Breaking Dawn: Chapter 19 - Preface/Burning
Projection Room Voices: Well ZeldaQueen, it is time for you to plunge headfirst into the final section of Breaking Dawn. Are you prepared?
ZeldaQueen: God, I hope so.
Projection Room Voices: Ah yes, this might cheer you up. In order to give you a bit of motivation, we've had the Random Technical People cobble together a brief synopsis of the chapters in this last stretch. That way, you'll have an idea of what's coming up.
ZeldaQueen: Sounds good. What's the one for this?
Projection Room Voices: *clear throats* "Chapter twenty - in which Bella angsts endlessly about her agony and we get chapter eighteen from Bella's point of view".
ZeldaQueen: You know this isn't motivating me to continue.
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Preface
ZeldaQueen: Huh, looks like we've got a preface to get through before we move on to chapter nineteen.
"No longer just a nightmare, the line of black advanced on us through the icy mist stirred up by their feet.
We're going to die, I thought in panic. I was desperate for the precious one I guarded, but even to think of that was a lapse in attention I could not afford.
They ghosted closer, their dark robes billowing slightly with the movement. I saw their hands curl into bone-colored claws. They drifted apart, angling to come at us from all sides. We were outnumbered. It was over.
And then, like a burst of light from a flash, the whole scene was different. Yet nothing changed-the Volturi still stalked toward us, poised to kill. All that really changed was how the picture looked to me. Suddenly, I was hungry for it. I wanted them to charge. The panic changed to bloodlust as I crouched forward, a smile on my face, and a growl ripped through my bared teeth."
ZeldaQueen: Seriously, that's it. And it's almost exactly the same as in chapter seven. No really, take a look.
"I heard the child behind me whimper, but I couldn't turn to look at him. Though I was desperate to be sure that he was safe, I could not afford any lapse in focus now.
They ghosted closer, their black robes billowing slightly with the movement. I saw their hands curl into bone-colored claws. They started to drift apart, angling to come at us from all sides.
We were surrounded. We were going to die.
And then, like a burst of light from a flash, the whole scene was different. Yet nothing changed-the Volturi still stalked toward us, poised to kill. All that really changed was how the picture looked to me. Suddenly, I was hungry for it. I wanted them to charge. The panic changed to bloodlust as I crouched forward, a smile on my face, and a growl ripped through my bared teeth."
ZeldaQueen: So...is this supposed to be a flashback? A memory? What? Meyer, explanations are your friend. This is also never discussed again and it could be just taken out with no effect on the plot. Thus, I dub it a Big Lipped Alligator Moment and move on.
Chapter 19: Burning
ZeldaQueen: I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning for you! Woot!
Well now, back to Miss Bella Swan and her insane purple prose. You didn’t really think that a little thing like birthing a demon baby would get rid of that, now did you?
We start out with her thinking that the pain is “bewildering”. Bewildering? Really? Bella’s having the spawn of Satan chew its way out of her stomach, she’s bleeding like a Sweeney Todd victim, and the best she can come up with is bewildering? Riiiiight. And she continues to narrate like this, in the calm and heroically sweeping manner which makes no freaking sense whatsoever. Like I said, she’s being cut to pieces and gushing blood! A normal person would be thinking “Ah! OW! I’M IN PAIN, I’M IN PAIN, SWEET JESUS LET ME DIE!”
But no, Bella keeps going on about how she’s divided between reality and “non-reality” and how each of the sides feel different. All the while using elaborate adjectives and adverbs. Meyer, here’s a hint: this character is your avatar. Surely you’d have her react the way you would. If you broke your leg, would you be spouting prose like this? Methinks not.
And we get a purple-prose flashback to how Bella got there. You know, in case we…forgot or something I guess. She goes on about how the falling cup was the start of this all and how she freaked out over Edward wanting to wait for the painkillers to spread when the placenta detached. Bella, dear, I do believe Edward is the one with the medical degree. You are the one bleeding violently on a table. Let’s let him call the shots, shall we?
So now she’s freaked out that the baby is dying and she starts panicking over the fate of little Edward Jacob - yes really - and then starts talking about how everything went dark and numb for an undetermined amount of time. That feeling ends when she feels someone forcing air into her lungs and hears Jacob shouting for her not to die.
Wait, so we’re at the part where Jake gave her CPR. That means that she must not have had a pulse and had stopped breathing (hence the need for the CPR). Therefore, she ought to have been pretty much dead for that bit of time when she was blathering on.
…Good God, not even dying will shut Bella up!
Bella passes the time going on about how she’s so lost inside of herself and again, I remind everyone that Jake is helping her breath. She has lost a serious amount of blood and is dosed up on morphine. She ought to be so whacked and dizzy enough to not be able to remember her name, let alone go on and on like Jane Austen. Meyer, what do we have to do to stop the prose? Hit Bella violently with a frying pan? (“I heard the air whistle behind me and turned just in time to see the lights glimmer off of the dull metal. I felt agony! Terror! Pain beyond my wildest dreams as it ricocheted off of my forehead with a loud GOOOOOONK!”)
Well in any case, Bella hears Edward call out that the baby is born and is Renesmee. Bella spends a few seconds freaking out because it’s not her “pale and perfect son”. Seriously, those are her words. Bella, you’ve just died and I’m seriously tempted to make it permanent. Stop saying things like that. You know, arrogant things like assuming that your freaking baby will be “perfect”!
Bah, what am I saying? It’s a Sue-spawn. Renesmee is handed to Bella, who reflects on how the baby’s skin is “as hot as Jacob’s”. Meyer, your attempts at "subtle" foreshadowing suck. We already know what’s going on. Please stop it now. Oh, and why would Renesmee be so warm? Her dad is a living ice pop and her mom is of normal human warmth. If anything, shouldn’t she be slightly colder than regular human body temperature? Oh yes, and we’re treated to a description of how perfect the baby is. Because Bella is able to do that, half-dead and with the blood vessels in her eyes broken:
“Renesmee did not cry, but she breathed in quick, startled pants. Her eyes were open, her expression so shocked it was almost funny. The little, perfectly round head was covered in a thick layer of matted, bloody curls. Her irises were a familiar-but astonishing-chocolate brown.
Under the blood, her skin looked pale, a creamy ivory. All besides her cheeks, which flamed with color.
Her tiny face was so absolutely perfect that it stunned me. She was even more beautiful than her father. Unbelievable. Impossible.
'Renesmee,' I whispered. 'So… beautiful.'
The impossible face suddenly smiled-a wide, deliberate smile. Behind the shell-pink lips was a full complement of snowy milk teeth.”
ZeldaQueen: Huh, she’s only just born and she’s already got a full head of curly hair and all of her teeth? Okay…
And that surprised expression is even funnier if you recall Meyer’s words, that Renesmee has “complete awareness” and thus apparently knows everything that’s going on. One can only imagine what was running through her head at that instant. Something along the lines of “Woah, what a ride!”, I’d imagine.
And notice how Bella keeps going on about how beautiful the baby is, comparing it to Edward. That’s…not creepy at all…
Bella starts to freak out when Renesmee is taken away from her. Lady, you’re going to be turned into a vampire! Do you really think Edward would let you hold onto your baby for that time? And then we get more about how she’s falling back into the darkness and how exhausted she is and how terrible she feels that she can’t hold on for Edward and Jacob. Apparently it’s not worth holding on for Charlie or Renee. And again, isn’t she supposed to be dead here? How is she still thinking? When I pass out, I don’t continue to narrate in my head!
Oh, and this is about when Bella starts her human bashing again, going on about how she was always so “human and weak” *swells with fury* BELLA, YOUR WEAKNESS HAS ZIP TO DO WITH YOUR HUMANITY! THERE ARE TONS OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH FAR WORSE THAN YOU AND THEY ARE HUMAN! YOU GET HURT AND CAN’T FIGHT BACK BECAUSE YOU’RE A USELESS, JELLY-SPINED, IDIOT!!!!!!
She starts trying to fight the darkness, running through the names of the people she wants to fight back for. Edward and Jacob are on that list, and all of the Cullens, and her parents. Nice to know that her husband and “ex-boyfriend” rank higher than her folks and that she doesn’t spare another thought for her friends (in case you’re wondering, I just got a note from the future that we never hear another thing about them. Mike, Eric, Angela, they’re all done with). And of course Renesmee’s brought to her mind again.
And then we get to the reason this chapter got it’s title. Edward has just dosed Bella up with his venom, so her body slowly begins to grow warmer until she starts burning. And we get her prosing even more, because the morphine is somehow affecting her body differently so that she can’t move or speak and thus not scream at all. I'm...not really sure how that would work, but I guess it's not like we'd know how vampire venom and morphine would react to one another. Bella thinks back to when she and Carlisle and Edward discussed using morphine for her transformation. Wait, were we actually told about this? Or is this another one of those convenient backstory memories that we always get, akin to Rose Potter's "Fred's broom went missing, the culprit could have used that to break into the Girl's Dormitory". Those do irk me, Meyer. And we also find out for what I can only assume to be the first time (if it isn't, I apologize) that the also tried the morphine with Emmett, but that they used it too late and "venom had burned ahead of the medicine, sealing his veins. Therehadn't been time for it to spread". That's just...I can't begin to comprehend the levels of stupid we are reaching. Oh, but wait a second -
"Because I'd had morphine and venom together in my system before, and I knew the truth. I knew the numbness of the medicine was completely irrelevant while the venom seared through my veins. But there'd been no way I was going to mention that fact. Nothing that would make him more unwilling to change me."
ZeldaQueen: First of all, when did that happen? Was that in reference to when she was bitten by James in Twilight? Because if it was, she didn't have morphine and venom in her system at once, did she? Edward sucked it all out at the ballet studio and I'm pretty sure Carlisle wasn't able to carry around a syringe of morphine when rushing to save her life.
Second of all, how devious of you Bella. Edward is honestly worried about you being in pain and you're skulking around and hiding things to get what you want. Aren't you so mature and adult-like.
Finally, that's a stupid reason for not telling him. It's been established that the only options were to turn Bella into a vampire or else she'd probably die in the birthing. Edward had also promised to turn her into a vampire after their honeymoon. She's going to get frigging turned. No matter what. And she still insists on playing that "Oh my, Edward might not change me" card. And withholds information that she knows pertains to her medically. She knows full well that the morphine won't help, but apparently couldn't even be bothered to tell Carlisle in secret. Because she just can't take the chance that Edward would change his mind.
Bella, do you lie to your doctors in real life? Are you so selfish that you hide information that you know full is relevant? Because if you do, then you are an even bigger idiot than I thought, and that's an accomplishment. Screwing with painkillers and medicine leads to more health-related problems. For example, I am allergic to penicillin. When I visit a doctor, I am sure to tell them that. If I do not tell them, they will not know and might prescribe me medicine that will make things worse.
I might also add that hiding medical information to get your way is just stupid and asking for problems, plain and simple.
Brat.
She then reflects on Carlisle's accounts of his transformation and Rosalie telling her that it did no good to scream (which, once again, we never heard about when it actually happened). It turns out that she'd been hoping to keep quiet so that she wouldn't cause Edward anymore pain. Lady, is there anything you strive to accomplish that doesn't in some way tie back to him? She also has the gall to say that she hoped to be like Carlisle in that regard. Bella you witch, don't even dare compare yourself to him. Carlisle hid and stayed quiet because he knew full well that if he was caught, he'd be killed or put through painful stuff in an attempt to kill him. You want to stay quiet to keep your husband from angsting (a futile task, I might add). Those are nowhere near one another. Go die.
She goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on about the fire burning her, pausing only to mention more pain, this time in the lower half of her body, which she'd lost all feeling in before. So the venom fixes her spine? How does that work? MEYER, PLEASE START EXPLAINING THINGS BETTER! A SIMPLE "VAMPIRE VENOM CURES ALL THAT AILS YOU" BEFORE THIS CHAPTER WOULD BE SUFFICIENT! THANK YOU!
And what do you know, we get a vague time skip in the form of "I have no idea how long it was, but time passed" and Bella slowly starts to regain her ability to move again. And what do you know, even though she's in such terrible pain and still describing how she's on fire in such elaborate detail, she apparently has enough self control already to stay perfectly still and not make a sound.
ZeldaQueen: So we get some more prattling about how she is still in terrible, agonizing pain, but now she has more control and can think clearly. IF SHE COULDN'T THINK CLEARLY BEFORE, THEN HOW WAS SHE PROVIDING SUCH ELABORATE NARRATION?!?
As she lies there...erm burning, two people come in, presumably Carlisle and Edward, from the way they're talking. One mentions how the morphine is apparently out of her system. Edward takes Bella's hand and starts asking her if she can hear him. Of course, Bella remains stoically still, all so that her beloved Eddykins won't know how much agonizing pain she's in and she can spare him the angsting.
Edward starts to worry that he was too late with the venom. Wait, can't he hear her heart beating? And if it's not beating, the shouldn't she be dead and thus unable to narrate?
Carlisle responds “Listen to her heart, Edward. It's stronger than even Emmett's was. I've never heard anything so vital. She'll be perfect”. Of course she will. She's a filthy Mary Sue. Wait, be perfect?
ZeldaQueen: So we get Edward crying about how he's so worried that his darling dearest is in pain and suffering and Bella is so much better now and able to think more (but still able to stay perfectly still) and starts to worry about where Renesmee is. What, does she think Rosalie kidnapped the baby or something? Bella wonders why her daughter isn't in the room and why no one is talking about her. *holds head* Bella, you are in what is essentially an operating room. You are recovering from a near-death experience and there is probably still blood all over the place while you are lying there in pain. Do you honestly think that any of the Cullens would bring an infant into there? Would you want your daughter's first memories to be of you lying on a table feeling like you're burning to death? As for why no one's talking about her, THE ENTIRE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOUR STUPID BABY! Seriously, I repeat - you are lying there going through a painful transformation. Of course the people that go in there will be talking about you and not Renesmee. SHE'S NOT IN LIFE-THREATENING DANGER!!!! GOD!
Carlisle starts to talk about sorting something out and how it's an "interesting situation". Edward seems rather pissed about it and they wonder which "side" Bella will take. Edward comments that “I'm sure she'll surprise me. She always does”. I know she keeps surprising me what with her total lack of common sense and survival instincts (she married her vampire stalker for Christsakes).
Carlisle walks away and Bella gets really annoyed and wonders if they "[w]ere they talking so mysteriously just to annoy [her]". Bella you idiot IT WAS YOUR IDEA TO PLAY DEAD! THEY DON'T KNOW YOU CAN HEAR THEM! STOP BEING AN ENTITLEMENT WHORE AND ACTING LIKE YOU NEED TO KNOW EVERY SINGLE THING RIGHT THAT VERY INSTANT!!!
And then we get a time skip ("Ten thousand, nine hundred forty-three breaths later", to be precise), Bella hears lighter footsteps coming in and is all amazed that she can tell the difference between footsteps when she couldn't before. *rubs head* Bella? It's not that hard to do. Especially since the person who just came in is Alice and I'm pretty sure that Alice's dancey-dancey steps aren't similar to how the other Cullens walk.
Alice assures Edward that Bella won't take too much longer and that her future is becoming much easier to see. Edward asks if Alice is "[s]till feeling a little bitter?" And apparently Alice is.
"'Yes, thanks so much for bringing it up,” she grumbled. “You would be mortified, too, if you realized that you were handcuffed by your own nature. I see vampires best, because I am one; I see humans okay, because I was one. But I can't see these odd half-breeds at all because they're nothing I've experienced. Bah!'"
ZeldaQueen: Alice, you are a vampire who sees the future. You have no right to call anyone "odd". And folks, she really is just a female version of Edward, isn't she? He got all angry when he found out that he couldn't read Bella's mind because nevermind the fact that he's been diving happily in and out of the heads of every other person he's met. Alice darling, you are not owed the right to see the future of everyone. In fact, wouldn't it make you happier to realize that you have that many fewer visions plaguing you?
Alice looks into the future to see when Bella will be fully transformed, but doesn't actually say it out loud. Instead, Edward reads her mind and Bella goes all snitty in her head because she wants to know when she'll be finished. Edward is happy that his dearest love won't be dying (like Meyer would kill off her pet) and Alice says “She's going to be dazzling”.
FAIL, MEYER!
ZeldaQueen: Well, we get some more prose about how much more acute Bella's senses are and then we find out that the burning is slowly ending and thus her transformation from Purity Sue to God-Mode Sue is nearly complete. Honestly. Edward calls for Carlisle and sends word for Rosalie to keep the baby away. Of course, Bella freaks out over this.
Just as Bella's about to get up, she suddenly feels her heart start beating madly. No, she's not going to have a heart attack and die shame. And we get treated to more of a description of how she's on fire again and how painful it is, yadda yadda yadda, I really don't care. At all. Meyer, it's not good when your main character is writhing in pain and the reader doesn't care.
And then it all stops and Bella opens her eyes and her transformation into a God-Mode Sue is complete.
And I'm sorry if this was kind of boring, but honestly nothing happened. We get some lame torture-porn type of thing with some dramatic monologues, and it feels completely unrealistic.
ZeldaQueen: That's all for now folks! Tune in next installment, when we're sure to see exactly what sort of sparkly adventures Bella gets into.
Onward to: Chapter 20: New
Back to: Chapter 18: There Are No Words For This
Return to: Table of Contents
ZeldaQueen: God, I hope so.
Projection Room Voices: Ah yes, this might cheer you up. In order to give you a bit of motivation, we've had the Random Technical People cobble together a brief synopsis of the chapters in this last stretch. That way, you'll have an idea of what's coming up.
ZeldaQueen: Sounds good. What's the one for this?
Projection Room Voices: *clear throats* "Chapter twenty - in which Bella angsts endlessly about her agony and we get chapter eighteen from Bella's point of view".
ZeldaQueen: You know this isn't motivating me to continue.
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Preface
ZeldaQueen: Huh, looks like we've got a preface to get through before we move on to chapter nineteen.
"No longer just a nightmare, the line of black advanced on us through the icy mist stirred up by their feet.
We're going to die, I thought in panic. I was desperate for the precious one I guarded, but even to think of that was a lapse in attention I could not afford.
They ghosted closer, their dark robes billowing slightly with the movement. I saw their hands curl into bone-colored claws. They drifted apart, angling to come at us from all sides. We were outnumbered. It was over.
And then, like a burst of light from a flash, the whole scene was different. Yet nothing changed-the Volturi still stalked toward us, poised to kill. All that really changed was how the picture looked to me. Suddenly, I was hungry for it. I wanted them to charge. The panic changed to bloodlust as I crouched forward, a smile on my face, and a growl ripped through my bared teeth."
ZeldaQueen: Seriously, that's it. And it's almost exactly the same as in chapter seven. No really, take a look.
"I heard the child behind me whimper, but I couldn't turn to look at him. Though I was desperate to be sure that he was safe, I could not afford any lapse in focus now.
They ghosted closer, their black robes billowing slightly with the movement. I saw their hands curl into bone-colored claws. They started to drift apart, angling to come at us from all sides.
We were surrounded. We were going to die.
And then, like a burst of light from a flash, the whole scene was different. Yet nothing changed-the Volturi still stalked toward us, poised to kill. All that really changed was how the picture looked to me. Suddenly, I was hungry for it. I wanted them to charge. The panic changed to bloodlust as I crouched forward, a smile on my face, and a growl ripped through my bared teeth."
ZeldaQueen: So...is this supposed to be a flashback? A memory? What? Meyer, explanations are your friend. This is also never discussed again and it could be just taken out with no effect on the plot. Thus, I dub it a Big Lipped Alligator Moment and move on.
Click to viewChapter 19: Burning
ZeldaQueen: I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning, I'm burning for you! Woot!
Well now, back to Miss Bella Swan and her insane purple prose. You didn’t really think that a little thing like birthing a demon baby would get rid of that, now did you?
We start out with her thinking that the pain is “bewildering”. Bewildering? Really? Bella’s having the spawn of Satan chew its way out of her stomach, she’s bleeding like a Sweeney Todd victim, and the best she can come up with is bewildering? Riiiiight. And she continues to narrate like this, in the calm and heroically sweeping manner which makes no freaking sense whatsoever. Like I said, she’s being cut to pieces and gushing blood! A normal person would be thinking “Ah! OW! I’M IN PAIN, I’M IN PAIN, SWEET JESUS LET ME DIE!”
But no, Bella keeps going on about how she’s divided between reality and “non-reality” and how each of the sides feel different. All the while using elaborate adjectives and adverbs. Meyer, here’s a hint: this character is your avatar. Surely you’d have her react the way you would. If you broke your leg, would you be spouting prose like this? Methinks not.
And we get a purple-prose flashback to how Bella got there. You know, in case we…forgot or something I guess. She goes on about how the falling cup was the start of this all and how she freaked out over Edward wanting to wait for the painkillers to spread when the placenta detached. Bella, dear, I do believe Edward is the one with the medical degree. You are the one bleeding violently on a table. Let’s let him call the shots, shall we?
So now she’s freaked out that the baby is dying and she starts panicking over the fate of little Edward Jacob - yes really - and then starts talking about how everything went dark and numb for an undetermined amount of time. That feeling ends when she feels someone forcing air into her lungs and hears Jacob shouting for her not to die.
Wait, so we’re at the part where Jake gave her CPR. That means that she must not have had a pulse and had stopped breathing (hence the need for the CPR). Therefore, she ought to have been pretty much dead for that bit of time when she was blathering on.
…Good God, not even dying will shut Bella up!
Bella passes the time going on about how she’s so lost inside of herself and again, I remind everyone that Jake is helping her breath. She has lost a serious amount of blood and is dosed up on morphine. She ought to be so whacked and dizzy enough to not be able to remember her name, let alone go on and on like Jane Austen. Meyer, what do we have to do to stop the prose? Hit Bella violently with a frying pan? (“I heard the air whistle behind me and turned just in time to see the lights glimmer off of the dull metal. I felt agony! Terror! Pain beyond my wildest dreams as it ricocheted off of my forehead with a loud GOOOOOONK!”)
Well in any case, Bella hears Edward call out that the baby is born and is Renesmee. Bella spends a few seconds freaking out because it’s not her “pale and perfect son”. Seriously, those are her words. Bella, you’ve just died and I’m seriously tempted to make it permanent. Stop saying things like that. You know, arrogant things like assuming that your freaking baby will be “perfect”!
Bah, what am I saying? It’s a Sue-spawn. Renesmee is handed to Bella, who reflects on how the baby’s skin is “as hot as Jacob’s”. Meyer, your attempts at "subtle" foreshadowing suck. We already know what’s going on. Please stop it now. Oh, and why would Renesmee be so warm? Her dad is a living ice pop and her mom is of normal human warmth. If anything, shouldn’t she be slightly colder than regular human body temperature? Oh yes, and we’re treated to a description of how perfect the baby is. Because Bella is able to do that, half-dead and with the blood vessels in her eyes broken:
“Renesmee did not cry, but she breathed in quick, startled pants. Her eyes were open, her expression so shocked it was almost funny. The little, perfectly round head was covered in a thick layer of matted, bloody curls. Her irises were a familiar-but astonishing-chocolate brown.
Under the blood, her skin looked pale, a creamy ivory. All besides her cheeks, which flamed with color.
Her tiny face was so absolutely perfect that it stunned me. She was even more beautiful than her father. Unbelievable. Impossible.
'Renesmee,' I whispered. 'So… beautiful.'
The impossible face suddenly smiled-a wide, deliberate smile. Behind the shell-pink lips was a full complement of snowy milk teeth.”
ZeldaQueen: Huh, she’s only just born and she’s already got a full head of curly hair and all of her teeth? Okay…
And that surprised expression is even funnier if you recall Meyer’s words, that Renesmee has “complete awareness” and thus apparently knows everything that’s going on. One can only imagine what was running through her head at that instant. Something along the lines of “Woah, what a ride!”, I’d imagine.
And notice how Bella keeps going on about how beautiful the baby is, comparing it to Edward. That’s…not creepy at all…
Bella starts to freak out when Renesmee is taken away from her. Lady, you’re going to be turned into a vampire! Do you really think Edward would let you hold onto your baby for that time? And then we get more about how she’s falling back into the darkness and how exhausted she is and how terrible she feels that she can’t hold on for Edward and Jacob. Apparently it’s not worth holding on for Charlie or Renee. And again, isn’t she supposed to be dead here? How is she still thinking? When I pass out, I don’t continue to narrate in my head!
Oh, and this is about when Bella starts her human bashing again, going on about how she was always so “human and weak” *swells with fury* BELLA, YOUR WEAKNESS HAS ZIP TO DO WITH YOUR HUMANITY! THERE ARE TONS OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH FAR WORSE THAN YOU AND THEY ARE HUMAN! YOU GET HURT AND CAN’T FIGHT BACK BECAUSE YOU’RE A USELESS, JELLY-SPINED, IDIOT!!!!!!
She starts trying to fight the darkness, running through the names of the people she wants to fight back for. Edward and Jacob are on that list, and all of the Cullens, and her parents. Nice to know that her husband and “ex-boyfriend” rank higher than her folks and that she doesn’t spare another thought for her friends (in case you’re wondering, I just got a note from the future that we never hear another thing about them. Mike, Eric, Angela, they’re all done with). And of course Renesmee’s brought to her mind again.
And then we get to the reason this chapter got it’s title. Edward has just dosed Bella up with his venom, so her body slowly begins to grow warmer until she starts burning. And we get her prosing even more, because the morphine is somehow affecting her body differently so that she can’t move or speak and thus not scream at all. I'm...not really sure how that would work, but I guess it's not like we'd know how vampire venom and morphine would react to one another. Bella thinks back to when she and Carlisle and Edward discussed using morphine for her transformation. Wait, were we actually told about this? Or is this another one of those convenient backstory memories that we always get, akin to Rose Potter's "Fred's broom went missing, the culprit could have used that to break into the Girl's Dormitory". Those do irk me, Meyer. And we also find out for what I can only assume to be the first time (if it isn't, I apologize) that the also tried the morphine with Emmett, but that they used it too late and "venom had burned ahead of the medicine, sealing his veins. Therehadn't been time for it to spread". That's just...I can't begin to comprehend the levels of stupid we are reaching. Oh, but wait a second -
"Because I'd had morphine and venom together in my system before, and I knew the truth. I knew the numbness of the medicine was completely irrelevant while the venom seared through my veins. But there'd been no way I was going to mention that fact. Nothing that would make him more unwilling to change me."
ZeldaQueen: First of all, when did that happen? Was that in reference to when she was bitten by James in Twilight? Because if it was, she didn't have morphine and venom in her system at once, did she? Edward sucked it all out at the ballet studio and I'm pretty sure Carlisle wasn't able to carry around a syringe of morphine when rushing to save her life.
Second of all, how devious of you Bella. Edward is honestly worried about you being in pain and you're skulking around and hiding things to get what you want. Aren't you so mature and adult-like.
Finally, that's a stupid reason for not telling him. It's been established that the only options were to turn Bella into a vampire or else she'd probably die in the birthing. Edward had also promised to turn her into a vampire after their honeymoon. She's going to get frigging turned. No matter what. And she still insists on playing that "Oh my, Edward might not change me" card. And withholds information that she knows pertains to her medically. She knows full well that the morphine won't help, but apparently couldn't even be bothered to tell Carlisle in secret. Because she just can't take the chance that Edward would change his mind.
Bella, do you lie to your doctors in real life? Are you so selfish that you hide information that you know full is relevant? Because if you do, then you are an even bigger idiot than I thought, and that's an accomplishment. Screwing with painkillers and medicine leads to more health-related problems. For example, I am allergic to penicillin. When I visit a doctor, I am sure to tell them that. If I do not tell them, they will not know and might prescribe me medicine that will make things worse.
I might also add that hiding medical information to get your way is just stupid and asking for problems, plain and simple.
Brat.
She then reflects on Carlisle's accounts of his transformation and Rosalie telling her that it did no good to scream (which, once again, we never heard about when it actually happened). It turns out that she'd been hoping to keep quiet so that she wouldn't cause Edward anymore pain. Lady, is there anything you strive to accomplish that doesn't in some way tie back to him? She also has the gall to say that she hoped to be like Carlisle in that regard. Bella you witch, don't even dare compare yourself to him. Carlisle hid and stayed quiet because he knew full well that if he was caught, he'd be killed or put through painful stuff in an attempt to kill him. You want to stay quiet to keep your husband from angsting (a futile task, I might add). Those are nowhere near one another. Go die.
She goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on about the fire burning her, pausing only to mention more pain, this time in the lower half of her body, which she'd lost all feeling in before. So the venom fixes her spine? How does that work? MEYER, PLEASE START EXPLAINING THINGS BETTER! A SIMPLE "VAMPIRE VENOM CURES ALL THAT AILS YOU" BEFORE THIS CHAPTER WOULD BE SUFFICIENT! THANK YOU!
And what do you know, we get a vague time skip in the form of "I have no idea how long it was, but time passed" and Bella slowly starts to regain her ability to move again. And what do you know, even though she's in such terrible pain and still describing how she's on fire in such elaborate detail, she apparently has enough self control already to stay perfectly still and not make a sound.
ZeldaQueen: So we get some more prattling about how she is still in terrible, agonizing pain, but now she has more control and can think clearly. IF SHE COULDN'T THINK CLEARLY BEFORE, THEN HOW WAS SHE PROVIDING SUCH ELABORATE NARRATION?!?
As she lies there...erm burning, two people come in, presumably Carlisle and Edward, from the way they're talking. One mentions how the morphine is apparently out of her system. Edward takes Bella's hand and starts asking her if she can hear him. Of course, Bella remains stoically still, all so that her beloved Eddykins won't know how much agonizing pain she's in and she can spare him the angsting.
Edward starts to worry that he was too late with the venom. Wait, can't he hear her heart beating? And if it's not beating, the shouldn't she be dead and thus unable to narrate?
Carlisle responds “Listen to her heart, Edward. It's stronger than even Emmett's was. I've never heard anything so vital. She'll be perfect”. Of course she will. She's a filthy Mary Sue. Wait, be perfect?
ZeldaQueen: So we get Edward crying about how he's so worried that his darling dearest is in pain and suffering and Bella is so much better now and able to think more (but still able to stay perfectly still) and starts to worry about where Renesmee is. What, does she think Rosalie kidnapped the baby or something? Bella wonders why her daughter isn't in the room and why no one is talking about her. *holds head* Bella, you are in what is essentially an operating room. You are recovering from a near-death experience and there is probably still blood all over the place while you are lying there in pain. Do you honestly think that any of the Cullens would bring an infant into there? Would you want your daughter's first memories to be of you lying on a table feeling like you're burning to death? As for why no one's talking about her, THE ENTIRE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOUR STUPID BABY! Seriously, I repeat - you are lying there going through a painful transformation. Of course the people that go in there will be talking about you and not Renesmee. SHE'S NOT IN LIFE-THREATENING DANGER!!!! GOD!
Carlisle starts to talk about sorting something out and how it's an "interesting situation". Edward seems rather pissed about it and they wonder which "side" Bella will take. Edward comments that “I'm sure she'll surprise me. She always does”. I know she keeps surprising me what with her total lack of common sense and survival instincts (she married her vampire stalker for Christsakes).
Carlisle walks away and Bella gets really annoyed and wonders if they "[w]ere they talking so mysteriously just to annoy [her]". Bella you idiot IT WAS YOUR IDEA TO PLAY DEAD! THEY DON'T KNOW YOU CAN HEAR THEM! STOP BEING AN ENTITLEMENT WHORE AND ACTING LIKE YOU NEED TO KNOW EVERY SINGLE THING RIGHT THAT VERY INSTANT!!!
And then we get a time skip ("Ten thousand, nine hundred forty-three breaths later", to be precise), Bella hears lighter footsteps coming in and is all amazed that she can tell the difference between footsteps when she couldn't before. *rubs head* Bella? It's not that hard to do. Especially since the person who just came in is Alice and I'm pretty sure that Alice's dancey-dancey steps aren't similar to how the other Cullens walk.
Alice assures Edward that Bella won't take too much longer and that her future is becoming much easier to see. Edward asks if Alice is "[s]till feeling a little bitter?" And apparently Alice is.
"'Yes, thanks so much for bringing it up,” she grumbled. “You would be mortified, too, if you realized that you were handcuffed by your own nature. I see vampires best, because I am one; I see humans okay, because I was one. But I can't see these odd half-breeds at all because they're nothing I've experienced. Bah!'"
ZeldaQueen: Alice, you are a vampire who sees the future. You have no right to call anyone "odd". And folks, she really is just a female version of Edward, isn't she? He got all angry when he found out that he couldn't read Bella's mind because nevermind the fact that he's been diving happily in and out of the heads of every other person he's met. Alice darling, you are not owed the right to see the future of everyone. In fact, wouldn't it make you happier to realize that you have that many fewer visions plaguing you?
Alice looks into the future to see when Bella will be fully transformed, but doesn't actually say it out loud. Instead, Edward reads her mind and Bella goes all snitty in her head because she wants to know when she'll be finished. Edward is happy that his dearest love won't be dying (like Meyer would kill off her pet) and Alice says “She's going to be dazzling”.
FAIL, MEYER!
ZeldaQueen: Well, we get some more prose about how much more acute Bella's senses are and then we find out that the burning is slowly ending and thus her transformation from Purity Sue to God-Mode Sue is nearly complete. Honestly. Edward calls for Carlisle and sends word for Rosalie to keep the baby away. Of course, Bella freaks out over this.
Just as Bella's about to get up, she suddenly feels her heart start beating madly. No, she's not going to have a heart attack and die shame. And we get treated to more of a description of how she's on fire again and how painful it is, yadda yadda yadda, I really don't care. At all. Meyer, it's not good when your main character is writhing in pain and the reader doesn't care.
And then it all stops and Bella opens her eyes and her transformation into a God-Mode Sue is complete.
And I'm sorry if this was kind of boring, but honestly nothing happened. We get some lame torture-porn type of thing with some dramatic monologues, and it feels completely unrealistic.
ZeldaQueen: That's all for now folks! Tune in next installment, when we're sure to see exactly what sort of sparkly adventures Bella gets into.
Onward to: Chapter 20: New
Back to: Chapter 18: There Are No Words For This
Return to: Table of Contents