off the Mary Sue's head and there was much rejoicing
"Who are you?" The Griffin asked in a raspy voice. I exchanged glances with Link before he moved forward. "I just might ask you the same, but the names
ZeldaQueen: APOSTROPHE
Link and this is my wife Jenna. And those two fairies over there are Lilly and Navi." Link said with a hint of caution. We watched as the Griffin's crystal blue eye
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 83
continued to stare at us, its gaze full of caution
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 84
and questioning. "The names
ZeldaQueen: APOSTROPHE, GOD DAMMIT!
Dalamar." The creature returned,
ZeldaQueen: *screams*
its beak pointed directly at us. I watched as the Griffin struggled to get onto its feet, but without any success and crashed back to the ground. "You shouldn't try to move, you're still too wounded." I advised him. "Were here to help." I walked over to him and looked at the Hugh
ZeldaQueen: Fuck me with a chainsaw, Suethor, you're driving me into an early grave!
gashes on his legs and wings. Reaching into the pouch I had attached to my waist, I pulled out a healing ointment and started applying it to his wounds.
ZeldaQueen: ...And she just happens to carry that with her everywhere? How utterly convenient
"Now this is going to sting a little." I said as I applied the ointment. "Why are you helping me?" Dalamar questioned, his eyes watching me.
ZeldaQueen: Because she's a Friend To All Living Things Sue
Without an answer to his question, I continued to apply the ointment to his wounds, then dressed them. After I applied the final dressing, I looked into his cautious eyes. "There, all done. Do you think you can walk?" I asked. "What are we going to do with him? They don't just trust anyone." Link inquired, his eyes filled with worry.
ZeldaQueen: YOU SAID THAT ALREADY! PDORD Count = 85
"We just cannot just leave him here. I think that it's wise if we try to help him get back to the Black Mountains." I said as I walked over to Link and looked into his eyes. "I'm not the type of person to just leave something that's wounded behind. I've always been a compassionate person."
ZeldaQueen: But your modesty sucks, I must say
Link's eyes twinkled as he stared down into mine, his expression softening. "That's just one of the reasons why I married you
ZeldaQueen: COMMA!
my love.
ZeldaQueen: Both hands on the keyboard, Link's Queen
I agree with you, we should help him. But first I think that we will have to gain his trust, or he might not allow us to help him." Link returned.
ZeldaQueen: Why wouldn't he trust them? He's already been talking to them and seen that they've bandaged him up
Nodding in agreement, I walked back over to Dalamar.
"Again, do you think you can get up?" I questioned the Griffin. "His crystal eyes stared into mine for a moment, then he spoke.
ZeldaQueen: Your quotes are wonky
"I just may be able to, but as I asked before, why are you helping me?" Dalamar questioned me again.
ZeldaQueen: Because she's a Friend of All Living Things Sue who never misses a chance to wave her Generosity and Selflessness in the readers' faces
My expression softened and a small compassionate smile crossed my face. "Because we are friends, and I cannot just leave you here in the state that your in."
ZeldaQueen: My word, that was sappy
Dalamar just stared at me with a cautious and puzzled look, his tufted ears twitching with concern. "Perhaps you may be here to help me, but as anyone should know that the trust of a Griffin is not so easily gained."
ZeldaQueen: So we've been told. Who wants to bet that Jenna gains his trust in jig time?
Dalamar returned
ZeldaQueen: USE ANOTHER WORD!
as he slowly rose to his feet. Smiling I looked directly into his eyes once more. "Don't worry my friend, that should not be such a hard task for us to do." Turning my back I walked back beside Link and we gestured for Lilly and Navi to help guide Dalamar out of the thicket and back to Lake Hylia.
ZeldaQueen: So much for the difficult trust of the Griffin. He just goes right after them, like a dog
We slowly made our way across the water and joined Aria with our son on the other side.
ZeldaQueen: Wait, they all swam? Meaning the Griffin too? Wasn't he so injured that he could hardly walk?
Immediately Aria jumped up
ZeldaQueen: FAIRIES CAN'T JUMP! THEY HAVEN'T GOT LEGS! FUCK SUETHOR, YOU ARE GETTING ME EXTREMELY ANGRY! THESE ARE ELEMENTARY MISTAKES! YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS ALL ALREADY!
and flew over to me. "Oh by the Goddesses, I see that you managed to get the creature here." Lilly inquired
ZeldaQueen: Why is she "inquiring"? She didn't ask a question
as she floated in a circle in front to me. Nodding I looked into her small eyes.
ZeldaQueen: ...
FAIRIES. DON'T. HAVE. EYES!
"Yep, but we must get him back to the Castle. How did little Link do while we were away?"
ZeldaQueen: He was eaten by a Like Like. It was hilarious
I watched as Aria's aura grew brighter. "Just fine, he's over by the horses playing in the flowers."
ZeldaQueen: The horses are playing with the flowers?
Aria returned
ZeldaQueen: AUGH!
as she flew over to him. Looking back over to Link, my smile faded. "We must hurry to the Castle love.
ZeldaQueen: Castle love! Bow-Chicka-Bow-Wow!
We must inform Princess Zelda of Dalamar."
Walking over to our horses, I called for our fairies to help guide Dalamar, while I secured Link Jr. into the saddle. Then Link and I mounted our horses and headed towards the Castle.
ZeldaQueen: Boring!
We had to take it easy since Dalamar could not move very fast due to his injuries, but after some time and a lot of determination we made it to the Castle Gates.
ZeldaQueen: I don't think "castle gates" is a proper noun
We made our way across the wooden bridge and into the bustling market. As we crossed the Market, I heard the shocked gasps and uttered whispers of the Hylian people as the caught sight of the magnificent Griffin that followed behind us. "Look it's a Griffin. " "By the goddesses a Griffin has showed up in Hyrule." "What is one doing this far south?" Were just some of the uttered words said by the shocked people of Hyrule.
ZeldaQueen: Those are the exact same things that Link, Jenna, Lilly, Navi, and Aria said about the Griffin. This is starting to sound like a comedy routine.
PDORD Count = 87
We made our way threw
ZeldaQueen: THROUGH!
the Market and down the path that led to Hyrule Castle. When we stopped at the first gate, Palin another guard I was also friends with stood still like petrified rock as the pure shock of the Griffin sent him nearly ghost white.
ZeldaQueen: Palin? Is that the guard who can see Russia from the first gate?
"Oh by the Goddesses…..it's a Griffin!" He cried, his eyes wide as saucers.
ZeldaQueen: WE KNOW! SHUT UP ABOUT THAT!
"Where in (14)Gaia did he come from?
ZeldaQueen: Right. Remember how thus far the Suethor's proven completely incapable of noticing that Hyrule and Earth are different places? Well this is what that footnote is - "Gaia is the planet Hyrule rests on"
MOOSE SHIT, SUETHOR!
I thought the Griffins only lived in the Black Mountains?
ZeldaQueen: Are the Griffins supposed to be chained to those mountains or something? Why is everyone so shocked at the notion that a living, sentient creature would move from one location to another?
We must see the Princess, and fast." Link added his words ushering urgency.
ZeldaQuen: So nice that Link is taking the time to help urgency find its seat in the theater
"At…at once my Lord." Palin stammered as he opened the gate and allowed us to pass.
ZeldaQueen: (Palin) "Alright, alright, just no singing!"
By the time we reached the second gate, word had already spread about Dalamar's presence in Hyrule.
ZeldaQueen: Because everything affiliated with the Sue is Just So Amazing that word of it spreads throughout the kingdom within seconds
There at the gates to Hyrule Castle was Princess Zelda and Impa awaiting our arrival.
ZeldaQueen: How is that any different than usual?
Her deep blue eyes turned a shade of gray when she set them upon the massive white Griffin.
ZeldaQueen: Erm, why? Is that supposed to be symbolic of how she's scared? Shocked? Makes her inferior to Link with his great crystal blueness? Throw us a bone, Suethor
"By the Goddesses, in all my days I never thought I'd ever see one of the magnificent noble Griffins. You honor us with your presence, oh noble Griffin." Zelda said as she bowed to Dalamar.
ZeldaQueen: ZELDA IS THE PRINCESS! STOP MAKING HER BOW AND SCRAPE AT EVERYTHING! IF ANYTHING, DALAMAR SHOULD BE BOWING TO HER!!!
You know what? This is exactly like those damned Druids from the Rose Potter series. They're a fucking Sue Race who does everything That Much Better and are always held in the greatest of reverence for no reason ever shown to the audience. Bah! *spits*
He looked at her, his gaze softening upon the look of Zelda's rosy face. He lowered his head, his crystal blue eyes staring down into hers.
ZeldaQueen: Someone take the adjectives off of Link's Queen
"Princess Zelda I presume?" Dalamar said, his nostrils flaring.
ZeldaQueen: Correct as usual, King Friday
With a look of shock, Zelda gasped at Dalamar's knowledge of her name.
ZeldaQueen: SHE. IS. THE. FUCKING. PRINCESS!!! Why, why would she be so surprised that he knows her name? He lives in the neighboring kingdom! That would be like if Queen Elizabeth II was shocked that an American knew her name
"Yes Princess I know all about you. The story of Gannondorf
ZeldaQueen: GANONDORF!
taking over Hyrule has spread to many lands, including to the Black Mountains. Then my hunch was right, the one in the green who accompanied us here, is Link the "Hero of Time." I watched as Link gasped his eyes growing big. "I know all about your great feats Link "Hero of Time."
ZeldaQueen: (Dalamar) "I mean seriously, getting it up twice in five minutes? DAMN!"
We all just stood there unable to move. The sudden knowledge that Dalamar possessed had us all frozen in time. I could not believe of all the knowledge the snowy white Griffin possessed.
ZeldaQueen: These people are idiots. I'm sorry, but Bella, Edward, and Jacob have nothing on these guys. Nothing. For the love of God, Jenna is from another land and knew that something was up in Hyrule. These creatures live in neighboring lands. The defeat of Ganondorf was celebrated throughout the land. Has it not occurred to any of them that this news passed to anywhere else? No, scratch that, it probably didn't, because there AREN'T other lands in the game!!! But still, the Griffin gives very vague details which could be easily acquired and they're frozen in shock?
But it was often said that those noble creatures never left anything unseen.
ZeldaQueen: No, you folks are just dumb as rocks
"Please excuse my sudden burst of words without a proper introduction. My name is Dalamar, High Lord of the Griffin Council." The Griffin returned, bowing his head down in front of Zelda.
ZeldaQueen: Someone's actually showing Zelda some respect. I think I might go into shock
Coming out of her state of shock, her gaze returned to the High Lord's face. "Well then.
ZeldaQueen: Fragment!
Welcome, Dalamar, Lord of the Griffin Council." Zelda said manor fully.
ZeldaQueen: What does that mean? I'm pretty sure she meant "manner", but "manner fully"? Huh?
"Well my Lord shall we reside to the Palace Garden?" Zelda asked.
ZeldaQueen: I think that's supposed to be "retire". Holy mother, Suethor, is English your fourth language or something?
With a smile Dalamar bowed his head in response.
After we resided
ZeldaQueen: RETIRED!
to the Garden, Zelda ordered the servants to bring refreshments and change Dalamar's dressings. Then the one question that was on everyone's mind was finally spoken. "So tell me my Lord, how did you come to Hyrule? If I understand correctly, Griffins usually don't venture to far away from the Black Mountains." Zelda questioned as she took a sip of her herbal tea.
ZeldaQueen: I'd imagine that you'd want to know why he came to Hyrule then, not how
"You have understood correctly, Princess, but I came to Hyrule under unfortunate circumstances." Dalamar returned as he picked up his cup in his claws and raised it to his beaked mouth.
ZeldaQueen: Someone needs to put that sentence out of its misery
Taking a sip, he sat the cup back down and his crystal eyes faltered. "You see m' lady I came her not by choice, we Griffins are hardened on how far from the Black Mountains we can venture. Even as peaceful a race we Griffins are, we still have many enemies. And once such enemy of the Griffins are the (15)Draconians." Dalamar said nonchalantly, his crystal blue eyes staring down into his cup.
ZeldaQueen: I honestly can't make heads or tails of this. I don't understand why the Griffins don't like to leave their mountain, but whatever. So he's telling us about their enemies ("nonchalantly"? Really?). And what does this footnote tell us about the enemies? " Draconians are a band of Dark Knights that fly on the backs of dragons. These Knights led under Lord Ariakas have tamed the once peaceful dragons and turned them evil, forcing them to do his bidding. Now this once peaceful race has been poisoned and turned dark, forced to lead a life as killers. Most dragons cannot be trusted and the only dragons that remain free are the Bronze and Silver colored dragons. All Blue, Red and Black dragons are now evil; polluted by Ariakas and have become carriers for Dark Knights". Now besides that being incredibly stupid, that reminds me of something...
"'I wouldn't want to say [anything kind] about the gwythaints' Taran answered.
'I only feel sorrow for those unhappy creatures,' Medwyn said. 'Once, long ago, they were as free as other birds, gentle and trusting. In his cunning, Arwan lured them to him and brought them under his power. He built the iron cages which are now their prison houses in Annuvin. The tortures he inflicted on the gwythaints were shameful and unspeakable. Now they serve him out of terror."
~ The Book of Three, The Hidden Valley
ZeldaQueen: Arwan is the lord of death who threatens the land in that book. The gwythaints are a breed of dragon-like creatures who, as the quote says, used to be peaceful and were forced into evil servitude. It is later shown that gwythaints are still not naturally evil and a baby one saved by the heroes grows up to help them several times.
As for the Dark Knights riding black dragons...
ZeldaQueen: For shame, Link's Queen
"We have been at war with the Draconians for centuries. These evil people have captured and tamed the wild dragons from the poison lands, training these gigantic lizards into doing their bidding. These dragons were once an isolated, quite species, until they came, the dark nights under the follow of the (16)Dark Lord Ariakas of the Shadow Realm. They rampaged and conquered the poison lands, capturing the dragons and training them under the rule of Darkness. Now these evil knights under Ariakas evil rule, are hell bent on total annihilation of all who oppose them."
ZeldaQueen: *whistles* Well, that's impressive. Where to start?
First of all, Suethor! For the love of God listen! If you put information in the story itself, you do not need to put it in a footnote later!
Second of all, that story is incredibly generic and idiotic. If there's been a huge war raging in the land north of Hyrule for so long, why hasn't anyone heard of it before? Even if Hyrule wasn't involved, they still ought to hear something about it.
Third of all, another footnote. Goody. "Lord Ariakas of the Shadow Realm is an evil being that was once a wizard that served under the King of Kalence during the time of the Great War. After he was discovered that he was planning to poison the King in order to gain control over the Kingdom, he was forsaken to the evil Shadow Realm. It was during his time there that Ariakas harnessed the power of the Shadow Realm, practicing in the ways of black magic. Once he harnessed the powers of the Shadow Realm, he vowed revenge on those who put him away as well as all who aided Kalence during the war. With promises of eternal life and untold riches, Ariakas managed to rally together a band of followers to follow him in the ways of the Shadow Realm, turning them into Dark Knights. Now with his power over the Dragons, and with new people walking in the ways of the shadow, Ariakas is now a feared and dangerous man with a hell bent desire on expanding his reach over the now peaceful lands, thrusting for total domination over them"
ZeldaQueen: Again, it's pretty much an extremely bland version of most "evil villain is locked away, swears revenge, dupes followers, woe is us" story. The tricking of the followers could apply to the aforementioned Chronicles of Prydain series (the Huntsmen) or the Lord of the Rings (Sauron making the nine kings the wraiths). There is one particular reason though, that this Lord Ariakas story jumps out at me. To explain why, I'll introduce you all to two canon characters in the Legend of Zelda series (spoilers folks - sorry).
The first character is Agahnim, a character in A Link to the Past. In the game, he is a magician who was made the chief adviser to the king after saving the land from mysterious plagues of disease, drought, and famine. Upon achieving this position, he proceeded to kill the king and basically use his power to take over.
The second character, who ties in with the first, is Ganon/Ganondorf. He is, of course, the main villain in the games and is in almost all of them. In A Link to the Past, he is locked in the Dark Realm after claiming the Triforce. It is revealed that Agahnim is actually his alter ego, created through the powerful magic he obtained through the Triforce. As said above, Agahnim was responsible for gaining the King's trust and killing him. Also worth mentioning is Ganondorf's role in Ocarina of Time - he is a magic-using Gerudo who swears allegiance to the King of Hyrule, but ultimately plans to take control of the land himself. At the end of the game, this treachery is punished by him being banished to the Dark Realm where he swears to use his vast dark magic to break free and get revenge on the descendants of Link, Zelda, and the Sages. In one of the "sequels" to Ocarina of Time which show that Ganondorf makes good on that promise. In Twilight Princess, he escapes by using the promises of power and eternal life to get Zant to be his follower. Through Zant, Ganondorf enslaves the once-peaceful Twili people and turns them into black monsters (this includes dragon-like creatures).
Long and short of all of the above? Link's Queen is utterly shameless. What's the mater dearie? Wasn't Legend of Zelda canon good enough for you? Had to just change the names to make it your own, huh?
Finally, those were some nasty repetitions. PDORD Count = 90
Dalamar looked solemnly around the garden, haunting memories filling into his mind. His wings folded in distress as he continued. "Their first place of conquest was our home on the Black Mountains. When we opposed them, that thrust our people into long centuries of war against the Lord of the Shadow Realm. Now we, once a peaceful people, are fighting everyday of our lives in a desperate attempt to keep from falling under Lord Ariakas dark control." Dalamar's gaze shifted skyward, his claws gripping into the ground beneath him. "One day word came in from our air patrol that a group of Draconians on dragonback were camping near Dragonmount. After the council made a decision that I would be the one to check out the inquiry, I made hast and left on the moment of the wing. Upon my arrival at Dragonmount, I was ambushed by a Draconian on a red dragon. After a long fight in the air, I was struck and wounded by the dragon's powerful claws and acid breath. In my attempt to escape, I was perused by the dragon until I lost them in Death Canyon just west of here. Then I continued to fly south until I was unable to go any further and I crashed down in a thicket of trees by the lake you must call Lake Hylia. I must have been there for two or three days before your hero Link and his wife found me." Dalamar's head slouched, his beak touching the feathers on his neck.
ZeldaQueen: Yes, I'm sure that it's a fascinating story if one cares. There is no Death Canyon though, unless you're referring to the canyon outside of the Gerudo Valley (which has no name)
"I fear that Lord Ariakas is planning to invade the Black Mountains and seize control over my people.
ZeldaQueen: Didn't you already say he's been at war with your people for ages? Wouldn't that imply that yes, he's been trying to seize control of them?
That is why I must return to the Black Mountains as soon as I'm able to fly." Dalamar said, his tufted ears flattening against his head. Zelda's deep blue eyes stared into Dalamar's faltered eyes.
ZeldaQueen: I also think the Suethor has some sort of eye fetish. PDORD Count = 91
"Don't worry m' Lord, I will send Link along with you on you're journey back to the Black Mountains. I think you should stay here the night." "It wouldn't be wise to travel until sunrise. But one thing is worrying me now, is this Ariakas, planning to invade Hyrule?" Zelda questioned the Griffin with fear in her voice.
ZeldaQueen: Someone is being halfway sensible! Yipee!
"Honestly m' lady, I couldn't tell you. For as much as I can tell you,
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 92
it seems that the Dark Knights have remained solely to the north, but with as much twisted desire Ariakas has I wouldn't be too surprised if he does plan on spreading his control past the (17)Black Desert."
ZeldaQueen: Well lookee there, another footnote. "The Black Desert is a dangerous and treacherous desert that borders Hyrule's western border. This desert is well known for its thick black sand and dangerously immense heat, hence the name Black Desert. Only one so brave with a strong will manages to cross the immense Black Desert and lives to tell about it. Most who attempt to cross it, either die from heat exhaustion, or get lost in it". That's very nice Suethor. Ocarina of Time already has the Haunted Wasteland to the west. It's got very, very poor visibility from sandstorms, a river of quicksand, and a section so difficult to navigate that you need a spirit to lead you. It also has a reputation for being haunted. You really don't get the concept of "fanfiction", do you?
Zelda's fearful look was cast upon me, her blue eyes turning a dull gray.
ZeldaQueen: What, again? PDORD Count = 93
At that moment I knew that if this Dark Lord from the Shadow Realm was indeed planning a dark invasion of Hyrule, I was going to be the sole protector since of my role as part of the ancient Silverlite race.
ZeldaQueen: HORSE SHYTE!!!
Does Link factor into this ever? At all?
I was an elemental user, one that welds
ZeldaQueen: Well I guess your fire power is good for something
the great power of the forces of nature, and in that I was the strongest protector Hyrule had.
ZeldaQueen: WHAT ABOUT LINK? EXCUSE ME? HE'S SAVED THE KINGDOM MULTIPLE TIMES! I'M GOING TO HIT YOU IF YOU EVER SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN!!!
I could tell that within Zelda's eyes, she was counting on me if such an invasion should happen.
ZeldaQueen: I give up. Not even Link is safe from Jenna's entitlement whoring!
But one thing worried me, if such an invasion happened in the near future, would I really be of any use since I was still expecting?
ZeldaQueen: Because pregnant women are useless, yep
At that point I was six months pregnant and not too sure what the effects of welding
ZeldaQueen: Well heat can't be safe, I'd expect
the great power over the elements would have on Link's unborn child.
ZeldaQueen: Well, one less Sue spawn can only make the world a better place
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Onward to: Chapter 17: A New Friend (Part 2)
Back to: Chapter 16: Life Resumes (Anniversary Night)
Return to: Table of Content
Link and friends are still absent, mostly because they need a break in the worst possible way. Don't worry, they'll be back well in time for the end.
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
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Chapter 17: A New Friend
A New Friend
ZeldaQueen: That sounds like the title of a children's book
A few months later, Link and I were at Lake Hylia with our son and fairies on a family picnic, when the most amazing thing happened.
ZeldaQueen: Link actually remembered what canon was and drowned me in the lake. Astonishing!
I have always remembered stories being told me by my parents about a noble race of creatures called Griffins.
ZeldaQeen: Well this is totally out of left field!
And again, notice how she has always been conveniently told about all of the legends that she comes across. Nothing surprises her unless it's being used for cheap drama
It was told to me that these wise and noble creatures live in the (12)Black Mountains just north of (13)Dragonmount, which was a day's ride from Hyrule.
ZeldaQueen: WHERE? Those places don't exist!
And more footnotes! Goody! First, for the Black Mountains. "The Black mountains are a large mountain chain made of black rock encrusted with precious minerals. This chain lies to the north of Hyrule where it is said the noble race called the Griffins live." All we get from that is that the thing is made of precious minerals and is to the north. Hooray, some sort of context (despite the fact that the only thing in the north of Hyrule is the castle).
Second, for Dragonmount, "Dragonmount is a dragon shaped rock formation near the Black Mountains. It is said the once the mighty dragons lived there at the base of the Black Mountains and their land stretched to where the base of Dragonmount now stands. Some say the dragons built the mighty rock to symbolize their land, some say it was unearthed after the dragons were forced to move to the poison land as a symbol of anger and revenge on the Griffins for taking their home"
Honestly? I'm seriously getting annoyed by the Suethor's need to keep adding things. It's getting to the point at which she could just change the names and make this some totally original work. Why doesn't she just do that? At least she can leave the game canon alone
I had never thought I would have ever met one of these noble creatures until now……..
ZeldaQueen: Because everything unusual in this story happens to you!
Also - ellipses abuse!
Link and I had just unrolled the blanket for us to sit on while Lilly, Navi and Aria were playing with our son, when Link's ears twitched from a sudden noise. "Jenna……did you hear that?" Link asked his ears twitching.
ZeldaQueen: Link's part dog? Ought to work great with Jenna - she's part cat. No wonder they have such rough sex
"Hear what my love?" I returned, giving him a sideways look. "I hear nothing."
His ears twitched again. "You don't hear that noise honey? It sounds like something is whimpering." Link said again, his eyes scanning over the land on the other side of the lake.
ZeldaQueen: She's not reacting, she's confused by how he's behaving, and she said she can't hear anything. Yes Link, I don't think she can hear that noise
"I have no idea what you're hearing love, I still hear nothing."
ZeldaQueen: Oh you never know what's going on around you. Compared to you, Bella Swan is well-prepared and alert
"I forget that you're not part Elvin, you're full human, that's probably why you don't hear it. Half human, half Elvin people have stronger hearing then full humans." Link said quizzically, his eyes still scanning for the source of the faint noise.
ZeldaQueen: I'm sorry, what was that horse pucky? Link is not "half Elvin". If you think that's why his ears are pointy (which it probably is, given how often you mention them), it's not. The people of Hyrule naturally have pointed ears. And if Link has such strong hearing, then how the fuck was he surprised by Dark Link before?
And "quizzically" is not the word you wanted
"You never cease to amaze me Link , but you're probably right.
ZeldaQueen: Of course. He's your Almighty Husband and is naturally always right.
You're easily impressed, aren't you? That's the exact same response you gave for finding out he had metal boots
Do you have any idea where it's coming from?" I returned, my eyes watching him. He shook his head in response. "Not a clue, there's so many other noises mixed in with it that I cannot tell."
ZeldaQueen: There aren't that many things in Lake Hylia. It's a pretty broad, open, area you know
Raising my head up, I sniffed the air, searching for a distinctive scent.
ZeldaQueen: Cat Jenna makes another appearance. Hooray!
I scanned the air, searched for something out of the ordinary, when a bitter scent of blood and sulfur hit my nose causing it to wrinkle in distaste.
ZeldaQueen: ...the fuck? If this thing is so far away that Jenna can't hear it at all, how can she smell blood and sulfur from it? She really is a cat person!
"Link…..I think I picked up something. I smell a mixture of sulfur and blood coming from somewhere across the lake." I said as a worried look crossed Link's lean face. "I think something is wounded over there."
ZeldaQueen: Yes, you are. Just give me a moment to sharpen my sulfur knife and say your prayers
"Sulfur and blood? The only place I know of where sulfur is, is in the Black Mountains to the north of Dragonmount.
ZeldaQueen: How convenient! The only place in Hyrule that has sulfur is the non-canon place described just at the beginning of this chapter!
But what could be causing sulfur to mix with blood? And how would sulfur get this far south?"
ZeldaQueen: My God these people are stupid!
Link's gaze returned to the other side of the lake. "I think we should send the fairies to go check it out. I agree, they have better sight and smell then we do.
ZeldaQueen: Again, what? How could the fairies have better sense of sight and smell? They don't have noses or eyes!
I think they will have better luck in finding out where the sounds and smell is coming from."
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 81
I returned,
ZeldaQueen: Would it kill you to say "replied"? PDORD Count = 82
my body shaking slightly from an uneasy feeling. "Lilly, Navi, Aria come quickly, its of great importance." Link called, his voice expressing urgency. I watched as the three small hovering lights came floating over to us, their glowing aura's flickering with wonderment. "What's wrong Link, did something bad happen?" Navi asked. "We need you Lilly and Aria to check out something on the other side of the lake."
ZeldaQueen: Yes, send the fairies - who have no defenses whatsoever - over to investigate the source of something that smells like blood and sulfur!
Actually, why isn't Link checking this out himself? According to the game, it's perfectly easy to walk in a complete circle around the lake. There are even little bridges to let you get to the island in the middle. And even if the Suethor insists it's too far, Link can swim! In fact, this is one of the few Zelda games in which he doesn't drown immediately upon contact with water. He can swim as long and far as you want him too! Plus, he still has the Zora tunic and the Iron Boots! He could walk across the bottom of the lake! This makes no sense!
"What is wrong over there?" "Did you hear wolfos or something?" Aria asked worried.
ZeldaQueen: Well I certainly hope not, since there aren't any Wolfos in the area of Lake Hylia
"No it's not that, but I heard something that sounds like whimpering and Jenna smells blood mixed with sulfur coming from the other side of the lake." Link said his blue eyes filled with concern.
ZeldaQueen: (Link) "It's clearly a dangerous situation, so that's why you're the ones who're going. Better you than us!"
"Sulfur…..what….oh by the goddesses the only place where sulfur comes from is in the Black Mountains?!" Lilly returned her face twisting with shock.
ZeldaQueen: THE FAIRIES DON'T HAVE FACES! ARE YOU THINKING OF THE SUPER YELLOW LUMS IN RAYMAN? THOSE LOOK LIKE THIS
ZeldaQueen: THE FAIRIES LOOK LIKE THIS IN OCARINA OF TIME
ZeldaQueen: Get it? Got it? GOOD!
"How in the hell would sulfur have gotten this far south?" Aria questioned her blue aura, dimming slightly.
ZeldaQueen: Why is the fairy swearing? Why is she questioning her blue aura? And didn't we already get this dialogue from Link and Jenna?
"That's what we want to find out." Link returned.
ZeldaQueen: STOP USING THAT WORD!
"I understand. We will leave now." Navi said as she Lilly and Aria started to make their way across the lake.
ZeldaQueen: (Navi) "Since you're too much of a lazy bastard to go yourself, it seems"
"Please be careful!" I yelled just before they got halfway across.
ZeldaQueen: Either those fairies move fucking fast or Jenna is really slow to the punch
Link and I watched as they reached the other side and their glowing auras disappeared inside the thick foliage lining the bank.
ZeldaQueen: Please shut up about the fairies' auras
We sat and anxiously waited for their return. Minutes passed into what seemed like an eternity as they still did not return.
ZeldaQueen: Wow, these people are impatient
Link and I started to grow worried, the minutes turning into long amounts of time.
ZeldaQueen: My, that's descriptive
Then just as we agreed to go after them,
ZeldaQueen: Which they should have just done from the beginning
I saw a small light emerge from the bank of trees just a short way from where they entered. I grabbed the sleeve of Link's green tunic and showed him the small light hovering over the bank. We started to worry as we only saw one light. Getting more worried with each passing minute, Link was getting ready to jump into the lake and swim across when two more small lights emerged from the trees and joined the one waiting by the bank.
ZeldaQueen: GET ON WITH IT!
Breathing a sigh of relief, we watched as the three small fairies made their way back across and joined us on the other side. With a look of distress, all three fairies turned a shade of bright yellow.
ZeldaQueen: Um...fairies can't do that
"Link
ZeldaQueen: COMMA!
you and Jenna must hurry!" Navi cried, as she spun in a circle. "You will not believe this, but there's a wounded Griffin over there hiding among the trees." Link and I exchanged shocked glances. "A Griffin!?" We said in unison. "What in the hell would a Griffin be doing this far south?" I asked puzzled.
ZeldaQueen: Probably the same thing the smell of sulfur is. I'm just wondering why there's a Griffin in Hyrule period, since they don't exist in that canon!
"I thought that they only lived in the Black Mountains. I never heard of one venturing too far away from the Black Mountains unless they had a passenger with a request to go some where. And it's not even that, the Griffins don't just trust anyone." Link added, his puzzled look making his blue eyes look dull.
ZeldaQueen: Oh noes! Link is so distressed that his eyes are dull! Whatever shall we do without their enchanting jewelish sparkle?
And how does that work? The Griffins don't trust anyone but they take passengers to places they normally don't travel to? Huh?
"Whatever may be its reason, we must hurry, the creature is wounded badly, and it needs our immediate attention." Aria added with urgency in her voice.
ZeldaQueen: The Suethor is allergic to adverbs. Don't laugh, it's a serious condition
"Well then we must make haste. Aria, please stay here with Link Jr.
ZeldaQueen: Because a fairy is certainly capable of keeping an infant safe from the various monsters that roam Lake Hylia. Hope you don't mind your kid being eaten by a Tektite
Lilly, Navi, please show us the way." I said as I made my way down to the bank and into the water. I listened as Link joined me and we both swam with great hast to the other side. Rising out of the water and onto the bank, I stood up and rung out my saturated dress as Link made his way up and beside me.
ZeldaQueen: Summary - they swam across the lake, which they both could have done from the start. Fail
Then Lilly and Navi joined us, their aura's
ZeldaQueen: You don't know how apostrophes work, do you?
flickering with worry. "This way follow us!" Navi yelled
ZeldaQueen: Who is "this way" and why does Navi want them to follow her?
as her and Lilly
ZeldaQueen: "She and Lilly"! Christ Suethor, this is just stupid!
disappeared into the thickness of the trees. Following, we entered the thicket and made our way into a small clearing, where we saw a sight we never thought we'd see. There lying on the ground was a Hugh white Griffin with black tips on its wings and light yellow bird like claws on its front legs. Beautiful intricate jewelry hung from its tufted ears and from its neck indicating it must be of high rank. My mouth just hung open as I watched its crystal blue eye staring us over.
ZeldaQueen: Summary - they find a Griffin, bit whoop, it's wearing lots of shiny stuff so of course it must be important. Heaven forbid the Sue meet anything or anyone that's not insanely powerful or high-ranking
And she's using the exact same adjectives for its eyes as for Link's. Are there no other kinds of eyes in this story?
Also, she mixed up "huge" and "Hugh" again. Pray tell, how the fuck did she manage that? It's not even like she mixed up letters, she put in the wrong letter and capitalized the damned "H"!
Slowly it lifted its head and its sharp beak opened.
ZeldaQueen: It promptly bit off the Mary Sue's head and there was much rejoicing
"Who are you?" The Griffin asked in a raspy voice. I exchanged glances with Link before he moved forward. "I just might ask you the same, but the names
ZeldaQueen: APOSTROPHE
Link and this is my wife Jenna. And those two fairies over there are Lilly and Navi." Link said with a hint of caution. We watched as the Griffin's crystal blue eye
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 83
continued to stare at us, its gaze full of caution
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 84
and questioning. "The names
ZeldaQueen: APOSTROPHE, GOD DAMMIT!
Dalamar." The creature returned,
ZeldaQueen: *screams*
its beak pointed directly at us. I watched as the Griffin struggled to get onto its feet, but without any success and crashed back to the ground. "You shouldn't try to move, you're still too wounded." I advised him. "Were here to help." I walked over to him and looked at the Hugh
ZeldaQueen: Fuck me with a chainsaw, Suethor, you're driving me into an early grave!
gashes on his legs and wings. Reaching into the pouch I had attached to my waist, I pulled out a healing ointment and started applying it to his wounds.
ZeldaQueen: ...And she just happens to carry that with her everywhere? How utterly convenient
"Now this is going to sting a little." I said as I applied the ointment. "Why are you helping me?" Dalamar questioned, his eyes watching me.
ZeldaQueen: Because she's a Friend To All Living Things Sue
Without an answer to his question, I continued to apply the ointment to his wounds, then dressed them. After I applied the final dressing, I looked into his cautious eyes. "There, all done. Do you think you can walk?" I asked. "What are we going to do with him? They don't just trust anyone." Link inquired, his eyes filled with worry.
ZeldaQueen: YOU SAID THAT ALREADY! PDORD Count = 85
"We just cannot just leave him here. I think that it's wise if we try to help him get back to the Black Mountains." I said as I walked over to Link and looked into his eyes. "I'm not the type of person to just leave something that's wounded behind. I've always been a compassionate person."
ZeldaQueen: But your modesty sucks, I must say
Link's eyes twinkled as he stared down into mine, his expression softening. "That's just one of the reasons why I married you
ZeldaQueen: COMMA!
my love.
ZeldaQueen: Both hands on the keyboard, Link's Queen
I agree with you, we should help him. But first I think that we will have to gain his trust, or he might not allow us to help him." Link returned.
ZeldaQueen: Why wouldn't he trust them? He's already been talking to them and seen that they've bandaged him up
Nodding in agreement, I walked back over to Dalamar.
"Again, do you think you can get up?" I questioned the Griffin. "His crystal eyes stared into mine for a moment, then he spoke.
ZeldaQueen: Your quotes are wonky
"I just may be able to, but as I asked before, why are you helping me?" Dalamar questioned me again.
ZeldaQueen: Because she's a Friend of All Living Things Sue who never misses a chance to wave her Generosity and Selflessness in the readers' faces
My expression softened and a small compassionate smile crossed my face. "Because we are friends, and I cannot just leave you here in the state that your in."
ZeldaQueen: My word, that was sappy
Dalamar just stared at me with a cautious and puzzled look, his tufted ears twitching with concern. "Perhaps you may be here to help me, but as anyone should know that the trust of a Griffin is not so easily gained."
ZeldaQueen: So we've been told. Who wants to bet that Jenna gains his trust in jig time?
Dalamar returned
ZeldaQueen: USE ANOTHER WORD!
as he slowly rose to his feet. Smiling I looked directly into his eyes once more. "Don't worry my friend, that should not be such a hard task for us to do." Turning my back I walked back beside Link and we gestured for Lilly and Navi to help guide Dalamar out of the thicket and back to Lake Hylia.
ZeldaQueen: So much for the difficult trust of the Griffin. He just goes right after them, like a dog
We slowly made our way across the water and joined Aria with our son on the other side.
ZeldaQueen: Wait, they all swam? Meaning the Griffin too? Wasn't he so injured that he could hardly walk?
Immediately Aria jumped up
ZeldaQueen: FAIRIES CAN'T JUMP! THEY HAVEN'T GOT LEGS! FUCK SUETHOR, YOU ARE GETTING ME EXTREMELY ANGRY! THESE ARE ELEMENTARY MISTAKES! YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS ALL ALREADY!
and flew over to me. "Oh by the Goddesses, I see that you managed to get the creature here." Lilly inquired
ZeldaQueen: Why is she "inquiring"? She didn't ask a question
as she floated in a circle in front to me. Nodding I looked into her small eyes.
ZeldaQueen: ...
FAIRIES. DON'T. HAVE. EYES!
"Yep, but we must get him back to the Castle. How did little Link do while we were away?"
ZeldaQueen: He was eaten by a Like Like. It was hilarious
I watched as Aria's aura grew brighter. "Just fine, he's over by the horses playing in the flowers."
ZeldaQueen: The horses are playing with the flowers?
Aria returned
ZeldaQueen: AUGH!
as she flew over to him. Looking back over to Link, my smile faded. "We must hurry to the Castle love.
ZeldaQueen: Castle love! Bow-Chicka-Bow-Wow!
We must inform Princess Zelda of Dalamar."
Walking over to our horses, I called for our fairies to help guide Dalamar, while I secured Link Jr. into the saddle. Then Link and I mounted our horses and headed towards the Castle.
ZeldaQueen: Boring!
We had to take it easy since Dalamar could not move very fast due to his injuries, but after some time and a lot of determination we made it to the Castle Gates.
ZeldaQueen: I don't think "castle gates" is a proper noun
We made our way across the wooden bridge and into the bustling market. As we crossed the Market, I heard the shocked gasps and uttered whispers of the Hylian people as the caught sight of the magnificent Griffin that followed behind us. "Look it's a Griffin. " "By the goddesses a Griffin has showed up in Hyrule." "What is one doing this far south?" Were just some of the uttered words said by the shocked people of Hyrule.
ZeldaQueen: Those are the exact same things that Link, Jenna, Lilly, Navi, and Aria said about the Griffin. This is starting to sound like a comedy routine.
PDORD Count = 87
We made our way threw
ZeldaQueen: THROUGH!
the Market and down the path that led to Hyrule Castle. When we stopped at the first gate, Palin another guard I was also friends with stood still like petrified rock as the pure shock of the Griffin sent him nearly ghost white.
ZeldaQueen: Palin? Is that the guard who can see Russia from the first gate?
"Oh by the Goddesses…..it's a Griffin!" He cried, his eyes wide as saucers.
ZeldaQueen: WE KNOW! SHUT UP ABOUT THAT!
"Where in (14)Gaia did he come from?
ZeldaQueen: Right. Remember how thus far the Suethor's proven completely incapable of noticing that Hyrule and Earth are different places? Well this is what that footnote is - "Gaia is the planet Hyrule rests on"
MOOSE SHIT, SUETHOR!
I thought the Griffins only lived in the Black Mountains?
ZeldaQueen: Are the Griffins supposed to be chained to those mountains or something? Why is everyone so shocked at the notion that a living, sentient creature would move from one location to another?
We must see the Princess, and fast." Link added his words ushering urgency.
ZeldaQuen: So nice that Link is taking the time to help urgency find its seat in the theater
"At…at once my Lord." Palin stammered as he opened the gate and allowed us to pass.
ZeldaQueen: (Palin) "Alright, alright, just no singing!"
By the time we reached the second gate, word had already spread about Dalamar's presence in Hyrule.
ZeldaQueen: Because everything affiliated with the Sue is Just So Amazing that word of it spreads throughout the kingdom within seconds
There at the gates to Hyrule Castle was Princess Zelda and Impa awaiting our arrival.
ZeldaQueen: How is that any different than usual?
Her deep blue eyes turned a shade of gray when she set them upon the massive white Griffin.
ZeldaQueen: Erm, why? Is that supposed to be symbolic of how she's scared? Shocked? Makes her inferior to Link with his great crystal blueness? Throw us a bone, Suethor
"By the Goddesses, in all my days I never thought I'd ever see one of the magnificent noble Griffins. You honor us with your presence, oh noble Griffin." Zelda said as she bowed to Dalamar.
ZeldaQueen: ZELDA IS THE PRINCESS! STOP MAKING HER BOW AND SCRAPE AT EVERYTHING! IF ANYTHING, DALAMAR SHOULD BE BOWING TO HER!!!
You know what? This is exactly like those damned Druids from the Rose Potter series. They're a fucking Sue Race who does everything That Much Better and are always held in the greatest of reverence for no reason ever shown to the audience. Bah! *spits*
He looked at her, his gaze softening upon the look of Zelda's rosy face. He lowered his head, his crystal blue eyes staring down into hers.
ZeldaQueen: Someone take the adjectives off of Link's Queen
"Princess Zelda I presume?" Dalamar said, his nostrils flaring.
ZeldaQueen: Correct as usual, King Friday
With a look of shock, Zelda gasped at Dalamar's knowledge of her name.
ZeldaQueen: SHE. IS. THE. FUCKING. PRINCESS!!! Why, why would she be so surprised that he knows her name? He lives in the neighboring kingdom! That would be like if Queen Elizabeth II was shocked that an American knew her name
"Yes Princess I know all about you. The story of Gannondorf
ZeldaQueen: GANONDORF!
taking over Hyrule has spread to many lands, including to the Black Mountains. Then my hunch was right, the one in the green who accompanied us here, is Link the "Hero of Time." I watched as Link gasped his eyes growing big. "I know all about your great feats Link "Hero of Time."
ZeldaQueen: (Dalamar) "I mean seriously, getting it up twice in five minutes? DAMN!"
We all just stood there unable to move. The sudden knowledge that Dalamar possessed had us all frozen in time. I could not believe of all the knowledge the snowy white Griffin possessed.
ZeldaQueen: These people are idiots. I'm sorry, but Bella, Edward, and Jacob have nothing on these guys. Nothing. For the love of God, Jenna is from another land and knew that something was up in Hyrule. These creatures live in neighboring lands. The defeat of Ganondorf was celebrated throughout the land. Has it not occurred to any of them that this news passed to anywhere else? No, scratch that, it probably didn't, because there AREN'T other lands in the game!!! But still, the Griffin gives very vague details which could be easily acquired and they're frozen in shock?
But it was often said that those noble creatures never left anything unseen.
ZeldaQueen: No, you folks are just dumb as rocks
"Please excuse my sudden burst of words without a proper introduction. My name is Dalamar, High Lord of the Griffin Council." The Griffin returned, bowing his head down in front of Zelda.
ZeldaQueen: Someone's actually showing Zelda some respect. I think I might go into shock
Coming out of her state of shock, her gaze returned to the High Lord's face. "Well then.
ZeldaQueen: Fragment!
Welcome, Dalamar, Lord of the Griffin Council." Zelda said manor fully.
ZeldaQueen: What does that mean? I'm pretty sure she meant "manner", but "manner fully"? Huh?
"Well my Lord shall we reside to the Palace Garden?" Zelda asked.
ZeldaQueen: I think that's supposed to be "retire". Holy mother, Suethor, is English your fourth language or something?
With a smile Dalamar bowed his head in response.
After we resided
ZeldaQueen: RETIRED!
to the Garden, Zelda ordered the servants to bring refreshments and change Dalamar's dressings. Then the one question that was on everyone's mind was finally spoken. "So tell me my Lord, how did you come to Hyrule? If I understand correctly, Griffins usually don't venture to far away from the Black Mountains." Zelda questioned as she took a sip of her herbal tea.
ZeldaQueen: I'd imagine that you'd want to know why he came to Hyrule then, not how
"You have understood correctly, Princess, but I came to Hyrule under unfortunate circumstances." Dalamar returned as he picked up his cup in his claws and raised it to his beaked mouth.
ZeldaQueen: Someone needs to put that sentence out of its misery
Taking a sip, he sat the cup back down and his crystal eyes faltered. "You see m' lady I came her not by choice, we Griffins are hardened on how far from the Black Mountains we can venture. Even as peaceful a race we Griffins are, we still have many enemies. And once such enemy of the Griffins are the (15)Draconians." Dalamar said nonchalantly, his crystal blue eyes staring down into his cup.
ZeldaQueen: I honestly can't make heads or tails of this. I don't understand why the Griffins don't like to leave their mountain, but whatever. So he's telling us about their enemies ("nonchalantly"? Really?). And what does this footnote tell us about the enemies? " Draconians are a band of Dark Knights that fly on the backs of dragons. These Knights led under Lord Ariakas have tamed the once peaceful dragons and turned them evil, forcing them to do his bidding. Now this once peaceful race has been poisoned and turned dark, forced to lead a life as killers. Most dragons cannot be trusted and the only dragons that remain free are the Bronze and Silver colored dragons. All Blue, Red and Black dragons are now evil; polluted by Ariakas and have become carriers for Dark Knights". Now besides that being incredibly stupid, that reminds me of something...
"'I wouldn't want to say [anything kind] about the gwythaints' Taran answered.
'I only feel sorrow for those unhappy creatures,' Medwyn said. 'Once, long ago, they were as free as other birds, gentle and trusting. In his cunning, Arwan lured them to him and brought them under his power. He built the iron cages which are now their prison houses in Annuvin. The tortures he inflicted on the gwythaints were shameful and unspeakable. Now they serve him out of terror."
~ The Book of Three, The Hidden Valley
ZeldaQueen: Arwan is the lord of death who threatens the land in that book. The gwythaints are a breed of dragon-like creatures who, as the quote says, used to be peaceful and were forced into evil servitude. It is later shown that gwythaints are still not naturally evil and a baby one saved by the heroes grows up to help them several times.
As for the Dark Knights riding black dragons...
ZeldaQueen: For shame, Link's Queen
"We have been at war with the Draconians for centuries. These evil people have captured and tamed the wild dragons from the poison lands, training these gigantic lizards into doing their bidding. These dragons were once an isolated, quite species, until they came, the dark nights under the follow of the (16)Dark Lord Ariakas of the Shadow Realm. They rampaged and conquered the poison lands, capturing the dragons and training them under the rule of Darkness. Now these evil knights under Ariakas evil rule, are hell bent on total annihilation of all who oppose them."
ZeldaQueen: *whistles* Well, that's impressive. Where to start?
First of all, Suethor! For the love of God listen! If you put information in the story itself, you do not need to put it in a footnote later!
Second of all, that story is incredibly generic and idiotic. If there's been a huge war raging in the land north of Hyrule for so long, why hasn't anyone heard of it before? Even if Hyrule wasn't involved, they still ought to hear something about it.
Third of all, another footnote. Goody. "Lord Ariakas of the Shadow Realm is an evil being that was once a wizard that served under the King of Kalence during the time of the Great War. After he was discovered that he was planning to poison the King in order to gain control over the Kingdom, he was forsaken to the evil Shadow Realm. It was during his time there that Ariakas harnessed the power of the Shadow Realm, practicing in the ways of black magic. Once he harnessed the powers of the Shadow Realm, he vowed revenge on those who put him away as well as all who aided Kalence during the war. With promises of eternal life and untold riches, Ariakas managed to rally together a band of followers to follow him in the ways of the Shadow Realm, turning them into Dark Knights. Now with his power over the Dragons, and with new people walking in the ways of the shadow, Ariakas is now a feared and dangerous man with a hell bent desire on expanding his reach over the now peaceful lands, thrusting for total domination over them"
ZeldaQueen: Again, it's pretty much an extremely bland version of most "evil villain is locked away, swears revenge, dupes followers, woe is us" story. The tricking of the followers could apply to the aforementioned Chronicles of Prydain series (the Huntsmen) or the Lord of the Rings (Sauron making the nine kings the wraiths). There is one particular reason though, that this Lord Ariakas story jumps out at me. To explain why, I'll introduce you all to two canon characters in the Legend of Zelda series (spoilers folks - sorry).
The first character is Agahnim, a character in A Link to the Past. In the game, he is a magician who was made the chief adviser to the king after saving the land from mysterious plagues of disease, drought, and famine. Upon achieving this position, he proceeded to kill the king and basically use his power to take over.
The second character, who ties in with the first, is Ganon/Ganondorf. He is, of course, the main villain in the games and is in almost all of them. In A Link to the Past, he is locked in the Dark Realm after claiming the Triforce. It is revealed that Agahnim is actually his alter ego, created through the powerful magic he obtained through the Triforce. As said above, Agahnim was responsible for gaining the King's trust and killing him. Also worth mentioning is Ganondorf's role in Ocarina of Time - he is a magic-using Gerudo who swears allegiance to the King of Hyrule, but ultimately plans to take control of the land himself. At the end of the game, this treachery is punished by him being banished to the Dark Realm where he swears to use his vast dark magic to break free and get revenge on the descendants of Link, Zelda, and the Sages. In one of the "sequels" to Ocarina of Time which show that Ganondorf makes good on that promise. In Twilight Princess, he escapes by using the promises of power and eternal life to get Zant to be his follower. Through Zant, Ganondorf enslaves the once-peaceful Twili people and turns them into black monsters (this includes dragon-like creatures).
Long and short of all of the above? Link's Queen is utterly shameless. What's the mater dearie? Wasn't Legend of Zelda canon good enough for you? Had to just change the names to make it your own, huh?
Finally, those were some nasty repetitions. PDORD Count = 90
Dalamar looked solemnly around the garden, haunting memories filling into his mind. His wings folded in distress as he continued. "Their first place of conquest was our home on the Black Mountains. When we opposed them, that thrust our people into long centuries of war against the Lord of the Shadow Realm. Now we, once a peaceful people, are fighting everyday of our lives in a desperate attempt to keep from falling under Lord Ariakas dark control." Dalamar's gaze shifted skyward, his claws gripping into the ground beneath him. "One day word came in from our air patrol that a group of Draconians on dragonback were camping near Dragonmount. After the council made a decision that I would be the one to check out the inquiry, I made hast and left on the moment of the wing. Upon my arrival at Dragonmount, I was ambushed by a Draconian on a red dragon. After a long fight in the air, I was struck and wounded by the dragon's powerful claws and acid breath. In my attempt to escape, I was perused by the dragon until I lost them in Death Canyon just west of here. Then I continued to fly south until I was unable to go any further and I crashed down in a thicket of trees by the lake you must call Lake Hylia. I must have been there for two or three days before your hero Link and his wife found me." Dalamar's head slouched, his beak touching the feathers on his neck.
ZeldaQueen: Yes, I'm sure that it's a fascinating story if one cares. There is no Death Canyon though, unless you're referring to the canyon outside of the Gerudo Valley (which has no name)
"I fear that Lord Ariakas is planning to invade the Black Mountains and seize control over my people.
ZeldaQueen: Didn't you already say he's been at war with your people for ages? Wouldn't that imply that yes, he's been trying to seize control of them?
That is why I must return to the Black Mountains as soon as I'm able to fly." Dalamar said, his tufted ears flattening against his head. Zelda's deep blue eyes stared into Dalamar's faltered eyes.
ZeldaQueen: I also think the Suethor has some sort of eye fetish. PDORD Count = 91
"Don't worry m' Lord, I will send Link along with you on you're journey back to the Black Mountains. I think you should stay here the night." "It wouldn't be wise to travel until sunrise. But one thing is worrying me now, is this Ariakas, planning to invade Hyrule?" Zelda questioned the Griffin with fear in her voice.
ZeldaQueen: Someone is being halfway sensible! Yipee!
"Honestly m' lady, I couldn't tell you. For as much as I can tell you,
ZeldaQueen: PDORD Count = 92
it seems that the Dark Knights have remained solely to the north, but with as much twisted desire Ariakas has I wouldn't be too surprised if he does plan on spreading his control past the (17)Black Desert."
ZeldaQueen: Well lookee there, another footnote. "The Black Desert is a dangerous and treacherous desert that borders Hyrule's western border. This desert is well known for its thick black sand and dangerously immense heat, hence the name Black Desert. Only one so brave with a strong will manages to cross the immense Black Desert and lives to tell about it. Most who attempt to cross it, either die from heat exhaustion, or get lost in it". That's very nice Suethor. Ocarina of Time already has the Haunted Wasteland to the west. It's got very, very poor visibility from sandstorms, a river of quicksand, and a section so difficult to navigate that you need a spirit to lead you. It also has a reputation for being haunted. You really don't get the concept of "fanfiction", do you?
Zelda's fearful look was cast upon me, her blue eyes turning a dull gray.
ZeldaQueen: What, again? PDORD Count = 93
At that moment I knew that if this Dark Lord from the Shadow Realm was indeed planning a dark invasion of Hyrule, I was going to be the sole protector since of my role as part of the ancient Silverlite race.
ZeldaQueen: HORSE SHYTE!!!
Does Link factor into this ever? At all?
I was an elemental user, one that welds
ZeldaQueen: Well I guess your fire power is good for something
the great power of the forces of nature, and in that I was the strongest protector Hyrule had.
ZeldaQueen: WHAT ABOUT LINK? EXCUSE ME? HE'S SAVED THE KINGDOM MULTIPLE TIMES! I'M GOING TO HIT YOU IF YOU EVER SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN!!!
I could tell that within Zelda's eyes, she was counting on me if such an invasion should happen.
ZeldaQueen: I give up. Not even Link is safe from Jenna's entitlement whoring!
But one thing worried me, if such an invasion happened in the near future, would I really be of any use since I was still expecting?
ZeldaQueen: Because pregnant women are useless, yep
At that point I was six months pregnant and not too sure what the effects of welding
ZeldaQueen: Well heat can't be safe, I'd expect
the great power over the elements would have on Link's unborn child.
ZeldaQueen: Well, one less Sue spawn can only make the world a better place
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Onward to: Chapter 17: A New Friend (Part 2)
Back to: Chapter 16: Life Resumes (Anniversary Night)
Return to: Table of Content