Breaking Dawn: Chapter 20 - New
Projection Room Voices: Ready for more?
ZeldaQueen: One second *grabs woobie blanket and some chocolate ice cream* Okay! This ought to keep me going.
Projection Room Voices: Right. "Chapter Twenty - In which Bella becomes an even worse Sue and is openly admired by all".
ZeldaQueen: I think I might need some more ice cream. *grabs more* Right. Start it up.
Projection Room Voices: Playing Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 20: New
ZeldaQueen: *rubs head* This is not promising…
Alright, Bella has just gotten over her transformation. She has officially become a vampire after three books of whining and thus can no longer play the “WAH! EDWARD WON’T CHANGE ME!” card. I am very grateful for this. On the other hand, I get the feeling that it’s going to be replaced with something even worse.
Well people, remember how ridiculous the prose was before? How damned annoying it all was? Well, it’s even worse now.
"The brilliant light overhead was still blinding-bright, and yet I could plainly see the glowing strands of the filaments inside the bulb. I could see each color of the rainbow in the white light, and, at the very edge of the spectrum, an eighth color I had no name for.
Behind the light, I could distinguish the individual grains in the dark wood ceiling above. In front of it, I could see the dust motes in the air, the sides the light touched, and the dark sides, distinct and separate. They spun like little planets, moving around each other in a celestial dance.
The dust was so beautiful that I inhaled in shock; the air whistled down my throat, swirling the motes into a vortex. The action felt wrong. I considered, and realized the problem was that there was no relief tied to the action. I didn't need the air. My lungs weren't waiting for it. They reacted indifferently to the influx.
I did not need the air, but I liked it. In it, I could taste the room around me-taste the lovely dust motes, the mix of the stagnant air mingling with the flow of slightly cooler air from the open door. Taste a lush whiff of silk. Taste a faint hint of something warm and desirable, something that should be moist, but wasn't.… That smell made my throat burn dryly, a faint echo of the venom burn, though the scent was tainted by the bite of chlorine and ammonia. And most of all, I could taste an almost-honey-lilac-and-sun-flavored scent that was the strongest thing, the closest thing to me.
I heard the sound of the others, breathing again now that I did. Their breath mixed with the scent that was something just off honey and lilac and sunshine, bringing new flavors. Cinnamon, hyacinth, pear, seawater, rising bread, pine, vanilla, leather, apple, moss, lavender, chocolate.… I traded a dozen different comparisons in my mind, but none of them fit exactly. So sweet and pleasant."
ZeldaQueen: Vampires must see the world through purple-colored glasses. And seriously, the dust was beautiful, so much so that she involuntarily gasped? And of course, all of the vampires smell so nummy (what in the name of God does sunshine smell like?), they’re just so wonderful in every way. *does not want to go on*
Bella goes on about how she can hear rap music being played in a car clear out on the freeway. Someone squeezes her hand and she wigs out, flipping over on the table and hissing. Ha ha, Bella the angry cat!
ZeldaQueen: Turns out that it was just Edward (of course) and Bella is oh-so-rational and figures out that she overreached. *groan* She notes that the rest of the Cullens are huddled against the wall and for the life of her, she can’t figure out why they seem afraid. Well, I guess intelligence wasn’t one of Bella’s enhanced human traits. Of course, you can’t multiply zero by anything and get more than zero. She figures it all out at long last - good for her, it's not like this was the one thing everyone was worried about beforehand - and then catches sight of Edward. She sees him in her new vampire state and...Jesus Christ...
"How many times had I stared at Edward and marveled over his beauty? How many hours-days, weeks-of my life had I spent dreaming about what I then deemed to be perfection? I thought I'd known his face better than my own. I'd thought this was the one sure physical thing in my whole world: the flawlessness of Edward's face. I may as well have been blind. For the first time, with the dimming shadows and limiting weakness of humanity taken off my eyes, I saw his face. I gasped and then struggled with my vocabulary, unable to find the right words. I needed better words."
ZeldaQueen: Yep, the prose is just going to get worse. And notice how she refers to her former humanity as "limiting" and a "weakness"? Get used to that. She endlessly bashes her days as human now. Which makes me wonder wasn't there anything she had as a human that she gave up and regrets?
Edward assures her that everything is alright and Bella is momentarily distracted and compares his voice to a symphony. Meyer? You know these sweeping descriptions might mean something IF WE DIDN'T HEAR THEM ALL FROM BOOK 1!!!! Seriously, we went from "Edward is the most gorgeous being under the sun" to "Edward is even more gorgeous than before, he is the most gorgeous thing under the sun!" Not too much of a difference there. Anyway, Bella spares a moment to worry about if "everything" included Charlie and Renesmee and Jacob, but then basically thinks "screw it" when Edward touches her cheek. Actually she just gets really horny and all thoughts on anything not Edward are driven from her head. Well, technically she feels like her spine is electrocuted, which is a good plan to try if southerngaelic, darkslover, and kawaiicow's other methods don't work out.
Bella wonders why she still feels her burning romance (if you know what I mean) when she's a newborn vampire and ought to be a crazy creature ruled by bloodlust. Meyer, you are deliberately taunting me with her Sue-ness now. Please stop it or I will have to take steps. Bella throws herself into Edward's arms in a passionate embrace and he actually pulls out because she's now strong enough to hurt him. How d'you like them apples, Eddie boy? I'd love to see you try to drag her across a parking lot now. Blah, she'd probably let him. Knowing those two, it'd be the equivalent of sex playtime.
Edward touches Bella's face and once more she forgets about everything else. She somehow remembers him telling her that vampires are easily distracted because of their heightened senses (when did he tell her this?!?). Am I the only one who finds it hilarious that vampires apparently have ADHD? They have medicine for that you know.
Bella tells Edward that she loves him - comparing her voice to a ringing bell - and...the two make out. A LOT. I mean, dang. Bella wonders if this is a "breach of contract" since it seems like she's getting too much. No Bella, it just means that you've moved to a higher plane of existence, Sue-wise. *sighs and eats ice cream*
They break it up when Emmett loudly clears his throat - good for him! - and she and Edward stop kissing although they keep clinging to each other. Carlisle asks how she feels and she tells him she's doing great, although there's some Sensory Overload going on. He tells her that “[She is] quite controlled... [m]ore so than [he] expected, even with the time [she] had to prepare yourself mentally for this.” Again, at least Meyer had the grace to try to pretend that Bella wasn't a Sue before. Now she isn't even bothering. Carlisle asks how the transformation process went and she lies and says that she can't remember it very well, just so that she won't bother Edward. Heaven forbid he feel the slightest bit of worry over her. She decides to tell Carlisle the truth in secret one day so he won't repeat the mistake with anyone else he turns. She figures that there's a very small chance of that happening, so she "feels better about lying". Brat. And I love how the implication is that now that all of the "children" are paired up and married, there probably won't be any other people being saved.
Carlisle brings up the fact that Bella must be thirsty and even though she's somehow been managing the thirst for some time now just fine (SUE!!!!), she suddenly remembers that by crikey she is and it is decided that Edward will take her out hunting. What a nice bit of husband/wife bonding. Much better than a restaurant or a stroll on the beach [/sarcasm]. She also remembers that she needs to make a conscious effort if she doesn't want to forget any of her human memories - because she doesn't want to forget a single day she was with Edward. *clears throat*
AND I SUPPOSE YOUR MEMORIES OF YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY DON'T MATTER ENOUGH TO BE REMEMBERED? YOUR MOTHER, WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND? PHOENIX, WHICH YOU APPARENTLY LOVED SO MUCH THAT YOU WHINED FOR MOST OF TWILIGHT OVER? CHARLIE, WHO YOU APPARENTLY LOVE OH SO MUCH THAT YOU'RE STILL IN CONTACT WITH HIM? ANGELA? BEN? MIKE? JESSICA? ANY OF YOUR DAYS IN FORKS HIGH SCHOOL OR YOUR SCHOOL IN PHOENIX? NONE OF THAT MATTERS? ONLY EDWARD? I SEE THEN! WELL, GOODBYE!
Before leaving to go hunting, Bella asks to see Renesmee. Edward and Carlisle tell her that that isn't such a good idea, since the baby has a heart pumping blood, so they want to make certain that Bella won't go and nom on her by mistake. Makes sense to me, considering all the effort they went into keeping the stupid thing alive still sounds like a good way to get rid of the little troll though... Bella asks if Rosalie is taking care of the baby and what happened to Jacob. Everyone starts puttering around on the topic, assuring her that absolutely nothing is wrong and she was only out for two days and they will explain everything after the hunting. Hmmm... real subtle there.
ZeldaQueen: Before they set off, Alice insists on showing Bella to a mirror, explaining that Edward was rather annoyed with her for not showing Bella to one before the wedding. Edward grumbles that this is just for her "voyeuristic gratification". I sense some femme slash fodder here. Bella catches her first glimpse of herself in the mirror, and you need to see her reaction to believe it.
"My first reaction was an unthinking pleasure. The alien creature in the glass was indisputably beautiful, every bit as beautiful as Alice or Esme. She was fluid even in stillness, and her flawless face was pale as the moon against the frame of her dark, heavy hair. Her limbs were smooth and strong, skin glistening subtly, luminous as a pearl.
...
My second reaction was horror.
Who was she? At first glance, I couldn't find my face anywhere in the smooth, perfect planes of her features."
ZeldaQueen: So we get yet another Sue-fanfic makeover reaction. Just like at the freaking wedding. Again Meyer, these things might mean more if you didn't use them all of the time!
And that second part? She's basically saying that she's horrified because she's too beautiful. I think I'll kill myself. No wait, I'll do it at the end of the sporking.
As she stares at her reflection, Edward answers a question that Jasper asked mentally. The question? How was Bella doing it. Doing what?
"'Controlling your emotions, Bella,' Jasper answered. 'I've never seen a newborn do that-stop an emotion in its tracks that way. You were upset, but when you saw our concern, you reined it in, regained power over yourself. I was prepared to help, but you didn't need it.'"
ZeldaQueen: *screams* THIS IS BULL, MEYER! HOW DID YOU NOT SEE HOW SUE THIS IS? Anyway, they spend all of two seconds worrying that Bella's oh-so-strong self-control won't last before Edward admits that he's disappointed. Disappointed because he still can't read Bella's thoughts. Oh my god YOU FREAKING ENTITLEMENT WHORE! OUT OF ALL OF THE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, YOU CANNOT READ YOUR WIFE'S THOUGHTS AND YOU ARE DISSATISFIED STILL? WHY? I'D LIKE TO THINK THAT IT WOULDN'T MATTER EITHER WAY, SINCE EVEN IF YOU COULD READ HER THOUGHTS, YOU OUGHT TO GIVE YOUR WIFE THE PRIVACY OF HER OWN HEAD! Bella of course laughs at this and is secretly glad that her mind is still safe. *waves old letter from the future* Just you wait, dear viewers. And then she says “I guess my brain will never work right. At least I'm pretty.”
...Excuse me. EXCUSE ME? Did you all see that? Well, I guess there might be some near-sighted people in the audience. I'll just fix it for you all to see.
“I guess my brain will never work right. At least I'm pretty.”
ZeldaQueen: Sweeping selfless romance my eye! She just up and admitted that she values her looks over her brain!!! I just... I guess I ought to be grateful that Meyer's finally coming clean on this all...
And then they set off to go hunting since Bella is making Jasper all jumpy with her Sue-ish self-control. And what a wonderful place to stop, because I want to hurt something badly.
ZeldaQueen: I just...I cannot believe the level of selfishness and vanity that is being unleashed here!
Projection Room Voices: Still, you need to see it through to the end.
ZeldaQueen: Screw you all, I'm done. *commits suicide with spork*
Projection Room Voices: ZeldaQueen? ZeldaQueen?
Onward to: Chapter 21: First Hunt
Back to: Chapter 19: Preface/Burning
Return to: Table of Contents
ZeldaQueen: One second *grabs woobie blanket and some chocolate ice cream* Okay! This ought to keep me going.
Projection Room Voices: Right. "Chapter Twenty - In which Bella becomes an even worse Sue and is openly admired by all".
ZeldaQueen: I think I might need some more ice cream. *grabs more* Right. Start it up.
Projection Room Voices: Playing Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 20: New
ZeldaQueen: *rubs head* This is not promising…
Alright, Bella has just gotten over her transformation. She has officially become a vampire after three books of whining and thus can no longer play the “WAH! EDWARD WON’T CHANGE ME!” card. I am very grateful for this. On the other hand, I get the feeling that it’s going to be replaced with something even worse.
Well people, remember how ridiculous the prose was before? How damned annoying it all was? Well, it’s even worse now.
"The brilliant light overhead was still blinding-bright, and yet I could plainly see the glowing strands of the filaments inside the bulb. I could see each color of the rainbow in the white light, and, at the very edge of the spectrum, an eighth color I had no name for.
Behind the light, I could distinguish the individual grains in the dark wood ceiling above. In front of it, I could see the dust motes in the air, the sides the light touched, and the dark sides, distinct and separate. They spun like little planets, moving around each other in a celestial dance.
The dust was so beautiful that I inhaled in shock; the air whistled down my throat, swirling the motes into a vortex. The action felt wrong. I considered, and realized the problem was that there was no relief tied to the action. I didn't need the air. My lungs weren't waiting for it. They reacted indifferently to the influx.
I did not need the air, but I liked it. In it, I could taste the room around me-taste the lovely dust motes, the mix of the stagnant air mingling with the flow of slightly cooler air from the open door. Taste a lush whiff of silk. Taste a faint hint of something warm and desirable, something that should be moist, but wasn't.… That smell made my throat burn dryly, a faint echo of the venom burn, though the scent was tainted by the bite of chlorine and ammonia. And most of all, I could taste an almost-honey-lilac-and-sun-flavored scent that was the strongest thing, the closest thing to me.
I heard the sound of the others, breathing again now that I did. Their breath mixed with the scent that was something just off honey and lilac and sunshine, bringing new flavors. Cinnamon, hyacinth, pear, seawater, rising bread, pine, vanilla, leather, apple, moss, lavender, chocolate.… I traded a dozen different comparisons in my mind, but none of them fit exactly. So sweet and pleasant."
ZeldaQueen: Vampires must see the world through purple-colored glasses. And seriously, the dust was beautiful, so much so that she involuntarily gasped? And of course, all of the vampires smell so nummy (what in the name of God does sunshine smell like?), they’re just so wonderful in every way. *does not want to go on*
Bella goes on about how she can hear rap music being played in a car clear out on the freeway. Someone squeezes her hand and she wigs out, flipping over on the table and hissing. Ha ha, Bella the angry cat!
ZeldaQueen: Turns out that it was just Edward (of course) and Bella is oh-so-rational and figures out that she overreached. *groan* She notes that the rest of the Cullens are huddled against the wall and for the life of her, she can’t figure out why they seem afraid. Well, I guess intelligence wasn’t one of Bella’s enhanced human traits. Of course, you can’t multiply zero by anything and get more than zero. She figures it all out at long last - good for her, it's not like this was the one thing everyone was worried about beforehand - and then catches sight of Edward. She sees him in her new vampire state and...Jesus Christ...
"How many times had I stared at Edward and marveled over his beauty? How many hours-days, weeks-of my life had I spent dreaming about what I then deemed to be perfection? I thought I'd known his face better than my own. I'd thought this was the one sure physical thing in my whole world: the flawlessness of Edward's face. I may as well have been blind. For the first time, with the dimming shadows and limiting weakness of humanity taken off my eyes, I saw his face. I gasped and then struggled with my vocabulary, unable to find the right words. I needed better words."
ZeldaQueen: Yep, the prose is just going to get worse. And notice how she refers to her former humanity as "limiting" and a "weakness"? Get used to that. She endlessly bashes her days as human now. Which makes me wonder wasn't there anything she had as a human that she gave up and regrets?
Edward assures her that everything is alright and Bella is momentarily distracted and compares his voice to a symphony. Meyer? You know these sweeping descriptions might mean something IF WE DIDN'T HEAR THEM ALL FROM BOOK 1!!!! Seriously, we went from "Edward is the most gorgeous being under the sun" to "Edward is even more gorgeous than before, he is the most gorgeous thing under the sun!" Not too much of a difference there. Anyway, Bella spares a moment to worry about if "everything" included Charlie and Renesmee and Jacob, but then basically thinks "screw it" when Edward touches her cheek. Actually she just gets really horny and all thoughts on anything not Edward are driven from her head. Well, technically she feels like her spine is electrocuted, which is a good plan to try if southerngaelic, darkslover, and kawaiicow's other methods don't work out.
Bella wonders why she still feels her burning romance (if you know what I mean) when she's a newborn vampire and ought to be a crazy creature ruled by bloodlust. Meyer, you are deliberately taunting me with her Sue-ness now. Please stop it or I will have to take steps. Bella throws herself into Edward's arms in a passionate embrace and he actually pulls out because she's now strong enough to hurt him. How d'you like them apples, Eddie boy? I'd love to see you try to drag her across a parking lot now. Blah, she'd probably let him. Knowing those two, it'd be the equivalent of sex playtime.
Edward touches Bella's face and once more she forgets about everything else. She somehow remembers him telling her that vampires are easily distracted because of their heightened senses (when did he tell her this?!?). Am I the only one who finds it hilarious that vampires apparently have ADHD? They have medicine for that you know.
Bella tells Edward that she loves him - comparing her voice to a ringing bell - and...the two make out. A LOT. I mean, dang. Bella wonders if this is a "breach of contract" since it seems like she's getting too much. No Bella, it just means that you've moved to a higher plane of existence, Sue-wise. *sighs and eats ice cream*
They break it up when Emmett loudly clears his throat - good for him! - and she and Edward stop kissing although they keep clinging to each other. Carlisle asks how she feels and she tells him she's doing great, although there's some Sensory Overload going on. He tells her that “[She is] quite controlled... [m]ore so than [he] expected, even with the time [she] had to prepare yourself mentally for this.” Again, at least Meyer had the grace to try to pretend that Bella wasn't a Sue before. Now she isn't even bothering. Carlisle asks how the transformation process went and she lies and says that she can't remember it very well, just so that she won't bother Edward. Heaven forbid he feel the slightest bit of worry over her. She decides to tell Carlisle the truth in secret one day so he won't repeat the mistake with anyone else he turns. She figures that there's a very small chance of that happening, so she "feels better about lying". Brat. And I love how the implication is that now that all of the "children" are paired up and married, there probably won't be any other people being saved.
Carlisle brings up the fact that Bella must be thirsty and even though she's somehow been managing the thirst for some time now just fine (SUE!!!!), she suddenly remembers that by crikey she is and it is decided that Edward will take her out hunting. What a nice bit of husband/wife bonding. Much better than a restaurant or a stroll on the beach [/sarcasm]. She also remembers that she needs to make a conscious effort if she doesn't want to forget any of her human memories - because she doesn't want to forget a single day she was with Edward. *clears throat*
AND I SUPPOSE YOUR MEMORIES OF YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY DON'T MATTER ENOUGH TO BE REMEMBERED? YOUR MOTHER, WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND? PHOENIX, WHICH YOU APPARENTLY LOVED SO MUCH THAT YOU WHINED FOR MOST OF TWILIGHT OVER? CHARLIE, WHO YOU APPARENTLY LOVE OH SO MUCH THAT YOU'RE STILL IN CONTACT WITH HIM? ANGELA? BEN? MIKE? JESSICA? ANY OF YOUR DAYS IN FORKS HIGH SCHOOL OR YOUR SCHOOL IN PHOENIX? NONE OF THAT MATTERS? ONLY EDWARD? I SEE THEN! WELL, GOODBYE!
Before leaving to go hunting, Bella asks to see Renesmee. Edward and Carlisle tell her that that isn't such a good idea, since the baby has a heart pumping blood, so they want to make certain that Bella won't go and nom on her by mistake. Makes sense to me, considering all the effort they went into keeping the stupid thing alive still sounds like a good way to get rid of the little troll though... Bella asks if Rosalie is taking care of the baby and what happened to Jacob. Everyone starts puttering around on the topic, assuring her that absolutely nothing is wrong and she was only out for two days and they will explain everything after the hunting. Hmmm... real subtle there.
ZeldaQueen: Before they set off, Alice insists on showing Bella to a mirror, explaining that Edward was rather annoyed with her for not showing Bella to one before the wedding. Edward grumbles that this is just for her "voyeuristic gratification". I sense some femme slash fodder here. Bella catches her first glimpse of herself in the mirror, and you need to see her reaction to believe it.
"My first reaction was an unthinking pleasure. The alien creature in the glass was indisputably beautiful, every bit as beautiful as Alice or Esme. She was fluid even in stillness, and her flawless face was pale as the moon against the frame of her dark, heavy hair. Her limbs were smooth and strong, skin glistening subtly, luminous as a pearl.
...
My second reaction was horror.
Who was she? At first glance, I couldn't find my face anywhere in the smooth, perfect planes of her features."
ZeldaQueen: So we get yet another Sue-fanfic makeover reaction. Just like at the freaking wedding. Again Meyer, these things might mean more if you didn't use them all of the time!
And that second part? She's basically saying that she's horrified because she's too beautiful. I think I'll kill myself. No wait, I'll do it at the end of the sporking.
As she stares at her reflection, Edward answers a question that Jasper asked mentally. The question? How was Bella doing it. Doing what?
"'Controlling your emotions, Bella,' Jasper answered. 'I've never seen a newborn do that-stop an emotion in its tracks that way. You were upset, but when you saw our concern, you reined it in, regained power over yourself. I was prepared to help, but you didn't need it.'"
ZeldaQueen: *screams* THIS IS BULL, MEYER! HOW DID YOU NOT SEE HOW SUE THIS IS? Anyway, they spend all of two seconds worrying that Bella's oh-so-strong self-control won't last before Edward admits that he's disappointed. Disappointed because he still can't read Bella's thoughts. Oh my god YOU FREAKING ENTITLEMENT WHORE! OUT OF ALL OF THE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, YOU CANNOT READ YOUR WIFE'S THOUGHTS AND YOU ARE DISSATISFIED STILL? WHY? I'D LIKE TO THINK THAT IT WOULDN'T MATTER EITHER WAY, SINCE EVEN IF YOU COULD READ HER THOUGHTS, YOU OUGHT TO GIVE YOUR WIFE THE PRIVACY OF HER OWN HEAD! Bella of course laughs at this and is secretly glad that her mind is still safe. *waves old letter from the future* Just you wait, dear viewers. And then she says “I guess my brain will never work right. At least I'm pretty.”
...Excuse me. EXCUSE ME? Did you all see that? Well, I guess there might be some near-sighted people in the audience. I'll just fix it for you all to see.
“I guess my brain will never work right. At least I'm pretty.”
ZeldaQueen: Sweeping selfless romance my eye! She just up and admitted that she values her looks over her brain!!! I just... I guess I ought to be grateful that Meyer's finally coming clean on this all...
And then they set off to go hunting since Bella is making Jasper all jumpy with her Sue-ish self-control. And what a wonderful place to stop, because I want to hurt something badly.
ZeldaQueen: I just...I cannot believe the level of selfishness and vanity that is being unleashed here!
Projection Room Voices: Still, you need to see it through to the end.
ZeldaQueen: Screw you all, I'm done. *commits suicide with spork*
Projection Room Voices: ZeldaQueen? ZeldaQueen?
Onward to: Chapter 21: First Hunt
Back to: Chapter 19: Preface/Burning
Return to: Table of Contents