This may be the most important thing you ever read, ever.
On August 18th a force of unprecedented, incalculable and awe-inspiring magnitude shall be unleashed upon all of our feeble and fleshy thinking organs. I must warn you all for if you fail to properly prepare for and welcome this event you will be at very serious risk of having your face melted by its glimmering aura of awesomeness. My friends, this epoch shall forever be singed by the trail of devastating bliss that permeates from the celluloid that imprisons Snakes on a Plane (SoaP).
Many of you may not believe me, but when Samuel L. Jackson wants some motherfucking snakes off his motherfucking plane you’d best be braced for impact. A concept this simple and elegant may only appear once in a generation. SoaP represents the power of the audience to provide their desired form of visceral entertainment. The movie nearly lost its glorious title and R rating, thanks to the ravings of fans and the help of one of the true entertainers, Sam Jackson, this will hopefully see an end to the myriad of horrid PG13 crap that has be thrust insultingly into the faces of the faithful genre fans in recent years all in a play to capitalize on a larger audience for the price of bastardizing the art.
Known facts about this film:
1) There is a plane 30,000feet in the air
2) There are snakes on this plane
3) Samuel L. Jackson tazers a snake
That small list should at the very least raise a few curious eyebrows. When the lead actor joins a film, without reading a single page of the script, for the sole reason that it is called Snakes on a Plane you can guarantee there will be something fun about this movie despite whether or not it is actually any “good”. The future of the human species shall forevermore be genetically altered. There shall be the progeny of those whose parents gazed upon this wondrous sight in a theatre. These shall be the leaders of tomorrow and shall usher in an unprecedented renaissance of art and technology. They shall revitalize our planet and spread out and journey to the stars while listening to classic rock. Then there shall be those whose parents did not have to foresight to envision this invigorated future and decided not to see SoaP. Sadly these children shall be relegated to menial work such as sanitizing telephone receivers.
So as you can now clearly understand you must all pilgrimage to the nearest theatre and bask in the warm glow of Snakes on a Plane. Be yesterday’s men and women of tomorrow, today and treat yourself to some SoaP.
Many of you may not believe me, but when Samuel L. Jackson wants some motherfucking snakes off his motherfucking plane you’d best be braced for impact. A concept this simple and elegant may only appear once in a generation. SoaP represents the power of the audience to provide their desired form of visceral entertainment. The movie nearly lost its glorious title and R rating, thanks to the ravings of fans and the help of one of the true entertainers, Sam Jackson, this will hopefully see an end to the myriad of horrid PG13 crap that has be thrust insultingly into the faces of the faithful genre fans in recent years all in a play to capitalize on a larger audience for the price of bastardizing the art.
Known facts about this film:
1) There is a plane 30,000feet in the air
2) There are snakes on this plane
3) Samuel L. Jackson tazers a snake
That small list should at the very least raise a few curious eyebrows. When the lead actor joins a film, without reading a single page of the script, for the sole reason that it is called Snakes on a Plane you can guarantee there will be something fun about this movie despite whether or not it is actually any “good”. The future of the human species shall forevermore be genetically altered. There shall be the progeny of those whose parents gazed upon this wondrous sight in a theatre. These shall be the leaders of tomorrow and shall usher in an unprecedented renaissance of art and technology. They shall revitalize our planet and spread out and journey to the stars while listening to classic rock. Then there shall be those whose parents did not have to foresight to envision this invigorated future and decided not to see SoaP. Sadly these children shall be relegated to menial work such as sanitizing telephone receivers.
So as you can now clearly understand you must all pilgrimage to the nearest theatre and bask in the warm glow of Snakes on a Plane. Be yesterday’s men and women of tomorrow, today and treat yourself to some SoaP.