(no subject)
I can't believe I am leaving town in three days
and I don't know what to do with myself.
I'd better start packing.
I will stay up all night packing.
I hate what is happening to me. I have fantasies about living real lives. but then, what is this?
I am fucking going to New York for a month, to ART SCHOOL--what a fucking dream! I am so scared to leave right now. there is lots of stuff in Washington that is unresolved and leaving for a month makes me feel like I will never come back.
and I hate it when people keep secrets. everyone has god damn secrets!
if I die while I am in New York, my spirit will never rest. as of right now, I cannot project my thoughts to anything after NY. I have no idea where I am going from there. a lot of things are depending on this, being put on hold for this. it is causing a great rift in my life
but it is helping me get away and forget. that is one thing I have been after for a very long time. I want to stop thinking about David because he disgusts me. I want to stop talking to Josh because he is so strange and dishonest and remorseless. why is nobody straight forward with me?
is it all the craze these days to live a double life and hide who the way/things you think makes you? or is that some traditionally teenage thing(?), because that is what I expect it is and it fucking pisses me off.
I have not been this bothered by THINGS in general in a long time.
my current main project consists of David's face and cut paper. I'm thinking about bringing acrylics into the equation later on, but I have no experience with that medium and I don't want to adulterate David that much, even though I hate him. people change into ugly things.
and I don't know what to do with myself.
I'd better start packing.
I will stay up all night packing.
I hate what is happening to me. I have fantasies about living real lives. but then, what is this?
I am fucking going to New York for a month, to ART SCHOOL--what a fucking dream! I am so scared to leave right now. there is lots of stuff in Washington that is unresolved and leaving for a month makes me feel like I will never come back.
and I hate it when people keep secrets. everyone has god damn secrets!
if I die while I am in New York, my spirit will never rest. as of right now, I cannot project my thoughts to anything after NY. I have no idea where I am going from there. a lot of things are depending on this, being put on hold for this. it is causing a great rift in my life
but it is helping me get away and forget. that is one thing I have been after for a very long time. I want to stop thinking about David because he disgusts me. I want to stop talking to Josh because he is so strange and dishonest and remorseless. why is nobody straight forward with me?
is it all the craze these days to live a double life and hide who the way/things you think makes you? or is that some traditionally teenage thing(?), because that is what I expect it is and it fucking pisses me off.
I have not been this bothered by THINGS in general in a long time.
my current main project consists of David's face and cut paper. I'm thinking about bringing acrylics into the equation later on, but I have no experience with that medium and I don't want to adulterate David that much, even though I hate him. people change into ugly things.