Perfection, in a (series of) word(s)
And abowlofpetunias and I were in a giggly mood after mocking Boston Public for an hour. "Come on," we said at each scene, "No school is this eventful. I mean, they have a transexual running for prom queen! People cutting themselves! Marathon bikers developing rare genetic disorders! At our school, we have teachers who give an hour of homework, and that's shocking!"
And of course, the people on television are either insanely wonderful or insanely flawed. And we were thinking, "Well, why should television have all the fun? Why can't we have our own insanely wonderful boyfriend?"
Well.
Here he is.
1. Believes in something, religion wise.
2. Not racist.
3. Doesn’t like to surf.
4. Good at checkers, but doesn’t brag about it. And will sometimes let (either one of us) win.
5. Not related to Hitler.
6. Spiky/curly hair.
7. Not blond.
8. Thinks blue hair is cool.
9. Gorgeous eyes
10. With long eyelashes.
11. Is amused by girls who write bad poetry (on purpose)
12. Likes Chinese Food. And will be willing to buy.
13. MENSA candidate.
14. Chivalrous but recognizes “our own strength”. Except not in quotes.
15. Doesn’t kick animals.
16. Does not beat up little siblings. (But not because he can’t.)
17. Uses less than half a can of mousse/other hair styling products. Per day.
18. Is willing to talk for hours on end about Rescue Heroes (with little brothers *cough*)
19. Likes long, romantic walks on the beach, but will not make you come along. So maybe they aren’t that romantic.
20. Or maybe, instead, is willing to take long, romantic walks on suburbia pavement.
21. Faithful. To girlfriend-- Not in the Lassie sense.
22. Doesn’t wear tight pants or tie dye.
23. Likes trees, especially the kind not in the fireplace.
24. Not a Satanist.
25. Thinks suicide and/or cutting oneself is stupid.
26. Wealthy beyond our wiiildest dreams, but isn’t snobby because of it.
27. Can construct a grammatically correct sentence.
28. Wears a really, really, really cool hat. Or at least, will wear one upon request
29. Can point out where the moon is at night.
30. Enjoys mocking television shows/movies/Corinne (but in the nicest way possible.)
31. Belongs to the race that knows Joseph.
32. Doesn’t know what it means to belong to the race that knows Joseph.
33. Likes our cooking. Okay, Sara’s cooking, then. Especially her desserts.
34. Helps little old ladies across the street.
35. Will not laugh when we don’t know who, say, DMX is.
36. Wants to go to college, and have some sort of career option besides being a drug-using bum.
37. Not involved in illegal activities.
38. Lives in America, somewhere in the general vicinity.
39. Speaks English fluently.
40. Knows how to use a computer, but does not spend excessive amounts of time on it.
41. Doesn’t have an identical or conjoined twin.
42. Has no odd piercing or tattoos with the names of old girlfriends.
43. Is not one of the people who giggles incessantly during sex ed, or at mention of the word ‘sex.’
44. Can use adjectives that aren’t curses.
45. Is willing to see chic flicks, or at least to pretend to watch them.
46. Wants to have the amount of children that we desire, and not some strange number, like nine.
47. Doesn’t read DOS (gahhh!) or slash.
48. Is not gay, or will decide to become so at a later date.
49. Does not plan on getting a sex change, running for prom queen...
50. Is not the Eavesdropper, and does not live in the Freaky Red House.
51. Does not have a previous record of stalking.
52. Does not use the phrase “cool kids.”
53. Is ready for emotional commitment/telling us his name.
54. Does not believe in ‘spirituality.’
55. Does not use 12 year old AOL language, lyk OMG!
56. Is not a terrorist, or belong to a Muslim extremist group.
57. Does not watch Smallville obsessively.
58. Is not an angsty teen, at least not most of the time.
59. Does not use ghetto slang, most of the time.
60. Has a sense of humor better than Scully’s.
61. Is somewhere around our age.
62. Appreciates popcorn.
63. Dunks his Oreos.
64. Completely adores us! :) (But not in a stifling, possessive way.)
Haha! Haha! Ha...ha...you know, these were a lot funnier when we were writing them.
And of course, the people on television are either insanely wonderful or insanely flawed. And we were thinking, "Well, why should television have all the fun? Why can't we have our own insanely wonderful boyfriend?"
Well.
Here he is.
1. Believes in something, religion wise.
2. Not racist.
3. Doesn’t like to surf.
4. Good at checkers, but doesn’t brag about it. And will sometimes let (either one of us) win.
5. Not related to Hitler.
6. Spiky/curly hair.
7. Not blond.
8. Thinks blue hair is cool.
9. Gorgeous eyes
10. With long eyelashes.
11. Is amused by girls who write bad poetry (on purpose)
12. Likes Chinese Food. And will be willing to buy.
13. MENSA candidate.
14. Chivalrous but recognizes “our own strength”. Except not in quotes.
15. Doesn’t kick animals.
16. Does not beat up little siblings. (But not because he can’t.)
17. Uses less than half a can of mousse/other hair styling products. Per day.
18. Is willing to talk for hours on end about Rescue Heroes (with little brothers *cough*)
19. Likes long, romantic walks on the beach, but will not make you come along. So maybe they aren’t that romantic.
20. Or maybe, instead, is willing to take long, romantic walks on suburbia pavement.
21. Faithful. To girlfriend-- Not in the Lassie sense.
22. Doesn’t wear tight pants or tie dye.
23. Likes trees, especially the kind not in the fireplace.
24. Not a Satanist.
25. Thinks suicide and/or cutting oneself is stupid.
26. Wealthy beyond our wiiildest dreams, but isn’t snobby because of it.
27. Can construct a grammatically correct sentence.
28. Wears a really, really, really cool hat. Or at least, will wear one upon request
29. Can point out where the moon is at night.
30. Enjoys mocking television shows/movies/Corinne (but in the nicest way possible.)
31. Belongs to the race that knows Joseph.
32. Doesn’t know what it means to belong to the race that knows Joseph.
33. Likes our cooking. Okay, Sara’s cooking, then. Especially her desserts.
34. Helps little old ladies across the street.
35. Will not laugh when we don’t know who, say, DMX is.
36. Wants to go to college, and have some sort of career option besides being a drug-using bum.
37. Not involved in illegal activities.
38. Lives in America, somewhere in the general vicinity.
39. Speaks English fluently.
40. Knows how to use a computer, but does not spend excessive amounts of time on it.
41. Doesn’t have an identical or conjoined twin.
42. Has no odd piercing or tattoos with the names of old girlfriends.
43. Is not one of the people who giggles incessantly during sex ed, or at mention of the word ‘sex.’
44. Can use adjectives that aren’t curses.
45. Is willing to see chic flicks, or at least to pretend to watch them.
46. Wants to have the amount of children that we desire, and not some strange number, like nine.
47. Doesn’t read DOS (gahhh!) or slash.
48. Is not gay, or will decide to become so at a later date.
49. Does not plan on getting a sex change, running for prom queen...
50. Is not the Eavesdropper, and does not live in the Freaky Red House.
51. Does not have a previous record of stalking.
52. Does not use the phrase “cool kids.”
53. Is ready for emotional commitment/telling us his name.
54. Does not believe in ‘spirituality.’
55. Does not use 12 year old AOL language, lyk OMG!
56. Is not a terrorist, or belong to a Muslim extremist group.
57. Does not watch Smallville obsessively.
58. Is not an angsty teen, at least not most of the time.
59. Does not use ghetto slang, most of the time.
60. Has a sense of humor better than Scully’s.
61. Is somewhere around our age.
62. Appreciates popcorn.
63. Dunks his Oreos.
64. Completely adores us! :) (But not in a stifling, possessive way.)
Haha! Haha! Ha...ha...you know, these were a lot funnier when we were writing them.